Christmas/New Year's Eve/Is Everybody Happy???

Any suggestions on how to get through the holidays without ******* up your sobriety? I flew off the wagon last night at a x-mas party. My friends said they failed to see any big deal of it and think I'm being brainwashed by the people I talk with on the HepC sites. Most of my friends have AIDS and/or HepC and party themselves to death. If there's a bottle of vodka within 50 feet of me you can be sure I'll find it. I have 3 days between now and New Year's where I'll be working the stage lights for shows at a club here, so that should prove entertaining. And of course New Year's Eve I'll be running the lighting system for the shows we're putting together at the club, so the bartenders always make sure your glass is never more than half empty. And yes; my friends are all lushes and/or coke fiends. Should I be expected to dump my friends because they drink or do drugs?? I think not. If any of you dumped friends just because you decided to go sober, and they didn't, you were never friends with the person to begin with. I'm certainly not looking for sympathy from anyone, although I can just guess I'll get the wrath of god from someone who doesn't share my view. Yeah, massive trauma there! What did you do with your friends you had before you decided to change your life around? Curiousity there. I'd love some input from you guys as to how to handle the rest of the holiday season without being tempted to drink. Especially when working in a club.

[doll face]

I am not out to bash you or tell you that wanting to drink and party with your friends is wrong.But to give you my input.

I will be the first to say that I would love to sit and drink at the bar with my friends like old times (we did it alot) that's where everyone would hang out at,especially when I worked there, but....you and only you can decide what is more important to you,.. drinking or getting rid of this damn virus that we carry around. I don't know how bad of shape your liver is, mine thankfully is not to bad off. I do know that I would like to hang around a little bit longer though to enjoy the company of my family and friends.

I still go to the bar and sit with my friends when I get the chance..(I moved not long ago)but I now drink 7-up mixed with orange and cranberry juice. The bartender makes it look like a cocktail. My friends care about me, know my stand on beating this and never give me a hard time about drinking.

Whatever choice that you make.. I hope that it is for you and not someone else.

Good luck to you.....and may you have a safe and healthy Holiday and virus free New Year      Kim

[the witness]

I would hope that anyone posting here would not be judgemental of you but give you "something to think about". I do not have Hep C but my husband does. He lives every day fighting this demon whose only wish is to destroy his body. Specifically his liver. My husband quit drinking the day he found out he had Hep C. He had drank for over 35 years, very regularly. Not lots of hard liquour but LOTS of beer. You know you can convince yourself that you do not have a drinking problem if you are only drinking beer...I guess my input here would be to let go of what happened, it is done, over with. Today and all the tomorrows are another day. As far as your friends go, think about why they are your friends. Because you hang out with them? Party with them? Or are they caring about your health? Helping you get through any of the side effects? Assuming you are on treatment for Hep C. I will tell you this. All of my husbands former "drinking/partying" buddies/friends are no longer his friends. Not because he told them to stay away but because they quit calling and coming around when he decided he wanted more out of life than to drink himself to death. His true friends today care about his health, his well being and his body becoming strong again. I judge no one for the decisions they make. I only pray that you too will have the strength to continue on, making decisions that will help you get strong as well. Your "true" friends will remain with you and help you achieve your goal. Even if you are not a religious person, you need to find that "being" that will help you gain strength to carry on and make good choices for you and your body. I will close by telling you that my husband returned to his early upbringing in the church and our faith that God will heal his body is being revealed to us more and more. At week 17, this past week, our doctor gave us the news we were so hoping to hear. My husbands viral load went from 21 million to 170. Were any of his former friends here to celebrate, not at all. Keep strong and do what is right for yourself, not anyone else.
My prayers are with you this holiday season and in the upcoming new year.

[Christie2004]

Sorry, no bashing here, either!

My husband has had HepC for probably 20 years, and was a very heavy drinker/partier.  Most of his friends were, too.  I enjoyed social drinking (but to a lesser extent).

He has early cirrhosis and was given the advice that no drinking would be the best circumstance for his liver.  He made the decision that living was far more important than getting wasted every week.  He soon found it was far easier to give up alcohol when he avoided situations that put it right in his face.  As noted above, his "friends" gradually stopped inviting him out anyway, when he no longer went out to party with them.  I stopped drinking too, in order to help make this transition easier on him.

He felt so much better when he stopped completely that he said if he was told tomorrow that it was all a mistake, that he would never go back to drinking like he did.

Of course you have to make the decisions for yourself, but in the cold sober light of day the choice is fairly easy.  I suspect you will struggle with this decision for some time.  Do your research, make a choice and live with the outcome.  

[snook_man]

Hey, I would like you to think about ONE thing.. How do you ditch your friends? Man, you will drink or drug regardless of who you are with, or where you are, if your mind is not confident to do otherwise. If YOU do not want to drink, YOU can do that anywhere.
I am 27 years old. ALL my friends are partying, going to clubs, just drinking themselves silly. When I got my biopsy results, it was that crossroad you always hear about in story books. HMMMM, which one should I follow?
Well, I chose to stay clean, and LIVE. If by drinking alcohol and doing drugs might AID in the progression of my liver damage, I CHOSE to avoid it. I heard someone say one time that alcohol is like Miracle grow for HCV, well for me that was all I needed to hear.. I am trying to kill my disease, not feed it. I can sit out with my buddies and watch them drink... Yes, it is uncomfortable to say the least, and I try to avoid situations like that all together, but they ARE VERY DOABLE.
You need to make the decision for yourself what YOU want to do, and JUST do it!! Nobody can give you advice on what to do..You need to make that decision on your own, and be confident you chose the right path. Good luck, and stay strong.

[Tony-z]

"Should I be expected to dump my friends because they drink or do drugs?? <b>I think not.</B>"

I think so................

To be able to make the life style changes that were needed to get myself Clean and sober 17 years ago, I had to move out of my home town and lose the friends that I had. Many I had known since kindegarden and Junor high.....

In my opinion it all boils Down to this, how badly do you want to live! also what type of quality of life do you want? End stage liver is one of the worst ways to go....

I am not being Judgmental just telling the way I had to do things.........To change for the better....

                          God Bless

                              TonyZ

[myka]

when you lay off the drugs/alcohol you tend to not want to be around those that still get high. i can't hang around people who smoke cigarettes. it reeks. weed smokers (no offense) tend to sound stupid and drunks are..... well drunk. i think it happens that you drift away from those who have different lifestyles.
working in a bar situation is setting yourself up for failure. if someone put drugs in front of me every day i would be a true junkie.

[myka]

when you lay off the drugs/alcohol you tend to not want to be around those that still get high. i can't hang around people who smoke cigarettes. it reeks. weed smokers (no offense) tend to sound stupid and drunks are..... well drunk. i think it happens that you drift away from those who have different lifestyles.
working in a bar situation is setting yourself up for failure. if someone put drugs in front of me every day i would be a true junkie.

[myka]

oops the double click

[Ella Mackenzie]

Well I can only share my experience with this. I got sober 11 years ago and only found out later that I was hep c positive so drinking was a non issue at that point.
I did stop hanging out with all my old friends and it broke my heart but I didn't want to use  or drink anymore so I had to make a choice.
It took a long time to find new friends that were as close but eventually, many of my former friends got clean  and so now we hang out again.


The ones who didn't get clean are either dead or walking around the streets of san francisco mumbling to themselves.  My sister was the latest casualty. She didn't stop hanging out with her old friends and just couldn't kick and so she died. Really, this is the truth and it sucks.
Bless her

Hep C is a serious disease and drinking alcohol is like throwing gas on a fire.

I know it sucks sometimes, good luck to you and happy holidays

[jonihs]

All I can do here is tell you my story. After 18 years of going in and out of the doors of AA, and not being able to stay sober for more than a few months, my liver failed. I always believed there was time, that I could get sober later. Later almost never came. The doctor told me I had a choice, he could either keep me comfortable and let me go, or I could decide to change my life and fight. I had only been married to this wonderful man I consider to be a gift from God, for 1 year 4 days. I looked at his face and I saw so much love and so much pain, that for the first time in many years, I knew I wanted to live. Then they told me I had a 50-50 chance. Before the fight was over, they told my husband that they had to fly me to Billings and that he would have to drive. But not to hurry, because they didn't expect me to be alive when I got there. After release, I went to rehab, and 2 1/2 years later I'm still sober. I never turned my back on my friends. When they want to go out, I suggest a movie or something that doesn't involve drinking. It didn't take them long to figure out that if they wanted to spend time with me, it had to be not drinking. Some fell by the wayside, some stayed and 2 got sober. In rehab I found out I had Hep C, but I don't think I'd have handled it as well if I had been out there drinking and using. One more reason to stay numb. That's how I drank and used. To stay numb, and I used to think permanately numb wouldn't be bad. I now know that life can be wonderful.

[jonihs]

I will not judge you, but I will pray for you. And I want to apologize for the other day. I had just found out that my sister had started drinking again after having pancreatitis, and convinced herself she had just had an allergic reaction to Peppermint Schnapps. If it wasn't so sad it would be funny. But I had no right to take it out on you. Stay strong, battle on!  Joni

[Mordred]

There's no need to apologize to me. We can only take so much before we snap. I've had 5 attacks of pancreatitis myself. If I'd stopped drinking after my first attack would I have had the other four attacks? Most likely not. And I've always thought that humor is a great way of dealing with stressful situations. It is in no way meant to be funny but it helps. I'm in no way into Christianity myself, but I do respect other's beliefs, and your sister is in my prayers. I hope she pulls through this. Thanks for your e-mail.

[GreatBird]

"I'd love some input from you guys as to how to handle the rest of the holiday season without being tempted to drink."

The trick is handling the temptation. It won't suddenly go away. So, you either have to avoid it, or be bigger than it, which is hard. But doable. After all, people *do* change. You can change too, if you want to.

"Should I be expected to dump my friends because they drink or do drugs?? I think not. If any of you dumped friends just because you decided to go sober, and they didn't, you were never friends with the person to begin with."

If you can handle not drinking with them while they're drinking then why dump them? On the other hand, that's really hard to do. I managed to quit smoking while my husband still smoked and it was really tough.

However, the upside to that...if you can pull it off, you might find that one or two of your friends follow your example. You said most of them have AIDS and/or HepC and party themselves to death. Well, that is what they are doing...

BTW, my husband quit smoking three months after I did all on his own. He said it was because he saw me do it.

[desert woman]

Should you drop your friends to help yourself quit drinking and partying?  Only if you can't be around it and stay quit.  We used to party to an extent and had many drinking/smoking friends.  When we decided to clean up our act our friends didn't, bottom line is they lost interest in us.  Well, most of them anyway.  It's all about choices.  Everything in life is.  Years later, 20/20 hindsight and all that tells me we made the right decision.  We could have ended up like some of our friends who OD'd or one who drank himself to death at age 45 or one who is so sick now from drinking that he may not make it.  My sweetie used to shoot heroin before I met him.  That was 35 years ago and he's on his second round of interferon/ribavarin.  Our life now consists of no drinking, smoking, or any kind of partying.  I'm sure he wishes he would have chosen to not shoot up.  Am I preaching?  No, just the facts.  It's all about choices.  Life can be fun straight, if you make it that way.

[doll face]

I think that you are asking for help other wise you wouldn't be here,but.......You can't get that here free. YOU need to decide what to do, either stay with your so called "friends" (you know the ones,those that are telling you to drink and party. You, as well as them know that it will probably end up killing you,) or you can turn your life around and decide to LIVE. It's all YOUR choice. Ask yourself a couple of questions. Will my friends come visit me when I am in the hospital (if you make it there)dying from liver failure? or will they be sitting in a bar drinking a toast to me ? Hey maybe they could do a line (in your memory of course). Real friends would back you up in your decision to quit something(s)that could kill you.Real friends want to help you. Are yours helping you get better? I am thankful that I have real friends.

Like I said it doesn't come free. YOU have to make the decision. But if and when YOU decide, you won't find a better support system then the people here.

It is real easy to make excuses like.... I work in the entertainment system....bullshit I was a bartender and bar manager  for almost 15 years, I have seen and helped many people quit. Or how about my friends think I am being brainwashed, come on...!!

I hope that you get the help that you need and wish you all the luck. Kim

[indyjo]

So basically you are saying that you and your friends don't do anything together unless there is drug and alcohol use. Which means that you probably can't imagine having any fun without drugs and alcohol. I was a highly functioning alcoholic. Alcohol had total control and determined who my friends were and what activities I could engage in. I quit before starting treatment. I can't imagine going through this interferon hell every week and then throwing some alcohol into the mix to possibly negate any progress that I might have made. So honestly...Does your choice of friends determine whether or not you maintain sobriety, or does your decision to use determine who your friends are. Get me?

[cbee]

Mordred, I just read one of your recent posts:

"I've been taking 2 mg of Xanax 4 times a day for the last 11 years. It's the only thing that keeps me from going mad. And I've been on sleeping pills for 11 years as well. (both are prescribed) Without them I'd probably not leave my house."  

I would say the alcohol is just one of many problems for you.  Drinking and taking these drugs (prescribed or not) can kill you (probably faster than the Hep C if your liver is not in bad shape). I'm not trying to lecture you but it seems like you are in denial about how serious these problems are.  I spent the last 3 1/2 years loving a man and watching him destroy himself. He still doesn't want sobriety.  It's true what they say about the people who love you guys - we end up suffering more.  I'm still recovering.

I wish for you a new outlook for 2005.  If you don't take care of yourself you won't be around to have friends.

Take care,

-cbee

[cbee]

I never thought of it quite like that.  Sad but true indeed.  It's also amazing what a hostage will do for their captor!

-cbee

[jonihs]

When I was in rehab, the counselor told me that we alcoholics don't have relationships, we take hostages, and I'm sorry to say that it is true. Joni

[BarnGoddess]

Just an idea..
tell the bartender you're on  med's and can't drink tonight. Tell him ya need his help not to mix the med's and the booze.  You might be suprised  that he's willing to help.
Try keeping your glass full of non-booze with a twist of lime/lemon, looks like your drinking and your friends won't bust your ass as much.
Get stoned.
Alot of our friends drink, smoke cig's, smoke pot and on  my first sober NYE they  poked some fun at me but  I  made it through the night.
I gave up the booze but hung on to the pot !

Hope ya make it .
April

[Dorothy and Toto]

My birthday is New Year's Day so it was a double event for me to have a good party-for the past 30 years.  It was unthinkable to not drink!  I thought my "fun" was over as getting together with certain friends meant drinking and laughing.  You can't do that without drinking. (or so I thought)  It has been two years since I stopped and it wasn't easy.  Take the first step.  One good thing is that you are now the official designated driver.  Plan ahead what you will drink and stick to it.  I have half and half cranberry and soda water.  Oh, and by the way, your true friends will support you for not drinking instead of making fun of you. They will respect you.  Try it. This New Years eve it's down to Miami for a big party, there will be drinking but not for me but I will be dancing and laughing and feel great the next morning-not the usual bleary eyed.  Take care-Dot

[Mordred]

I don't think I'm in denial about what I have. I've spent so much time on the net, researching HepC, I probably know more than most doctors do about it. As for my prescriptions I take, Xanax is the best/worst one. The drug company that makes Xanax lied about the drug when they were doing test trials in the 80's; especially how addictive it is. It's worked wonders for me, but I can never stop taking it now. My doctor said there were more risks trying to get me off of it than just keep prescribing it. There's a real danger of me going into convulsions and dying if I stop taking it. Same with my sleeping pills. The only thing I asked was what one can do for New Year's Eve to avoid liquor and I get smart-ass comments from people. Arrogance is something I can do without.

[Mordred]

Smoking pot is out of the question. I'm allergic to it. I have two clubs I go to, and am friends with all the bartenders at both of them. I like the idea of sticking a lime into a non-alcohol drink. I've decided to not even go to the clubs on New Year's Eve. Too much temptation. I'm going over to a friend's house, and her and I are going to watch the ball drop in New York and spend the night playing Uno and Monopoly.

[BarnGoddess]

Sounds like a great choice !
We're staying home to keep the horses calm while the nut case next door and the one across the lake set off fireworks.
I'll have my Diet Sprite w/lime, woo hooo maybe even an icey cold O'douhls.

take Care

[fellow traveler]

I admire your pluck!  Nothing like setting yourself up for a ration of **** but being man enough to take it.  You're smart enough to know you'll wade thru the high steaming wherewithall and come up with something useful.
By the way, as regards to losing friends if you exit the drinking life - from the sounds of your lifestyle, you'll lose 90% of 'em, but that leaves the 10% that stick with you.  Now which group do you want?
Jeff