Lack of desire

[Debbie223]

Hi all.....happy Friday....

I know this is going to sound like depression and maybe it is..going to the Dr next week for some meds... but I have not been depressed for a long time.. I love my life and my husband and I have enjoyed a active social life...until now... I have only known about this for 3 weeks or so.. I am so struggling... I go to bed around 8:30-9:00 and don't look forward to anything I feel like I have been kicked in the side and can't catch my breath.. I am encouraged by everyone here and would feel even worst if not for this site. I am somewhat obsessed with it... I have not worked out now for two weeks and I know that is taking a toll on my emotional health.... I am hoping this will pass and I will see the joy in my life again.... any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Peace

[GSDgirl]

I remember that feeling of relief when my hubby was neg also.  Glad you are feeling better & have fun on that trip!

Denise

[Debbie223]

Thanks to all of you who have read my posts and responded..... I can't tell you how much better I feel today knowing that my husband does not have this virus..... I realized that not knowing and waiting for his results was really getting me down. I do feel better and I do appreciate all the support here....I am looking forward to my trip to Italy in June... I will most likely start treatment the begining of July.... woo hoo...fun summer to look forward to... my hope is that I can keep working and and spend the weekends re-couping and that I can handle the treatment and of course clear this nasty virus and live a long and healthy life.

I will keep posting and reading all the your post and keep good postive thoughts for all of us.

[merryBe]

everyone goes through "the four stages of grief" whether one is sick or dying, or someone you love is.

it's hard not to get stuck in the first two stages...everyday..
so read up on what they are, learn to recognize your thought life,

then do what you can to control it.
I am a firm believer in prayer, but even prayer sometimes is NOT the solution because it means your mind is ON the problem.

laughter is good medicine, as is getting enough rest....learn that your body NEEDS 10 to 12 hours a day...and don't kick yourself about it, if you treat and the VL goes down, eventually you won't need rest but right now you probably do...it is an escape.

there are things you have to deal with, so don't sweat the small stuff....which most hings are...it's surprising how many dandelions can now grow in my grass without me having an ulcer.....I'd rather knit and watch some old TV movie or sitcom, or science show...learn what takes your mind off the problems, and just deal with learning about your diease a LITTLE bit each day...because too much reading, in here especially can be overwhelming and depressing...don't worry, you'll learn, and figure it out as time goes on.
you should talk to your doc about anti-depressants...an mild tricyclic might make a big difference....it gets harder to maintain sanity on treatment...so part of the solution is admitting when we need help.
be well....
maryB

[HectorSF]

Hi Debbie. I just wanted to put in my 2 cents worth based on my own experience with depression and HCV.

You say you have not been depressed for a long time. Were you ever depressed before in your life? People that have been depressed more then once have a tendency in times of stress to become depressed. If so it wouldn't be uncommon for you to be depressed after hearing you have HCV. We all go through many, many emotions and shock when we find out we have HCV. It sounds like you amy have lost interest in the things you once enjoyed. Sleeping a lot. Maybe feeling lethargic. Does life seem empty, dull flat? These are very common sympthoms of a type of depression.

I agree with what others have said. It is very important to have a positive attitude during treatment AND during life! Sometimes that is all we have that keeps us going through the ups and downs of treatment. I would highly recommend finding a good anti-depressant that works for you so it will be there to help you make it through treatment when you decide to start. Remember it takes 4-6 weeks for an anti-depressant to start to work. You wouldn't want to stop tx because you become depressed and have to wait 6 weeks to feel better and maybe have to stop tx.

Best of luck. Takes for sharing your concern of not feeling right.
This is nothing to be ashamed off. As long as you face it you can over come it. Just like this virus we are all trying to deal with in whatever ways we can.

All the best.
Hector

[GSDgirl]

like I said in another post, I was lucky and didn't really have to work BUT hubby had arthroscopic surgery on his knee & a colonoscopy this winter.  It was a pain for him and a pain for me to get him there (in my jammmies) so we both kind of just chilled in the great room.  Hubby fed my dogs and horses all wiinter, a good friend cleaned my kennel runs once this winter, which helped,I did his more than a few times and helped too many friends out that didn;t help, but that is over.  

You sound like you can & will get thru this!!!!

Denise  

[Debbie223]

Thanks to all for replying, I had some great news today...My Hubby is negative.... Thank God for that... I am so relieved and it did brighten my spirits knowing that we both won't be going through this and I think it will help us maintain as normal of a life as possible..... his numbers were a little evavated so the doc wants to do a ultra-sound... kind weird, he has had this before..... but I am so grateful and feel 1000 times better. I know I can get through this..

Thanks to all you great people...

[meki]

Debbie - I dunno if this helps ---- so please read through it.

It seems like it is a bad dream. But it's not.

If you go into anything you do - head on --- to deal with the issues surrounding it - then you'll be more prepared to deal with the emotional and physical effects that occur.

I think the best way for me ---- was to go after the disease like it was an evil thing and I had to "get it out" of my body. Like I was on a mission.

I'd look at my kid and think - ok - I have to get up - I have to get this --- or that done.

It wasn't always pretty through tx or after tx... But you have to give yourself goals and you have to make yourself meet them somewhat realistically.

Every one of us handles the knowledge of having HCV differently - but I have found it very common for some folks to totally go through the stages of "grief"...

If you've been depressed in the past - this certainly could bring on a bout of depression for those who have maintained a healthier attitude....

I'd suggest  trying to make yourself do things --- and if you cannot do that - then it would be time to talk to your doctors.

It is a hard kick in the butt to find out --- your mind races --- OMG what will my friends and family think.... what is going to happen??? what is going on???

And yeah - we all go through our own pity parties... So you're not unusual - LOL!

Just make yourself regain your life ---- DON'T LET THIS DISEASE destroy you.

You control your life to some degree ---- don't let HCV control your freedom and fun...

YOU CONTROL IT.

You may not be able to cure --- or SVR --- but you CAN maintain control of your attitude.

Much love,

Meki

[Debbie223]

Trinity is right, I have not started treatment... thinking it will be the begining of July... after my trip... I guess I was having one of my pity parties.... ha ha....and just needed to vent.... I just keep thinking I will wake up from this bad dream... it is so surreal.... I do want to get rid of the virus and I will do what I need to do... Looking forward to my appt with a Hep on Tuesday...hope to get some clarity on the whole thing.

Thanks to all my new found friends and the support you are giving me right now.

Peace

[Trinity4]

Deb,

I don't think Debbie223 has even started tx yet.  That was why I thought maybe she should try to work out until she starts tx (which I think is after trip to Italy in June?) and also work on some of those unresolved issues before starting tx because it's going to be more challenging as things move along.
Trinity  

[nygirl7]

Deb - also try to remember your body is going thru literal HELL right now trying to adjust to throwing poison in it every day!  How could ANYONE not be affected also with their attitude and desires and things?

Things are NOT going to be the same while you endure treatment.  Exercising and working out might just have to wait for a while while you get your stamina back.  It might be hard to just get out of bed and in the shower. These are COMMON things. Remember - you are literally almost poisoning yourself to death to kill this virus.......how in the world do you think you are going to feel and act?

Don't take it so hard on yourself.  Remember - we've ALL been through it.  It's not easy and no one ever said it would be. However it is DOABLE. I tx'd for 72 weeks and am post tx 16 months now and am JUST really starting to get back to "normal". It really does take quite a toll on your body.  But remember -it WORKS.

did your doc advise you to begin an antidepressant before starting treatment? Mine did so I started on the paxill a month before. I'd never take one in my life but I found it helped me TREMENDOUSLY.

Best of luck
Deb

[Trinity4]

Deb,
I've read your posts since you found out about having hepc.  You have all the classic signs of depression from what I read.  I think it's a very good idea that you are seeking medical attention for that.  As you know, everyone is different.  We all go through the "adjustment period" after being diagnosed.  Everyone handles stress and anxiety differently.  I was angry, then sad, then didn't care about anything.  Eventually, it passed and I came to terms with it.  The one thing you mention over and over is that you mourn not having the life you used to have and that is correct statement.  Things will never be the same or a least not for a while.  That is your reality and no amount of stressing will change it. You have many blessing from what I've read and not being able to enjoy wine or going at the same pace socially is not that significant in the big scheme of things.  You are a geno 2 with a high probability you will clear the virus.  It appears you have a good family support system and have educated yourself about the options available for treatment.  You got to get out of the funk.  I know its hard but until you come to terms with what is happening in your life you're going to stay in a funk.  Hopefully, an anti-depressant will help you.  And beware, because some doctors will not treat if they feel depression is too big of a factor.  I had that conversation with my doc yesterday but he said I was just to mean to be depressed and he's right.  I'm about as stubborn as they get which helps me get through this tough time.  I wish you the best and get yourself to the gym.  It really helps.  Also remember, you will need to have a lot of determintation as well as the positive attitude when you start tx.  I really think attitude is 3/4 of the battle.  
Take Care
Trinity