During treatment - work and single mom? How likely I can do both?

Hi everyone,

Obviously the people on this forum are of a extrem fortitude and endurance and through the ups, rage, and downs manage. As a single mom of a 3 year old (dad lives 4 hours away)how likely is it I will be able to care for my child and work during treatment?

Informal survey I would like your advise.  I am working on alternatives to the work thing and wondering if I am a wimp.

Thanks,
Kathy

[Algernon]

I'm a single mom with 2 kids (8 and 10) and a fulltime job and a reall nice ex who takes my kids 1/2 the time.

It was very hard for me and I don't think I could have done it the first 2 1/2 months except that I was able to take medical leave and still get paid.  The last few months (I only did 24 weeks) I felt well enough to work.

You can do it (and I'm sure you're younger than I am, I'm 48) but it isn't easy at times.  And it's unpredictable to a great degree.

Here are some survival tips:
1.  Set things up at work in advance so that you can take time off if you need it (e.g., family/medical leave, work from home, cut back hours, etc.).
2.  Organize your friends, family, nice strangers.  I had a food brigade the first 2 1/2 months.  2-3 deliveries of groceries, meals a week.  Once I felt better, I didn't even won't the extra food but at times it was hard to shop.
I also had a playdate brigade with other moms for Saturday afternoons and emergencies (i.e., very bad days).
3.  I was fortunate enough to have a sitter 3 afternoons (just 3 hours each day) a week.  If you can hire a helper, it's worth it.
4.  Forget about being a perfect mom.  Just be there, set out food now and then, and love your kid.  Let cleaning and ET else go.  I used to be an TV for my kids.  TV was by best friend during TX.

Good luck, Algie (P.S. Some people don't feel that bad--you can't know until you start).

[Algernon]

Just read my post and saw all the spelling/grammer errors.  I guess that means that brain fog hasn't lifted 4 weeks post TX...

[cajunlady]

That really depends on the individual and the type of work you do.  Some of us can and there are alot that can not. I work, but I sit at a desk in my own little world.  Not much in the way of having to be around too many people.  So, my day is easy most of the time.  I did start getting anxiety really bad, so I let the doctor put me on Prozac and Ativan (only I have the generic in that brand).  Tried to do it without the rescue drugs and could not.  Eventually had to give in.  I do feel alot better and can handle things with alot less anxiety in me.  I have children but they are 10 and 15 and can fin for themselves if necessary.  
I do know that sometimes it is hard to get out on disability with this treatment, do not know all details.  But there are people here that can inform you better on what is needed to succeed getting Disability Insurance.  If you have a choice and can afford to be on disability, go for it.  
I know enough now that I would try and get out on disability at the beginning.  I am 27/48 tonignt and now I have gone far enough I will continue to work.

Others will chime in and give you more advice.

Good Luck,
Cajun

[Mommy Too]

Good point about the type of work that I do knowing my situation will make advise much easier:) I don't even have a brain fog excuse for not including.

I am looking for a new job at present....so I will be in the establishing my "professional career" type of job.  I am a Professional Counselor Intern and work with children and families.  I have a truck load of ethics codes to follow.  For example, I am ethically bound not to work when I am "impaired" and I am ethically bound to not abandon any client....(all very important to the client and I agree of the importance).  But I will not be able to sit at my desk, work from home, and will have an obligation to be "present and attentive" to the client's needs.

okay, maybe that will help clarify my situation.  Thanks for reminding me that was important:)

[Mommy Too]

p.s. don't worry about the typos (including mine too)......as long...your message was there.  That is the biggy.

[sfbaygirl]

Hopfully you will be one of the people here that has little or no sx. It has been tough for me, so far, and I KNOW i could not have worked. That could all change and my sx will go away (PLEASE?)

I think the thing that worries me about work is the kids that count on me to be there. There are times I feel okay and might be able to work outside, but there are too many times that I can't go to the grocery store or even talk on the phone.

Starting a new job will put you in a stressful situation to begin with. You don't know what the job will be like. I quess if you knew what shortcuts you could take to make your job easier, that would be good.

Of course I don't think you should quit a job or not take one, but if you aren't working yet maybe you can make other arrangements or get a more flexible job. Working with families that depend on your presence doesn't sound like a great choice.

I am trying to figure out if I could do SOMETHING in the fall, if I feel up to it, but it all depends on how things continue in the sx deptment.

Good Luck!

[lilmoma]

I am really having a rough time with my job!!
I am a store manager, and there is no end to physical part of it.
Some days I spend hours back to back "just slingin 50 pound boxes" and I then I might spend a couple more hours in a cooler rearranging everything there.(BRRRRRRR!!!) My gosh! How I wish I had a sit down job during this tx!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am taking some vacation now, cuz Im just so "beat up" Everybody is different,........... but the important thing is that you have total communication with your doc. For instance, what about rescue drugs? I dont care what kind of a job you have, once (if) you become too anemic to walk 5 feet, your gonna have real problems, if you dont have a compassionate doc (and nurse) that can rx the stuff you need to help over these humps. I have had my share of problems,..depression, terrible anxiety (like Im jumping outta my skin) anemia, and a job that couldnt care less. (that was sad to see this side of them)
Things are better now that I have been on the procrit, my numbers are back up, but it aint no cake-walk!! LOL

[Algernon]

Mom:  My job also requires being attentive to others and to details.  The brain fog made it very hard for me to do that.  It was kind of like having the same job but doing it with a MUCH lower IQ.  My doc prescribed PROVIGIL as one of my rescue drugs (I know that someone else on this board mentioned using it--I think he's an engineer).  I only got this drug the last couple of months of treatment.  I'd take 1/2 pill and it really helped me to focus (a whole one was way too speedy for me).  

Also, talk with your doc in advance about anemia and tell him/her how important it is for you to stay in front of that (job, small child, etc.).  If I hadn't tanked on the anemia, I think I could have worked full-time through TX.

DHSABER:  I practically cried just reading about your reaction to the Disney movie.  Of course, I probably would've done that even before TX.  But, on TX, I could just have a passing nice thought about a friend or my child and end up weeping with emotion (I kind of enjoyed it).  Just consider yourself a passionate person!

[miss moneypenny]

Hi,

Well I am not working at the moment, so cannot comment on that, but can add my thoughts on the parent bit.

When I started tx 22 week ago the main worry for me was whether I would be able to look after my children, 3, 7 and 11, and whether I would be able to drive, as we live in a rural area and there are no buses to the school. I do have a partner but he is out of the house from 09.00am to 11pm, so not much help there, and all my family are a couple of hundred miles away - so I was pretty much on my own with this. And, for me, it has not been too bad.

I am not sure if I have managed because I have to, or if I have been fortunate, but for me it has been so much better than I had anticipated. I am, of course, quite ferociously bad tempered at times, but the kids ignore this now, and I do have to go to bed early, and they have to be kind to me on shot day, and I don't always want to leap around on the trampoline - but we are managing.

I think that it would be a good idea to have a back up plan, if you can, for the days that you might feel bad, apart from that you have had very good advice above.

All the best to you, and I hope that the tx is gentle on you

xx

[dhsaber]

There is no way I could of done it, couldn't even do dishes without heart racing and being out of breath, not to mention an emotional basket case. I even watched Disney the kid, and cried when Bruce Willis bought his secretary a trip to Hawii.
I cried because my 16 year old was someday going to want to move out. I suggest if at all possible find help!!!!!

[strator]

It is hard to say how anyone will react to the meds. Although I'm a working single parent and have my Dad here who spends a lot of time in a wheelchair, my kid id 14. Having become a single parent when he was 11 months old I realize a 3year old is a completely different galaxie  as far as their needs and the time and attention required. Classic advice someone gave me 'way back then' even though I was not on tx or and felt great physically, was from a sister in law who had a son with special needs(he's now a 20yr old 6'6" delight who still though only has the mental capacity of a 3yr old). She just said, take all the help you can get, and ask for more. She of course didn't mean let somebody else do it but have a network and backup plans.
I've been fortunate physically on tx and can work a very physical job. One suggestion, the fatigue if it hits you may take a while to get use too. Although it can hit randomly I've gotten a pretty good handle on when i'm gonna feel my worst and best for the day. Keep track of that in the beginning so you can plan your daya little better. For instance the worst for me is the first 2 hrs of the morning and late afternoon. I schedule naps of 20-40 min for late afternoon. By tracking the hrs of the day I need rest, if my son was still a toddler, who of course never get active or sleepy on our schedule..I would try to have a couple of people who could come by and sit with him during 'MY' nap time.
Til he was 7 I worked mostly out of my house, but then went looking for corporate jobs. I told potential bosses right up front I was a single Dad and needed to know that I could leave on a moments notice to run home for needs or school activities.
Some scoffed at me, others said no problem, I ended up with a nice job for a Fortune 100 Company corordinating graphic projects nationally, where timing was everything. My first year I was known for walking out of project meetings at the drop of a hat to go home because of a call from home. I got promotions and a bigger office anyways. (Maybe having female bosses helped).
So don't stress yourself out ahead of the game. Maybe considering the field you are in they may very well be willing to be flexible and come up with a game plan so you can work and be of service to them, and handle parenting and whatever physical limitations you may or may not haveand they may or may not know about. Though some of my sides are harder physically now, after a couple of months I got better at juggling them around work and responibilities.
Set your priorities, including survival and food on the table and try and find the balance that works. Real gung ho career chasing may be stymied on tx, pace yourself and you and your loved ones will have a long wonderfull walk through life together.
Be Well,
Don

[chi_chi_]

i am also a single working mom
for the 1st month and 1/2 i tried working i was exausted everything else suffered. luckily i had insurance at work  i didnt go on it at first because i didn't want to be a "wimp" but i dont regret putting my job on the back burner. remember your health is a priority, your daughter having a healthy active mother in her future is a priority, being around to see her do great things with her life is a blessing. i have worked different jobs for the past 20 years and feel i might have to work another 20 years before i retire so taking i few months from that made my decission easier. i also found getting the extra rest because i didnt have to work made the symptons easier to handle. dont worry about your daughter im sure you'll do just fine.

best of luck
and remember your worth it

[chi_chi_]

sorry
dont know why i assumed you had a daughter

[Drarig]

Mommy - don't ever think you're a wimp.  These meds are not easy & affect everyone in different ways.  They are serious drugs that can help save or extend our lives, but can come with nasty sx.  Was diagnosed 3 1/2 yrs ago & put off tx for a long time as I have an extremely hectic life & NEVER thought I would get thru it afer my doc explained sx.  Have 3 kids, full-time job for a "demanding" boss & am part-time fitness instructor & teach very physical classes, like kickboxing, power conditioning & military bootcamp style classes.  Was also personal training high school football students last year, so with all that, how could I ever do tx???  I could not afford to take work leave as I depend on income from both jobs, & could not lose our home.  I knew it would be tough as my hus works long hours away & no one else knows what I'm dealing with other than my best friend. So I would be pretty much on my own.  But I knew I wanted to be around to grow old with my children, so I reluctantly started tx in March.  Currently in Wk 18/48 Peg/Riba, Type 1A, F, 45 & VL  undetectable after 12 wk pcr.  Thank goodness I was one of the lucky ones.  I am SO sorry I waited two years to start.   First shot was chills, aches, etc., but other than that I have been doing fine & haven't had any sx other than low wbc for which I take a weekly shot of Neupogen & some riba rash.  Exercise helps me sleep & deal w/stress & luckily I haven't been depressed so I haven't needed ad's yet, but that can change on a dime.  Am now just starting to see some hair loss, but this is not forever & I can deal w/it.  I can't imagine how those here with bad sx get thru tx & my heart goes out to them.  It is not fair that some of us have no problems while others can barely get thru it or even have to stop.  But it shouldn't prevent you from treating if it's necessary & when you do, all you can do is follow basic rules & have common sense like avoiding alcohol, maintain healthy lifestyle, LOTS of water & rest, etc.  Treat serious sx w/rescue drugs if necessary, treat depression, sleep probs, etc. & take it one week at a time.  I hope that you do ok.

Everyone else - Hi, just got back from vaca - was at beach for a week - pure heaven (yes, loaded up on 50 sunscreen & had some bad weather for a few days, so I fared well in the 3 or 4 days we did have sun).  Last year before I started tx, never thought I would be physically able to go on vaca, but I did & am so thankful I was able to.  Missed reading all the interesting threads so I have alot of catching up to do.  Hope all of you are doing well.

[chi_chi_]

sorry
dont know why i assumed you had a daughter

[Mommy Too]

Each of you gave so much in sharing your experiences and thoughts.  I appreciate it.  My new mantra "I am not a wimp".  You have given me a lot to think about from several different perspectives.  Thank you and HAPPY 4th:)

Peace,
Kathy