Just another sad story

[texasgal]

Hi everyone!  Well, I am back again and of course it seems as though I never have good news.  Here it goes.  Since my Dx at the end of August, I told my boyfriend of 3 years and he walked.  For the past three weeks I have not seen or heard from him.  It made me realize where I stood in his life and I have been dealing with it (pretty well, I must admit) thanks to the help of all of you who contribute to this website.  Well, the worst part comes next.  I went to good ole momma's house to fill her in on what is going on with the Hep C.  Well, it was as if I told her I had the plague.  She instantly moved about 3 or 4 feet from where she was standing.  It was as if she got anywhere near me, she was also going to get this horrible disease.  I tried to tell her all of the normal stuff, that it is only blood borne and that there is virtually no way she could contract it by hugging me or breathing the same air as me.  Anyway, I have never felt so lonely in my entire life.  The one person in the world that I truly needed to get support from, the woman who gave birth to me, turned her back on me.  I feel humiliated and devastated.  Don't get me wrong, guys, I have no suicidal tendencies and I haven't even started any type of treatment yet.  I just feel like the whole world dropped in my lap.  It is just so overwhelming.  I just cry a little each night and pray for hope and help from God and Heaven and I just know that somehow, God won't give me more than I can handle, but I really think He is getting close.  My best to all! Thanks for reading and understanding!   Linda

[Honey15637]

I totally agree with Chev....You now know you have yourself to rely on.  If it was me,,,I wouldn't bring it up around these people again and would come here or some other place for the support you need for hep c.  Its sorry that you can't depend on the people that you thought were there for you but right now accept it and move on.  You don't need that added anguish!

[layla]

I am so sorry to hear your mothers reaction. I can't imagine how heartbreaking that must be for you. You have had two bad reactions to this information that are hard to handle. I have to say you seem to be handling yourself pretty good. You must be a strong person. At least you can always come here for support. Maybe your mother will come to realize it's not so bad as she may initially thought. She is probably uneducated about HCV. Perhaps you can print her some articles on HCV so she can read them on her own time and let it all sink in. It was hard for me to understand at first and I HAD to learn about it. I hope she will have a change in heart. I wish you the best. LL

[annainitaly]

linda I'm sorry, it DOES make you feel the loneliest human being on earth. I just hope she had an emotional rejection of your problem, something like "no, not to my cub" (don't know if I'm clear). hope there will be a different reaction in a little time, when she may have adjusted to it. as for you, maybe you can tell her the feelings you got: neither to change her in any way nor to judge her. something very simple, like "I felt rejected and hurt". it may help to discharge your pain to the outside...

besides that, I understand this may not be the right moment - you already have a very heavy emotional work to do... but let me add one thing: sometimes a time comes (at an older age than yours, maybe)  when you see that your parents CANNOT understand you. it's much easier that YOU understand them. after that point everything becomes less frustrating and the possibility may arise to quench the fire of conflict, to leave room for the love that they can give you, AS they can give you. I hope not to sound too "wise" or irritating. I remember very well the sense of judgement or rejection from my parents and the profound anguish that it caused to me so I am feeling very close to you.
keep connected and call your courage, you are rich in it. annan

[cuteus]

very wise words...on parenting understanding...yes, it takes years to  come to that realization. at that time, you stop trying to blame them for where you are....and accept that they had a hand in who you are now.

[starfish30]

Hi linda
i am so sorry for your pain. i know exactly where you are coming from. i was dx 2 yrs ago and i told my boyfriend of 3 yrs, i was scared of his reaction. although i told him over the phone and to come to me right away it took him till 8 that night and when he got there he had no reaction, no hug, no nothing, we got into an argument about that and then i didnt hear from him for 2 months! time passed and we got back together and made some changes in our lifestyle and he did become supportive. we broke up may of this yr for other reasons but point is, maybe he needs some time. even tho u need all his support right now try and understand that he may be going thru something too having heard this devestating news of the girl he loves. has he every been not nice to you before? i hope my little story has helped u. if u ever want to talk you can email me @ ***@****
luv ya
m

[Lucky Lou]

Hello Texas Gal, As I said before you are better off without that slug of a human who left. Remember you will be cured and he will still be a worthless slug! Glad you found out now about that no good bag of dog dung!! Too mean?..Naw..he’s a jerk! Forget about him.  I agree with Anna, we have to do our best to understand our parents. I have not told my father, (mother active alcoholic) or my family. Right now I tell no one. I do not see the value in it right now. I have heard too many stories like yours. But honestly I can remember a guy telling me he had HEPC and quite frankly I was a little scared. I was ignorant of the disease and from what I knew hepatitis was contagious. So I can understand a little of what she felt. My suggestion is to try to educate her a little. Give her something to read so she will understand. Set the example and be understanding of her fears. It is not lack of love, it is fear of the unknown. We can not run our lives reacting to other people’s reactions.That creates a vicious cycle. It is our reaction that we can control and that we have power over. React compassionately to her, and her reaction should change. Give understanding to her fears first and maybe she will be more understanding of yours. Not the reverse, that’s expecting too much I believe. Your expectations might have been to high I fear.

But it is so nice to hear from you! You little southern bell you!! Let me ask you something. How come the people in Texas are so friendly?! I remember when I was selling magazine door to door in Lubbock Texas as a teenager. I knocked on a door and from inside a lady yelled “Come on in” I yelled, “But you don’t know me” She yelled back “That’s all right, if I don’t like ya I’ll shoot ya!”.. Ended up selling her a rack of magazines and having dinner with her family. Beautiful people!!

You stay strong young lady and remember we are all here and in this together!!!You are DEFINITLY NOT ALONE! Us and the other 4 million Americans!!(Texans included!). So keep your spirits high! When you look back on your life 40 years from now this will simply be one tough little battle you won and made you a stronger person. So dig those spurs in and let out a yell!!!

Your Yankee Buddy,

Lou

[DonL]

I don't have much new to add except that I am sorry for the pain you are going through. Come here--at least we understand the HepC part, and as you can see, there are some smart and caring people here who want to help.

[skagway]

hey dont  cry  every night your pilllow will grow mold. lots of sites have good explations about hep-c. print some and let her read how we got the damn thing and how you need support if you do the tx. but do stay at  this bb because it helps those of us who didn't clear.   good luck informing us old people and dyour mother------------roy

[Sam Hall]

Try beating the quality of the info and openly shown care shown in this thread. I dont think you will. i hope you get what you want and like the others above still find it good to give. take care.
Mr Hall

[LvdByGod]

my dad and stepmom reacted that way...they are a little settled down now and will hug me :O)...i think they are afraid and need education...i have so much going on right now, that i think i will let "them" work out how they will deal with it...i have given them the info and told them how to find out more on the web and my stepmom is on it alot...so, they are getting used to it now...i sorta forced them to...what's the best way to fight a fear?

let me tell you a "funny story"...

i was coming from a camping trip in florida, to go visit them and stay for a week! first stay after giving them the hepc info...

on the camping trip i scratched up my legs looking at land in florida, on all the thorn bushes...and entangled with some "fire ants" too...you floridian's know all about them buggers...my legs were completely messed up, but scabbed over,not bleeding ...

let's just put it this way...i wasn't thinking and i wore shorts when ariving at thier house...they probably really freaked out when they opened the door...good thing the weather was cool that week i decided to wear pants to cover all the damage for fear it would worry them that i may shed virus all over...my brother from florida opened his mouth and informed me in front of them,at dinner that night, that those fire ant blisters will boil up and burst open soon...ohhh, i coulda died...but i thought...oh well this is life...

knowing my stepmom, she probabley bleeched down the whole house and burned every thing i sat on after i left...Dad, bless his heart...still keeps "a little distance" between him and i...but i know he loves me just the same...he just doesn't want to get it! and most likely hasn't read the info!...he's a cowboy type...he hugs me though still, so that's pretty cool...

my point? mom loves you, so she will adjust...she will have to work that one out though ...just give her some good info and time...

i know i can have a sick sence of humor at times...but, it is a true story...

moral of the story...wear pants when camping if your staying at your moms house right after the trip...i can't find the article on that!!! but, i know it's true...

[mikeylikes79]

Sorry to hear about how her require hurt you. I wonder if it just scared her because she is ignorant to the disease. A lot of people just know a few of the "scary facts" about the disease but dont know anything else. Maybe by educating her this would make her realize that hepC isnt so bad. She probably passes people on the street or works with people who have it and she doesnt know.

Take care,
   Mikey

[mikeylikes79]

Sorry to hear about how her reaction hurt you. I wonder if it just scared her because she is ignorant to the disease. A lot of people just know a few of the "scary facts" about the disease but dont know anything else. Maybe by educating her this would make her realize that hepC isnt so bad. She probably passes people on the street or works with people who have it and she doesnt know.

Take care,
   Mikey

[derail]

I do carry fact sheets in car to tell any one and everyone
I wonder if bumper stickers would work?

[shebee]

texasgal...LOL!  


We chose not to tell anyone the 1st year of tx.  It was a good choice.  If you are lookin' for help, don't go to your family and friends.  LOL!  They will be just as confused as you are.

...and once you tell someone...you can never take it back.

Now you can spend the next year educating your mom and family. LOL! ....and they may never understand.  Please prepare yourself for that.

You have time, so my advice would to be to sit on the information for a while.   You can always tell friends or coworkers later that you are doing chemo if you are exhausted all of the time.  You could tell them that you have a "night Job", too.  LOL!


You do have us here...and there has been many a time that I sat at the computer...crying...and typing...and laughing...

As for your EX boyfriend...I hope he keeps on running.
There are a lot of wonderful people out there...someone who will not buckle under hard times.  This is the type of person you need.

You'll do ok...just don't annouce to the world that you have hepC unless you are wearing a mask over your mouth and nose!   LOL!  LOL!  

Your,
Shebee

[Amerabrit]

Linda, no one should have to go through what you have just experienced, I am so sorry for your pain, the ignorance of loved ones must be a terrible thing to cope with....
I wish you peace, understanding and hope for many positive changes for you in the very near future...
Very best of luck to you for SVR..

[Oreos]

Oh, how I understand your pain and I am so sorry you're in that lonely place.  You learn alot about people and their fears and strengths.

With regards to the boyfriend?  You are better off without him!  If he's not there for you through thick and thin, what good is he????  You deserve someone who will stand by you and be that rock of support.  When I told my boyfriend (now husband) 6 years ago about the HCV, I thought I would lose him forever.  I was pleasantly surprised how supportive he was and still is.  He looks at it as a medical condition and we take certain precautions.  Tells me he'd rather have me with the illness then not have me at all.  THAT'S the kind of maturity and strength we need.

The Parents....do I ever feel for you with the situation with mom.  She's in a bit of shock and the more education she has, the better all around.  If you two are truly close, she will come around.  I wish my parents had been supportive when I told them.  My dad ignores it and my mom has a morbid streak the size of Montana.  I don't talk about it at all with the folks.  It's sad and it hurts because I would love their unconditional love and support, but it's not there.  I pray your mom comes around.  Have the feeling she will.

What I've learned about telling people?  For me, I'm careful about who I tell.  I have a handful of trusted friends who know and more then make up for those who wouldn't understand due to their own fears.

You are not alone, my friend.  It will get better.

[texasgal]

Thank you all so much for your support!  I just have one question...how do you expect me not to cry when all of you say such nice things and are so supportive.  Thank you so much.  My heart feels better.

Lucky Lou,

You are so sweet.  I love Texas.  I have lived here for quite some time as well as living in California for a while.  You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the girl.  I love people, I love my friends and I consider everyone my friend until they prove anything different.  Sometimes that gets my feelings hurt a little more than it should but it is just the way I am and probably always will be.

All of you are wonderful.  I wish we could all get together someday just to hug each other and meet one another.  Wouldn't that be great?

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

[Dirac]

I want to tell you something. This desease could be treated. When I first got the news, this happend at 04/30/02. I felt then as if the world collapsed. Last week I received the pcr results that told me that I am a virus free after one year of stopping treatment, which means I am cured now and I can not infect anyone. I can understand and feel exactly what you are going through but I am telling you this is not the end of the world. There is hope and these medications work. I wish you the best of luck.

[MajNeni]

Linda, I agree with the others; educating your mom is probably the best way to reassure her and help her to come back to you.  Have info sent to her - your health department, your doc, or the American Liver Foundation all have good, simple brochures to explain the basics of HepC.  That x-boyfriend does not seem worthy to walk in your shadow; he doesn't consider your needs but just his own, when the chips are down.  That's not what you'd want in a life partner.

Dirac, my friend, congratulations on being cured!  That is wonderful.  Type 4's are rare around here, and it's a good thing that the same stuff works as for type 1's.  Have a wonderful life!
Maj Neni