Cirrhosis of the Liver

[dansval]

Hi, My name is Val and my husband is dying of cirrhosis of the liver from alcohol.  He has been hospitalized a few times because of it.  In 2003 he was in intensive care for 8 1/2 weeks not expected to survive, but guess what, he dit.  Also swore he would never tourch alcohol again.  This last time (yes, there were a couple in betewen with also an arrest), he was admitted to the hospital on Oct 5 with acute pancreatitis.  His platelets were at about 29, his liver enzymes over 3300 and his pancreas enzymes over 6000.  He was producing no white cells to combat any infection, his platelets went down to 11 in a 3 day time period even though he was being treated.  He was intubated so as to have him go through withdrawl because it was getting very intense.  After a week in intensive care, I was told that his entire liver was affected by the cirrhosis, and they felt his mortality rate was very high, even suggesting he would not survive 2-3 weeks.  Well, here is is Nov 28 and he is still alive.  Up until Monday the 26th he seemed to be trying to get as long a live as was possible.  Then, as the doctors expected, he started drinking again on the 26th.  He is drinking a minimum of a quart of Whiskey per day (maybe more).  He says he has no intention of stopping this time, has his own right to die how he wants.  My questions is, with his liver and pancreas being as bad as they are, is there any guesstimate on how long this might take?  This is one of the most antagonizing, horrible, humiliating things I have been through in my life.  We have been married for 30 years, the last 15 with him being an alcoholic.  I am tired.  I try to provide for us financially, it is getting harder all the time.    I know you probably don't have any answers, but even a guess would be something.  I want an end to both his suffering (obviously ther are some deep rooted problems no one can fix) and mine.  Thanks for listening.
Val

[hairtamer]

You and your husband are in my prayers!!
God Bless,
Rose

[dun4]

Discuss Hospice care with your husband. Approach it like, "we both know its coming" and,  " I want to help your here at home as long as possible"  but, " the advanced stages of cirrhosis makes your thinking unclear" so,  "lets decide now at what point you will go into hospice care".

You may find it will be a relief to him to make these final arrangements.

Try to celebrate the little things with him. ( a sunset; a viewing of an old movie that you both enjoyed).

Good luck.

[dansval]

I think your comments make the most sense to me because I have tried the other.  He has a good friend who is a recovering Alcoholic who has tried repeatedly to talk to him, to offer him help.  He has gone to AA, acted like he really got something out of it, but them would drink anyway.  I have found absolutely no help in the Alanon chapter here where I live.  I have gone 3 or 4 times and nobody, and I mean nobody even acknowledges they live with a person or know a person with a problem.  It is more of a social circle where they discuss things like packing for trips, and going on dates.  I actually brought up what I was going through, and they all looked at me like I was indeed at the wrong place.  No help there at all.  I have accepted the fact that he will die.  He tells me he has the right to die how he wants.  I told him I will not argue with him about it, I will bring him whatever he wants, and just be there for him.  I told him that at least we had a great month together where he wasn't drinking, we got along great, and if nothing else, I have that good memory.  Now I get to continue on with my plans for his funeral.  Talk about fun.  I have my own business, and it is a relief to go to work so I get a little reprieve.  Although he calls me constantly, sometimes crying, sometimes yelling.  He just can't handle being alone at the house, and as much as I can technically work at home, I choose to go to the office.  It is my escape.  I see his mind deteriorating so quickly.  I have read a lot about what happens if you die from Cirrhosis (usually it is other complications that will kill you) and so I know that his confusion is definitely part of it.  It will get worse until he goes into a coma and then dies.  I know one day I will go home from work and find him dead.  At this point, there is no help, he is too far gone.  I just want the suffering to end.  It is hard, but trying to talk to people about it, no one really understands.  I don't want them to hate my husband, when he isn't drinking he is the most giving, kind person you would know.  I also don't want people to feel sorry for me.  I pretend all the time I am ok, but I will only be ok when it is finally over.  Then I can move on with life.  I am just 50 yrs old, I will not let this break me.  I am stronger than that.  Thanks again for listening.  I think it is the most important thing I need right now.

[hairtamer]

Hi, I will keep you and you husband in my prayers.  gauf is right Alonon is what you need!  They will give you the support you need.
God Bless,
hairtamer

[dun4]

He's obviously made his choice. Accept it. Tell him so. Do not assess blame to anyone at this point, least of all yourself. Give him more alcohol if he wants it. Visit with him and talk about the good times. Tell him you have accepted his impending death and you will try to get him anything he wants. Even more whiskey. Don't be judgmental ... be sincere.

[gauf]

As a recovering alcoholic let me first say how sorry I am for you. Some people just cannot quit. A quart of whiskey a day! I would think the alcohol poisoning would bring on the end rather quickly. Iwould advise getting him someone to talk to, a recovering alcoholic member of the clergy would be my choice. Look up your local chapter of AA and give them a call. While you are at it, call Alonon for yourself, they will help YOU.  Praying for you.