Not my plan

Im 53 yrs old,my persanality has been based on alcohol since 12. I did 10 weeks on the Peg-Red treatment totally convinced I could be alcohol free and kick this disease of mine with 2 heads.They took me off said it wasnt for me.My anger was treated with Paxil 3 Doc said it is the only one that dosnt go threw liver.Today I feel like **** every morning, my VL is growing into the 4000. No one seems to care or apreciate the new me.Im having a bad day becouse I except my dying as it comes,with alcohol. that is who I am.

[timedog]

I don't follow your post. were you drinking while treating? why isn't treatment for you? was it not working or you had bad side effects. are you drinking now.

[links1999]

Drinking has been a big part of my adult life. Now this hep c stuff. Its one of the biggest challenges I'm now facing. I fluctuate between being angry and depressed. So, you're not alone.

[cuteus]

moytoy; well, if you are still drinking and still hcv positive, are you preparing to live a shorter life? Do you have family that will sorely miss you?  My boss's 43 yr old brother was just turning his life around from drinking, after ending in ICU with ESLD.  He also had hep c, yes, HAD.  He did not finish turning his life around.  At age 43, done.  HCV + alcohol helped get him there.  Your choice.  DOn't wait too long if you are still hoping to turn things around.  
Do take care of yourself.

Rev, that is one of the best planned deaths I have seen.  I want what you are having!

[St. George]

I hate when alcoholism is called a " disease".   Hep C and HIV are true diseases.  I my opinion alcoholism is a slow suicidal deathwish and can be stopped at will, if the will is strong enough.  I wish I had that luxury  of being able to just will the virus away when it comes to my hep c, which is a legitimate disease.  My grandfather who was addicted to booze stopped cold turkey one day so screw all the cry baby whing  " diseased " alcoholics.

[links1999]

I dont know if it matters if it is classified as a disease or not. All I know is when I read the initial post I felt a twinge of compassion. I know how it feels to feel low. Anyway, yup he does need to pick himself up and do something about it. I just dont think the tirade was helpful at that moment.

[compulsive]

okay.  I can't stand ir.  This is supposed to be a support forum.  This person, unfortunately has HCV like most of the other folks here.  Even worse - they have an addiction on top of it.  They did stop drinking during TX, or least gave it a heck of a try.  I just buried my best friend aged 55, alcholic, and HCV posistive - he endured terrible pain (physical and mental - he was anguished because he just got married 6 mo.s before he died, terribly distraught about how unfair he was being to her knowing he was dying...) - he endured gangrene, terrible pain from his liver shutting down amd his kidneys failing and his digestive system failing., and finally, thank god, he died quickly from mennangitis probably picked up while he was makeing the rounds visiitng people with cancer, lukemia, HIV... bringing groceries, medication, emotional support jokes and laughs.  He never was able to completely stop drinking. Couldn't even tolerate pain pills the last few months of his life.  Kept visiting right up to the day before he died.    Wanted to quit drinking, god knows he cut down and TRIED to not hurt his liver too much.  But the pain was too much, and the addiction (48 years) too strong.  He was a "high functioning" drunk right up until the HCV and Alchohol finally beat his very strong body into the ground.  It took 5 years for him to die after they told him his liver was damaged.  Man this just makes me so emotional.  I know there are spelling and typos - I am trying to not cry.  Just because somone has a weakness (god knows we all have em) does not mean they do not deserve the best support you can give them.  I am not saying to buy a drunk a drink - but maybe take them out to eat or share a little humanity.  And yeah - they often don't even remeber what happened - but the heart and soul does.  Lighten up, and show some compassion and love.  please....

[Kalio1]

st. george as in Utah? Please tell me you didn't name yourself after a saint..

your "just quit you loser" attitude to addiction is naive.


diseases kill. alcoholism/addiction kills. you do the math.

[St. George]

I wish I could 12 step my Hep c away!  Unfortunately not.

[St. George]

car accidents and rattle snakes kill too, are they a disease?

[rochammer]

Moytoy

It

[bobbyullc]

AT TIMES I WISH I ONLY HAD HEP C OR CANCER. THERE ARE DRUGS THAT CAN CURE THOSE DISEASES AND THE CHANCES OF RECOVERY ARE BETTER THAN 50% OR THE 10% RECOVERY RATE OF REAL ALCOHOLICS. I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING ALCOHOL ALL MY LIFE. I DO NOT HAVE A DEATH WISH. ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE IT KNOW WHAT IS LIKE TO LOOSE ALL OVER A OBSESSION TO DRINK. TO GET UP EACH MORNING AND SAY NEVER AGAIN AND BE DRUNK BY NOON TO HEAR YOU WIFE CRY HERSELF TO SLEEP TO TAKE ANTIBUSE AND THEN SIT IN THE PARKING LOT OF A HOSPITAL DRINKING SO YOU WILL NOT BE FAR FROM HELP. YOU WILL NEVER NEVER UNDERSTAND.
BOBBY

[St. George]

Why do you drink?  What aspect of "you" do you dislike or  what dark corner of your personality are you afraid to face head on.  No need to hide behind a bottle, face your fear and be done with it!

[links1999]

How did you get HVC?

[Moytoy]

WOW what a comeback. Thanks to all even St George you gave me streangth threw the positive and not so kind  words.St George at times I have witnessed alcoholics .One friend was left alone in the middle of nowhere in a gold mining shack.2 hour walk to town.Her husband came back 4 days later thinking the withdrawals would be over and she was dead from drinking syanide.

[St. George]

Mom gave it to me and my sister at birth.  Mom got it from a needle stick at work (shes a nurse).

[bobbyullc]

enough of your 2 cent psyco-analizing, as i said...you will never understand. i have read some of your previous posts. have you ever tried ad's? you sound like you need them or at least one friend who will stay by you with that attitude. it must be a bit@h to be you.
bobby

[St. George]

Not at all.  I love being me ( minus hep c), unlike a depressed alcholic.

[St. George]

Most alcoholics I have known have been immature adults who never really left childhood behind.

[timedog]

are you just in a bad mood? are you just looking for a fight? how did you really get hep c? why don't you read a bit more about alocholism and then you can be better informed because you clearly don't know what you are talking about.

[Moytoy]

Who said I was depressed.Far from that. I made a straight comment that I was angry that I have to put my best friend ,my companion that has been with me threw alot of family and friends deaths,to rest.Alcohol has always been there.Now Im told it cant be in my life.The pain is the same as loosing the most loved person in your life.You surely have no knowledge of alcoholism.

[copyman]

all i can say is i hope it works out for you moytoy. and for st george sounds like you got it all together so what are you doing in a support forum. a perfect person (minus the hcv) like you should not be here. i think you blew any chace for people helping you here after your remarks, but what the hey if/when you will be able to work it out on your own. god bless and happy thanksgiving to all.

[moveabove]

How are you doing?  The tx did not work?  Are you having trouble?

[NYgirl]

Stopping drinking was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.  Unless you've actually had to go through it - it's an understatement if anyone says they understand blah blah blah.

But you cannot give up.  That is not a viable decision.  Please find a good qualified therapist to talk to and get their help.  Drinking isn't just physical it is very much mental.

And the mental part...that was the part that made it the hardest for me.  I tried and tried and finally now...it's sunk in.  It really IS a one day at a time thing and I am only one drink away from where I was.

I wish the best of luck and hope that you can do it.

[compulsive]

Good for you !!! Be angry, be sad, feel all of those nasty feelings and share them, somewhere, with others enduring the same.  Your doing GREAT!  Feel the good stuff too - when it comes along.  I'll be rooting for you!

[moveabove]

I love you and am saving a chair for you, in A.A.

[St. George]

Why would people no longer help me here?  I can't have a politically incorrect opinion?  I'm sure there are people here  who agree with me on this subject but are afraid to chime in.  Let's focus on true diseases, like hep c!!  Also, I did receive at birth and not by being some addict and I'm pissed people throwing around  the term disease so lightly!!!

[Moytoy]

Thanks to everyone for the support. You pulled me threw a rough day.I will post again another day. HAPPY THANKSGIVING

[St. George]

If I have the strength to endure this treatment 3x's now the poor poor addict can find the strength to stop killing himself.
Moveabove save the chair for one of your whining addict cronies.

[timedog]

how old are you?

so if you don't have it it must not be real or bad is what it sounds like. I know and people who are poor it is because they just choice not to work right!

you have a very out dated point of view on the subject that is why your not finding anyone who agrees with you. like I said why don't read up on the subject. but i guess ignorince is bliss

[avidreader]

You can have any and all opinions you want. Please though, don't state them as fact and don't make generalizations that are patently false about a disease you obviously know nothing about. It's not 'politically incorrect' to state that addiction is not a disease it's just not true.

[JazzCat]

I agree with you and I'm not afraid to say that.

I have lots of compassion for people battling alcoholism, as I'm sure you do, too.

But it's not a disease.  Plain a simple.

[JazzCat]

Plain AND simple.  Not a disease.

[Morgaina]

People hate what they fear and they fear what they dont understand.

[St. George]

No fear hear lady just don't appreciate the term " disease" tossed around lightly.  There are lots of so-called classified diseases(Acid reflux, irritible bowel syndrome, ) but are they truly. Alcoholics lack seratonin and other feel good brain chemicals and attempt to make up for them with booze.  I understand this concept, but come on alcohol lust cannot be put in the same category as HIV, Hepatitis, Cancer.  If you say otherwise you need to get an education and stop licking your childhood wounds.

[St. George]

I'm thirty

[GrandOak]

Have you personally suffered from alcoholism?  Have you considered the scientific evidence that there exists a pre-disposition to alcoholism?  

You certainly can have your own opinion, but you know what they say about them.  Despite yours, medical science has classified alcoholism as a disease.  Some who self clear HCV might say that you inability to clear it on your own is a lack of will power.

Your knowledge of your grandfathers situation certainly does not qualify you to be an expert on the subject.  While I congratulate your grandfather on his ability to stop of his own volition, this sad fact of the matter, which is well documented medical fact, is that not all are able to do so.

If you have not suffered from the affliction yourself, then it's best to simply keep your opinions to yourself.  Often times it's best to keep silent and allow others to wonder about your intelligence than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[moveabove]

It would not be a disease if will power could stop it. Take your will power and stop your hcv.   Maybe you don't understand, if you are an alcoholic you dont have will power over it, it is a disease.
Moytoy,  If your personality has been "based on alcohol" then at 53 yr old you have lived a life time on booze. That would qualify as an alcoholic. And if you are, forget the people around you and look into a 12 step program. I have seen many lifes change and a happiness that was never thought possible. You can die in 40 yrs or 40 days. I just hope you can die happy and in peace and for alcohlics that means sober

[St. George]

Heres a question, if its a true disease then what if the alcoholic was locked in a room and not allowed the alcohol or better yet what if alcohol suddenly disappeared from the earth what then would the alcoholic become addicted too. It's a weakness and excuse for not taking care of yourself.  It's a known fact that most addicts are selfish and egocentric and enjoy the addiction with no thought of others.  Disease, ha!  Why can grandad one day not decide to drink but others wallow in the self pity and subconscious rewards they receive from this pathetic state of destruction.  Grow up and face your life instead of hiding behind a substance that fogs out harsh reality.

[St. George]

Cry about your disease to the person riddled with cancer or the HIV patient who is 80 pounds and racked with pain.  They will inform you about disease!

[GrandOak]

First off, VL is not an indication of what damage has or is being done to your body.  However, since alcohol and HCV can both result in cirrhosis of our liver, to suffer from both is a double edged sword which decreases ones chances of living a full life.

I can only testify from my own experience that unlike HCV, alcohol in and of itself irregardless of whether it results in cirrhosis leads to death and cursing rather than life and blessing while one is under it's influence.  Worse yet is that unless one has no family it not only affects the individual suffering from alcoholism, but it has negative effects upon those around them who love them as well.

I can also testify that one does not have to accept their alcoholism as an inevitablity of all they are and all they will ever be.  For myself, and SoCal will most probably go ballistic here, I can say that it was not until I found a faith based treatment program, despite the many world renowned programs in my area, that I was able to find my deliverance.

Fortunately, I found mine prior to my diagnosis with HCV, and in fact it was because of it that my infection was diagnosed.  In retrospect I also wonder if my slide deeper into the bottle was not in some respects due to the disease and my attempt to self medicate myself by anesthesizing some of the side effects I was experiencing from HCV.

Bottomline is the help is out there if you are willing to reach for it.  But like salvation, it is a matter of choice as to whether you want to accept it.

[timedog]

you have to be kidding right. I can't believe you can be so damn judgemental and ignorant at the same time. but hey I guess that goes hand and hand. You don't think mental illness is a disease either?

Step back and think. No a little bit about what you speak before you open your mouth

[moveabove]

The anwser to your question is it is a spritual disease as much as physical.  And your hatred of alcohlics makes me wonder

[GrandOak]

It is interesting that you answer questions with questions.  It is quite obvious you have no personal experience, or knowledge, in this area and would do best to not remove all doubt about it.

[GrandOak]

Also, to answer your question, if one is not delivered from their disease, then removing the catalyst by locking them up or eradicating the drug from existence does not cure the disease.

As it has been pointed out, alcoholism may not be a true physical disease for many, but it has been documented to definitely be a psychological, and in some cases a spiritual, one.

[St. George]

I could easily drink everynight and love it but my rational intellect tells me that it is harmful to the organsim,me.  I beleive that addicts deeply dislike themselves and are commiting slow suicide.  Is suicide a disease, no.  It's an act of egocentricity.

[JazzCat]

While I agree with you that alchoholism (alcoholism) isn't a "disease," I do have to separate myself from you on your tone and attitude toward this issue.  I do have compassion for people struggling with addictions (even though I've not experienced that myself...thank God).  

You sound as though you don't have a shred of compassion.  Perhaps it's your age.  At 30, I had more of that "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality, too.  At 50, I see that we're all fraile, imperfect human beings who desperatly need God's saving grace and forgiveness.  

You might see things with softer eyes, and heart, in another 20 years.

[Morgaina]

Your age shows. There is no need for the anger you have. I too have watched an alcoholic step away on there own accord but he was all too willing to agree that the physiological aspect can be much worse for many. This is not a psychological addiction but a physiological one. There is no need to express empathy or concern but also no need to demean or degrade someone in an addictive experience that you really have no concept of. If you dont like the term "disease" move around it. You've expressed your opinion of that term and any further repetition is just cruel to those caught in the trap. I'm sorry but I dont remember where you are in treatment, I wish you luck. Lighten up!

[jmjm530]

SG:here are lots of so-called classified diseases(Acid reflux, irritible bowel syndrome, ) but are they truly.
------------------------------------------------
At first I thought it was merely "lack of compassion" as Jazz stated. However, with the above comments, I think it's also some lack of knowledge.

"Acid reflux" for example, is a very real condition/disease whose results can be seen in a myriad of objective ways including Barrett's Esophagus, a pre-cancerous condition that requires medical or even surgical intervention. One doesn't imagine they have Barrett's, dx is made after an upper endoscophy or EGD confirms it.  Nothing "so-called" about reflux or Barrett's and hopefully you won't get it as you get older when it becomes more common as the lower esophageal sphincter (LES)often starts to weaken allowing acid to flow upward back into the esophagus and even higher.

Wish everyone a Happy Turkey!

-- Jim

[bobbyullc]

fyi

the disease comes from when an alcoholic has one or two he developes and overwhelming craving for more that the normal drinker never gets, he therefore drinks to oblivian because he cannot stop...
then when he really wants to stop finds that his psycological problems are so bad he cannot. that is why aa is the only way for some of us. i do believe the alcohloc is responsible for trying but many are overwhelmed and die. it is the ONLY disease that tells you you do not have it. i also hate to see alcoholics enabled because that keeps them from hitting bottm and experiancing the pain they need to give themselves to recovery. ps i have been sober 22 of the last 24 years in aa.
bobby