EDUCATING HUSBAND / HE'S SCARED

HI,
I'M NEW TO THE FORUM,BUT I CONCEDER MYSELF EDUCATED ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND.I'M IN THE 2ND WEEK OF TREATMENT.  YES I'M MISERABLE.  I KNEW THAT WOULD COME WITH THE TERRITORY.  MY PROBLEM IS MAKING OTHERS UNDERSTAND, ESPECIALLY MY HUSBAND.  SOMEONE IS MESSING WITH HIS HEAD.  I LOVE MY HUSBAND VERY MUCH , BUT HE'S UNKNOWINGLY HURTING MY FEELINGS.  WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 8 YEARS.  APPARENTLY I'VE HAD THIS FOR MANY AS 15 YRS FROM A TATTOO.  WHEN WE FIRST FOUND OUT IN DECEMBER HE WAS RIGHT THERE WITH ME EVEN BEFORE KNOWING MUCH ABOUT IT HE EVEN STATED (STUPIDLY) HE DIDN'T CARE IF I GAVE IT TO HIM HE WAS GOING NO WHERE.
HE KEEPS MAKING COMMENTS OF SEX AND A CONDOM.  WE'VE NEVER USED A CONDOM AND I CERTAINLY WOULD NEVER SUBJECT HIM TO HAVING SEX DURING MY PERIOD.  WHICH WE HAD IN THE PAST.  HE IS MOST DEFINITELY NEGATIVE.  HIS IGNORANCE MAKES ME SAD AND MAD ALL IN ONE OR IS THERE INTERFERENCE OF OTHERS IGNORANCE SCARING THE HELL OUT OF MY HUSBAND.  THIS IS SOMETHING I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW.  I COULDN'T IMAGINE MY HUSBAND LEAVING ME BUT, IT IS A FEAR.  PLEASE SOME ONE GIVE ME A WEB SITE TO HELP RELIEVE NOT ONLY MY HUSBAND , BUT FAMILY AND FRIENDS.  EX. LAST NIGHT HAD A CONVERSATION WITH FRIEND WHO INSISTED THAT I MUST WEAR GLOVES WHILE COOKING FOR MY FAMILY AND THAT HER MOTHER DIED FROM THIS.  I EXPRESSED TO HER YOUR MOTHER MUST HAD NOT ONLY C BUT A AND POSSIBLY B AND C WAS STRICTLY BLOOD TO BLOOD.  SHE THINKS I'M WRONG.  GOOD GOD HELP!

[copyman]

so sorry you have to go through this. this disease has a great stigma attached to it and mostly all of it is NOT true. there  is a good site that has threads for the caregivers/friends/family. check it out if you have not been there already, http://www.janis7hepc.com/index.htm.
hope things get better because the last thing you need while on these harsh drugs is all this **** around you. best of luck

[missy60051]

THANK YOU.
  I REALLY TRY NOT TO BE SELFISH WITH MY SICKNESS.  I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT A PITY PARTY, BUT YES, I'M SCARED,IN PHYSICAL PAIN, ALONG WITH THE EMOTIONAL THAT GOES WITH IT.  MY WHOLE LIFE HAS CHANGED BEFORE MY EYES.  THIS REALLY STINKS.
AGAIN THANK YOU I WILL GET MY PRINTER PREPARED.

[OnAPrettyPoison]

Ignorance is certainly ugly, and I am so sorry you are going thru this. My Pegasys literature had a pamphlet for family/friends to educate them.

[missy60051]

I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH!
TODAY I SPENT ALL DAY COPYING AND MORE COPYING ON JANIS7HEPC.COM/INDEX.HTM.
I DID FIND THAT SITE AND MUCH MORE.  IT'S MADE ME A LITTLE EMOTIONAL.  IT RELIEVES MY STRESS TO KNOW THERE IS PEOPLE UNDERSTANDING WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH.  THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO VENT AND GIVING ME THE ANSWERS THAT I NEED.  I'M GOING TO RELAX TAKE MY SHOWER AND GET READY FOR MY HUSBAND TO COME HOME.  MAYBE I CAN HAVE A NICE EVENING HELPING HIM UNDERSTAND.  

[gazebo1]

Every day you will learn how HVC is "common" and not evil.  I just wanted to encourage having your hubby go with you to your doctor and have the misconceptions cleared up in person.  I would call your doctor beforehand and explain the situation.  

But, to be honest, you may find out the truth about your hubby's real commitment to your relationship and love for you in good times and bad.  Hope that's not the outcome, so keep working on clearing the air.  Take it easy and don't try to force everything on him too fast.  And stop SCREAMING...TYPING IN CAPS!  Just kidding, and best of luck.
G.

[dointime]

Understanding is a 2-way street.  Right now your husband is scared and I don't think that education is going to dispell his fear in the short term.  Ofcourse you are scared too and you want him to understand.  Why not meet in the middle.  If he agrees to learn all he can about this disease and it's transmission, why not you agree to use condoms for as long as he feels safer with them?

dointime.  

[missy60051]

I went to that site you spoke of I did get some information of sex and HCV but, couldn't find anything under the heading of caregivers/friends/family.

[whoaisme]

try looking up the American Liver Foundation's website for a Hep C support group in your area. It was one of the best moves my husband and I did. We were fortunate to find a group right here at our local hospital. Not only is it a great source for info, but a tremendous avenue for venting in all areas of life concerning hep C.  Good luck, and hang in there!  

[Kalio1]

There is so much ignorance about this disease, that must be really hard on you. I hope he can learn enough to stop his fears from causing any more strife.

In a decade long study of many, many monogamous couples, it shows that it is nearly impossible to contract it through sex. He hasn't gotten it yet, that should tell him something! He must take care not to allow the stigmas of this disease impact him and your imtimacy! He is human and it is only human to be afraid, but hopefully he can overcome that with education.

Im sorry you are going through that, treatment makes us hyper sensitive along with making us feel so crappy, that would bother me too if my husband was suddenly talking about condoms. I'd probably be really upset by that.

I hope you feel better soon, try to stay positive and keep your eye on the ball. This IS temporary even though it doesn't feel like it! Remind him that just because you might "look fine" doesn't mean you don't feel physically horrible and emotionally fragile.Even the smallest chore becomes a huge challenge. For some your energy level and your mind's ability to handle things is so dramatically altered, it's tough on us and on those around us. Hang in there.

Here is a link to an article about the monogamous couples study.
http://www.hivandhepatitis.com/hep_c/news/2004/062104_c.html

[Willy50]

A few facts;
HCV infected doctors, nurses and caregivers routinely still give healthcare. If they follow normal precautions they are not seen as a threat for infection.  These are people who routinely are involved with blood perhaps on a daily basis.

You'll find rates for sexual transmission will vary but there are large studies listed at Janis (and elsewhere) which suggest that in hetersexual relations that sexual transmission may be around 1% or less.  Obviously sexual practices vary.  I sometimes tell people that the transmission rate is 2% plus or minus 2%.  That will take care of most people...... but there are over-achievers out there too. : )  This will not cover all groups ;male homosexuals have higher transmission rates for a variety of reasons.

The bottom line is that for a caregiver the transmission risks should be lower than by sexual transmission..  Most of us have kids whom were not infected; not from the birthing process nor from the years of living with parents who likely didn't even know they had HCV.  Since you NOW know you have the virus you can take precautions.  Most of us never even had that option and our kids are still virus free.

Educate yourself and then educate your hubby.  He is only worried because he is getting bad information.  This site is a source of GOOD information.  Either GOOGLE the topic on the net or use the search function on boards such as this one.

best,
Willy

[copyman]

hi, i just looked and it was not there? there use to be a thread for caregivers. well there is many links to other sites that you should be able to find endless "FACTS" about HCV and hopefully educate some of these foolish people around you so you can move on with your treatment. all the added stress is not good for the liver. check out some of the links provided here:
http://janis7hepc.com/Information%20Links.htm

[mauilady]

My husband and I have been together 25 years; he is completely free of HepC; I've had it for 35 years.  Right after I found out I had it (7 months ago...), my husband and I went to a class put on by my hepatologist, which was extremely informative, and helped clarify the gray areas and dispel the myths.  You should find out if your HMO offers something similar.  Education is the only cure for ignorance.  Good luck to you.

[scubadiver30]

I'm also been married for 15 years and my spouse is HCV free. No kids
Of course we never did it while on her period or in other ways that would've forced blood interchange. And didn't know my status till 05
My wife did not worry at all when she found out I was HCV+ and started tx, but lately she's getting more nervous (i don't know what she's reading or to whom she has talked to) (the stupid internet and the stigma) and tries to avoid sex more than usual. I haven't put pressure on the issue cause I'm on week 18 and feel pretty tired and down. But when I'm finished, I'm gonna be totallly honest about it and ask her about her real feelings (Could be a bit of depression on my part thou)...
If she decides she's not comfortable with me anymore even if I SVR  I will have to consider divorce. This Tx has been hell on my work, my health and my relationships...

I know exactly what you're going thru..........

[willowhorse]

scubadiver30, please do not let HCV ruin your 15 years of marriage!  Find a good counselor that you both can trust to get through this!  You will make it to where you are free of the virus! How about an HCV Support Group that you two can attend?!

[missy60051]

I think it could very well be a little of the depression setting in.  15 years is a long time.  You can't give up!  I think that conversation with your wife should take place now not later and tell her how you feel physically and emotionally.  Maybe even pull out your sheets from your meds showing the side effects, as a reminder of what you're going through and the last thing you need is to be worrying about a divorce in your future.  Ask her what's going on.  Let her tell you and then you tell her what's going on with you.  Honesty and communication.  Sickness and in health till death do us part.  I realize in this day in age there's just too much selfishness and a lasting forever marriage sometimes is wishful thinking, but try to be strong.  Try to find the energy you had before the tx to pull some excitement and love back into your marriage.  I know, I'm trying myself.  I too am very tired and it doesn't take much to wear me out.
Hang in there!
see no more caps on.