Major Meltdown

[scaredwife]

Okay, I'm not the one on tx, but I had a serious major meltdown Friday. Husband's hgb is down to 9 and started Procrit. Daughter's wedding is less than 3 weeks and worried he can't even be able to walk her down the aisle. Scared husband will have a heart attack because of Procrit. Trying to handle our businesses (yes, that's plural) while he's down. Subcontrator trying to pull fast one on me with inferior materials because I'm a woman. Got a message from a difficult customer and just LOST IT. Started screaming and throwing things. Scared office manager to death and thought she was going to call the guys in the white coats, but felt a little better after. Don't want husband to know I'm at wit's end because it would just upset him. I feel guilty that I'm freaking out because he's the one that is physically going through all this s**t, but I'm afraid with 36 more weeks to go I'll end up in the funny farm.

[ladybug52]

My doctor put me on A/D's for the high anxiety, anger issues when I was pre-menopausal, with 4 teenagers living at home. They are good kids, justnormal teena-agers and they outnumbered me. Effexor did not help me so I switched to celexa. Ask you dr if something else might control the anxiety issues. It's anxiety and fear that make us lose it and blow up. You've been doing a great jon supporting your husband, but caretakers usually forget to take care of themselves! My goodness, you have a wedding coming up businesses to run and a husband on tx! No wonder you're losing it. The wedding alone drove me crazy last year!
Take care--of you!
Hugs,
Bug

[scaredwife]

Thanks for the encouraging words. I know we'll make it, but it is overwhelming. I'm already taking Effexor but not for depression. My doctor prescribed it for hot flashes. Go figure. Guess it's a good thing I'm already taking an AD or my episode might have been worse if that's possible.

[Maui lover]

Once the Procrit kicks in hubby will start feeling better.  It takes a little time for it to work, but when it does he will definitely feel better.  When it started to work for my husband the first thing he noticed was that he could walk around without being out of breath.  That's when we knew he was going to be ok.  
I think once the wedding day rolls around the adrenaline alone will get him going and he'll be just fine walking down the aisle.  =)

I agree with Kalio and Jim.  Talk to your doctor.  Xanax might just be what you need at this point.  I took it occasionaly while my husband was treating and it does help.  Definitely go out and take a walk when you are feeling overwhelmed or go get a manicure or just take 15 minutes to yourself to be quiet and calm.  Whatever you do, just do it!  You have to take care of yourself so that you can be there to take care of everything else.  Ask friends and family for help if you need to.  You can't be expected to take on everything by yourself.  Just remember that it will get better and you will get through this.  It is incredibly overhwhelming at times but just take it one day at a time.  

Exactly one year ago my husband had just been diagnosed and I was terrified over what the future held for us.  After a rough 6-month treatment we made it through to the other side.  You will too!

[Kalio1]

You have a lot on your plate, sorry about that. Maybe a tad of Xanax on hand would help, your stress level has to be stratospheric at this point. You don't sound depressed to me, just overwhelmed by the enormity of the load you are having to carry but your anxiety and stress level is off the charts.You didn't mention depression, do you feel depressed?  One person can only take so much! Sometimes a little anxiety med can go a long way. Check in with your doc on it and please remember than even though he is the one who is sick, YOU have the burden to carry from all the extra jobs you have to fill due to his illness. That is a lot to handle in normal circumstance, but with an upcoming wedding and two businesses, yikes!

Things will be OK. His procrit will kick in and he will make the wedding! Tell that sub "nice try" and hold back his check, that should inspire him to stop being such a chauvanist. I can relate to the **** they try to pull on us in construction because we are women, it's so frustrating but you have the upper hand!

I say you need a well deserved break of some sort, carve some time out for a spa visit or just a walk or something and BREATHE. Put it all out of your mind. This too shall pass.
A good meltdown/vent now and again can be a good thing.

Hang in there.

[jmjm530]

Depressed people don't always feel depressed or even sound depressed. My doc recommended Lexapro to me at one point (probably when I blew up in his office :)) even though I told him I didn't "feel" depressed. He said he often recommends Lexapro so people on treatment "won't kick the dog". And ADs are also very effective for anxiety.

Certainly don't have the qualifications or knowledge of what "Scared" is really feeling to make a diagnosis or rx recommendation, but just wanted to add that you certainly don't rule out depression because a person doesn't feel or sound "depressed", and what can often start as a simple anxiety can turn to depression  under the right circumstances.  Hopefully, if you feel the need to seek medical advice, your doctor will chart the appropriate course after carefully taking your history.

All the best,

-- Jim

[jmjm530]

Our last two posts crossed, but just another instance where an AD is not prescribed for what some might term "depression". Under the circumstances, you might want to check in again with your doc regarding your dose or if something else needs to be added to the psyce cocktail.

Be well,

-- Jim

[jmjm530]

Sorry about all of it. Maybe you should speak to your own doctor about ADs or something to help get you through this very difficult and stressful period. As you are finding out, treatment doesn't just affect the one treating, but family as well. Your husband is lucky that he has such an involved partner. Many in your situation just run away or hide.

All the best,

-- Jim