Now I can Slowly Die

[want2live]

I have not been here much lately because I was getting bummed out reading all of the problems everyone is having with this treatment.
I feel like my treatment is being dangled in front of me like a carrot. The Dr. wants to send me to a pysch because the Riba makes me feel like it makes everyone feel, short tempered, etc.

I am sick and tired of being a puppet for the Dr. I have taken every pill, completed every test, and still their biggest motivation is to get me back to work. Well, I feel like ****, and am not going to attempt to go to work and lose what little dignity I have left. It's nice to know they care. They care about covering their own ass. Little else. Oh, that's right, they do care about getting paid first and foremost.

So, what is left of me gets to stop treatment, go to a job that I hate, and spend what is left of my time working 11 hours a day, only to come home frustrated and tired, only to get up and do it again.

And while I waste my time doing that, I will get sicker and sicker. Then death, which I will welcome. A release from this tortured life.

Good luck to you all. I hope that God does not punish you like he is me. I hope that you have better medical care than I was able to find. Maybe if I had more money (which is of course THE MOST IMPORTANT THING apparently), I could obtain proper care.

People get what they deserve. God is punishing me for all of the bad things I have done. I just want this life to be over.

But of course I can't simply die. I am sentenced to die a slow horrible death.

[Eyedeas]

Snap out of it kiddo!  The meds are making you feel this way or you would never have talken the name you use.  Talk to a different doctor, see a shrink (remember, right now we are probably the last person to judge how normally we are acting) if needed and keep us up to date.  Hang tough!

[cuteus]

You sound like you are in such despair...sometimes when I can't offer a solution, I just listen, or hold the person close.  I pray that this stronghold lifts enough so that you can catch your breath soon.  
I know what you mean about listening to others problems, and sometimes even listening to the wonderful svr news can bring you down.  it is the nature of the darkness, it envelopes the good and the bad.

be well

[Honey15637]

Hey there!!  Been missing ya and you slacked up on thurs nite dinner that is so much fun!!  I've been there....and back...and there again LOL  I called my mom one day and asked her what I did to deserve this...That I was a good person and always helped etc...And why did God want to punish me???  Ok...you know the drill...Just what you are going through right now...Probably not tomorrow.  Anyways...My Mom Said same thing as kim did...Snap out of it!  You have done nothing and honestly its so true...Do we all honestly think here at this forum...everyone is bad and being punished or for that matter...people with other diseases...No...Not bad people just like you aren't!  This is lifes lessons for us and it sucks...Big time but I honestly feel there will be a reason down the road...A reason for this season and we will get it one day.  For now....You are not dying a slow horrible lingering death...Call your dr. and tell him...you are depressed and see what you can work out!  We care here about you and want you to come more often!!  (((((Hugs))))) Tomorrow is a new day of the rest of your life!!

[mysmile*]

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, Its not over til its over, and You are better than this dis-ease.  Don't give up and don't give in because if this breaks your spirit then it wins, even if it does end up taking your life, if it never takes your spirit, it is not victorious.  Look forward to everyday, Live it! Love it!  And Don't use blame as a coping skill. There are far more constructive ways to cope.  I'll pray that you find inspiration, and hope from some source in your life.  From the God who loves you and is not trying to punish you but send you a message of gigantic porportians.  It is there, seek.

*(i hope that i have not offended anyone, i have just spoke my heart)*

[want2live]

I got the message that God sent me.
He said you screwed up, and for that you will be punished beyond your wildest dreams.

Snap out of it?
Snap out of having my life ruined?
Snap out of getting shitty medical treatment?
Snap out of saying the wrong thing to the Dr. and getting put through the shredder for it?
Snap out of wanting to be well?
Snap out of not being allowed to grow old with my wife?
Snap out of wondering if she will be taken care of now that I have no insurance?
Snap out of not being able to see my grand daughter grow up?
Snap out of being looked at as a leper by others?
Snap out of all my dreams and hopes being crushed forever?
Snap out of it?

Won't someone please come forward with a nice "get over it" to put the icing on the cake?

I just want it to be over. All of it.

[cuteus]

NO you don't snap out of THOSE things. You get angry and then you are miserable for a while(however long it takes) and then your survival instinct kicks in and you do what is right for YOU.

Since you have shown strength before, I am hoping that what you do is not give in to the quicksand. take the time to recoup and plan your strategy for living. include anyone you need even us.

[bystander2002]

Lets see. YOU say---
"I have not been here much lately because I was getting bummed out reading all of the problems...."

Hey but thanks so much for brightening my day with the **** about the slow death. Nice reminder you gave all here.

Heres advice for you- since you seem? to want some-
-Quit blaming your god
-Think before you type (others may be worse off than you, and not need to be knocked down even lower)
- Change your nickname

[Sioux]

You have to get a grip !!!! I was just like you, several times during tx. I just wanted my old life back !! I could not work. I called in sick everyday. I did try to hang in there until long term disability kicked in(only working a few hours a week). I was teminated from my job. But you know what. I didn't care. I was able to stay home with alot less stress. I felt like a mack truck ran over me everyday. I did have to take A/d and anxiety meds. They did take the edge off, Do not let this dragon take over your will to fight. Think about all the good things in life in spite of your medical disabilities. God does not punish us. He is there to help you, you just need to ask.

[mysmile*]

I dont know how old you are, I am 26, my son is 2 i cannot get insurance either, I know what its like to think that i wont get to see him grow up, i often hope only to live long enough to where he will remember me, other times i hope i wont, so that he will not have to watch his mother die.  I may not see him grow up, but i believe that i we will meet again in heaven.  I know that I will not ever have a chance of recieving great medical care because i have no career, and no experience, I know that I MESSED up my life, by doing things MYSELF.  This may or may not be true for you. I hope the best for you and i really hope that you can find some peace of mind.  I also dont think that anyone here meant "snap out of it" in a bad way, i think all we... well let me just speak for myself, all that i meant, is that there is something to be said for acceptance and forgivness.  Example, I have to accept what is happening to me and forgive myself for the pain i have caused myself and my family. and i will not spend my final days... weeks... months... being pissed, and angry at God or In my case the Devil, or life or even myself, because by doing so i would be robbing both my self and my family of prescious loving memories and times.  I wish you the best, but most of all i wish for you a shread of peace, and hope

[mysmile*]

C-O-M-P-A-S-S-I-O-N.....

Why are you here? because i am here to lend some support and recieve some support.  This is a two way street. ;)

[bystander2002]

I'm here because I have hep c and cirrhosis, failed tx twice.

Wasn't aware more than that was REQUIRED.



Last time I checked, nobody gets out of here alive...
some members here actually post helpful advice (I apprecaite and use)

Take your own advice. You don't know everyones situation (I'm just not whining about mine)

'doesntwant2live' should visit someone like me (hey, check out the ascites, lookin good!)--- maybe he/she would snap out of it then and get on with life.

[mysmile*]

OK sure you are right i dont know everyones situation, I just would like to offer words of encouragement to others, who knows i may be really down someday soon and need to have some one to talk to, and it sure sould be nice to have someone speak nicely to me show me the same compassion in my time of need.  For anyone wanting to post to me.... optimism is always welcome please forgo the sarcasim...   :)   :)

[bystander2002]

P.S.- I'm going to copy below, the nice comments 'doesntwant2live' made:

"I hope that God does not punish you like he is me....

"People get what they deserve...."


Yep, real nice view there.

I don't choose to think I'm being punished...
and I sure don't think I "deserve" this.

(So I posted my own "comment")

[mysmile*]

That was very beautiful, what a great outlook you have.

[thanbey]

Swallow your pride and go to the psychiatrist before you sink even lower. I understand your reality is that you are being punished and that you are being singled out for special dollops of misery.  Choose to be a survivor, not a victim.

Swallow your pride, suck it up, and get help. The black hole you are in is DRUG INDUCED and is not a character flaw or punishment (even if it feels like it is!) Do something about it. There is help for it if you want it.

You have other choices. Stopping treatment is always an option. Dying a slow miserable death is also an option. OR, you can live every day you are given and be grateful to see one more sunrise. No one is guaranteed X number of days. ANYONE can be hit by a bus or taken at any time. Life has no guarantees for anyone, hepC, treatment or not. You never had a promise of seeing anyone born, never mind grow up.

If you want help getting disability, using the ADA, or any other information on how to make the benefits you are entitled to work for you, I will help best I can.  

thanbey
****************************************************************

The Answers to "Why Me?"....

A Victim asks how long will it take to feel good.
A Survivor decides to feel good even when things aren't so great.

A Victim grinds to a halt.
A Survivor keeps putting one foot in front of the other.

A Victim wallows in self-pity.
A Survivor comforts others.

A Victim is jealous of someone else's success.
A Survivor is inspired by it.

A Victim focuses on the pain of loss.
A Survivor cherishes remembering joy.

A Victim seeks retribution.
A Survivor seeks redemption.

AND MOST OF ALL:

A Victim argues with life
A Survivor embraces it.

[DH Bill]

Having recently went through problems with insurance, crumby doctor, fatigue, anger, feeling like a stupid nobody that is getting what I deserve for all the bad stuff I have done in my life and hey feeling like I'm 100 yrs old getting out of bed each morning.
Keep on keeping on. Yesterday I went in for my dumb doc appointment and finally demanded copies of my blood work and discovered he was wrong about my wbc count and it is not dropping like he said. I don't think I will need neupogen like he was saying.
My point is, do what you can and deal with the rest. I want my life back. I keep trying to remember "THESE DRUGS ARE STRONG AND MAKE US FEEL WACKO" I think we are sentenced to "Life" ONE DAY AT A TIME" Sometimes by the hour. If a pysch is for you do it. Mayby it will help. I think Eyedeas is right

dh bill

[mysmile*]

you sound so angry...anyways i dont want to bicker, i am not angry, i read want2live's post, I hope the best for them, i do not know that person, but it seems to me that others here do, and that want2live is just going through a tough spot.  you can do or say whatever you like,  but if you are reading this, want2live, pull through, it sounds like you have lots of reasons to do so.  :)

[bystander2002]

Mysmile---
I do get angry with anyone who implies that any of us "deserve" this.
(that's why I advised her/him to THINK before making comments like that)


THanbey---
GREAT advice.

[ts2010]

Please do not give up trying to cure yourself and please do not give up on God.  I believe that God does not punish us but rather that we punish ourselves.  Ask God to help you.  He listens to all of us.

It sounds like your doctors have not been very supportive for you.  Is there a chance that you can find a different doctor/doctors to work with?  Finding the right doctor is essential in making it through tx.

[DonL]

I have felt like you feel at various times in my life. While I was in it, everything I heard, read, and saw all confirmed my feelings. All I can tell you is that at my lowest and thinking of suicide, I realized that I did not want to be dead. I wanted an end to the pain, but not to be dead. After that realization, I decided that if I was going to be alive, I was going to enjoy it as much as I could. Not by ignoring the bad, but by focusing on what was good, what I could do to help me, and the kindness and love shown me by others, and the kindness and love I could give to others. No Pollyana **** and no snap out of it and stop whining ****. Just a decision to focus on living as long as I could.

I think that your feelings are from the interferon/ribavarin. You need to get some anti-depressants and change doctors, get some kind of assistance. Perhaps one of the drug companies can put you in a study. I don't know. I know how hard it is when you feel that way and I know how hard it is in tx, but you've got to do it. If not for you, for your family. Anyone who talks about wanting to see their grand-daughter grow up has something to live for.

If everyone got punished according to their "sins" and rewarded according to their good deeds, the world would be a better place. Unfortunately, in this world, unfair **** happens to all of us and our good deeds sometimes go unnoticed. Please reach out for some help--you deserve it, you've earned it, and you should have it anyway.

Stay here and ***** as much as you need. That's what we're here for.

[woodbeegood]

i'm still kinda new at this but i do know you've got hang in there-everyday offers new hope, i believe that God will never give you more than you can handle even though it may seem different-neither do i believe you are being punished-nor are any of us with this disease-that would be like saying diabetics or cancer patients or kids with leukemia were being punished-it's just bad luck, plain & simple, what you do with it tho is up to you. I'll say an extra prayer for you that tomorrow may be filled with hope & happiness

[itsnotover]

Hey there - I do understand what you are going thru and want to help. However, you must take the first step for and by yourself. See my name - itsnotover - well it never is over and don't forget it.  I am a stage 4 and 6 on another scale of cirrhosis.  Don't know what stage you are.  It may not be to the same progression as me. Second round of tx knowing I prob will not cure.  But I keep positive as best as possible and continue going.  Remember, all of us have done things that we look back and wish we never have.  Forget them and go forward.  Best wishes and hang in there.

[Oreos]

Wow, I'm sorry you're in such a dark place right now.  You do not mention whether or not you are on ADs.  The number 1 side to these drugs is depression, and they can leave you feeling hopeless and not wanting to go on with life.  These meds can be really nasty.

I too have felt many of the feelings you listed in your post.  When I was first diagnosed in 1989, I thought my life was over and that there was no point living with such a "terrible, dirty disease."  I went into the worst depression I've ever had (I have a long term history of depression).  I thought no one would ever love me again or want anything to do with me.  I contemplated ending it all.  Well, THAT IS SO WRONG!!!!!  It's the depression talking.  People have ALL KINDS of medical conditions that they didn't ask for.  You have two choices, 1) Wallow in self pity, 2) Accept that you have a medical condition which needs to be managed and get on with living!  Life is a GIFT from God even though it doesn't seem like it sometimes.  Life is a blessing and I hope you can come back to seeing that.

In your previous posts, you've typically been upbeat and an inspiration.  I can't help but think these meds are really getting to you.  As others have mentioned, please reach out for help.  

Take good care and best wishes with whatever you decide.

[LvdByGod]

i'm so sorry your feeling this way... but, i want to remind you that God is not punishing you... all the bad things we did in the past, present and future were paid for on the Cross by Jesus Christ....HE TOOK OUR PUNISHMENT!!! if it was true that we had to pay for all our mistakes and sins.... we all would be dead NOW.

He was crucified for our sins and chastised for our mistakes. He loves us so much that he sent his one and only son here to pay the penalty for us so we could be free of condemnation... all we must do is place our trust in him for forgiveness and not in ourselves...none of us could possibly be perfect enough to stand in the presence of his Holiness... we need His gracious forgiveness,provided by Christ... and all we have to do is ask for it, and it is ours forever...and we start over with a clean slate...


there will always be a bunch of **** on this earth to deal with but, he has promised to walk with us and give us peace through it. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE US NOR FORSAKE US...HE LOVES YOU TO PIECES AND"WANTS YOU 2 LIVE".....SANDI

[lizzee]

HI...
I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOU..U SEEM TO HAVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM HERE.
AND FEEL AS THOUGHT THERE IS NO MORE HOPE LEFT.
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT STAGE U R IN OR WHAT WEEK OF TX U R DOING.
I CAN TELL U THAT I AM SVR. I HAD THAT WILD TEMPER GOING ALL OF THE TIME. MANY DAYS JUST WANTED TO TAKE SOMEONES FACE RIGHT OFF.
I LOST MY JOB WHILE I WAS ON TX...I WAS TOO SICK TO GO TO WORK.
WENT ON DISABILITY. I HAD NO CHOICE.
I ALWAYS FELT AND STILL DO AT TIMES. THAT I WAS BEING PUNISHED.
I CRIED EVERY WEEK....AND EVERY WEEK I WANTED TO GIVE UP.
I HAD HAD IT!!!!!!!!!
BUT EVERY WEEK CAME..AS SICK AS I WAS..MY DAUGHTER GAVE ME MY SHOTS.
I FELT LIKE A LEPOR ALOT, ALSO...MANY MANY TIMES...I FELT AS THOUGH THE PLACE WHERE I WORKED LET ME GO CAUSE I THOUGHT, THEY THOUGHT, MAYBE I WAS A LEPOR!!!!!!
U R NOT ALONE THERE.....BY A LONG SHOT.
KEEP TALKING TO US...GET ON ANTI-D..IT WILL ALLOW U TO SEE OVER THE DARKNESS....PLEASE....DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE DRIVEN UNDER BY THIS TX.
COME ON....FIGHT DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LIZE   :O)

[jg2001]

I'm should refrain from biting into your rude, self-centered comments to a long time resident of this forum.  You are so true when you say that there are others that may be worse off, but ya know, those "others" are offering SUPPORT and comfort to their friend.  You must be terribly angry and lonely yourself to offer such an opinion to somebody in need.  Do you feel that you are not able to reach out?  Are you angry because somebody feels like you do and is able to talk about it, reach out?  I'm just curious as to why you would post anything at all to Want2live if it wasn't supportive.

[lackalustre]

every now and then someone comes thru stating how lousy this disease can really be and all the stress, depression, etc. that accompanies it.   we can all relate.    but there is hope.  all of us are terminal eventually and wont get out of life alive.   God is in control  and its no simplistic thing that his Son gives us hope.

[louisep]

Oh sweetheart....your post has made my heart ache....haven't been around much myself of late....kinda got wrapped up in my own doom & gloom, but felt the need to reach out to you.
I can totally relate to the despair you are feeling, as can many, many others....you're not alone in this....if there is anything I can do to help or if you just need a shoulder to lean on, email me on ***@****
Hang in there my friend....things are gonna get better....you'll see.
Chin up.....WE ARE GONNA BEAT THIS!
Sending lots of love & hugs your way.
Louise

[OkieJim]

Anger is understandable during the TX time my friend. There are many of us out here doing and feeling that same way you are. I had an episode during my time on TX. I prayed and asked for some help. Guess what I am now 7 weeks post TX and beginning to feel good again. You must understand that the meds you are taking are very powerful and do some real bad things to our minds. Please,Please call upon Jesus or God and your family. There is a chance for life and it is a wonderful thing. My prayers have just been said for you and I know he can help. Hang in there. Also remember this virus is slow and if you work on taking in less toxins you have a longer time left.

[want2live]

Thank you so much everyone. I am indeed in a dark place. This disease hits very hard on everyone, and if you are a control freak like me, it can be intolerable. I feel so much like a puppet of the medical establishment and the insurance company.

Bystander, your mean comments hurt me, I am sure that is what you intended. You are not alone, the world is full of mean people like you. When you need a kind word, I hope that no one is as mean to you as you have been to me. I hope no one kicks you to the curb as you have done to me. Next time you see a homeless person, please remember to tell them to "get a job you piece of ****".

Everyone else, thank you so much for your compassion. I know I should not feel sorry for myself like I am. But sometimes I just can't seem to see the light throught the darkness.

All I wanted was to try this treatment without the stress of work. I am sure my Dr. has some kind of quota that he has to contend with about how many people they let go off of work. The almighty buck again. Now, if I continue, I will be terrified to tell him anything but "doing great doc!" and drag myself to what is left of my career. I mean, what the hell is the disability insurance for anyway? Deathbed only? I thought the idea was to pull out all the stops and get better.

I will go to the shrink, let him/her experiment with whatever drug is in favor, and no matter what, my story is "I feel fine, Doc" no matter what to stay on tx if it is working.

Remember Eddie Haskel from Leave it to Beaver? That's my new way to get through this.
"My goodness Dr., your coat of white is quite luminous today, wherever did you get such an intelligent and compassionate staff?" "I must be dreaming, you are the best Dr. anyone could ever hope for!"
"No, I feel great, please send me to work so I can afford to pump thousands of dollars into your money making machine that masquerades as a compassionate organization where everyone is free to enjoy quality healthcare"

Thanks guys, I hope I can be there for you in your times of need too.

xoxoxo

[want2live]

In my last post I got a little carried away doing my Eddie Haskel thing.
The sarcasm stops before the last line.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. No one knows what this is like unless they are going through it.
I wish I could give everyone a big hug.

Thank you for helping me out of my dark hole and back into the light.

xxoxoooxo

[Minttwist]

The best thing you can do for yourself is to learn all you can about the effects of HEP C on the body.  Most importantly, DO NOT PANIC, and talk openly to your partner.  You can make it!

[jonihs]

Have they done anything to drain you're ascites. They had to tap my belly twice. 3.5 liters the 1st time, 2.5 liters thesecond time. Then they filled me w/ meds. Spirolacto, lasix. B-complex, Lactalose And some kind of steroid(the gurus will know which) for over a month. It kept me alive until I could get on tx. I'm 18/24, undetectable. Never give up.   Joni

[layla]

Sorry your having such a bad time. I do hope things improve for you soon. Some days are just really bad and it seems your having one. LL

[Jim55]

I do not know you but I have been where you are. I pray for your strenght and well being. If you ever need to talk please e-mail me. My addy is ***@****. I will give you any support that I can. Remember that the SON always shines after the darkest days. Live for a brighter tomorrow and those that you love.

God Bless †

[Sumon25]

Sir,
My wife is a career of hepatitis C.What can i do now?

[susan400]

Part of what you are feeling is caused by the meds making you feel depressed.  Trust me on this..., I've done treatments too many times to count and I've been through the same exact feelings that you are feeling now.  I felt as if I deserved it, (the punishment from God) from the bad choices that I had made earlier in life.  When I was off of the meds, I had a bit more clarity in thought and less depression going on.  However, the meds did help the disease process to slow down somewhat.  I did not obtain SVR, but at least I have not reached cirrhosis yet and I've been doing treatments on and off since 1997.  When you speak of God, I do not know what religious background you have so, forgive me if I'm going out on limb here..., I am of the Christian faith and I believe the the whole reason Jesus died was for us to have forgiveness of sins.  With that thought in mind, it helps me when I start having those thoughts about 'deserving this disease and deserving to die from it'.  I've confessed all of those things from my past and I believe that he's forgiven me.  Everyone, even those without Hep C, will eventually have to die someday, so everyone is actually living in a 'terminal' state, if you know what I mean.  I do treatments because I'd like to be able to have more years to be able to accomplish what God put me on this earth for.  But, that's totally up to Him.  Anyhow, I hope that you come to a place of peace with your decision, whatever you decide to do.  You may want to consider counseling, a support group, or antidepressant medication as a way to get through your treatment.

Susan40

[Bill1028]

5 years old?

[AKHepper]

Man, that was 5 years ago, I wonder how that all turned out???

[cam76]

Yea, exactly what I was wondering. But I was also moved by the extent of the compassion and caring of most of the posters. I start my tx fri. the 2nd go round, I am thankful this forum is here and I can log on and "talk" to people who are going through the same thing  I am. Didn't have this the last time on tx and think it will be a big help. Keep up the great work, I'm impressed and encouraged by you good people. Thank you so much and hope want to live is feeling better.

[Bulldoggergal]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink...

I'm glad there are those here that try...as I try to do most of the time.  Today, I'm cranky and pissy and down...I've been there and done that...  I've felt the same way about myself and doctors and medicine and money...

This person has had these issues before treatment began...I can tell...I know the feelings.  Treatment should never have been started without already being seen by a Psych doc and on psych medicine.

The doc needs to pull the treatment...and he needs to get some psych help asap.

HCV isn't necessarily a death sentence...can be far from it for many...I've had it 20 years...

Suicide is PERMANENT.  Stop the treatment, get some help.  I had to do both.  Where does one draw the line?????

[Nomadpixie]

Looked thru his profile and found this posted by him in May 04, so he was ok he stayed around the forum till the end of that year helping support others.....


To everyone that has been so supportive and kind to me during this nightmare,



After my 12 week pcr coming back down from 6,900,000 to 30,000, I find myself unable to continue taking these meds. I am not sharing with the Dr. but I have been having suicidal ideation and feel like I am losing my mind, completely unable to function.

A complete emotional wreck. I have been through the wringer trying to find an antidepressant and something to relieve the riba hell I am in.

I didn't want to tell the doc cause I know I would be yanked off treatment immediately.



I'm just going to take care of myself, not drink, and rebuild my life, and be thankful for each new day.

Best of luck to you guys, I don't know how anyone can tolerate feeling the way this stuff makes you feel for 48 weeks. And to those who have, my hat is off to you.

[hepman]

it's hard wen the treat mount makes you feel like you don't have enough hands to hold all the plases it HEART'S ON TREATMENT        doctors have drugs like welbewtarnon  and others mister happy pills  if you feel suicidal  paranoid massif depression  THE DOCTOR CAN HELP ITS NORMAL FOR THE DRUGS THEY GIVE YOU  and dont wiggle your teeth thay will get tight in your head agen  good luck

[IAmTheWalrus]

Just finished 84 weeks on Riba and Peg. I don't think I would have made it without the AD drugs.

This may or may not comfort you, but we definitely do not (as a rule) get what we deserve. Whatever mistakes you may have made, they certainly do not justify this disease. It is not your fault any more than it is your fault that cancer exists.

I don't know what to tell you, but hang tough, be honest with yourself, and do not give in to despair. Even the worst situations can work out, many times in ways we do not underatand at the time. A lot of people here have plenty of reason to complain and be angry. Sometimes comments are emotional. Anyway, my heart goes out to you and others and I pray for the best knowing there are no guarantees.

[Rain6866]

No Insurance? Lost your job? Then go to the medicaid office. Or better yet, The meds are offered free from the drug companies. Theres list after list on this board.

Call the BE IN CHARGE program they can try to help.

Im on my 6th shot and I notice my temper getting bad and Im on an AD

BUT

I AM NOT giving up on my life.Do you not think your wife wants to grow old with you too?

When I first was diagnosed I was thinking "Is God punishing me? But then He showed me... It IS NOT a punishment! Its happened to me to be shown what I have in life is worth living for, worth fighting for and Im not giving up no matter how much depression or anxiety I feel.

FIND another doctor! Yes they are all there for the money and mine has shown me that this week too. BUT do you think Im going to lay down and give up what life I have left because he dont care/dont know what he is doing? HELL NO!
Im going to learn as much as I can and Im going to find the help I need and Im going to slay this dragon with all I am worth!

I bet your worth a lot to that little grand daughter of yours too! Not to mention her parents and your wife.

DONT LET IT WIN!!!!

[DragonSlayer45]

THIS POST IS FROM 2004! IT IS 5 YEARS OLD!!!!

IT IS NOT A NEW ONE! I DO NOT THINK HE NEEDS OUR ADVICE ANYMORE

HOPEFULLY IT ALL WORKED OUT FOR THE POOR GUY.

[thegypsy9164]

Wow...I feel ya.

You know how those 12-step program slogans make you want to puke sometimes?  Well, maybe not.  

Make a gratitude list...pray...don't take a drink, drug or do anything else stupid even if your ars falls off, my worst day sober is better than my best day stoned, etc.
Ride it like it is until it's better.  It's the natural process of dealing with it.  Just don't give yourself permission to ride it until you get too sick to recover.
Joey

[AKHepper]

People keep responding to a 5 year old post. :)

Do they just read the first post and ignore everything after that?

Too funny!

[Nomadpixie]

LOL I did try and reply that I had looked thru his profile and he was stopped Treatment but he hung around to support others for a while....

Lets see if it runs for much longer...PXX

[granitekonig]

This thread starter is obviously one pathetic individual. I'm a pretty empathetic person, but not if you're spineless, hopeless, and too angry to think or center your mind on what's most important in life. I have no sympathy. That would be like trying to change the night into day with a candle.

[YuK]

OMG this old post is like the "energizer bunny"  I keep jumping on because I'm curious as to who is still posting.

I do have one queston for the person that brought back this old post :  

-- Sumon25 -- what does this mean:
       "Sir,
        My wife is a career of hepatitis C.What can i do now?

[Bill1954]

career = carrier?

[portann]

Who cares if the post is old? :)

Anyway, it's only five years old. I've seen much older ones here and it didn't stop anyone from talking to ghosts of Christmas past.

As usual, Bill's on the ball, realizing  'career' was a typo for 'carrier'. I missed that and I'm good at that stuff.

Hi Bill, hope all is well. Always a pleasure to hear from you, even on an old post.

[YuK]

oooooooh, i looked at that and looked and didn't see it.  You are tooooo smart!

[R Glass]

It doesn’t matter to me if someone does 24, 48, 72,etc. weeks of tx. Unless you have been drug through the “Pits of Hell� as this person has (obviously you haven’t), it would be impossible for you to understand. A few sleepless nights, a few days of being irritable, occasionally forgetting what you are talking about in the middle of a sentence, doesn’t mean squat. I am glad that you have had such an easy ride. Yes this is an old thread but the perspective of reality is still there.