Ready To Give Up

[DallasStar]

Not real sure what I should do, but I am ready to quit Tx. I had very mild sides until week 21. I have experienced every side known to man kind, and some man kind probably does not know about. I have never felt this sick, and I keep wondering if things will get better. I can not take the sides anymore, I am on 27/48, and this weekend All I keep saying is I am ready to stop this Tx. Please do not call me a quitter or a looser, I don't think I could handle that, before I throw in the towel, is there any suggestions/advice that all you wonderful people could give? I drink tons of water, sleep great, eat great, exercise regulaly, but I feel like nothing is helping..I am loosing hair like crazy, running a fever, headaches... all together I feel like someone has beat the hell out of me. Does it get better? Crying does not help, I just end up with puffy eyes and no closure. I am very active, so this dragging my butt is killing me. I am not looking for a food fight, just some good advice and a shoulder to cry on, and a reason to keep going with TX. Call me a baby I can handle that one.  
Thanks So Much
DallasStar

[PaPa Slim]

DOCTORS WOULD SAY I SHOULDN'T SAY THIS, BUT IT APPEARS THAT PEOPLE THAT ARE TYPE 1, THE TREATMENT DOESN'T WORK LONG TERM. IF YOU ARE TYPE 1, I WOULD CONSIDER STOPPING TREATMENT.

[DonL]

You're no baby, especially asking for help like that. My sides are bad enough, but I can only imagine what you or dheanna are going thru. I don't know of anything that's a magic bullet and you sound like you've got the usual stuff covered. Vitamin B12/B6? Someone said that will help with energy.

When I decided to do tx, my wife and I both agreed that if the sides were too hard, I would quit. So, if you decide to quit, so be it. It's your decision. But, if there is anything I can say that would encourage you to keep on, let me say it. You are 27/48, meaning there are more behind you than in front of you. I assume since your dr has you going, that you cleared (or log 2 dropped) at 12 weeks, so the stuff is working. Think of the sides as the dragon putting up the fight of its life because you are out to kill it. Hang in there, Dallas.

My sides got worse in the last couple of weeks, too. Perhaps you have a virus or flu on top of it. My PA thinks that's what happened to me. "Just because you're in treatment doesn't mean you can't get sick."

[ringading]

WHAT!!!!!!.....WHERES THAT COME FROM, THERE ARE MANY MANY MANY PEOPLE RIGHT HERE ON THIS BOARD WHO HAVE CLEARED THAT ARE GENEOTYPE 1.....AND HAVING A HARD TIME IS TERRIBLY DIFFICULT AND NO ONE CAN FEEL WHAT EACH OF US FEEL, OR KNOW HOW HARD THIS IS ON EACH OTHER, BUT DALLAS, YOU ARE DEALING WITH ALOT, HANG ON, HANG ON AND THEN JUST HANG ON A LITTLE MORE.......SOMETIMES, JUST EVEN A FEW DAYS CAN TOTALLY CHANGE YOUR LEVEL OF STRENGTH AND PERCEPTION....PLEASE FIGHT A WEE BIT LONGER, JUST FOR A FEW MORE DAYS, AND THEN A FEW AFTER THAT....
SENDING ALL THE GOOD ENERGY I CAN.....
KIMMY

[_sherr]

Honey, how long do you have to go? You are NOT a looser! You are so very brave to do this period!! I can't even imagine what it must be like. You are a baby a sweet kind very sick baby. It is ok. Try moving on one little day or hour at a time. You CAN do this, sweetheart. I know you can!

If not thats ok too...but give it another day. HUG to YOU!!

[Showboat]

Bless you.  I can relate....I can say in my experience that it has gotten better.  It is not always easy, but when the "dark, gloomy dispair" hits try to remember that you have gone this far already.....we are here for you....Sometimes it seems that there is no light at the end of the tunnel....BUT THERE IS!!!!!!You have come such a long way already.  I know that I am sure proud of you....it takes alot of courage to face this Dragon head on.

[hph5477]

I don't know if this will help or not but you mentioned you do get the headaches.  I think the headaches were what were making my sx so bad when they did hit.  My GI PA prescribed Imitrex for me 4 wks ago and it has works wonders.  Without the headaches, I don't get the nausea and don't feel near as run down and achy, etc.   Don't get me wrong, I still tire very easily but otherwise feel very good.
...I felt like throwing in the towel the first few wks but things have gotten much better for me since.  In fact, I told my husband I was going to need some rewards along the way if I made it through tx.  Got my 12-wk reward last week; a new ring.  YEA!  What a great husband I have.  
...I did #13/48 this past Friday.  You are so much further along than me.  Hope you can hang in there but will totally understand if you don't feel you can.  We'll support you whatever your decision.
...  Good luck and hope you feel much better over the next few days.

[ziggyc]

Again assuming the medicine is working, don't give up!  I have gone through some pretty rough weeks, but it always gets better.  Sides come and go.  Tired one week, can't sleep the next.  If you aren't already on an anti-depressant you should  check into that.  You might be depressed which makes it harder to see the positive of all this.  In the whole scheme of things this is a short chapter in your life.  When I feel I can't take it anymore I think about how bad I would feel if I had a failing liver.  This is temporary, hang in there.  There are no guarantees with tx, but we have to try.

[willing]

sorry things are so hard for you. What stage was your last bx at ? Normally this board is all about helping people push past the potholes of tx but in your case I wonder whether putting aside tx, resting, and focusing on the leukemia treatment isn't the better strategy. It's  hard to fight a war on two fronts. If it was my decision, with a stage of 2 or lower, I'd sacrifice the 6 month investment, recover, deal with the leukemia and come back to the HCV later. All the best.

[Revenire]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time on tx. I wish there was something I could offer besides words.

This tx is probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my 47 years and I've had some struggles, like everyone else going down the road of life does.

I looked at my wife and kids -- they need me -- how could I quit because it was hell? I thought of all the good acts I am committed to doing in this world before I go and that kept me going on. I thought of those who don't respond to tx, those that don't make it and died. I kept going on for them. Win for humanity so we can rid people of this damned disease. Everytime I read of one of us that gets their SVR I rejoice. I don't know anyone from this board offline but you people are like a family to me and when one of you wins we all win. I thought of all those patients that came before the peginterferons were around, and the monotherapy folks, that paved the way for us to succeed. Their memory demands justice. All of our individual fights against HCV is a way of honoring them.

Don't give up. Keep fighting. It is life you're fighting for. You're sure no loser -- no one going through this tx is a loser. They are people with a lot of courage and that is you.

[TomWill]

Do tx one day at a time.

You or your doctor don't know if your sides will get easier but from everything I hear and have been through during 48 weeks of treatment sides do come and go.

Get through today.

Maybe tomorrow the sides will let up.

Try some extra vitamins they sure helped me.

Tom

[ral]

Hi Dallas

Man I am losing my hair like crazy also that is tough on my ego. That was one of the main things I had going for me, but oh well it's only hair as for the other sx's please ask your dr for help. I have wanted to quit many times and the most recent is that at 24 wks I was not clear but at 30 u/l. Man that really got me down. But with the help of the people here I am trying to stick it out. Please try and hang in. There are people here in maybe a lot tougher places not to make light of what you are goint thru.

Hang tough you can do it.

Peace

Bob

[Showboat]

My husband "was" geno 1 and cleared over a year ago....everyone is different.  I am a 3a, did monotheraphy years ago, non-responder, got on a "study" the second time...got the "placebo" to my dismay.....still hep active...so now I am trying peg/copeg.  I figure if my husband is SVR with peg/copeg....as a "1", I have a good chance as a 3a...we all have a chance to clear....and we all have great hope....

[louisep]

Hey there, Dallas,
So sorry to hear things aren't going so well for you right now.  You're one of the people here that have been my biggest inspiration & given me the strengh and attitude I needed to get this far.
Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you all the way as will everyone else on the Forum....it would be a shame if you quit as you've come so far...but with everything else going on....TOTALLY understandable.
Keep your chin up Dallas...we love ya!!!
Sending lots of love & hugs your way
Louise

[TomWill]

Genotype 1's who have EVR at 12 weeks have over a 70% chance of SVR. I believe DallasStar is an EVR if I remember. I like your chances DallasStar of beating this thing.
Tom

[haleys comet]

whatever your decision..you are no wimp at 27/48 you have gone through a lot we all know.in november i took a real header downhill and wound up in the hospital....pulmonary embolism i thought the treatment was kiling me....my gi md said to keep going with my treatment that it wasnt related....so here i am still on tx.............i was scared i wanted to stop but i kept going dont ask me why...i am undetectable right now.....kill the dragon. good luck whatever you do,

[CARUU]

You are both strong and I wish the best of each of you.

[peony]

Hey!  Please hang in there!! The others have said it well-- one day at a time!!! A year is not that long to suffer to kill a virus like this!!  WE will all be right here with you!!!!! Everyday is a new day!!! Hold your head high and just imagine the wonderful bliss of being done!!!!!! That's what keeps me going!!!!! Please keep on keepin' on.... Love Peony-- oh-- sorry for the COWBOYS comment-- They were doing so good and then those Awesome Panthers spanked them!!-- Sports helps me not think of all this tx junk!

[Ambush]

Dallas,  There really do seem to be weeks where the sides are worse than usual.  You have every right to struggle with tx from time to time.....especially with the extra diagnosis you have to deal with.  I think of you often and hope you can hold on and find the strength and spirit to keep going forward.
ambush :)

[cindee]

I was just like you. I called my liver doctor and told them, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!! I had all the sx. and sometimes all @ the same time. I couldn't lay down and stand the pressure of one leg touching the other, my arms felt like they weighed a 1,000 lbs each. My body ached thru and thru. I thought I'd loose my mind, really. I would sit on the sofa and cry, "it hurts, it hurts". So call your doctor and tell them how you feel. I swear I couldn't have made it w/o pain meds. When I went in to see liver doctor he looked at me and said...it's time for some pain meds. He put me on 7.5mg of vicodin every six hours, and then about 2 months later, took it up to 10mg. every six hours. Then later took me back down. I am allergic to motrin so had to take the vicodin. I am 2 months post tx. and I still have to take a pain pill here and there. My joints still ache and I still have chills and hot flashes. SO GO GET YOU SOME PAIN MEDS. I even asked my doc if I was being a BABY? He said no way. So please don't quit. Try the pain meds first. Your doc may want to send you to a pain specialist. I'm going to see my GP on Tues. and I have some questions for him. My palms on hands are bright red again, and I have a terrible rash on forehead. If he doesn't want to continue to give me any pain meds I'm going to ask him to refer me to a pain specialist. I hear it can take up to a year to get meds. outta your system. I'll let ya know what I find out. YOU ARE NOT A BABY!!!!! GET THE PAIN MEDS. IT WILL MAKE A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE. I am a 48 yr old female geno 1a. I have been SVR all the way. DON'T QUIT, before you try the meds. Much Love and Many Prayers, Cindee

[audreywald]

I am just 2 hours into shot 2, and still pretty scared. My sides last week were pretty miserable, today was good. I just want to tell you that my doc says if you are where you are supposed to be at 12 weeks your chances are very high of a permanent cure. I hope you make it.

Are you taking something for pain? For depression? Please be ok, we newbies need you.

[Sioux]

My sx got worse about half way thru tx. I'm at week 41 of 48, Talk to your Doc, are you on anti dep. med? or anti anxiety meds? If not you may need some. If you are you may need to try something different. I wanted to give up, but I wanted to kill the dragon more. Don't do anyting until you talk to your doc. Hang in there the best that you can.

[layla]

Yup I was the same way. Mild sx then about 6 months into tx I got that terrible headache then the other sx came. I tried imitrex but could eat them like candy with no relief. I gues my headache isn't a migraine type. It did clear and got better after awhile. They sx still come and go but mostly I have them one or two at a time so they are somewhat manageable. I am sure I am just use to them it. There are so many times I think I just can't finish this but then I remember being dx and the anguish I went through with that. We have to try. Just hang in there if you can. I still have weeks where I feel pretty good. Talk to your doc and ask for some help with the worse sx. I now have a painkiller I take for the headaches when they come. Funny thing is one pretty much does it. I'm not saying this will help you but there seems to be many things out there to help with certain sx. I hope you can make it through. I just try to get through each day, one at a time. I do hope you feel better. LL

[nevada_al]

hello,  a month ago i had just finished shot 53 in 49 weeks and thought i had only 3 to go..my doctor suggested that i go an additional 2 months because it took me 16 weeks to test negative.i was crushed and upset..i had experienced very mild physical sides but had headaches constantly and major depresion and brain fog and severe lack of focus plus the fatigue...in 49 weeks i only missed 2 days of work...i was so anxious to stop...i found this forum and listened to many people to hang in there and go for it because this may be my only chance to kill the dragon...i kept reading theses threads and realized im not alone.my doctor is very aggressive and im thankful for that...i have now to date done 57 shots in 53 weeks,but with so much support from here and digging down deep to remember why i started this hell was to kill this dragon for good i am now anxious to do my next seven shots ....hang in there ....this fight is alot mental, adjust and dig down deep. but i do understand being ready to stop all together...we are not alone and have a great support system here.we can do it

good luck and god bless us all

[Galen]

I was a 1B and still clear at 12 weeks post tx (12/19).  I went through many days in tx, esp about 1/2 way through, when I just couldn't take it any more.  No doubt, it is the hardest thing I ever went through, including uterine cancer at age 20.  I strongly suggest talking to your doc about an anti-depressent and if you are already on one, increasing the dosage.  I did so at about week 32 and it was a life saver.  Hang in there and I promise there is life at the end of the tunnel.  It just seems like it is never ending.  If you want to talk, please write to me at ***@****

[berlynn]

Dallas...I'm sorry honey that I just saw you post....I haven't been comming on as frequently lately....You have alot to deal with right now and I agree that you should talk to your dr. and have him advise you. The lukemia sure threw in another thing to consider. You need to get as much info as you can and then work on the area of most importance first. I want to say "hang in ther baby" cause I sure am glad that you started posting again and I would like to keep track of how you are doing and am looking  forward to doing the around the fire "dead dragon boogie" with you. Regardless, you have more than the usual to consider....I know how easy it is to want to bury your head in the sand...I did it for the first half of my tx until I found this site... and realized how important it is to be informed and to take control overmy tx. That is why I would suggest that through your drs and your own research...you need to find out where your true focus should be at this time.  This is a time when you must "pick your balttles" by way of importance and time. You have been and will continue to be in my prayers...as always, I am here if you need to talk. Other's have told me that God only gives you what he knows that you can handle....well if that's true,,,,,God must truly believe that you are an extremely strong and remarkable person.. I'm apt to agree  :)
Hang in there honey, berlynn

[OkieJim]

I'm right with you I do #20 this Friday. Don't feel like a quiter. This stuff is very hard. When I first started I was up here posting and encouraging like a mad man. Now I just visit when I can get the energy to just sit up. Dallas I haven't found anything that works of all the SX's. I just try to remember it is not everyday. I wanna kill this thing. My marriage is getting rocky, I can't think at work anymore. But you know when this is all said and done, look the the oldies here that have and are finishing and how happy they are now. You can be there too. I just takes courage and stength. You have all of this even if you decide to stop. You made the choice to start and did. You do whatever you want and we will not judge you. It is not our place. I think you should be prooud of what you have accomplished already. One day at a time.

Love, Peace and Happiness

[Sambone Martian Ambassador To the moon]

I know how you feel. Believe me i wanted quit so bad i could taste it. I was so sick I could hardly walk across the floor. I hurt all over. I ran fever and had severe chills for three days after every shot. The deppression got so bad I just wanted to lay down and die despite being on zyprexa( a very strong drug) the others did nothing but zyprexa gave me enough of a lift to keep going. I know it is tough and no you aren't a baby. If this **** was easy to take the boy scouts would have a merit badge in interferon. Just the fact that you have made it this far means that you are one tough bird and can't be chewed up easily.
  remember dragon slaying can be very hard work but i know you are up to it. Us dallasites have some real grit in our craw and I want you to use it and keep going. In the mean time i will pray for god to either give you more strength or to take some of the sides away.
      I don't know what else to say or anything else I can do.
oh yes I will also ahve my wife put you on her prayer list and I will add you to our list at church. hang in there dallas tough(oak cliff tough even).
                         Sambone
  P.S. If you keep going i will slice a hunk of green cheese off the moon and send it to ya!!! HAHAHAHHA!!!!

[GALLIUM]

dallas dont quit.
i also have leukemia and plan on starting the interferon at the end of feb. my geno type is 4, stage 3 liver dmg with cirrosis.
as far as i can find out you and i are the only ones posting here that have both hepc and leukemia.
i already have many of the sides that one would expect from treatment and haven started yet.
but what are our options dallas? ? we can give up or fight.
i choose to fight.
i might be a bit luckier than you in a few things though, i'm
a trauma tec in an er and the wife is an icu nurse, so we have access to a bit more help than most.
i have found that haveing my wife hang an iv of lactated rinngers with multi vitivitamin a couple of time a week helps
with my symptoms, of course most people dont have a wife thats a nurse and access to iv fluids, so i'm very lucky there.
but are you hydrating enough? ?  from other posts i have read here that seems to be one of the best ways to deal with the sides.
not meaning to pry but do you have a port for your leukeamia treat? if so ask you dr. about iv fluid therapy it helps me so far.
as i approach my treatment date( should get it today when i go see my dr.) i will keep you posted as how i am doing, but hang in there dallas we can beat the dragon.
take care and i will offer prayers for you(pagan ones if you arent offended).

[ms.star]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through so much.  It sounds like you really have a lot to deal with and my prayers go out to you.  You are such an inspriation to us all, what strength and courage you have to face this dragon head on while so many other factors are involved.  On days that I feel like quiting I remember you and several others that have greater issues and I tell myself that I have to continue.  Dallas I sure can relate to the wanting this to all be over, and I assure you that it will before you know it.  You are such a strong and wonderful person that God has blessed with an incredible amount of inner strength, just call up that strength and by all means come here for extra support on the really ugly days.  I'm so proud of the endurance you have.  Stay strong and always remember we are your unconditional friends and will support any and all decisions you make.  Many hugs and shared tears with and to you.
Starla

[GALLIUM]

WELL WENT TO THE DOC TODAY AND LOOKS THE 20TH OF FEB WILL BE MY START DATE.
I WILL BE DOING INTERFERON 3 TIMES A WEKK FOR 48 WEEKS, I KNOW THIS SEEM TO BE THE OLD WAY OF DOING TX BUT THE CHIEF OF HEPATOLOGY AT TULANE UNIV. IN N.O. THINKS WITH ,Y OTHER PROBLEMS THIS IS THE BEST OPTION FOR ME (NONE OF THE GASTRO GUY'S IN AREA WANTED TO TREAT ME BECAUSE OF THE ITP, THYROID, ADRENAL GLAND, AND LEUKEAMIA).
THE DR IS WORKING CLOSE WITH MY ONCOLOGIST FOR MY TREATMENT AND ACTUALY I WILL BE RECIEVING TX FROM ONCOLOGIST, BUT GASTO GUY WILL BE OVERSEING TX.
I'M LUCKY IN THAT I HAVE A TOP NOTCH ONCOLOGIST THAT I WORKED WITH FOR 15 YEARS BEFORE HE WENT INTO PRIVATE PRATICE SO I KNOW JUST HOW GOOD A DR. HE IS.
DALLAS ARE YOUR GASTRO AND ONCOLOGIST WORKING TOGETHER ON YOUR CASE?
I HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A BETTER DAY TODAY AND PLEASE KEEP US POSTED AS TO HOW YOU ARE DOING.