Guy's Rules

We've all seen many variations of the girls/womens rules.  Anyone interested in seeing the rules which the guys/men have final recorded?

[GrandOak]

*These are our rules! *
Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
   You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
   We need it up, you need it down.
   You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
   Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
   And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want Let us be clear on this one:
   Subtle hints do not work!
   Strong hints do not work!
   Obvious hints do not work!
   Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it.
         That's what we do.
         Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem .
         See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
         In fact, all comments become null and void after
7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
         don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
         Don't ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
         and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
         we meant the other one ..

1. You can either ask us to do something
         Or tell us how you want it done.
         Not both.
         If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible,
         Please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
         Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! a color.
         Pumpkin is also a fruit.
         We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
         We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
         We will act like nothing's wrong.
         We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
         Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere,
         absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about
         unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
         baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Tide and Hefty products will no longer be allowed in the house.

1. Thank you for reading this.

[EquineLori]

My printer is spitting "Guy Rules" out right now.  My husband has GOT to see it! Personally my favorite rule is #1.

[lilmoma]

Hubby is gonna love this!!!!!!!!!
I do to,...we joke about this kinda stuff all the time.

[ladybug52]

Wish I could have seen that list 30 years ago and it would have saved me a lot of grief! I think it should be handed out to every bride to be so she knows what she's up against and that it's all normal. Can't tell you how many times I use to play the "What are you thinking about?" game only to get "nothing" as a response. He did learn very early the response to "Do I look fat?" Just had to throw myself on the floor once, flailing my arms and legs and sobbing, to teach him the correct answer to that question. Your rules are classic I agree with EquineLori on her favorite!

[DragonSlayer45]

Am I the only one who caught the Tide and Hefty joke?

[amommy]

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it this morning!  :)  I think hubby will like this, so I'm not going to share it with him. LOL

[DragonSlayer45]

That was some funny #$%! I laughed so hard, which is just what the doctor ordered today.

[Myown]

Wow!! This is so to the point,real gospel truth...cut and dry. Men ARE so cut and dry, not a bad thing, but we are so different,not a bad thing either,but soooo different. The only thing I didn't like about this, is that it seems to make guys look easy to deal with, IF women would only follow these rules.....and in that case, this is NOT the gospel truth.OUCH!Ha-ha. Just joking, I think.

[worrywartwife]

Help-I don't understand the tide and hefty part. Someone please clarify. Actually, I must have a mutant/hybrid kind of husband because, although this all seems kind of funny, most of it doesn't really seem to apply to him. Maybe it's because the poor guy is stuck with me and 2 daughters, and didn't get a son (or son-in-law yet) to hang out with.