Is it my fault?

It's me again, I drink also, but I don't have hep c or liver damage. My husband says if you drink then I'm going to.  He acts like it's my fault.  Times when I'm at work, not drinking he will still drink. He says cuz I'm not home and he's bored.  One night he said if I play pull tabs  (a bingo thing)   then he's gonna drink.  It makes mw feel really bad, I told him your drinking is killing you, my drinking is'nt hurting me.   Anyway thank you all very much. I love talking to you all. You help soooo much.

[nygirl7]

One word - Alanon.  you need to get into a support group FAST. None of us are therapists or anything like that and our advice is only what we THINK.

You need to talk to someone who KNOWS.

Please, seriously.

Although I can agree if you don't want him to drink I can't imagine that drinking around him would be of any good at all to him - I wouldn't have been able to stop if I was around a family member who was drinking all the time.

[FlGuy]

I'm no expert and this subject is beyond my knowledge but it sounds like each of you drinking is hurting you both.

[GrandmaA]

Why doesn't your husband have anything to do? Why doesn't he get a job? Make some money and take a trip. There's so much to do and see in life why drink alcohol? It just messes up your head and liver.

[theflame]

In the scheme of things, does it really matter whose fault it is?  To give up alcohol for your husband would be such an outward show of love and support for him and beneficial for you also.  His health is truly what matters here.  
This was the dynamic in my relationship also, and neither of us are drinkers now and absolutely do not miss it at all.  We have that bond together instead of an ongoing rift.  Try it!  It is wonderful.  

[Forseegood]

al-anon....

[illo]

Looks like he might be looking for an excuse, even if it's you, to keep drinking.  But it also looks like he might be 'asking' you to stop drinking to help him stop by mentioning it will ruin your liver.

I think some introspection is needed as to why the both of you need to drink at all.  When you are ready, you will both do this in your own time.

Best of luck.

[motheroffour]

I think you have to look deep into yourself and ask yourself if you can give up alcohol for your husband.  He might just stop if you do. It sounds like your husband is an alcoholic and maybe he won't.  My H has Hep C, so no wine for him, I stopped drinking it for awhile, but he said it did not bother him at all if I had a glass or two now and then and I do now, but I did stop my Friday night and Saturday glasses of wine for awhile out of respect for him.  Now, that said, he was dx just before the holidays and had his biopsy back before the holidays (and his bx was very scary)  and he told the doc that he wanted wine with Christmas dinner and bubbly for New Years before he had to give it up for what will probably be the rest of his life and doc said that was fine...so even a moderate drinker can struggle with the thought of never having a glass of whatever now and then. He took 9 months to get his head in the right place and then dove into treatment. Your quitting might be the push he needs.  None of us can answer this for you.  We haven't lived your history with him. My  H hasn't had alcohol for almost 2 years now through ski trips, through parties, through all kinds of social "stuff" and he says it doesn't bother him in the least anymore, I wonder sometimes, but don't dwell on it. Fortunately we have a handful of party hearty friends who have had to go the AA route, so they are supportive of course.   If he said my weekend wine bothered him, I would stick to my diet soda 24/7 if it kept him from liver failure.

[GrandmaA]

Your husband has to live with the consequences of his destructive habits, but that doesn't mean you should adopt them also. Besides the waste of money there's nothing positive about drinking alcohol.

Stay away from his blood. This is a blood borne illness. His blood has to touch your blood for you to get it from him. We are to not share toothbrushes, nail clippers, anything that might have blood on it. I have a friend who got hep. C at a dentist.

[sunspot]

As a former drunk who went through a rehab treatment (AA), I had to have all booze out of the house. That meant she had to give up her very light dinking. I felt bad about it but she went along with it for my sake.
You both seem like you need to go to a group. Him to AA and you to Al-anon. Of course he needs to WANT to stop and quit using you for an excuse.
BTW, 14 years later, she can keep a few beers in the fridge without me knicking any.

[bobbyullc]

WELL, QUIT YOURSELF AND SEE IF he  STOPS. he will use any excuse. alanon is a great place to go and find out neither you or he has any control of the situation.

[debsweb]

Hi, I don't have hep c either, but the love of my life does.  He does not drink at all and even though I did drink and had never thought about not drinking, when he came back into my life, I just quit out of respect and support for him.  I do not miss it at all.  In fact, life is much richer without it.  (I never thought I would feel that way.) It was not an issue for us and he did not ask me to quit or threaten to start again, but this way we are a team and have more in common day to day. I hope this might help you in some way.  I love him more than any beverage and his well being and my participation in it are all that matters.

[nygirl7]

When you really think about it...with all the drinking...you could have worse liver damage than he does - please..........seriously........you only have one liver and you really DO need it.  REgardless of anything else, you both need to have some serious counseling and stop. It isn't going to help either of you one bit - and certainly won't get him to stop if you are drinking in front of him. That's just damn torture.

[Whodey777]

As someone who has recently had to quit all drugs, my addiction to marijuana was the worst. I loved my pot like a heroin addict loves their heroin. It was ridiculous. I have since quit, but the first couple weeks I noticed my girlfriend quit smoking it too although she had never smoked much. Then last weekend we went to a party where smoking was going on, and she wouldnt hit it because I couldnt. But the fact remains I didnt ASK her to do it, all I would ask is not to do it in my presence, the smell, the preperation, the smoking, I enjoyed all that, but I had no envy to be high just because she was. I told her to go ahead and smoke because it didnt bother me. The simple fact remains, She loves me enough to not do it in front of me and was willing to give it up for me, just that notion was a show of how much she really loves me. But the root of the problem here seems to be he doesnt want to quit, and using any excuse at his will to keep drinking even though it is killing him. It sucks but it sounds like he is being very selfish as to pawn off his problems on you, as if you are somehow responsible for his actions. Im 23 years old, and I accept all responsibility for my actions. Sounds like addiction needs to be treated here, and maybe a little bit of tough love. I wouldnt do it in front of him, even being in the next room helps. But depending how bad his addiction is it may be best to give it up for atleast awhile until he gets over the burning desire for alcohol (which may be never) just be prepared to love and back up your husband. If he keeps drinking once you stop, obviously he is just trying to make excuses for his disease. Reguardless  get into alanon and get him into AA so maybe he can get better.

[rosebud57]

if you were sick wouldn't you want your husband to be supportive to you?  IMHO you should not drink or bring alcohol home, go to support groups with your husband and help him to get the help he needs by showing support.  then once he is established and you really think you need to have a drink go out occassionally and have a drink outside the home with your friends. but it would probably really be better for both if you gave it up altogether.