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Potential sex partner freaking out about my infection
Has anyone else had issues with a potential sex partner rejecting them after you told them you were HCV positive? I met a really great guy, and things got pretty hot, so I did the right thing and told him the truth about being HCV positive, and about the drug use 21 years ago that caused it. He is afraid he will get it from me if we were to have sex, and the thing that really gets him is that he could get it from my toothbrush. That is the one thing that really sticks in his mind. This guy is smart and well educated, and I think he is overreacting, but then again I freaked out, too, when I found out I was positive. I was sick in 1985, got better, and nothing since. My liver enzymes are normal, as are my liver sonograms. I don't think treatment is even realistic for me. I weigh 102 lbs, and don't think I'd make it through treatment. I am quite healthy as long as I don't drink. I am just wondering how other people deal with this situation, in the world of internet dating, etc. I have a friend with herpes, who was met with similar reactions, and she said she just doesn't say anything anymore. Thanks for your thoughts and feelings on this, I have lost sleep and weight over this one.
now I got it...you've got to be a crisis counselor! youre tact and polite demeanor is what gave you away!!!
Fishdoc: completely agree with with everything you said...I'd take this tact re dating and disclosure...I'd get to know a person a little before I'd spring this on them...firstly, you don't know that you would want a relationship with a person till after getting to KNOW them...it's the same with them...I don't see where it's soooo important to tell a person you just met or that you are just casually dating, assuming of course that you don't just jump into bed on the first date! ha ha, Oh yes, I remember the 70's and 80s! but we're in the next century now!
If after you have decided that you care for this person, and he/she for you...then tell them about this, give them all the said education, research on it....about the very low risk of sexual transmission (and besides, I'd use protection till I got some sign that it was indeed, very, very serious and monagamous, you gotta protect yourself as well)...I wouldn't tell some person I just met a lot of intimate things about myself, because there isn't any need till you get to know someone pretty well...after all, dating can be casual, it's a way to get to know if you want to proceed with someone, or not...and let's be honest, there's a whole lot of "not's" out there, ha ha!
I have to put some importance on my own observation, though it's not scientific, there isn't a whole studies (hopefully, that's changing) or a lot of follow-up by the scientific community on this disease so we're left with little else...if someone came on the boards and the support groups and said, you know, I took pill A-B for hep and it made me violently ill, then 10 more people say the same thing, then 30, and there was no positive feedback about pill A-B, you know? I'd be really hesitant to take the A-B pill...
I have said this many times, I'm a researcher by nature and it's part of my profession, (and there are many here as well) and I go to a lot of boards, info groups, support groups, etc. and I've talked to many, many people personally about their own experiences with the disease, not to mention many docs and researchers...and I've yet to meet one person that was *sure* they got this through sexual transmission....there have been a few that have said that they weren't completely sure WHERE they got it, but the vast majority have said, IV use, blood transfusion, hospital accident because of being a health care worker, even tatoos....
In the support groups and on the boards, I've talked to many people who are in long term marriages and relationships, and they have *all* said that their partner does not have it, even though they went without protection when they didn't know they had the disease....the only times they have said there partner *does* have it is if the partner engaged in risky behavior as well...this all leads me to believe that sexual transmission is not a really great way to get contract this disease...unless it involves risky behaviors like anal sex...many docs and researchers think this way as well...
It's not like AIDs where there is much more of a sexual transmission element to it and that has been borne out...that's not to say you shouldn't even pay attention to the sexual transmission aspect, but this is what I've come up with....
Annie: I'm probably not telling you anything you don't know, but your saying that you "drank over" this guy freaking out about your diagnosis kind of gave me pause...as you know, drinking is a great pastime if it's about doing a little celebrating or getting a little giddy with friends, etc....and if it's done "moderately"...but drinking over problems or a crisis *could* indicate a bit of a problem...and anyway, for someone who is diagnosed with this disease it becomes a moot point because you just can't drink with this disease, period...nothing will accelerate this disease like alcohol...I hope you already know this...best of luck and know that you'll be okay...
If after you have decided that you care for this person, and he/she for you...then tell them about this, give them all the said education, research on it....about the very low risk of sexual transmission (and besides, I'd use protection till I got some sign that it was indeed, very, very serious and monagamous, you gotta protect yourself as well)...I wouldn't tell some person I just met a lot of intimate things about myself, because there isn't any need till you get to know someone pretty well...after all, dating can be casual, it's a way to get to know if you want to proceed with someone, or not...and let's be honest, there's a whole lot of "not's" out there, ha ha!
I have to put some importance on my own observation, though it's not scientific, there isn't a whole studies (hopefully, that's changing) or a lot of follow-up by the scientific community on this disease so we're left with little else...if someone came on the boards and the support groups and said, you know, I took pill A-B for hep and it made me violently ill, then 10 more people say the same thing, then 30, and there was no positive feedback about pill A-B, you know? I'd be really hesitant to take the A-B pill...
I have said this many times, I'm a researcher by nature and it's part of my profession, (and there are many here as well) and I go to a lot of boards, info groups, support groups, etc. and I've talked to many, many people personally about their own experiences with the disease, not to mention many docs and researchers...and I've yet to meet one person that was *sure* they got this through sexual transmission....there have been a few that have said that they weren't completely sure WHERE they got it, but the vast majority have said, IV use, blood transfusion, hospital accident because of being a health care worker, even tatoos....
In the support groups and on the boards, I've talked to many people who are in long term marriages and relationships, and they have *all* said that their partner does not have it, even though they went without protection when they didn't know they had the disease....the only times they have said there partner *does* have it is if the partner engaged in risky behavior as well...this all leads me to believe that sexual transmission is not a really great way to get contract this disease...unless it involves risky behaviors like anal sex...many docs and researchers think this way as well...
It's not like AIDs where there is much more of a sexual transmission element to it and that has been borne out...that's not to say you shouldn't even pay attention to the sexual transmission aspect, but this is what I've come up with....
Annie: I'm probably not telling you anything you don't know, but your saying that you "drank over" this guy freaking out about your diagnosis kind of gave me pause...as you know, drinking is a great pastime if it's about doing a little celebrating or getting a little giddy with friends, etc....and if it's done "moderately"...but drinking over problems or a crisis *could* indicate a bit of a problem...and anyway, for someone who is diagnosed with this disease it becomes a moot point because you just can't drink with this disease, period...nothing will accelerate this disease like alcohol...I hope you already know this...best of luck and know that you'll be okay...
Thanks Annie, Tough topic but to be honest this was a big fear to me when I first found out I had hep c and was just learning about it. Though in the beginning I never had the nerve to bring up the topic with anyone who knew anything about hep c. Here I was actually getting clean and sober ready to start my life over, thinking maybe I'd actually one day get in a relationship that wasn't based on booze, drugs and sex,(usually in that order)and BOOM.
'Oh Don, nice job cleaning up but BTW, you have hep c.'
Love, God.'
I thought somebody popped the pink cloud on me and nobody would ever want me. Yes I did drink over it but eventually the pain of addiction got bad enough and I got that open mindedness that seems reserved for the sick and dying, or those that think their sick and dying. I wanted to be sober more than I wanted anything else.
Anyways for me I'm sober a few years I'm willing to take anything God gives me to work with in life, and I'll do what I can about the hep first(shot#34tonight), and worry about a healthy relationship when the potential is there to warrant worry about.
But I have to tell you, it sounds like you've done everything right to help him learn about the disease, admitting your own original fears and all. You really sound like you'll find the right decision whether it's let him go or tough it out. Maybe both of you need to make believe sex wasn't an option in the realtionship for a while and see if either of you would really wanna pursue it. But one thought, any people realtionship(love, work, family) where fear takes more space than trust and faith, sounds pretty rocky. I've seen people change their stigmas and predjudices, by being open and given some time. It takes strength, if he's willing to try and change maybe you do have a winner.
Well now Annie, remember one important thing about my ramblings on realtionships. I thought I was in a 'relationship' when I climbed a fire escape, drunk at 3oclock AM, tapped on this young lasses window to be let in, and realized it was the 3rd time in 3mos I'd been there. 'Hey this must be a realtionship.'
Welcome to the forum, the best to you,
Don
'Oh Don, nice job cleaning up but BTW, you have hep c.'
Love, God.'
I thought somebody popped the pink cloud on me and nobody would ever want me. Yes I did drink over it but eventually the pain of addiction got bad enough and I got that open mindedness that seems reserved for the sick and dying, or those that think their sick and dying. I wanted to be sober more than I wanted anything else.
Anyways for me I'm sober a few years I'm willing to take anything God gives me to work with in life, and I'll do what I can about the hep first(shot#34tonight), and worry about a healthy relationship when the potential is there to warrant worry about.
But I have to tell you, it sounds like you've done everything right to help him learn about the disease, admitting your own original fears and all. You really sound like you'll find the right decision whether it's let him go or tough it out. Maybe both of you need to make believe sex wasn't an option in the realtionship for a while and see if either of you would really wanna pursue it. But one thought, any people realtionship(love, work, family) where fear takes more space than trust and faith, sounds pretty rocky. I've seen people change their stigmas and predjudices, by being open and given some time. It takes strength, if he's willing to try and change maybe you do have a winner.
Well now Annie, remember one important thing about my ramblings on realtionships. I thought I was in a 'relationship' when I climbed a fire escape, drunk at 3oclock AM, tapped on this young lasses window to be let in, and realized it was the 3rd time in 3mos I'd been there. 'Hey this must be a realtionship.'
Welcome to the forum, the best to you,
Don
thanks. i've got an appt. next week, i'll see what he'll say. i'm sorry you're not feeling better. is there anything i can do? tracy
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