Help me please!!!!

Guys and Gals this has nothing to with do hep-c, here is my question. I have been married for almost 8 years and my wife  laid a bombshell on me about a month ago that she has no feelings for me anymore and we have a 2 and a 5 year old as well ,please GOD someone hook me up with a link to try to get some answers, I feel like she has given up already, I am head over heels in love with this woman,please help me!!!!!!!

[cuteus]

perhaps a trial separation might prove useful?  sometimes we girls get overwhelmed with things, and if it is that time of the month those things can seem unsurmountable and a waste of time, and leaving them behind look good. We don't know what her side of the story is, what has been going on for years with you two.  If she is not up to go for mediation or counseling, there is not much you can do.  There are no therapies to make people fall back in love.  What  things about you attracted her yrs ago? what made her fall in love with you?

[mycoldfeet]

My only word of advice is that when a woman wants to leave, and already gets the word to you that the feelings are gone, believe it, get half of the money out of the bank and a recipt what the beginning balance is, and get a lawer and file so she can't use you to get credit, until you do that you are liable with her. I know it's hard but take it from someone thats been married 4 times, when one or the other is finished, it's over. Take care of looking out for yourself and your kids.

[jmjm530]

Sorry fellow. If you really love this woman, try and get her to see a counselor with you. Sometimes a trained third person can help get issues out in the open and possibly even resolved.

I hope things work out for the best.

Be well,

-- Jim

[nitramog]

are you on tx weth a bad attatud? you cant trust your on apinionon on these drugs, wen im sick i can get boring,my old lady is scared about so meny things [my health ]i only cop to one tenth of wat i feal so she dossant get up set and shes really tuffsome times alot of air is good fore people.  this web site has a relationship chat line chek other forams

[jakish]

No I am not on tx anymore have been done along time ago, Cant really figure out why this is happening, I am being absolutely truthful,We never argue wer have always gotten along great, she told me this has been happening over a couple of years, and now that we have kids we spend alot more time focusing on there needs instead of our own, I would never throw my wife under the bus, but I really feel like I have always bent over backwards in this relationship and yes she is willing to go see a couselor with me reluctantly though, I have been a stay at home dad for 3 years and even went through the tx while I was home with the kids, I guess it was my sense of humor and personality that she fell in love with but now we have a routine that we go through daily sense we chose to have children, This woman will never find anyone who loves her more than me.

Thanks.

[sass_blue]

Sorry to hear about your terrible situation.  It must be very tough for you after 8 years and 2 children for a relationship to end.  I think that if your wife has said that she does not want to be together the best thing might be just to accept that.  You could however ask how she would feel about relationship counselling, sometimes its easy to just focus on the negatives of a relationship and counselling can help you re-focus on the positives.  People at times stay together for the children's sake (know from experience!!) what this does is eat at you over time and is not healthy for you mentally in the long run.   If your wife doesnt want counselling then you need to respect this.  Break ups for kids are really tough (as is any major change or threat to their stability/foundations) so for the kids sake you and your partner really need to try and keep it together...they will both need you both now more than ever..These are just suggestions etc based on my experiences..good luck

[nitramog]

try roses sweat talk, ladys hit a sertan age and yes i hav to say the m word please dont all gang up on me its posable, ill say it medapose wy em i siting in my house all scaerd and looking around the room it felt chily,   most men are dum ases wen it comes to a relationship wat do i now jackish ether way be cool be a frend keep it easy on the kids maybe it will fix its self, be cool, laid back, and romantic,and remember! if you cant dazzal them weth charm baffel them weth bull shiet!

[returntosender]

That 8 year spot is a rough one sometimes - was for both of my marriages. Sometimes people, women, just need to say things out loud.  Not necessarily the end of the line.  OTOH if she has become involved with someone at work then all bets are off.  Also, when there are young kids there is a lot of stress for a working mom and alot of ambivalence as well. Perhaps the ambivalence has just found its weakest link.  Usually these comments dont come completely out of the blue like that.  In my relationships there is a long road to a statement like that.  When this kind of thing is sprung it could either point to real bad communication over some long period of time (read young kids) or just something that she had to say to see if it was real or imagined.  My second wife not only told me that when our kids were 3, 5 and 6, but told me she loved someone else and slapped me in the face.  Today, 5 years later things are better than ever. It aint over till its over.  My best to your family.  

NOTE TO READERS - I am not against marriage, kids, women, communication, or the affairs at work.  I am not advocating these either.

[ladybug52]

I went thru a period of being fed up with my husband and it had nothing to do with wanting anyone else. We went to counseling and will be married 30 years this dec. Sometimes tho, a person says one thing and is doing something on the side.
This happened to my brother this summer. Suddenly his wife was  not in love anymore. Unfortunately, it was because there was someone else even tho she denied it forever.
Hope your wife will go to counseling and be honest about what is bothering her.
Ours was a not so good marriage that was saved by counseling and persitence and is now great.
I hope yours can be too, children I think, are an excellent reason to remain committed.
Good luck,
Bug

[jakish]

Truly  there were never any indications anything was wrong prior to a month or so ago, and the first thing that popped in my head was an affair that she denied and still denies, I want to believe her but my gut tells me otherwise, we have always trusted one another and jealosy has never been an issue, thanks for all the replies so far.

[Alady1620]

I am very sorry.  I am sure you have heard the saying, "If you love something, set it free."  I had to do the same thing with my exhusband.

[Gregfrommass]

From all I have seen lately,this seems to be an underground conspiracy among many women. They are getting men to father a child or two instead of using the sperm bank.This way they can get child support and most likely with the right judge full custody. I suggest that you get the best lawyer money can buy and hit it where it hurts by going for full custody and spend every onuce of your being and don't stop at anything to get it. This is the only way we will be able to stop it.
They want live sperm donors and child support while raising Halie and Tangerine on ther own.

[l-horn]

Move on, you can't make someone love you. Work for a negotiated settlement and concentrate on your kids.

With that said, when I need some laughs, I go read some of the stuff on the relationships forum here at medhelp. My favorite subject line was, 'Help: 19 year old male having trouble with ejaculate volume and ..... distance'.

LOL !!! I want to hear the convo at his docs office. 'Doc, I'm down to 8 cc's and 3 feet.'

[timedog]

what do you really care about what we have to say about your relationship. we really no nothing about how your relationship works. we know something about you and nothing about your wife. The fact that you are looking for anwsers here might have something to do with it.

The only advice is that you need to talk to her and you need to listen to what she has to say.

[Algernon]

Give her some space. Be glad she agreed to counseling, even if reluctantly.

Try to find that sense of humor she loved.

Consider all the possibilities for the future and think about how you can live life in each of them (happily ever after).  It's hard to see this but by the time a woman says she wants to leave, things have gone pretty far (at least for her).  2/3 of divorces are filed by women.  Many men feel blindsided even when the wife has been seeing it coming for a long time (sorry, I work in this area).  2 of 3 divorced men are remarried within 3 years.  Women wait MUCH longer and are much more likely to not remarry.  I wonder if she knows she'll have to pay you child support (if you're the stay at home dad and she's the breadwinner).

I'm really sorry.  I know this sucks (professional term, of course).  I got divorced when my kids were 3 and 5.  It was hard but I'm happy now are so are they (and my ex is my best friend in the world).  Besides, you may be able to work this out yet.  Lots of couples do.  Hang in there and good luck.

[NYgirl]

I'm so sorry - nobody needs this at any time but especially when they are ill.

Usually when you are at the point where a person makes the "it's over" declaration - a lot of time and thought has already gone into it and it's over. Unfortunately you can't make people feel what they dont. It sucks. BAD.

Try to move forward and take care of yourself.  I know most likely you love your wife but...love yourself too during this time. You are the most important person in your life you know.

I'm so sorry (from one who's been there and done that too).

[Forseegood]

hi, you've gotten plenty of good advice, I can just tell you what I did when I got dumped out of a 5 year live-in relationship, and I got dumped rather unceremoniously, to say it nicely...

I went to Coda...most people think it's only for people who are merely co-dependent, but they broadened it out to help many people who just want to heal from a relationship and focus on getting themselves back together, so anybody can go if they'd like...it really helped me, and helped me see some of the things I was doing that weren't healthy for myself, in the relationship and out...(there are similar groups with the same focus)...

Like blaming myself constantly, feeling insignificant just because THIS person didn't want me anymore, looking for excuses to talk to him, etc. and not accepting that it was OVER....

Of course, this is what I did, and I know nothing of your particular relationship, if it's salvagable, etc...only you know these things...I'm just telling you this because it helped me greatly to get over that particular relationship, and it gave me the information I needed about myself, it helped me to see what I DIDN'T WANT in my next relationship so I wouldn't be attracting the same types of people, etc...but people who would be more suited to my needs in a relationship...

I know I'm sounding oh so "Oprah" ha ha!, and I maybe have a few people chuckling already, but there are groups like this that are very helpful...you don't feel so all alone in going through this...

Sometimes I think most people think that only women go through h@ll and back when it comes to break-ups....I know for certain after having gone to many of these meetings, (and half of the peole there were men on average) that men go through a terrible time with these types of issues, cause they often don't have the emotional infrastructure that women have, ie...girlfriends to cry with, etc. etc....

Often men turn these types of emotions into anger, cause that's considered a more "socially acceptable" coping mechanism for men....or so they have been lead to believe... and I highly doubt that a guy being always angry and embittered about these types of issues is going to help much in the long run. Or draw other people to him. Anyway, just throwing this out there, maybe something you'd like to think about...only my opinion....(last I heard there are meetings of these types in most large cities, etc.) hang in there, soon you'll be looking back on all this, though it never feels like it at the time...

http://www.coda.org/

[Kalio1]

Hey don't you start tx soon? Do you have a start date set?


Fl, how goes it? Hope you are ok.
Bill, thinking of you, hope you are feeling pretty good!

[scubadiver30]

Come on, plz don't give the man the "greatest love of all" routine. (Look what happened to whitney)...
Buddy, I' ve been there and I know is rough. I sent her flowers, told her she was all I had, i begged, the works etc...
She married someone else in a year.
So basically I felt like **** for a year, but I stood up again like the Phoenix, found me another gal (current wife) and now I'm happy as a clam... My new gal is preparing everything for my tx and everything. That's all there is to it. Your kids will feel bad for awhile, but they will survive and I'm sure will be more mature than the rest.
There's no way to sugar coat it. Just prepare yourself mentally  because attitude is everything..When we are depressed our immune system fails..Not that you need it now because you're svr. but dang, you're tough. You beated HCV... You are a survivor....
Lots of women around...Life is too precious to be sad. And heck, she gave you the best years of her life and 2 kids.. What else do u want?
Give her the last line of Genesis "throwing it all away"
"someday you'll be sorry, someday when you're free... memories will remind you, our love was meant to be
late at night when you call my name the only sound you'll hear is the sound of your voice calling, calling after me"""
I guess good ol Phil went thru the same ;)

[Eisbein]

you said:
From all I have seen lately,this seems to be an underground conspiracy among many women. They are getting men to father a child or two instead of using the sperm bank.This way they can get child support and most likely with the right judge full custody. I suggest that you get the best lawyer money can buy and hit it where it hurts by going for full custody and spend every onuce of your being and don't stop at anything to get it. This is the only way we will be able to stop it.
They want live sperm donors and child support while raising Halie and Tangerine on ther own.
-------------------

This statement could have only come from the last 3 letters of your forum name.

Ina

[scubadiver30]

Hi Kalio
Yep. I'm supposed to start on the 24th. I have to get my 3rd Fibroscan, bloodwork results and the first batch of IFN+Riba.
I'm scared as hell to tell you the truth (after reading all abbas & rev & and many posters already on tx about the wait and see approach)...
On the other hand, read an article on NYT about why men die before women on average(and among the main causes of dead for males after lung cancer, and heart disease, guess what: cronic (chronic) liver disease is the third main cause of death among men between 25 and 50)
So I said to myself, shut up, stop whining and go for it..
Hope you'll be around to help out
salu2
scuba