MY HUSBAND LEFT

I really dont have a question but last night I was informed my husband is leaving he thougnt he could handle my sides affects of the treatment but decided he cant. He say we fight moore and I am always tried and I have been suffering from migranes (migraines). But I go to work every day I pay his insurance and I have been caring his share of the bills because his work has been slow. We did have a big fight Sun. But to tell to Quit the treatment and he might stay I only have 15 weeks left. Now I get left with all the other bills how crapy is this we have been married 23 years I didnt leave when got fired or put in jail 2x for dui. And last thing I want to heard is god has a plann.

Sorry just needed to talk
Shelly :(

[zazza]

That just *****. If he won't stay unless you quit tx, then good riddance. Sorry, but he just cannot demand that you quit tx'ing. If he really loves you, he will be back, I'm sure. Tx is hard on both us and the ones we love.

[Bobby1952]

   If he is leaving because of tx then he is a controlling Bas***d and a no good one. and is only thinking of himself. My wife put up with my ills and my tiredness and not wanting to do anything for 6 months. That is when I really came to appreciate her. She stuck by me.
  If he leaves, the first bill you should forget about is his insurance. Good riddance. Then again I don't want to see anyone split up so maybe just maybe he is bluffing. Tell him he is only thinking of himself.

Bobby

[Deb_c430]

Agrees with zaza, but I will say in some  cases its hard for spouses to see what we go through, it changes their lives also.

Still I am so sorry you are going through this, now especially!

Deb

[copyman]

what happen to "in sickness and in health" . what a creep. let him go. You will be better off without him. it may hurt now but in a few weeks you will glad not to have that pain in the *** around. STOP paying his insurance and use the money to pay the other bills. best of luck

[lchou]

Good riddance to him!  He doesn't deserve you.  Don't let him back in.  He obviously doesn't care about your health.  

Aloha

[Force]

RED FLAG, RED FLAG ALERT!

Have you done your PROS & CONS list?

Is he responsible, accountable to his actions, caring, passionate, and understanding???

I 'm sure we all know the song well HIT THE ROAD JACK...is his name Jack by the way?

There are alot of good looking single HEP C guy's I'm sure available.

[lalapple]

that's not right.  you need as much support as you can get right now and he shouldn't be the one making all the calls.  just remember, you are not alone, everyone is in different situations.  we're always here for you

[RALPH44]

Thanks, thats what it keeping wondering sickness and in health he just had surgery 3 months ago I was sick as a dog stayed with him the whole time even took off work my insurance paid for his surgery. I feel so let down I am numb he said he might come back after I am done with this. I am so tired but I thougth I was doing good, but he says I have been a b***** but no one else says so he says I save it for him

[Texas714]

He'll be back...you couldn't stick a bow on his head and get rid of him.
Enjoy it while he's gone.  
(spoken from personal experience)  :-)

[granitekonig]

you're better off not having him around - just think about the peace and quiet you'll have while you finish the next 15 weeks. Invite a good friend to stay with you while he's gone.

[kickboxingmom]

Meki,

Around the time I started tx (April), you responded to a post from someone wanting advice on living with someone who is going through tx and what to expect.

I showed your response to my wife and kids and it helped tremendously, especially during the first month when my sx were at their worst. My wife really took this advice to heart. She kept reminding the kids not to slam doors, not to make the dog “speak” for a dog biscuit; not to barge into the bedroom  with their latest drama in life, etc. Bubbly, happy people can sometimes get on your nerves on tx.

So many times we concentrate on giving help to the ones actually on tx and forget that other family members may also need some support and guidance because it is so hard for them to understand what we go through.

Have you ever thought of adding to this and posting it in the Health Pages section? I’m sure plenty of people would be glad to help with some more suggestions. I would/will if and when brain fog allows me to. It really helps to have something to show family members to help them to understand.

Thank you very much….it really helped me and my family.

My following post is YOUR response to that persons question:

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Member Comments (12)

by NashPred


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NashPred
Male, 41 years
Nashville - TN
Member since Feb 2008
Mood: NashPred is ...Starting to feel better every day.
Journal Entry:   "Finished taking Ribavirin pills for HCV ..." [Read]
  



, Jun 19, 2008 01:42PM
To: meki's response
Stay far enough away that your noise doesn't affect me, or your perfumes or colognes don't overpower me... Or so that you don't hurt my aching bones --- or steal the air that I feel that I can't get enough of. Stay far enough away so that I don't feel like growling at you for absolutely no reason, but for some reason seems to be the most important thing at that moment to me.

Don't talk to me... Because nothing you're going to say is going to make much sense to me in the first place, and it makes me angry that for some strange reason I feel like I'm in a bubble and can't communicate properly back to you and I'm frustrated.

Don't touch me because it hurts - because right now my skin is on fire and it itches and there is nothing I can do to put that fire out or scratch that itch.

Don't play loud music or turn up the tv to blaring - because I'm sensitive to sounds and lights.

If I'm in a dark room - leave the lights off. If I'm in a bright room - leave the lights on. Sudden changes in lighting or temperature take on a whole new meaning for me --- and it's usually painful or very uncomfortable.

If I seem like I can't hear you - or I  take forever to answer your question - don't take it personally - I may not be able to push past the fog in my head. I hate that I can't talk back to you - or carry on a full conversation. In my head I'm feeling guilty as it is and frustrated that I can't... Because it seems like it should be there - right on the tip of my tongue, but I just can't seem to find it. And I don't know how to find it. I don't even know where it is. So please don't just stand there waiting for my answer, I can't give it to you.

Hold me when I ask for it - because I need it desperately right then.

Love me no matter how much I yell or scream - or just lie there looking sicker than a dog.

Cook for me - even though I tell you I can't eat it - maybe an hour later I'll be able to taste it - or maybe it will not make me throw up again or I won't be queasy for the next 24 hours and it might be alright.

Know that sometimes no matter what you do - because you're not me, going through these things, you just can't possibly understand it.

Understand that none of this is personal... Or maybe that it's more personal than anything I've ever done before.

Know that I am doing this for you.

Reported Report this  

NashPred and Meki, I hope you guys don't mind but this helped me and thought it may help RALPH.
Tammy P.S. I also agree, he'll be back.I just hope he doesn't do any thing foolish.

[jdwithhcv]

WOW, what a guy!  This is EXACTLY why we should not kiss frogs!!!  

Seriously, though, just take care of yourself for now.  This may not be a good frame of mind for making long-term decisions.  Don't react too fast out of hurt, let the princeling stew for a while.  Let him wonder what you're going to do.  There's no rush - he'll still be an a$$hole when you're done with tx and you can figure out what works best for YOU.  

Good luck.  

jd

[alagirl]

Well, WE will stay until you finish your treatment.  I am so sorry you are having to experience this.  Since you are no longer responsible for him, cancel his insurance (might save you a little bit every month if you are no longer on a family plan) and concentrate on yourself and on getting through the rest of your treatment.  I know it hurts and that its not easy for that to go away, and it s*cks that this is happening to you on top of everything else.  But try to stay strong, and know that we're here for you.

Syd

[RALPH44]

Thank you I am just waiting we will see to hurt to do anything now any way .........

[jamesnavrotsky]

What a JERK, sounds like  a drunk maybe you should consider alanon for support!
Of course I dont know the whole story, But I wish you well! Ive only been on the TX for 3 weeks Im trying not to be selfish or self centered also I try to have a possative attitude, Ive really been blessed with a good Wife and freinds Try to stay posative and pray for strength!
JIM

[portann]

Hi Shelly,

Congratulations on achieving so much and coming so far. With only fifteen weeks left, the end is in sight.  I wish I were as far along as you are. And you`re working!

I think you`ve mentioned in the past that you suffer or suffered from from panic disorder and OCD.  Also, since you are 44, I wonder if you might also be in perimenopause? All this (possibly), combined with the psychological side effects of your tx could result in quite a package of your own, especially if you save up all your feelings in order to be perfect at work.

Could you explain a little more about your role in the fight on Sunday? Was it pretty much one-sided on his part or did you dress him down less than angelically for whatever pushed your buttons? There`s a bit of a tendency in this thread for us to swarm your husband but in my experience, there`s more to a marital conflict than words can easily capture in a short post.

I wouldn`t throw out a 23 year marriage because of the fallout of one or two arguments during tx. Some people might even `fess up to one or two a day and some are still married!  He may remember hurtful things you`ve said to him that you don`t, due to the meds.

People in cyberspace can egg you on but they won`t be there for you in the same way your husband can be. I`d cut him some slack, and ask him out to a movie, try to show some interest in how hard it is for him, too. He surely never really meant that you quit your treatment now, this far along.

Are you as faultless as some of us were quick to portray you or are you somewhat insufferable these days and he`s at his wits`end?  Tx is a mighty cross to bear for spouses. My hepatologist said the number one risk of treatment is divorce and although I virtually promised him that it wouldn`t happen to me, I can see how things can go haywire during tx, no matter years of marriage under your belt.

Once again, congratulations on coming so far. People like you are an inspiration for those of us behind you.

[headshop]

That *****!

I am sorry to hear anybody going through that, good riddance or not. I hope the best for you.

[monkeyfro]

You hang in there, there is a lot of support coming from this amazing machine we call a computer!!! Although we don't really know each other we are all sailing in the same ship. You are never alone, remember that, you have made it so far and when this is over a new horizon is going to dawn for you,  Words may sound sappy but they are from the heart
With love
Donna

[Trinity4]

Here are some tips for family members trying to cope with a loved ones illness.  Might want to show this to hubby if there is any resolution to the marital problems hepc is causing:
1.  You cannot cure your family member
2.  It can be as hard for you to accept the illness, as it is for the ill family member.
3.  Separate the person from the virus.  Love the person, even if you hate the virus.    
     Separate medication side effects from the disease/person.
4.  The illness of a family member is nothing to be ashamed off.  Reality is that you
     encounter discrimmination from an apprehensive public.
5.  Don't forget your sense of humor.
6.  The family relationship may be in disarray in the confusion around the disease.
     It may be necessary to renegotiate the way things have been done in your  
     relationship, both emotionally and physically.
7.  Symptoms may change over time while the underlying disorder remains.
8.  The disorder may be periodic, with times of improvement and deterioration,
     independent of your hopes and actions.
9.  Do not shoulder the whole responsibility for you ill family member for mistakes made.
10.  The needs of the ill person do not necessarily always come first.
11.  It is important to have boundries and set clear limits.
12.  Chronic illness affects the entire family, not just the person who has the disease.
13.  Recognizing that a person has limited capablilites should not mean you expect
      nothing of them.  (You are working Shelly -  that is an accomplishment)
14.  It is natural to experience a cauldron of emotions such as grief, guilt, fear, anger
      sadness, hurt, confustion, etc.  You, not the ill member are responsible for you own
      feelings.
15.  You are not alone.  Sharing your thoughts and feelings with others in a support
       group is helpful and enlightening for many.

I wish you the best
Trinity

[Keith_2008]

I say if your husband wants to leave than let him. It really only shows his own character and if he does not love you anymore than it would be better for him to leave. Sometimes it takes a crisis to see the truth. You on the other hand have your own life you need to take care of a try to get yourself back to a good heath status. I didn't really see where you have time to worry about your husband if he is not supporting to at this crucial time in your life. I have found in my life and others that sometimes life can look so bleak and without hope. What I have also found is that as bleak as times may be in your life they are also a passing phase in which it means they don't always stay that way. Your life can get better. I think right now you just need to stay focused on your own heath and get this monkey HepC off your back. Once you are healthy again to can begin to put all the rest of the pieces of your life back together. I wish you well and hope you make a full recovery.

[geterdone]

Yeah, my relationship of 33 years hit the skids over the last year too. It was brutal in the beginning, both emotionally and financially. I lost all kinds of weight, trimmed down proportionately to the point of even changing my appearance. Yeah, I felt like **** for almost a year and just after Christmas last year I made up my mind that I could not continue with the relentless emotional roller coaster so I went to the doctor, he said look here, you have a little over three months to go and then all this will be behind you and the weight and baggage you have lost may be a burden for maybe a month but after that things will start to improve and the things that have held you down will no longer be there if you wish to let them go.

The choice is yours.

Jasper

Ps. I lost the baggage and became a SVR!

[merryBe]

I like what Portann and Trinity shared with you, but would add there has to be capacity on the part of both people for those things to work.

I nursed my former husband back from a horrific cancer and surgeries...and then when I got it...he left.  There are some that are takers not givers....and we all need to be givers.

By some miracle I am now remarried to a giver...who has put up with me being very sick for years now, and especially through this tx. I don't pull my weight, I can't. He pulls a double load willingly.  It has taken a toll on him, and we have him in couseling to help him deal with my illness as well as his wayward daughter issues.

The main thing is to try to make it work, and if it can't to see through the hurt that it doesn't have to stay that way. I never thought a late life marriage would be the best, and the only truly caring relationship I've ever had, but it has been. So however it turns out,
just remember you are a good person, that's whats important...and there are other good ones out there.  
I don't cotton much to deserters. It's like they are your buddy as long as the barracks are quite and their tummy get filled everyday...but the moment they get into a battlezone they are looking for the exit.  Sometimes it's better to know who you're really dealing with....and not waste another 23 yrs finding out.  One thing about these type illnesses is you really do find out who you are living with and how dependable they are or are not.
Sorry for your trouble, but glad you came in to vent it. Hugs thru this phone line.
mb

[rita863]

I am sorry about your situation.  But you only have 15 weeks, do not stop now, not for anyone!!!!
I cant add anything more then the others.  But I feel for you!!!

peace
rita

[desrt]

" ...he said he might come back after I am done with this... "
How generous of him.

The suggestion to check out Al-Anon is the best thing I've read here. You can't fix the type of person who would abandon a sick spouse, but you can deal with your own feelings so his problems don't become your problems. The principles apply even when the other person isn't an alcoholic.

[fretboard]

You should be gratful that he showed his true colors in your time of need.  Now you know where you truly stand and you can plan accordingly.  Personally it doesn't matter if you get back with him or not, that's your business, but if someone did that to me they would have to pay thru the nose to get any of my attention.  He sux...

[kickboxingmom]

  But to tell to Quit the treatment and he might stay I only have 15 weeks left.


Whatever you decide - Really think hard -You've came to far for someone to say they may stay...Tx is for YOUR Health !
Your Almost done.
When he needed you, you were there for him as you stated.You being a Bxxxx is an excuse in my opinion.Remember IT TAKES TWO !
I hope the best for both of you and as someone said above don't make any harsh decisions as to insurance , yet.Only do what you have to do.
If you love each other it will have a happy ending.Either way it's meant for both to be happy in the end.IMO-New Beginnings!

I know a man that isn't happy with his job or lack of the work out there will become a BEAR.If he can't provide for you he isn't happy with that.If that is the kind of man he is.
I really do wish you both the best but I personally wouldn't give up your fight with HCV.Start a journal and don't say things you can't take back unless he's just being an Axx.Write, write, and date your journal every day.It really does help.Put all in your journal.Hold your head high and tell him to do what he has to do and you will do the same but don't cancel insurance just as yet.Find out what your hubby of 23+ yrs. is ALL about.Take it one hour at a time.Tears help remove the toxins from your body so it's ok to cry.You'll probably find out one eye sheds more tears than the other.Keep your pride that makes you-you.
Good Luck,
Happy Endings or New Beginnings  ???????
Tammy

[gdwill2u]

I don't post much but I would re-read Portann's post.   The marriage vows are two ways; you BOTH must forgive and care for each other whether in sickness or health, and that includes a man who has lost his bearings under the pressure of a situation that must be overwhelming to him.  Playing the martyr will only make things worse (not saying you are but it must be a temptation in your circumstance).

Let your emotions cool, do NOTHING drastic like canceling insurance on him, and see how the two of you feel in a week or two.

23 years is worth a lot of effort and sacrifice on both parts and the last thing you need is easy cyber advice to cause what might be a good marriage to end.  My wife stayed by me through the horrors of end stage liver disease a liver transplant, and now in a few weeks I will be starting treatment.  Our marriage has been tested but we have grown closer and our marriage is stronger.

I would hate to think about my life had I left her the hundred times I wanted to, or more to the point the thousands of times she probably wanted to leave me.  I believe that marriage is sacred and that God will bless all of us who make an honest attempt to be faithful to our vows.

Peace,
Bob

[jools57]

Wow! 4 weeks into my treatment my ex told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and left. What's up with these jerks?! I was better off without him then and now. You will be too. I am so sorry you are having to go thru this. It's hard but don't quit your meds. Finish treatment. I'm just blown away by people that do this to us while we're treating...arghhh!!!

[geterdone]

Oh, btw my relationship of 33 years was with unknown virions floating around in my body and slowly degrading my liver and leaving me very fatigued until drastic measures had been taken which was treatment. Although treatment is just like a love hate relationship in the end it all evens out just maybe not together. If it should go the other way the treatment may be the best thing to have happened because life will have gotten better either way, time will tell.

geterdone

[RALPH44]

My OCD is fine not even a panic attack, and I do get cranky but I let him know when I feel that way. My husband trouble  with his bills.I got a small inheiritance last year. Knew I would be sick I thought I might need the money just in case, he wants me to pay his bills out of it and I didnt  want to  but gave in any way, And he still is leaving.

[nygirl7]

Only you can really decide what is best for you but...from my experience with a really selfish crappy husband - if you don't finish treatment and later get seriously ill from liver disease is he going to stay and take care of you then?  I SERIOUSLY doubt it.  Selfish people do not change because they don't care too.

It's not so easy of course on top of everything you are dealing with.  You would be surprised the amount of TERRIBLE problems that happen to people while they are treating. It would stagger you if you knew some of the things.  I don't know why this is but....it just goes to show how strong we are.

Whatever you do, do not fall prey to him and pay his bills.  Since he's already so generously let you know he intends to leave let him know he can manage his own bills - you are ill and need your own money for the future.......just in case.

Very sorry for you sweetie - life is not fair and this is another example of that.

Find a therapist or group so you can have more support and courage to stand on your own and up to him during this difficult time.  I wish we could help you further but you know we are here to support you when we can.

Debby

[nygirl7]

By the way - arguing in a marriage is one thing.  Even if it leads to sleeping on the couch.

Saying "do this or I'm leaving and by the way pay all my bills please" is just garbage. That is NOT a marriage - that is emotional blackmail and not a marriage worth saving.

Don't fall for that **** at all - stand up for yourself.  It's women that don't and then suffer in abusive relationships that make it tough for us all.  You CAN do it.  Make him make a decision "I will not quit nor will I pay your bills any longer - you can stay and work this out or leave it's up to you" and then realize that YOU have done all and work on your life from there.

Abuse is abuse and someone making you risk your life for their needs is ABUSIVE.

end of the story.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I had to weigh in on this one if for nothing more than support. I have been out of TX for about 12-14 yrs now. Dont want to even remember the exact year. It has been really nice - years back I never thought that I would see my son get his drivers license - he is now 20 - I did the clinical trial for intrfrn / riba in about '96 - lot of problems, but we made it through. My gut is telling me that he will be back. It will be your call at that point. Treatment is stressful on everyone.....but there is absolutely no excuse for the way he is treating you. Take care of yourself first....you just have to at this point in time. You still have a future to work with ......  best of luck to you....I am glad that I found this post today - I am going to print up a few copies of your earlier post to distribute....really hit a spot with the lights and noise observations ....and I have been wondering why it hits me that way..........I think I may remember now......................................

[meki]

Hey sweetie --- Yanno - I can't tell you what to do - none of us can. If you have taken a good hard look at the situation - and you are sure that you are not acting beyond the norm --- then perhaps it is time to decide if you really want this person whom you are taking care of ---- whom you are paying for everything --- to jeapordize your possible health and SVR status...

I had to change my entire life --- I became a different person after TX --- and learned to be happy with myself --- and with those that I truly love.

I will NEVER allow another person to be with me and tell me how to live...

If someone doesn't like me for who I am ---- now --- and if I have to go through another TX of any type --- including the changes ---- personality and physically ---- then they don't love me. And I don't need them in my life.

I send you lots of warm wishes and love.

[redrodeo]

I liked what Texas714 said. You couldn't get ride of him with a bow. Us people down here in Texas have away of dealing with those kinda pricks. I've heard it said another way
"You couldn't get rid of him with a stick of dynamite" blow him up and he'd still come back. I wasn't married when I started tx but I was seeing this chic and she was going to be there for me etc after about 3 weeks she was gone. I checked out Match.com one time and there she was guess things didn't work out for her. Too bad....
Red

[jools57]

Hold on to your money..let him pay his own bills. I paid off my ex's debt with my inheirentance...the only thing it did was leave me broke when he decided to leave.
I am far richer without him tho!!! Selfish people rarely change.
You have awesome support here. I couldn't have got thru tx without this site.
Keeping you in my prayers.

[dorsey15]

Sounds like you should have been the one to give him the ultimatum when he had his 2 DWI/DUI'S!! Sounds like he is the one with the problems ---not YOU!!  

I'd be looking at HIS issues before I would be looking at mine!

Good luck...and our prayers are out there for you..

Dorsey

[RALPH44]

Thanks you all help. He left in the middle of the night last night without even saying good by.  When I came home last night he said after he is done, he would like to come back, we could work on things, but asked if I was still going to finnish I said yes. Better to 50% chance then none  

[dorsey15]

I don't understand...?? Does that mean that he's leaving because your are going to finish your very needed treatment and after you are done he would like to come back home!

and you think that a 50% chance is better than none??  Honey, you need some professional help and please do not take that the wrong way...

I hope you get that help now rather than later...

Dorsey

[Annie441]

I'm so sorry your having to deal with this, at anytime in your life is bad but during tx that has to be the worst. To go forward or end a marriage is a very personal decision, but if I were in your shoes it would be a sad but easy decision.
Be strong and don't stop tx whatever you do.
Ann

[RALPH44]

I think you miss under stood I told him I am finnishing the treatment. Because being an geno 1a 50% chance of srv is better than none or quiting

[dorsey15]

My SINCERE APOLOGIES.....
BUT kick that bum to the curb...what if you were dying of cancer!! for God's sake!

would he walk out then ---YOU BETCHA !!

So get rid of him now...

We're here for you !

Dorsey

[Marcia2202]

I want you to know that whatever happens and whatever decision you take, I pray that you will have faith and be given the strength to be able to go through it.

Marcia

[moahunter]

It must be a difficult situation - but its something that I think treatment can bring on. This could very well have happened to my marriage while on treatment - I'm surprised it didn't to be honest. I know a lot of people on here are quick to lay blame for one person or another, but all relationships are complex, and while we may understand what treatment does to us, having gone through it, I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through it really quite appreciates it. It drives people to the wall and beyond, and while in an ideal world we can sit there and say "in sickness and in health", and all of that stuff, at the end of the day, all of us have to look after ourselves, and sometimes, for better or worse, our partners may make that decision that they have to look after their own sanity. Who knows, maybe the break will work out for the best? It is what it is now. Good luck with your last 15 weeks, if you feel half as good as I do in a years time, you will know that this has all been worth it. I wouldn't do anything rash until the treatments over though - just try your best to see it through, push this stuff to the side for now, as best you can, and focus on looking after yourself.

[PegM]

Treatment often produces depression and lonliness regardless of who else is around.  But it's much easier to be on treatment alone than to be with someone who is so self-absorbed.  The full time bad flu feeling, either with hepatitis or treatment,  isn't going to bring out the best in our personalities, that's a given.  The people in our households need to either accept that or get out.  It is a time to take care of ourselves and not have to work around someone else's tantrum to be taken care of.  I had to deal with this myself.
You'll be OK by yourself with support.  Stay in touch on this forum or a support group, or with others who understand, or even better, all of those.  You really don't need extra interpersonal stress now -- it could very well influence your outcome.  You're surviving and thriving.  It's a hero's journey, baby, and it seems like you're doing well with the challenges.  
Peggy

[ranesess]

My husband is the one going through tx.  It's difficult.  When we're in the waiting room and listening to others -- many have spouses that left them after 20+ years because they couldn't take it.  I could never understand that.  It seemed so awful to leave someone when they are so sick.  The tx is brutal.

It is hard when they don't want you to talk to them, to keep the lights off, to stop checking on them, when they don't want to eat.  When you want them to eat, to do something, to get out of bed, to not be winded when they walk such a very short distance.  It's me watching for signs of something worse happening, and him telling me he's okay.  He isn't.  I know when he's crashing, and if he is I insist we're going to his doctor.  Then he gets transfusions.

But, the point here is this -- in the waiting room people tell me that they know it's affecting me as well.  It is.  I'm scared he's not going to make it.  I'm scared that this isn't going to be successful -- he can't tolerate the Ribavirin.  Are they going to quit the tx?  I don't know the answers to this stuff.  Not knowing and worrying is stressful -- for everyone.  Income is less because of this illness.  But that's nothing compared to the loneliness of having a spouse going through tx, and the worry.

One day I was driving back from the airport, I dropped my mother off who had been staying with us to help out.  When I got to my exit, I literally had to talk myself into taking it and not running away.  I wanted to run away so badly, and I had no idea I felt that way. I felt so guilty, and at that moment I understood why people left the ones they loved.  I took the exit, and I cried all the way home (it's an hour drive).  I cried for 2 more days before I called my doctor and asked for anti-depressants, because I need help dealing with the reality of this.  It's hard.  I can't change this bad stuff, and I love my husband.  I hate seeing him like this, and it's not easy to live with him.  He mostly wants to be left alone, and then sometimes he feels like he's lonely and I ignore him.  There's a lot of no-win situations.  I know he feels bad.  I know when he's grumpy with me it's because he feels so bad.

Sometimes I hover over/around him.  Sometimes I beg him to take a shower/bath, or to change his clothes, or I try to change his bedding while he's up.  I listen to him trying to be 'one with the universe' in an effort to not feel so much pain.

I think it's awful to leave someone when they're in the midst of this treatment.  I can't imagine abandoning him while he's going through this, and I think we found out about it too late.  I think he's not going to beat this.  I'm really scared.

Maybe talking about this and anti-depressants can help you two?  If they can't, then in the long run, you're better off without him.  Don't let him take everything else from you too.  I don't know who you have to lean on.. but you need someone.

This disease is insidious and the treatment is brutal.

I wish you the best!
P.S.  I'm new here.

[sweetpea4444]

When I read your post about your " husband" and I use that term loosely....that he was leaving you if you didn't quit your last 15 weeks of treatment I was in disbeliel !!!! I was diagnosed in 2002 with HepC on a fluke I was scheduled for a total knee replacement I went to a blood center to have my own blood reserved for surgery.

I was later informed I had Hep C !!!! I was in total shock to say the least. I had my knee replaced went through 1 1/2 years of rehabilation, then went through 1 year of the interferon combo treatment, that's 1 shot a week and 6 horse pills a day.

My Husband of 35 years stood by me every step of the way !!!!! he fed me when I couldn't feed myself, he bathed me when I couldn't do it myself.
That's what those wedding vows meant !!!! thru sickness and thru health !!!!! You should not even hesitate about kicking your husband Out, Out, Out !!!!!!!

Love doesn't Hurt...... honey he is showing you with every fiber of his being what kind of man he is. When people show you who they ARE BELIEVE THEM !!!!!!!!!  Go on and finish your treatment, start your life anew, cancel his insurance and don't look back. Find you a man that will love you I mean Really love you, in sickness and in health.

[RALPH44]

thank you for your thoughts and support, my girl friend stayed with me this weekend, had to go to my dentist today i was to get a crown had to tell him just to do the filling could afford the crown. He was so sweet said I could pay alittle at a time he would do the crown anyway.

[nygirl7]

Things will get better.  Once you get SVR and still have the money from your inheritance - take it and do something good for yourself. Oh he'll be back telling you all sorts of sweet things but dont' fall for it - sometimes the worst things that happen to us end up being the best.

I bet in a few years when you are happy and in love with someone who treats you like the princess you should be treated like - you'll say wow, those internet people were so BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!   ;)

Seriously though - you are better off without him.  Let someone else clean up after his third DWI...he sounds like a weezle and he'll find someone.

Just don't let it be you.  You deserve BETTER.

[kitkat14]

This has turned out to be a very interesting thread in that there have been so many different opinions on what you should do.

Its difficult enough to go through treatment without having problems with your partner.  My ex-husband and I split up before I started treatment, thank god.  I can't imagine trying to go through this with him around.  On the other hand, it can't be easy for anyone living with someone treating and I can see where a partner could feel the need to get away to work things out.  A separation until you have completed your last 15 weeks might benefit both of you.  Just make sure you complete your treatment, don't whatever you do cut it short.

Don't make any rash decisions.  Wait until your treatment is over and both you and your husband are thinking with clearer heads.  

If you do decide to give it another go, you'll end up going back into the relationship that much wiser.  You'll have a better understanding of what you really need, and what things you just can't tolerate.  Check out your local ALANON group.  They'll help you decide what's best for you.

Wishing you strength,
k

[scratchinghead]

Give it time. Work on yourself right now. Keep coming to this forum.

[mudders]

I just joined this today and i want to say thank you.I am the spouse.My hubby has it and i am about to leave him.I say this not because i don't love him but the meds make it darn near impossible sometimes to help.It seems everything i say or do is wrong and i can do it anymore i am sitting here crying as i write this.i am a grumpy person but my hubby got mad at me last night for being quite.any advice plz

[Ugly14U]

C'mon, you guys...Humans are imperfect. Maybe the guy has his limitations, and just doesn't know how to ask for a "time-out". We arent all enlightened beings, brimming with compassion and understanding. Definitely take care of yourself and finish treatment though, and then address this issue.This **** is rough on everyone.

[mudders]

my bedroom has an office for my hubby to go when he needs quite time.we have 4 kids and the youngest got diabetes 1 week before tx started.It just seems i can't do anything right and then he tells me i make him feel bad for me being sad about things sometimes.I do everything i can for him he also has diabetws.this is the first place that has a lot of info.I just have no family or friends close by and i needed someone to talk about this.He says 16 yrs of this **** is enough so i don't know how things will end up....thnx for listening

[oldhepper]

I tend to agree with Texas714. Probably because I'm a Texas woman. That doesn't mean I, personally, agree with taking him back. I wouldn't but...

Do what is best for YOU.

[copyman]

It has been almost a year since this thread was started. Did he ever come back? Well  I hope it all worked out for you.

[Mary4now]

Take care of yourself, you can still forgive the idiot, but take care of yourself. See yourself as your own best friend and what would you tell that best friend to do.  
You need to hang with people that care about you as much as you care about them and have the strength to see you through the tough times.
I always give them enough rope to hang themselves and they do, so I'm not ever gonna be in a relationship again, cuz I cant pick em.  But I have been able to surround myself with loving ppl.  Please take care of yourself.  
M4now

[thegypsy9164]

Wanted to throw in my support.  Some people just stink.  Who knows why.  YOU DON'T!  Remember that.  My wife had issues and left as well.  They are HER issues, not mine.  I didn't cause them and I can't fix them.  All I can do is try to continue to be a good person, not take home thorns when I can have flowers and ask for guidance from God.  You too!
From Texas
Joey

[Bill1954]

Ralph44 started this thread nearly a year ago.

Bill

[puppiepaws]

hey on my side of the story, i have this friggin disease, i hate it but i gotta live with it, i have one of the most understanding guys i could ever imagine, he listens and craddles me when iam depressed and he loves me so much, he has gone so far to cry and tell me what i mean to him,, We have only been married 5 yrs and apparently i had this disease before we got togather but i had no idea,, The doctor called me in ofc and suuggest i take the test, so i did and the hardest thing for me was to tell my husband and fear of him leaving me, he is still by my side today and he meant the vows of life thru sickness and health and all the other stuff.. i could never imagine haveing someone so self  centered on themselves not caring and be loving to the one on tx, yes its hard,  but  for me i couldnt have made it without my hubby by my side even though i relapsed, he is my soul mate and he took care of me and cook and brought it to my bedside and all the stuff... iam just suggesting if a person really loves u he or she will understand and get guidance to help them thru this dificult time...

[oldhepper]

No matter when this thread began, apparently it struck a cord with someone enough to compel him or her to respond to it recently and thereby open up interest again. Perhaps that's an indication of how important the subject is to those of us who live with and/or fight HCV and all of its nastiness.

I hope RALPH44, the original poster, found hope and help and support.

[copyman]

true this thread is a year old and has been brought back to life. true that it stinks when a loved one leaves, especially when you need them the most. but maybe it was unbearable for the spouse. there are always 2 sides to the story. these drugs can make you do and say some awful things. i'm lucky my wife didn't leave me when i was tx'ing, i flipped more then once and couldn't beleive what I said.
i'm not saying it was right or wrong for the husband to leave but maybe there was more to it and tx was the straw that broke the camels back.

[IMstacie]

I think it Mudders who we are responding to this time around.

[RALPH44]

I really dont come to this Web Site much anymore even though it was a great support. I went in for my 6 months blood test last tuesday no results yet. So I was compelled to check in here and saw my old post. Yes, he did come back a month later we did a lot of talking before I let him come back. He said he would rather be with me sick then with out me. And he had been staying with his bother and one of his sisters. My husband said he really did have a good life. April was our 20th anaversity and we are still together.It is better now we still have our little arguments but who dont. By the way the treatment left me with arthritis has that happened to anyone else? Thank you all Shelly

[copyman]

hey shelly,

glad to hear everything worked out.

as for the arthrirtis, many people have the joint pain during and post tx. including me.  i hope it gets better as time goes by.

good luck on your 6 month test..

[jdwithhcv]

Thanks for updating us.  I'm glad to hear things are going better.  Best of luck on that PCR.  Be sure to let us know when you get the results.

jd

[Mary4now]

Good update.  So funny  responding to a year old post.

[IMstacie]

So glad things worked out.  If I would have responsed to the original post, my take on it would have been a little more forgiving.  Not everyone can deal with illness and/or disaster the same way.  I don't think anyone should hold that against them.  I would have forgiven him and locked the door behind him.  

Very glad you two are back together.