Intraveneous Drug Users

Did you ever lie about how you contracted HCV?  Whether it be to a family member, coworker, friend, doctor, or on a messageboard?

I have.  When I first found out I had hep c, I did not tell the doctor that I had used IV drugs.  I never did it but a few times and I was embarassed.  I am an upstanding member of society and I was ashamed of my colorful past.  I suppose when he doctor reported my case, he listed sex.  I wonder how often that happens?

On a side note, it wasn't until I came clean about how I got hep c that I was able to face the difficult road of recovery.

I am curious as to how many people have fibbed and what their reasons were.

[prettydamscared]

Quite honestly, I am dishonest with just about everyone about how I contracted HCV.  It would be highly concidental if I contracted this through a dentist, tattoo, or pedicure.  I know exactly what I did in my youth and based on those early indiscretions, it's sort of like duh.....

As you described, I am a conservative mother, wife, business owner, upstanding member of my community, if you will.  I am deeply ashamed of admitting how I contracted this disease.  Not on this board, but to neighbors, casual friends, friend's parents, aunts, uncles, etc. I will just sit and tell a boldfaced lie, as my mother used to say, about my illness and that's only because some explanation needs to be forthcoming because I look so badly and it seemed to happen overnight.

I haven't come to terms with admitting it to people, even though I'm disappointed in myself for not having the courage to come clean.  I'm not happy about this either, but if I'm telling the truth here, the truth is it still matters to me what people think.  I hate the idea of people thinking I have a low-life past.  Now this is really hard to admit and I'm probably gonna get a lot of flak for saying this but I tend to judge people at times, put them in a certain category.  For instance, my 19 year old daughter's best friend's boyfriend (whew) has a heroin problem and both of his parents have hep c.  They're probably lovely people and just like me but I immediatley thought to myself "it makes sense".  Misadventures of our youths sometimes spill over into the rest of our lives in terms of parenting, careers, etc.  I feel like it's a dead give away to anyone that knows anything about how this disease is primarily contracted when they hear that my husband and myself both have hep c, two different genotypes.  What exacty does that say about what went on in our lives in years past.  

I may get over this one day and actually typing it out is helping me see my motives more clearly.

Thanks for listening.  BTW, no one needs to yell at me for my less than politically correct viewpoints on this.  I beat myself up for it enough.

Char

[tonybuck]

Thanks for the thread about living with hcv. When by the grace of my creator my life moved in a different and much better direction. I started a process of leaving a life behind of dishonesty and fear of who I was and what I have become. As my new life began I began to practice honesty in all my affairs and yes it was hard when the question was asked how I contacted hcv but my mouth would open and the truth came out. My social instinct to be thought well of others was causing me hurt but I trusted the process of honesty so maybe someone else can see that people just plain made some not so good descion. They say the truth will set you free though it can be quite fearfull at times. My best to all

[ladybug52]

Also like to add that I do tell my doctors the truthand I'm so afraid of that being in my chart where others can read it. Also, I am already embarrassed that I spoke up because of all of the really nice "victims" on this site who got it through no fault of their own.

[bobbyullc]

I NEVER FIBBED,
IT WAS 37 YEARS AGO AND PART OF WHO I AM.
I USE MY PAST AS A MEANS TO RELATE TO THOSE WHO MAY BE IN MY SITUATION NOW.
I CANNOT HELP IF I AM AFRAID TO SHARE WHO I AM. I NEVER FELT ASHAMED OF WHO I WAS.
IF YOU HAVE  "FRIENDS" WHO NEED TO JUDGE YOU ON YOUR DISTANT PAST...FIND NEW ONES.
YOU CAN USE HEP C AS A WAY TO REMOVE ALL THOSE WHO ARE ONLY AQUAINTANCES FROM REAL FRIENDS.
I AM NOT WHO I USED TO BE. I DO NOT FEEL I NEED TO LIVE A LIE. I HOPE YOU DO NOT.

HEADS UP,

BOBBY

[pigeonca]

Although I didn't get hcv from intravenous drug use, it was mere happenstance.  For some reason I'm squeemish, and so my drug use in the seventies consisted only of pot and pills. The hcv came from something else, God knows what, but that doesn't make me any better than anybody who shot dope, merely a bit scared of needles.  But believe me, I too saw great vistas on the ceiling, if you know what I mean.

[desrt]

Let's see.
Family members: they all know about the large chunk of time I spent in rehab.
Coworkers/friends: never felt the need to lie and usually use the opportunity to educate.
Doctors: pretty hard to lie there. I'm almost impossible to get a blood draw from and most phlebotomists will politely ask if they can use "that scar" on the inside of my left elbow.
Messageboards: I've found to be about 99% non-judgemental.

[sass_blue]

Regardless of how you caught it the fact is that you have it.  What does it matter to anyone how you caught it.  Many people can say that they may have caught it many ways.  In my case I am pretty sure it was IV use as a teen.  Although I have also could have caught it other ways (straws, tattoos, violent relationship).  Whether you tell people how you caught it is entirely up to you..it is your life and you need to do whats best for you and your family.  Dont feel guilty about not telling people how you got it...what difference does it really make? and why do they need to know?

[moveabove]

I was missing some time at work this month from tx and I had to explain to a few of my clients.  One woman who would never be able to rap her brain around the truth, I told her I have been sick and she started a responce that was I "oh, sure you are" so I stopped her and told her I was on chemotherapy, she asked what her and a told hep-c and automaticly she asked how I got it, I could see as she was asking that question that she realized she may be not wanting to hear, so I just said quickly that you could get it from a past operation even dentist and even today they are finding out that tatoos and peircing can transmite.
That was the end of it.  Some people can't or don't wantto handle reality and it's not my job under most daily situations to disturb thier little worlds. So i leave them be.
Don't feel ashamed.
A few threads down I said this   Church is for those afraid of hell, spirituality is for those who have been to hell and sience is for REVENIRE

[hippygem]

I feel the same way, Im sick to death of having to live a lie with others around me that I feel I cant tell I have hep c.
Im going to just tell them all, and if whoever doesnt understand after me explaining it all, or whoever turns their nose up can get out of my life.
I want to be surrounded by people I can talk to comfortably and easily about hep c.
Im not or never was a drug user etc, I shouldnt have to live with that stigma regardless.
I want to live my life as the person I am, not the person others want me to be.

Linda

[susan400]

At first, I used to lie and tell people, including doctors, that I wasn't sure how I got it.  But, my conscience and My God, wouldn't allow me to keep on doing that.  So, I came forward with the fact that, yes, when I was in my late teens/early 20's, I make some bad decisions and experimented with drugs, thus resulted in my getting HCV, more than likely back in the 1982-83 time frame.  I can pretty much KNOW that this was when I got it.  By the time I was tested for any kind of Hepatitis, in 1985, I came back positive for having had 'some kind of non-A, non-B hepatitis'.  That's all they could tell me at that point.  By 1994, I got the diag. of Hep C.  Didn't do 1st treatment until 1997.  Anyway, I too, had straightened up and was living a normal, cleaner lifestyle, so it was difficult at first for me to admit this to others.  But, now, that I've done so, I've heard from so many other people that they, too, have confessed and have a past that they've tried to hide.  I'm sure that you'll eventually get to a point where you're able to talk about it without worrying so much about what people think.  It just may take awhile.

Susan

[BLESSEDHEPPER]

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is be honest. Based on how our wordly system runs and who and what makes us important is determined by our successes and not our failures. I believe the most valuable lessons i have learned in my life are the ones that caused be to be humble and accept "wrong-doing". And now i am finding out that these very lessons are the ones that HELP and REACH OUT to others. Sometimes the reason we dont want to be "forth coming" is "SELF SEEKING". personally, because I have a new life in Christ, I am here to do HIS will. It says in the Bible, The meek shall inherit the earth. "God resists the proud, and gives grace to the humble..

I THANK THE LORD FOR USING ME TO HELP OTHERS!!

[links1999]

This topic hits home for me. I'm not sure what approach I'll take. I'm 52 years old and have been a lawyer for the past 20 years, but when I was 15, 16 years old I was pretty wild and now it seems the past has caught up to me. Its not just friends and colleagues and so on, but not sure what to tell my grown children much less my in-laws. I guess its comforting to know that others are struggling with this too, and I guess I'll decide how to handle it as I go. Right now more important decisions to make treatment related.

[Alady1620]

I understand where you're coming from.  I will not judge you for what you said.

Did you tell your doctor how you got HCV?

[Alady1620]

I agree that not everybody needs to know and I don't feel guilty any longer.

One thought that I've been pondering is how often are people honest with their doctors about HCV.  I remember sitting in the room, the doctor coming in and telling me.  I was totally shocked and not in a place where I could think clearly.  I certainly didn't want to admit that I shot up cocaine to a man I barely know!  Something that happened so long ago.  I am sure that is true for most people.  

My concern is that some people are reporting false ways that they contracted hcv.  I'm curious if it's just a few or a lot.  I also think we need to discuss this issue to raise awareness.  Nobody should be ashamed!  After reading some threads from the last few days, I got the impression that some people who post here are humiliated and paranoid for having HCV.  I  know I am/was/will always be to a certain extent.

[Alady1620]

Isn't hiding how you got it a form of shame?

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to talk about it with people that make me feel uncomfortable either.  

By lying and telling people we got Hep C from dentist, tattoo, razor, toothbrush, scissors, etc. aren't we perpetuating the fear that people have of infection just to make life easier on ourselves for the short term?  In the end, that type of thing makes it harder bc of attitudes and sterotypes.

We don't want people to know that we used drugs and, in lying about it, we are spreading fear among the public.

[Alady1620]

That is a beautiful and thoughtful post.  Thank you.

[l-horn]

Nope. I'm too old to care what people think. Not like they didn't suspect I had used drugs ANYWAY. For people that I have met since I quit drugs I have told them all the truth. Some have kinda 'backed off' but I suppose those aren't the kind of people I want to know, so good riddance. Peoples drug use isn't as hidden as they like to think. People know. I know when I was heavy into drugs I thought EVERYONE did drugs. And they did. Everyone I knew, anyway. ;) Now I don't know anyone who uses drugs.

[ladybug52]

If I tell someone I have hepc, I'm comfortable enough with that person to offer the truth. BUT, I don't always tell people that I've been infected.  All my doctors along the way have always said, "It doesn't matter how you got it and you don't have to tell anyone. Just say you don't know" I'd rather not even tell than admit I'm pretty sure I got it during my rebellious summer of '71. Funny how rebels can turn into mothers and fathers,lawyers and pta presidents and leaders in the church community. We will always pay the price for the sins of our youth, some more than others. I admire those with courage and honesty who are not hypocrats, I'm not one of them. Peoples' opinion mean alot to me because I'm afraid it reflects on my husband and 4 kids.
Thanks for bringing this subject out into the open.

[Alady1620]

How is it that you used IV drugs and believe you caught hep c from a razor?

[Alady1620]

I think it makes sense.  I guess you will never know for sure.

[l-horn]

I'm sure this has been a topic tossed around but can't you simply get hep from a dirty needle ? My buddy, who is a PA, told me syringes are 'single use damnit', and if you use 'em more than once, you're risking hepatitis c and a lot of other bad stuff. I just assumed I gave it to myself.

[Alady1620]

Hep C is a virus that you have to contract from somebody or something else.  Yes, it is mainly spread through some form of needle use.  I've never heard of anyone giving it to themself.

[l-horn]

Then how did the first person get it, is the obvious question.

[GrandOak]

Originally I lied about it to those who were not in my immediate circle of friends, family, or physicians.

I soon seen how the lie was a result of shame and regret and that maintaining it could allow it to gain control over me.  I also realized that besides my family, the only one I needed to be concerned about whether He knew or not already knew and that it does not matter what anyone else may think because I have already been forgiven by the One who matters most.

The change that this admission has had upon me has been phenomenal and has well as the freedom it has given me.

I now openly admit the likelyhood of where I mostly likely contracted this disease to anyone who asks.  Fact of the matter is that I can not say for sure exactly where I contracted it, but since I was involved with at risk behaviours in my past, the chances that one of them is how I contracted it is very high. As I have not experienced any serious health issues beyond it my entire life and so could not have gotten it from transfusions and so many of the other potential mechanisms of transmission are less probable.

[Alady1620]

"Then how did the first person get it, is the obvious question."


That's like asking, "which came first?  The chicken of the egg?"

LOL

[Algernon]

If asked (and I find that most people won't ask how I got it), I say "misspent youth."  That usually turns the conversation to other topics.

I do sometimes worry about my medical charts.  Given that I live in the U.S., I sometimes worry that the government will eventually send all of us "bad" people to an internment camp.  

[prettydamscared]

Hi,  I've seen several docs.  The first GI specialist asked how I had contracted it.  It was actually the first question he did ask.  I lied to him because I was completely unprepared and in hinesight, it kinda ticks me off that he asked.  Why put a patient in that position unless you're gonna report the findingss to the CDC or something. I"m currently on the vertex study and seeing a hepatologist.  Neither he nor my NP have ever asked.  It kinda makes sense to me that a GI guy who doesn't have much experience with it would ask and my study doc didn't.  I think he knows it doesn't really matter and a lot of patients aren't going to "fess up" to it anyway.

Since this post was started, I've given this some thought.  I'm still not ready to tell people.  I'm just really embarrassed about it and maybe that's because I did a lot of it over a ten year period. It's not like I can say I know I got it in the summer of 71 or whatever, nope, I could have gotten it anywhere from 72 to 82.  

I love that bobby and others are so open about it....I'm gonna aspire to get to that point.  I've only known that I've had it since April of this year so perhaps I'll come to terms with it yet.  Thanks for asking.

Char

[moveabove]

I was trying to say that some people like the one client I used as an exsample, need not to know my past or even alot of my home life, she is a client and unless we became friends then she doesn't need to know anything except how much to pay me.
And then other clients who like last week I saw in the health food store, they asked me were I have been and I told them straight out, They knew everything about tx for hep-c, coming from Manahhtan and in the art world they are the kind of people that I can be open to, they were very supportive.
Just as I am sure the other woman that I did not tell, maybe if we became close and I tell her.But we are not close and I do not tell just anyone my personal life.
But about me lying, I didnt I just did not answer her, and I deflected her question into a more general answer. Did I perhaps creat in her mind a fear about hcv ? Maybe so. But to me tatoo needles seem to make alot of blood and it is being pushed in and out of the body.
I am at times ashamed of having hep-c but that maybe because I know how I got it. And if you see my life today it would be hard to see the person I was back then.  But in 12 step meetings and between friends I am open about my past and hcv.
My kids know nothing about my past and they would have a hard time beliving that thier daddy did some of the things I did.
   But not telling my kids is not thinking they would be ashamed of me but rather, the way I bring them up today and how I am able to share love and time with them, is because of the hell I'v been to. Its like wisdom, You wouldn't need pain to learn if you were really wise, but through pain you can gain wisdom.
So I figure my kids can us the wisdom not the pain I went through to get it.

[FlGuy]

Depends on who is asking. For the doc, I was straight up.  For those who know that I have/are tx'ing (and it's kind of entertaining - watching them build  up to a question) I usually list several possibilities.  As far as I'm concerned, it's no one's stinkin business but my own and my reply usually ensures that they will not ask again.  Most people seem to cling to the Viet Vet with the jet gun vaccinations, though.

[merlino]

Amen!!

[FlGuy]

A glint of energy today? You're not organizing a family T-giving event, are you?

[merlino]

I am lucky to have my clothes on properly. HGB holding at 9.2. Feel so lousy. My Mom is cooking. Went to see liver dr yesterday. Vl didn't come back yet but AST 22/ALT 19. He feels I am responding one way or another. so, now the waiting game. 2nd procrit shot friday.

[FlGuy]

Big meals seem so un-appetizing these days. On the other hand, I'll be taking advantage of the nap times as though I had just stuffed my face. No need to loosen the belt this year. You're closing in on a week since procrit #1, can almost hear the hooves of the calvary horses.

[merlino]

Not soon enough. Hope you and your family have a nice day. My desire for food is totally gone. Today it was Life cereal.

[Alady1620]

Don't knock the Life cereal.  My kids practically live on the stuff voluntarily!  

I hope you guys feel better soon.

[ladybug52]

One thing that I feel makes it difficult to be honest is the fact that I work in health care. Although the people I work with might be understanding, I don't want to risk my job because someone is uncomfortable with me carrying a blood borne virus. I admire everyone who is honest and open but my life is my business and not co-workers, casual aquaintances, or my employer. That's my right and supported by the federal gov. under the Hippa law.