Kalio said: "To kvetch about how people question, what they ask, get peeved because they aren't search engine saavy, etc. is not welcoming. The newcomer knows nothing about how they are expected to approach posting. Many find out by being criticized by various members here."
For the non-Jews or those unfamiliar with Yiddish "kvetch" is from Yiddish "kvetshn" and means to complain habitually or gripe.
I know when I go some place new I look around and observe what's going on and how people are behaving and then I try to get my bearings before I start to interact - unless it's an absolute emergency. I think a lot of people do that - they don't just burst through the door and start spouting off and dancing up a storm and if they do they shouldn't be surprised if they're criticized. Before a new person posts here they should be expected to have read 4 or 5 days of threads or maybe 1 months threads and then they'd know the protocol and the answers ro the most elementary questions. Oh yeah, I have mentioned some of my ideas to Cindy over the years Kalio. You appear quite tolerant and understanding and wonderful and I wish everyone could be as nice but some of us just aren't that good. I am not trying to be the most popular person so I don't treat every single question as an opportunity to show what a great guy I am. Me, I'm simple. If I can provide some relevant information I will or if I believe that I might help a person with some needed support then I try to or if I can correct some eroneous information that someone posted I will but otherwise I don't get involved with every question I see. I still get the feeling that there is some sort of election upcoming and I just don't know about it.
Have a great day everyone and let all your troubles be small ones and all you accomplishments be noteworthy and may you have a side free day and may you get that stubborn scary ring out of your toilet and may it never come back - never ever...and may all of your questions have at least a tenuous association with HCV. Mike
In a year and a half I have only seen that happen once. Rather than complaining about how people post or what they post you can disregard it and not put energy into an answer. No one is obligated to reply. Many are treating and don't feel well, asking for some research help seems legitimate to me. There are days when typing or trying to find some info. can be more than I can handle, especially around shot days. If you don't want to provide answers or feel it is a lazy request you can ignore it or give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they aren't feeling well and that is why they are asking for assistance.
Amen! Call the Be in Charge hotline and you'll get a warm friendly voice that doesn't mind being asked the same question over and over.
I thought you showed considerable restraint when you asked someone "Hey are you going for a record? That's 3 in a row!"
I really don't think people are aware that this is not a chat room format, where you just continuously take turns talking about yourself.
Bug
Speak to the management about. Cindy came and asked for suggestions not long ago. One suggestion could be to add a brief message that gives instruction on what is expected. To kvetch about how people question, what they ask, get peeved because they aren't search engine saavy, etc. is not welcoming. The newcomer knows nothing about how they are expected to approach posting. Many find out by being criticized by various members here.
That doesn't seem welcoming or supportive to me. The repetitive obvious intentional violations, snide or idiotic comments and repeat criticisms and condemnations by members who are aware of the "rules" of the game are far more off putting. I do not believe because people ask these questions here they do not also ask their doctors. I believe most are waiting to see their doctors or can't get satisfactory responses from them or they just want others' opinions on it rather than that they are too dim to know they need to speak to a medical professional.We also get questions from people to whom English is a second language, all these things are worth considering before chastizing posters. Often posters post due to a conflict between what their doctors are telling them and what they are finding out on their own accord so they ask here.
There are still lots of people out there who don't know their way around the net or even know how to use a search engine or know what it is. Being computer naive can read as ignorant on the net as can poor typing or spelling skills, etc. The search feature here is pretty cruddy, due in large part if you ask me to title content. A heading "where's susie?" as opposed to "HALT C Trial info" etc. makes it difficult to locate info later. People will still post repetitive questions and common ones, that is the nature of the beast. I sometimes think UGH not again, but I try to remember MY first day. How foreign it was and MY "dumb" original questions and I had some basic knowledge of the net. It was awkward and confusing as I recall.
The " you haven't been around here long enough to know" approach would cause Miss Manners to faint and is blindsiding the less saavy visitor with criticisms of actions they aren't even warned are not acceptable.
Increased allowable threads water things down some, but it also allows for more input to not limit the threads therefore more can participate for that reason I think it is a positive.
Limiting threads causes a lot of people to get an "full" message.
I guess we get both kinds, but I figured that if the person was savvy enough to find MH, they are savvy enough to be using a search engine, which is how they found MH to begin with.
We had one member recently post that he was too lazy to search himself, so he comes here to ask, expecting someone else to do the work! It is all not innocent, ignorant, confused people stumbling around.
I often complained that there is no direction on how to do things in the forum, tips and techniques and forum 'etiquete' info. Only terms and conditios of rules of behavior. It would be so much easier if there was a short list of tips on how to navigate the site. But, we also need to address that there are members who just want someone else to do the work for them. I guess that as long as there is someone there to enable that behavior, it will continue on.
so very true, some people just want to come here and ask about anything from forgetting riba to moisturizers. One alcohol thread ends so they have to start another, why? It is always the same answers. I also don't understand why the forum is the first place people come to ask things that they should be asking their drs or their pharmacist. Things they can find out in the drug co's website.
they come here and ask what is the pegassist phone number, when they can as easily type the question in google or dogpile and get the answer. I agree with Mike on that one also. It amazes me that this forum it the first place people want to use as a search engine.
I never knew when I first started visiting this website that so many of the same questions are asked over and over. I guess that's part of this forum, repetitive questions and answers for new people. I get a kick out of seeing questions about alcohol, I know what kind of uproar that will start. My pet peeve is people who ask 3, 4, 5 or 6 questions about themselves and their symptoms. It takes 'it's all about me' to a new level. Others are much more patient than I am and continue to offer support and advice to each question asked. I hate to even ask a question anymore, I just jump on others threads. I guess the bottom line is we just come to get what we need, whether that's info, support, helping others, or a good debate.
Bug
The real issue is: what do you want from this place? I am always harping on the fact that I think we have too many threads available. We used to have only 6 per day. There were precious few and we cherished each and every one of them. There also wasn't as much hep c information readily available and we came here primarily to learn and secondarily to get support and compassion. The point is there wasn't as much room for the types of comments we are now inundated with. You would never see a thread asking about what a ring in the toilet said about HCV. One person wouldn't dream of asking 2 or 3 questions in a row and questions that could be answered with Google in 20 seconds if the person just took some time...or read some of the previous threads before asking the same question yet again. Now it seems more like a social circle and I think this petty stuff goes along with that perfectly. I certainly don't agree with Myown's advice to start pushing the "abuse" button. That's all Cindy needs and the mere suggestion of that troubles me - but it's a social thing I guess. My wish is that we police ourselves a bit more. When someone wastes threads with really infantile questions or comments we should discourage it but we don't because we all just want to get along - until we don't and then what should do what again? Oh yeah, the abuse button. There is a tolerance here about almost anything except if someone gets mad or mean and then it's the end of the world. I see so much more that is objectionable than just meanness. I think this forum is still the best place available for information and support it's just a lot harder to find than it used to be because we have to sift through so much irrelevant nonsense. But, that gets back to the question of what do you want from this place. Mike
What's the saying? Everything I need to know I learned the first day of kindergarten?
Thanks Chevy :) I appreciate that hug and those kinds words. And I do completely understand that the friendships form and that with that comes the joy and the pain. I am not treating right now, (I did try once - lol), but currently I can't attribute anything on my end to treatment. I still have a very difficult time just living with Hep C, though (as anyone does.)
I am glad Foresee said what she said. Yeah - WHO CARES? For me, I don't even like the soaps. I'm not a drama kind of person. I try to get as far away from it as possible. The biggest drama in my day right now is sitting at the evening fireside with my dogs and watching the day come to an end, and my biggest "thrills" right now are waking up each day and seeing that my mom and dad are still here and that neither has made a turn for the worst and that I'm not having to make funeral arrangements for one of them. I am a fulltime caregiver to both of them, doing this job on my own. It's a tough-a** job but one I am so glad I can do (although it is extremely tiring and depressing and takes a toll on me). My life just isn't very "exciting" anymore compared to what it used to be or compared to some, but I don't care. My focus isn't to be exciting to someone else. It's to make it through another day and to try to help someone else if I can. And....
to try to deal with this DA** Hep C :)
move, read more carefully please, I did not tell MH to get rid of anyone. My statement was to the person/s that can not refrain from becoming angry on a continuos basis, day in and day out and thus unable to at least keep a little civility in his/her comments to others, then perhaps they should ignore them, and if they can't do that, perhaps resigning is an option. That constantly attacking members is not an option, and if you read Cindy's comments, she said the same.
Rev, I don't think moderators are the solution either, so we have to relay on the 'honors system' and a person's sense of social responsibility. i do think that everyone has the ability to keep things civil, even if there is a flare here and there, it can be let go and continue on.
sfbgirl, I agree completely. It explains things but not excuse them.
It starts and ends with the members and their willingness to keep MH the best site online. I know flares will happen, it is only natural, but we can get them to undetectable levels again, most of the time.
I just want to say that I don't get involved with the private lives of others on Hep C forums other than what we share in common regarding Hep C and "the little things". I think this is a great place with great information, but with some things I've read over here lately it makes me wonder if we have to get involved with the private lives of others to give and get "support". I hope we don't.
and if you read Cindy's comments, she said the same.
that attacking is not an option, I meant with that
Oh God did I say a wrong name? I dont know my kids names and that has nothing to do with tx.
I think if everyone hits the abuse button when they see someone truly being abusive, things may change?
Just imagine if Cindy received 30 complaints a day for the same person over a weeks time. None of us like to see someone abused,but if we continue to do nothing,,,it looks as if we DO LIKE TO SEE ABUSE.
I say push the button for abuse,,from this day forward.
Those of us who aren't abusive have nothing to fear. Let Cindy be judge as to if its abusive or not.
Lets all just try to get along. We need each other.
I get so tired of the mud slinging that I don't even come on site as much anymore. When I start tx, I know this will get on my nerves for sure if it doesn't stop.
No, I found it better while treating not to be involved with the private lives of others, as is your current policy, and I still received an ample amount of support here at Medhelp before/during treatment. Any time I posed a question or described a sx there were people answering in minutes. I see the forum continuing in that fashion today. People do feel a connection with those going through tx simultaneously and friendships develops. Maybe that is part of the reason some post treaters continue on the forum well past their post treatment sx. It is good to drop by and see some of those that are still battling the 2nd, third and fourth tx. We still have a connection. Once a hepper always a hepper, so to speak. During tx, I wouldn't have been up to becoming involved in others' private lives, I bearly managed a life of my own. Post tx I've met a few folks off the forum. I haven't been to the DC March or LOLA, but some here have. They wore some red on their hat, or some such thing to identify one another. But no, don't wonder, it isn't necessary to get involved with the private lives of others during your treatment to give or receive support. But you will get close and feel a connection that you would if you were attending a forum in your community. Only difference here we give out a different kind of hug here.. ((((chcnme)))).. You're a great addition to the forum.
I agree with Cuteus emphatically. Seems to me there is some narcissism here, pathological self regard that is (with a few members)...people get in feuds here or have troubles at other sites, and they sit and tick, tick, tick us all here with all the wherefors, what happeneds, who did this and they did this to me, me, me, me and how DARE they do this to me, hey! WHO CARES!!!!! THAT'S YOUR DEAL! I hope you can work it out, but we don't all want to be updated daily on all the grusome details....Some might find the overamped dramas a nice diversion, sorta like watching a low rent "Desperate Housewives" or something, but then it just gets boring or upsetting or both and it degrades the entire board...
And this board at it's best is really, really good...great info, great support, great debates...
But we don't always care if you think this member is the anti-christ, we don't always care that you feel that he/she has besmirched your "good" name and what a horrible person they are (sometimes we should look at our own responsibility in issues, but that doesn't always happen.) Cause it's none of our business! Why doncha find out each other's emails and arrange for a duel in a Costco parking lot, just leave the rest of us out of it! This is still a hep c board with people trying to find answers about Hep C, comparing notes, and giving each other support...
Of course arguments will come up, but ideally, we all would hope the two or three people involved in the argument will either just agree to disagree....or maybe if they let it escalate into not liking each other for some reason (silly but okay)...fine...avoid each other if need be, don't answer each other's posts....I just wish everyone would factor the good of all the people on the board....and not "make their own" petty squabbling the "theme" of the day here...No One Is That Important!
What tends to happen, is that people who are big drama queens (and that can go for guys too) tend to pull other people into their dramas, and on it goes for weeks and weeks...with certain members scratching their heads asking themselves "why am I in this drama?" all I wanted to do is watch Leno, rub my feet and go to bed....
And as far as that goes, I see the reason in what some people say, that I shouldnt really talk cause I'm not treating yet, and I don't know the riba-rage, etc that treatment induces in a person, fine, I'm down with that...but I hope if ever do get out of hand, that some other member will call me on it as it's happening....just like I had to do with a certain member last night, who called a newcomer a "moron" cause she asked a legitimate Hep C question...okay, this offending member is on his second treatment, but that doesn't give him the "right" to do these things, someone should come up and say how out of line that is, so the newcomer will feel safe here....hopefully...
There's gotta be some checks and balances or this place can turn into a low rent West Side Story/Silly Soap Opera...and it's not like it's always so easy to just overstep these threads or posts, because usually the drama queens have such giant egos that they are in almost every darn thread...I stand accused of not always talking about Hep C and joking around, maybe too much (some members think that a form or support as well) maybe certain members are tired of talking about Hep C all the time like me, maybe not, but no one can accuse me of always being negative...If I'm being negative in this thread, it's because we're talking about this boards culture or lack of it, or what we wish it could be...and just because it was once "worse" in the past, doesn't mean it's okay now...my opinions only...
Rev, gosh! no, I have no way of dx anyone with BPD! actually, when I reread it, it could fit many of us to the t.
I still refer to you as extremely passionate, and that passion might cloud you sometimes, but I have no psychological term for you, not sure if there is one. ;-}
I do wish you would ease off on some stuff and people. I think you are a very smart and insightful person and I hope you can see through the passionate emotions.
No way I can tell people how to act or write, I can only plead and suggest. I am only repeating what Cindy reminded us. If it did not start in this forum, why bring it here?
I mean, what if I would have kept at it with veggie? day in and out, making snide comments to her? Not a pretty sight. And at some point you have to choose where to focus your energy and what truly deserves your energy. It happens, you say your peace and then move on. Don't let anyone or anything veer you back into it, making you waste precious energy in it. I already forgot what myown and I fought about. It happened, we said our says, and moved on. If I could not have done that, if I could only continue making snide comments to them each time I saw them, then I needed to leave, for the sake of the forum. We found a way to be civil, and I like that fact.
Even when you make a snippy comment once or twice, it can be 'accepted' and maybe if it sounded funny, we can laugh. It is the constant, unrelentless comments that become somewhat unbearable. IF there is a valid reason to be on alert about a member, as in the case with TH, then we can take it to Cindy, as our friend did, when he had proof.
this is in no way criticizing anyone's personality, only the behavior and only meant in a friendly way. I hope it is not turned into something else.
be well everyone
And I would say that I see a ton of people treating here (some mulitple treaters) that act (for the most part) maturely and with respect for one another...even if treating "is" putting someone over the line, that's all the more reason for other members to apprise the offender, for the good of all the board...or you have personal attack chaos, which probably isn't the best scenario for a Hep C board to run well, hence the discussion here...
"If someone can take their raging interferon-produced anger and let it out here, on me, let them. Maybe they won't hurt their spouse or other family member." There's alot more than interferon produced anger at work here. As for agendas, they can be seen through pretty quickly for what they are. Why do the majority of us have to listen to constant verbal bashings and snide coments? I dont' agree that this is just part of the internet. We are all invested in our tx and getting well. We are not here to snap the minute someone says something we don't think is "real" or "stupid". People come here with questons for the first time and may ask what someone considers a stupid question. Should we attack them? NO, of course not. They may really not know the answers to these questions.
Just because flaming and attacks go on other places on the internet doesnt' mean we have to have it here.
As I said before if we allow this verbal abuse to continue, then we are enabling those that do it. As with an alcoholic, if you enable them to drink, they will. If you enable someone to continue verbally abusing people, they will continue to do it. Push the abuse button. That is what it is for.
I have a 7 foot christmas tree and 1200 lights going on it.
What have I done? Does med help have a site for this?
That second question is probably a mistake
You said what I wanted but much better. But of course I say things with to much emotion and on top of that I am not at all good at writing. So when I do, do what I do ,please forgive me when I come across to strong. I always have been a very emotional person and express it. And as you can see, I must say sorry at times.
But what I say is what I mean. It just comes out not quite the way I would hope.
I know that everyone on this forum realizes what & how these toxic drugs have affected them. Sometimes we all rage, sometimes our words are quicker than our minds and ridiculous things come out of our mouths, I could go on & on.
The main thing is that if someone needs to vent, I feel there is not a better place than MedHelp. Everyone here is understanding and going through treatment at different times. Lets all learn from the tricks & treats from others. I have received very good advice here-you then take it & do what you want with it. It is at this point that everybody needs to get to! Try to remember that their are all kinds of people going through this together-young & older, men & women, children, wifes & husbands, and single persons. I personally love the humor---we need this to keep going! If someone needs to answer someone, that's fine. Let's try to be positive, (even though at sometimes it seems out of our control, of course, due to the meds.) But, let us all thank God that alot of people are reaching SVR.,-something we are all working toward!
Have a wonderful evening and a very Blessed Holiday Season.
Sandy
Newcomers don't know what's what and what posts they should be overlooking? and if every thread is strewn with offensive posts, do we all want to walk in a mindfield here? Becomes more work then anything finding things out we DO want to know...be different if there were just a few offensive posts per day, but I don't think anyone would agree with those numbers lately...
Maybe a better tact would be that we all should just watch ourselves a little bit, and if one gets too aggressive or viscious in their venting or whatever, have other members point it out, particulary if this is pointed at a newcomer, which happens more then anyone likes...As for me, I do see professional help...everyone needs help from time to time, professional and othewise...hope everyone is having a good weekend...