My son won't let me see my grandbaby

My son won't let me see my new grandbaby. He's afraid I will giver her hepatitis C. And I'm probably undetectible already. But I won't have the test for 2 weeks.

I sent him and his wife the information of how you catch it a week ago and I have heard nothing. I told my daughter in law to please talk to her doctor. My doctor wanted to talk to my son before I started tx but he refused to go.

[GrandmaA]

I have had hepatitis C since that son was 7 months old and he never caught it. These people are most unreasonable, unfair and cruel.

[sfbaygirl]

OMG, that is awful! Could your son call and talk to your dr on the phone? It is a shame that they are being so unreasonable. Maybe you can offer to take extra precautions with the baby when you see it. My oldest son didn't want me to see one of his daughters for the first two weeks, but then did. Hope it works out!

[sallyo]

I really hate hearing this.  They are needlessly depriving this child of the joy of having a grandma.  Many children never knew their grandparents and now someone like yourself is denied this relationship out of fear and lack of eduacation.
    I had two children while most likely positive for hep c.  Never knew about it until they were 16 and 7 years old.  Until that time we took no precautions.  We ate and drank after each other.  Snuggled and hugged We share hairbrushes and wrapped up in blankets in front of the T.V., eating popcorn out of the same bowl.  After I found out I had this disease, I became very careful not to share items and just in general be more mindful of personal items and cuts or scratches.
   Both of my children are negative for the disease as is my husband of 29 years.  SO, I'm just saying that its not transmitted through casual contact.  Sounds ike you already know that but your daughter-in-law doesn't.  Don't be too hard on her for being afraid though.  Maybe she just need more time.
   I made a point of not telling my kids all about it because I was afraid that the parents of their friends might have the same reaction as your daughter-in- law and stigmatise (?) my children
Some might think others have a right to know but that is the way I chose to handle it at the time.  After my transplant in 2005, the word was out and to this day all of their friends still come around and think nothing of it.  I hope your son and his wife will re consider and do so with open arms soon

[Kalio1]

Im so sorry. I hate to say it but your son sounds like he is a real jerk to you. How cruel and ignorant to do that. You poor dear. Sounds like they didn't even read the info or are entrenched in the need to alienate you due to HCV. My experience is people like that tend to dig their heels in and stand their ground on issues like this rather than educate themselves. I so hope that doesn't happen in this case. Maybe you could get your other son to talk to him? If he won't even call the doctor to get the hard facts from an expert I don't know what you can do. I'd try again to see if he will talk to the doctor. That must be so very hard on you. Maybe your doctor wouldnt mind calling him? It's hard to believe such an open minded person like yourself has a son who is behaving so close minded. Is this the same son who was mean to you prior to starting tx? This just makes me so peeved. The baby needs it Grandma! How selfish of he and his wife!
I so hope you can resolve it, there is no way you could give it to a baby!
You can't rationalize with a person who is being irrational and it sounds like your son is being irrational.

[northstar]

I am saddened when I read a post like this. It wasnt that long ago HIV was treated pretty much the same way. With all the education that has been directed toward this awful disease, there have been some improvements. Hopefully one day there will be REAL education about what we all go through,....not just medically but these stories of horrendous emotional abuse, based on fear and ignorance.
I will keep you in my prayers. :)

[ladybug52]

I knew this one was going to break my heart before I read it. Your subject says it all. My heart breaks for you because this is so cruel and unfair! Is this the son that didn't want you to treat initially? I thought you had a talk with him later re: the doctor's appt and ironed some things out. I know you have more than one son don't you? Could another family member try to reason with him?
I am so sorry that you have to go though this hell. I have my first grandchild, she's nearly 4 months, and I can't imagine being kept away from her by ignorance of the disease.
Keep trying to talk to your son, just keep hammering away at the two of them till they get tired and give in. You know, like our kids use to whine till they got their way?
My prayers are with you,
Janice

[OnAPrettyPoison]

I am so sorry....his ignorance, his loss, and unfortunately the grandbaby is caught in the middle.  Hopefully, he will come around.  Is this the son that didn't want you to treat?

[chcnme]

Oh gosh - that is so sad to me.  I can't imagine the heartache for you.  I would be devastated.  I was so afraid my daughter-in-law  (who I had never met) would be afraid of me.  They were getting ready to move back to this area (with a new baby.)  I was scared to death and found myself thinking "what if she winds up being afraid of me - for the baby?"  So I called my son - before they ever moved back here.  He was almost mad I had called and had asked. But it was a HUGE fear for me, and I had to ask because I think it would have done me in had his answer been "I don't know".  His answer was "H** NO we aren't afraid of you!  You are a grany, ya old lady, get ready to babysit, too!"  

I hope so much for you AND your son and your GRANDCHILD that he will come around.  Is he just scared to death - does he just not know about Hep C?  He has no reason at all to be afraid - NONE.  There is NOTHING as special to a child as their grandma and grandpa!!  Do you have someone else that can help you talk to him?  How is his wife?  Is she also afraid?

I just hope it all will work out for you.  

[copyman]

Sorry you are going through this grandma. maybe he will come to his senses. could there be more then just the hep c keeping him away, perhaps he may be upset about something else. can you think of anything else that may have put that bug up his @ss?

[goldyn]

Theres an old family remedy in our family for kin who act like , we just lay on the ole GUILT........
How dare he do that to you he knows about hepc, maybe he still doesnt like you taking a stand foryourself and treating your illness, despite his wishes that you didnt...
well grandma you took that stand on treatment and your prolly already clear your doing great...I know that boy will come around, you just keep calling and asking how your beautiful grandbaby is, theyll be a time prolly real soon that they are gong to need your advice, just keep sending your love the babys way.......

[orphanedhawk]

This is very sad and my heart goes out to you. Since the baby is so young, you have time on your side.  Try to understand that in a misguided way your son and daughter-in-law think they are protecting their child. Protecting a newborn is natural.
    I would  suggest you continue sending them clear, straightforward, truthful information about Hep C. and  heartfelt letters, regularly. Perhaps you can convince them that they are not only hurting you , but also the child, and themselves.
    I hope there will be a time, soon, that you write to tell us your son has apologized to you.
     Good luck

[Pdilly]

Could it be more his wife that is calling the shots?  Surely he knows he was raised and does not have it.   I agree that education for them is the best thing.  Maybe you keep mailing them information explaining HEPC.  Also when you get UND let them know big time.
My heart goes out to you.

[sass_blue]

I am wondering if copyman might be right...pretty #$@^^& excuse if he is right.....your son needs to educate himself, be supportive of you, and not deprive his child of a grandma.  For goodness sake I gave birth to two children while I have hep c and neither child has it....Hope everything works out for you and your family.....you must feel very hurt...

[Forseegood]

So sorry to hear this, maybe you should give him a copy of this thread, perhaps he needs a shock to open his eyes...because they are closed now...

A lot of people become aggressive and resentful of things they don't understand, or don't want to deal with .....it doesn't "fit"  into the way they think things should go....with their expectations of life - which is so silly, cause nothing will trip you up faster then expectations...

I hope you at least let his ignorance and resentment be 'his' problem, and not take "his stuff" as your own....or feel really bad or guilty about being ill and treating....you didn't ask to have this disease... he'll probably think differently about it as time goes on, and let you see your grandbaby....even the most stubborn of us can come around...

[Lady E]

I think that is totally absurd with your son not letting you see the baby.  I remember how unreasonable he was with you when you were making your final decision to tx, and how upset he made you back then. I am so sorry that you have to be going through not seeing the baby now. That must break your heart. I know your son is stubborn & unreasonable, but I think the only thing you can do is to try to inform & educate him. But from what I understand (from a few months ago) He is stubborn & won't even try to understand. My heart goes out to you. I hope you can make him understand the facts about hcv & be able to hold & spend time with your grandbaby as you should be allowed to do. I remember how excited you were before the baby was born.
-E

[sindog]

The greater loss is to your grandchild who will not have the family support from all available loved ones. Don't give up and try to understand they are afraid, even though it is needless. Maybe you could come to some agreement that will make them feel safer.

[NYgirl]

I'm sorry - we've seen this happen before and it just makes NO sense at all.  I gave birth to two kids and they are now 16 & 18 - and I was infected the whole time and they never got it. The chances are so SLIM it's ridiculous.

Tell him he had better never ever let her out of the house because the chance that she will be infected with something else is much much MUCH greater.

Oh boy Im sorry I'm just so mad. I know how much you were looking forward to her and I mean look at your NAME!

Ugh. I'm just so sorry.

[GrandmaA]

Thanks for all your supportive and kind comments. It makes me feel better. Yes, he is the same son who didn't want me to treat.
Yes, I have an older son and 2 grandsons and we have loads of fun. They are all so good to me and accept me just as I am.

[Kalio1]

You know what they say, take the best and leave the rest.
Im so glad you have your other sons and grandbabies, you keep at that stubborn/judgemental son to improve his view if you can but you are on tx and you need to be kind to yourself so maybe go see those other grandbabies for now.

Its tragic for this to happen, most of all for the baby but sometimes we just cant fix things no matter how much we want to.I know you know this, but I dont want this to send you into depression or feeling badly which we can tend to do on tx. Sometimes our kids are just plain wrong. Sometimes we wonder,how the heck did this happen? how can my own child be this way or I didn't teach him that! but there is not much we can do about it but hope they "see the light"


something like this is especially hard during this season.
hang in there

[mremeet]

Sorry to hear of your ongoing troubles with your son grandma. You seem like a real sweet lady, I'm sure your grandbaby would benefit tremendously from your affection. I loved my grandmas, my life would be much emptier without the memory of them in it. Like I said before, wack em with your cane! :) Just kiddin...

Sometimes grown children like to "punish" their parents for issues they carry with them into adulthood. I'm sure we all know that many can carry deep resentments towards their parents well into adulthood for things they feel their parents could have done better when they were children. Sometimes these resentments have a basis in fact, and sometimes they're just a grown child's misinterpretation of what happened in the past. And sometimes it's simply a grown child's refusal to accept responsibility for their own bad behavior as adults (and therefore attempt to blame it on someone else, like poor old mom or dad). Or it's their failure to come to the simple realization that they're parents were human, they made mistakes but they did the best they could based on their own upbringings and with what they had at the time.

I don't know if your son might be trying to 'punish' you by depriving you of something he must know you hold so dear. But maybe if you spoke with him in earnest about the situation, he might open up and tell you what's on his mind. Maybe then some kind of resolution or forgiveness and increased understanding between you can be achieved. Families need to stick together and help each other. He might be dealing with some kind of internal anger that's keeping you two separated in the way it is. And if it has nothing to do with those types of issues, maybe he can speak with your doctor or otherwise just get educated to the point where he would realize you pose no risk to his baby?

Whatever happens, just keep your eye on the prize and keep chugging along with your treatment. Once you SVR his invalid argument that you pose a risk to the child will completely fall flat on its face. Hang in there...

[Chev55]

I can only imagine how that would feel and sorry you're facing this.   You're son is afraid and hopefully the information will sink in and his mind will open and his heart soften. I pray  that you will  be seeing and enjoying this grandchild as you are doing with your older son and his 2 sons.

[Cindy10]

I am so sorry to hear this. Just not what you need right now.
I hope he comes around, esp now with Christmas.

Hang in there, things have a way of working out!

[dj83]

OMG, thats horrible.  Hopefully your son will come to his senses.

[l-horn]

Yeah I've gotten some pretty strange treatment from people but I try not to get angry. My niece is pregnant and I know they think about it so I have basically 'self-quaranteened' myself from her, simply to not put her in any sitatuation that would make her uncomfortable.

A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling pretty good and wanted to watch a game that was not on the normal broadcasts so I went to the pub I used to hang out to watch it. People literally treated me like I had the plague.

Human beings are flawed, what can you see. You, me, everyone. I try not to get to wrapped up in things on the tx because I've found once I start getting upset or angry and really sets off my sx. Anger is a killer, expecially on the tx.

Somehow, you have to understand where they're coming from, forgive them and let it go. I don't know any other way.

[GrandmaA]

He might be mad at me for giving away his cat. I took care of the cat for 5 months. Then I told him I wanted him to take it back and he said he didn't want it now that he has a baby. He never even thanked me for taking care of it for 5 months. It was a big sacrifice. Got hair all over my home, etc. The cat got a better home. He's very happy now. He has a private room.