I am freaking out here

[prettydamscared]

My husband just completed treatment not even 2 weeks ago and he got drunk tonight.  I mean cra*-faced, tripping over things, slurring speech drunk.  He hasn't even had his final appointment with his doctor.  That would be Monday.  I don't really know how the whole drinking after treatment thing goes but I'd bet quite a bit of money, that 2 weeks after treatment is not a good idea.

I knew this was coming.  There's just no way to really be prepared for it.  My hubby, great guy that he is, is an alcoholic and there is just no drinking in moderation for him.  He drank right up until he started treatment and clearly is right back at it.  The truth is sometimes I secretly wished he were a 1a or b, so that he'd have to treat for a year.

A client had a party tonight for him and his crews to show appreciation for a job well done.  Doesn't really matter what the occasion is....I guess there will be always be an occasion.  He did completely abstain during treatment.  I've been so caught up in my own treatment, I haven't given his potential drinking a thought.  Now that it's actually happened, I feel like somebody  punched me.  We've been married 25 years and I've been dealing with it all this time.  But, he's been stone cold sober for 6 months, (he's a 2b) and I really like him sober.  I don't want to go back to dealing with drunkenness, especially now that I'm treating.  It's gonnna be too much to deal with.  He just can't ever drink without getting falling down drunk.  He's harmless, never, ever violent or abusive.  He just goes to sleep.

Continued below

[jacksonpotter]

I just found this site today and have been reading everything.  I was recently diagnosed in Aug with Hep C and have my first appointment with gasternoligist ( don't think I spelled that right)  in Nov.    I have a friend that went throught treatment about 4 or 5 years ago.  She said she is in remission.  Test is negative.  She drinks alot.  I mean a lot.  Is it okay for her to drink if she shows negative?

[dinomak]

1 other thing about anger. this book unlearning violence by paul kivel. mjf books. new york. later

[dinomak]

hi i am dean. hep-c & an alcoholic. i could not stop to save anty thing. i gave everything away. ben thru 10 treatments. loss of jobs wife kids so on.& it did not have to be like but than it was. this is what changed on 11-4-04 i went back to AA shut my mouth did the 12 steeps & keep on doing thim thru the steeps i found a higher power. another thing anger! iam working on it i brok out in rash of rage 2 weeks a go sober. well my wife had the cops come & they took me in. when i got out i did not want to drink. i was homeless. 2 weeks later i have my own apt i got my cat a new computer.i am on the pyg/ribo 4 16 moer months. i am so sick & i wont put her thru it. we r loving each other from around the corner. ho 3 more things. my kids r back in my life. i have a host of friends, 3. get him a big book. r ask if he wuld like 2 get over this drinking thing 4 good. if he says yes than look in your phone book have him call AA more than likey they will come take him 2 his first meetings. u & yours r in my prayers. dinomak

[prettydamscared]

Wow, not to be all dramatic or anything but, wow.  You're dealing with your 18 year old and I have read your posts about her, and your husband drank almost all the way through treatment.  What a lousy example.  That must of broken your heart.  It's like everybody is saying, alcoholism doesn't have any boundaries, it cares about nothing and there's no cause great enough for it to stop.  Not even our children.  

So, he left in March.  It's almost November.  You're happier and better off now that's he gone?  Didn't I read that you've moved and started a new job/life? Does he wanna see your girls - does he miss them?  He sounds like he just walked out and never looked back.  How does that feel after 22 years of marriage.  Sorry, for all the questions but it's something I've considered doing for years.  It's just really hard to do on so many different levels.  But not impossible.  If it has to be done, I can do it too.  The thing that will clinch it for me now, at this late date in my life, is my children.  My son is an alcoholic too and recently we had some major problems with that.  As a family, we all signed a contract with him saying that none of us would drink around him or be with him when he's drinking and I know now that I won't stay with my husband if;when he breaks that contract.  It's too important.  I feel like it's my son's life now that we're dealing with.  I should have set this example 25 years ago and that's the truth, but better late than never.  I'm not even being glib.  I really mean that.

Thanks so much for posting, Char

[prettydamscared]

Thanks for responding.  You're right.  I do have to focus on my treatment and not freak out about this.  It's not like it's something new anyway.  I just don't want to keep accepting the unacceptble.  If you don't mind me asking, how did it go for you?  Were you able to do it alone or with the help of a program?

[GoofyDad]

Sorry I can't post too much, but I'm on my way out to a bar. Seriously, I am. But it's live music and iced tea for me.

I know where you're coming from because we live in pretty much the same space. Yeah, treating under those conditions is really a drag - no doubt about that.  

Obviously I don't have much advice, the best I can tell you is don't listen to anything I say on the subject.

I did think maybe it would be of some comfort to know I'm there with you. It will all work out. We'll get through it.

PS Did you ever stretch saran wrap over the toilet bowl real tight, so there's no wrinkles? Tonight could be a good night for it.....

[strator]

A program, this time. Truly is the best way to go, but whatever works.But to tell you the truth I have to say I first tried getting sober in the mid 80s. Back then I was a bartender and even my coke dealers got together and told me to go into rehab. Did a 30day rehab but it only took for a few months. Then in the early 90s I got a gift from God when my son was going on 3. His Mom had left when he was 11 mos old. She was also a bartender and loved to party, She was s 24 when he was born, I was 39. Guess she hadn't lived yet. Anyways so I was a stay at home single Dad, but still drinking pretty much 24hs a day.We lived w/my folks. One day I couldn't take it anymore, kneeled on the bathroom floor and asked God to help me. The next morning I talked to my dr at the time, he gave me some knockout pills for the withdrawals(I only took 2) and told my family to watch me 24hrs a day for the next few days because i drank so much he thought I might have a seizure stopping. For the next 7years I din't drink or even want one, no program, just stayed home a lot. Thought you'd have to  hold a gun to my head to make me drink. Life was good, I got published as an illustrator and worked out of my house so i could be there for the kid. Finally went into the corporate world, movin up the ladder, the kid was 9 or so, I decided to try to get back w/his Mom but thought if I drank again she might be more interested. Picked up a drink and within a few weeks was back at it 24 hrs a day. Never did get back w/her either. My son went through 2 years of H*ll with a father who had changed totally. I tried a detox but it didn't take. Actually 6mos later my ex's brother(sober 12 yrs then) heard through people what was happening and showed up at my door w/2 of his friends. Got me into detox again, brought me to meetings, it was a battle, I probaly went to 6 more detoxes that first year in the program, back chasing her and the booz and coke. Finally I guess i just knew I was done, didn't even care about the hep then, I was just done. Been 3 yrs now. For me I hit about 5 meetings a week and talk to other alcoholics everyday. I guess it took just finally wanting to be sober because I was so miserable inside. It didn't work when i tried to straighten out for a woman, or my kid or family. Once I got a glimpse of it from a program, with all the fellowship and guidance just like here with tx, I wanted a better life and knew it was possible. REeally think that 7 years dry with no program was a gift so I could get the kid rolling in life. Guess I hadda be knocked down again to alearn how to ppreciate that gift. Also might never of found out I had hep c if i hadn't ended up back in detox. The program taught me a lot about reacting to life. Me, I couldn't of gotten through tx without that 2 yrs going to meetings before I started.
I sincerly wish I could just hand your husband sobriety, but it doesn't work that way. God willing he'll be ready soon.
Don

[strator]

I should add (though I know I'm long winded)...not everybody in the program drank like me. I know people who could regularly stop for months. Even a guy that only drank every 6mos, but ebvery time he did he'd end up in trouble. Tere's some that came in and tried the program from court orders, or at the request of a spouse, and hated the program at first. But sometimes it just works by osmosis. Someof those guys and women just realized that their life got better and stayed. Not everybody goes to meetings as or stay involved as much as I do. But the contact with others like me, I'll tell you, it keeps me humble when I think I have problems and I see women who had little babies but got sent off to jail, and then got sober and stay sober, or I mention my hep c and then hear somebody say their wife left, or died, or they were just told they have cancer, and they still stay sober. I'll be an alkie til the day I die. I loved booze and drugs, even when i was miserable. today I just love being sober more.
Don

[Forseegood]

Hi PDS, been wondering about you, truly sorry to hear about this...guess you know that alcoholics can't drink like other people, if they could, they wouldn't be alcoholics...it's every alcoholics' dream to be able to drink like "everybody" else, but it is what it is right?

Doesn't mean he's a bad guy of course, or immoral or weak-willed, there could be a number of reasons why this happens as you know...behavioral (a lot of times obsessive-compulsive personality), maybe throw in perfectionism and being highly sensitive (lots of self-talk they want to shut up)...then all the brain-chemical reasons... alcoholics are up against a lot ...sometimes it's not even the amount that counts, it's the importance or obsession they have "around" it, giving it a huge priority in their life....and it sounds like he's putting a whole lot of importance on it if he's off to the races getting drunk and he's barely done his last shot...he could really be jeaprodizing his health and I hope he sees the light with all of this....I'm glad youre going to an al-anon meeting...best of luck with this...

[rochammer]

prettydamscared

[settecasi1]

Life It Too Short,

If he has no sign of helping himself then get as far as away from him as you can and never look back.
I have seen first hand how people like this (a really nice guy) will just drag and drain you for everything you have. Especially the best years of your life.

Life Is Just Too Short.

[TravelGrl]

You must be reading my diary... I have just ended a 22 year marriage with a "really nice guy, good father, etc..", but could not stop drinking.  He went through 15 months of treatment and drank all the way through... he did stop for the first 3 months,  cleared the virus and felt it was his ticket to drink...so he did and he stayed clear his whole treatment but the virus came back almost immediately upon stopping..

I made a choice to end things this past March.. My daughter, as many of you know has this disease as well..18 years old now.  She has not been able to clear and I really needed his full support in every way. Alcohol for her could be a killer...anyone with liver disease... I always felt setting the right example was so important, and he did not see it my way.  She has cirrhosis...and we all have the disease.

Anyway, good luck to you...one thing I never did was Al-anon...but we did go to counseling..he would always stop and then things would resume again...worse than before.  The night I decided I had had enough, he came home 2 am trashed, crashed downstairs on the couch..,morning came, he came up stairs, looked at me in bed and said "oh, hi!"... I said "oh, hi!!@@" I have had enough...so he packed and left me and our two daughters...15 and 18... I have been much happier not wondering when and if he was coming home most nights...

Anyway, to make a long story short..I also couldn't deal with the alcohol anymore.. There were too many things riding on the fact of staying away...for all of us.. and he just did not care about anything but his drinking...

sorry to ramble on, but you hit a very touchy subject here ....and it seems your guy was very similar to mine.

Good luck to you...

I just did #8 last night of the Vertex trial... feeling well...aside from the itching..

Jodi

[outofgas]

why did he do the tx if he's just going to get drunk , he didn't even wait to see if he's svr. as for you do you want to go through life like this'I was just like your husband drank till I fell down for 30 years 'it took a divorce to wake me up and the line he's a great guy is a bunch of **** stop making it like it's nothing that he's get's falling down drunk but it's ok because he's a nice guy when he's sober, you have a big decision to make with him. DO you want to live like this or do you want change ,some times it takes tough love I have been sober for 11yrs now and and it's not easy every party every holiday there's booze, I guess the million dollar question is who's first booze or you,P.S. we are remarried and doing fine now.I will pray for you  good luck

[prettydamscared]

I don't even know what to say.  Goofydad, what a great idea, I'm talking about the saran wrap across the toilet....so, I didn't actually try it last night but now it's in my repertoire........

Strator, thanks so much for sharing your story with me.  I'm not gonna get all weepy here but I could in a heartbeat......let me just say I'm so glad that you found sobriety, not just for you but for your son as well. Sounds like you had to go through hell to get there but it's so worth it.  I have no idea what's gonna happen with my hubby but I do know he's not gonna get sober for me.  And, I don't expect him to...i know it doesn't work that way.  Anyway, thanks for answering me.  It helped me a lot.

Rock, Thanks so much for posting this. Timing is key and it's not something I'm very good at.  I'm using your exact words when I talk to him.  "I need him to be strong and sober for me".  That sounds really good and it's exactly true. My husband is the same as you described yourself.  If I ask without accusations or judgment, I know his response will be so different.  Not that I'm expecting to ask him to quit and he will.  I don't mean that.  I'm just saying that's a really good point and much appreicated.


Your might want to ask for his help in getting through tx and let him know that you will need him to be strong and sober for you. Timing is key to approaching him with this. I have been married for 30 years if my wife asks me to help her with anything I just can

[jmjm530]

Really can't add to anything said, nor what I know what to do if in your situation. Just try and keep strong and take care of yourself because your plate is very full right now in its own right. Let's hope this was just a blip on the screen and that things can be repaired because something appears to need fixing.

Be well,

-- Jim

[prettydamscared]

Hi Forsee,  I haven't talked to you recently.  How are you doing?  For a while there, I wasn't hardly on the board at all.  I am feeling better lately, more energy and the rash isn't nearly as bad as it was.  While I was going through that whole rash thing, I maintained that I could deal with anything after dealing with that. And, I still sat that.  That rash was insanc. Are you still considering treating in phase 3 trials?  Did I read a while back that you said you were dealing with ESLD with your sister?  I was only on the board for a minute and really sick that day so I may be getting you mixed up with someone else and forgive me if I am.  Anyway, thanks for your support and yeah I'm gonna go to a meeting.  I'm kinda proud of how I'm handling this.  So much better than I used to even in spite of the fact that I haven't been to a meeting in a while.

Hi settecasi1, I know what you mean. In a lot of ways, that is what's happened over the years.  I have allowed myself to be dragged down and drained by "my really nice guy".  The thing is I do know that I've allowed it and not that I'm blaming myself cuz I did the best I could at the time, but the only person I can change now is me.  It may turn out that we don't make it but I'm not gonna make that decision today.  That's for sure.

[strator]

I wish there was something I could say to help you. Just maybe after 6mos sober during tx, he'll realize the fruitlessness of today, and how much you will need him to help you now.  It's just something you're going to have to talk to him about when he's sober. Treatment can do some rough things to people as you know. I've known of a few around here that started tx but ended up in detox. It was a big fear w/ me and my dr going into treatment. I guess at least for today I was fortuntate that I was fighting to get sober before I got the hep dx. I imagine it would be a lot harder if I had gotten sober because of the hep c. I hope your husband finds he'd rather be sober, hep c or not. Regardless, you have to remember to focus on your tx. Life around alcoholism anytime is pretty hard, on tx I can't imagine.
My prayers are with you,
Don

[Myown]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. He has a problem and if you can convince him to stay sober at least until YOU finish tx for YOUR liver not to be stressed. This may hit him and have him scratching his head that you didn't ask him or tell him to give up drinking for the rest of his life.

By doing this you are letting him know (without saying it) that if he wants to continue in this behavior, put the pause button on until you are out of the woods with tx.

I wouldn't make any life changing decisions while on tx. If he can stay sober at least until you are finished with tx, then after that you will be able to focus on gettin him help.

Asking him to stay away from having a drink, "for your health," may make him feel very self centered and weak if he thinks about having a drink.

afterall alcholism is a weakness and a very self-centered HABBIT.
I was very self centered and weak myself at one time, so I should know.

Eating icecream every night can become a habbit and lead to bad health, doesn't mean the person is genetically predisposed or chemically imbalanced,,it means they developed a habit, (same as smoking) and don't have the willpower to walk past their refrigerator, but today they make excuses for everyone's weakness.

Its too much for you to take on right now,,,just do what you have to do to get him to give it up until the end of your tx and then handle the rest from there. If he doesn't change, ship him home to his mothers until you are finished with tx, so you don't have to upset yourself. Hope things work out. Keep praying for him.

[TravelGrl]

Hi Cher,

I have not moved.. and my new life consists of doing whatever I can in my power to prolong a transplant for my daughter...synthetically her liver is doing fine, but she has a very elevated AFP..(tumor marker), thankfully her scans have been coming back clear..so while they want to "list her" and "wait" for a cancer to pop up...I prefer to do anything and everything to get some sort of approval for her to get into one of these new trials...preferably the vertex.  I have petitioned the FDA and Vertex for approvals, so far with no success.. while I am fighting for her and going through a divorce, I have decided to treat as well..It is really bitter sweet, that I am able to treat with the Vertex, and she is not..I am stage 0/1 and she is 4..What I would do to change places with her.  I do hope that I have cleared the virus, and if need be, can donate part of my liver to her..  but again, I am hoping she still may clear the virus (I do believe in miracles).  She is a beautiful, healthy on outside, college student...loving life for the most part.  I do the worrying for her.

As for "him".  He does call the girls and believes he is "father of the year"..but we all know the deal.  He does miss them and loves them, but his alcohol has become front seat to everything...very difficult.  I stayed with him many many years and hoped things would change, but eventually you get to a point where you become numb..I guess you can say..and you just know it is over.  So I am alone for the first time in my life...and really happy to not have "that" stress right now.

I wish you lots of luck in your decision making, and please don't think I am talking you into divorce...that is such a personal decision...just something I never thought I would have the courage to do.. but glad I did..

Good Luck to you...
Jodi

[jmjm530]

MO: If he doesn't change, ship him home to his mothers until you are finished with tx, so you don't have to upset yourself.
---------------------------------------
LOL. But right on the money!

[prettydamscared]

Hi Jim,

This is something I have been wondering about.  I do know that some docs believe in no drinking ever again and I'm not actually referring to that school of thought in my question here.  I did tell my husband that typically most people and doctors suggest no drinking if and until you've achieved a 6 month pcr and of course, if the condition of your liver warrants it and if you can do it in moderaton and all those good things.

What I told my husband about the no drinking until 6 months, I don't really know to be true...it's just my own made up theory.  If there are any stray, left over viruses floating around after last shot, my concern is that taking a few drinks early on might possibly cause them to replicate?  Do you happen to know if this theory makes any sense or if there is a consensus out there about this?  Keeping in mind all of the factors that I mentioned above, 6 mos. pcr, minimal liver damage, non alcholic drinker, etc.

Thanks, Char

[prettydamscared]

In my earlier question I keep saying 6 month pcr.  What I mean to say is 6 month svr.

Thanks, Char

[Myown]

lol yeah. I believe part of the tough love program is the threat of,,,"if your makin' me feel sick, your moma's gonna suffer too." lol Most men love their momma more than their wife, so it usually works. lol

thank God I have a great husband,,but "MY POPPA WAS A ROLLIN' STONE,,,WHERE EVER HE LAID HIS HATE WAS HIS HOME," AND WHEN HE DIED....so I know how guys like to hide things from their mothers.
Put a stamp on him, stick him in the mail and send him home,,,let momma see her baby ain't so cute.

see ya later on. tons of things to do and here I sit.

[mikesimon]

Hi Jodi. It's nice to see your name here. As always, Good Luck. Mike