Aa
What to do?
I'm scared! I started to make suicidal plans and I'm getting more craizy. Yesterday I scared my husband with my thoughts and now I feel like I loose control.
I don't want to stop the treatment and the antidepressants seem to work only partialy.
Did you have this kind of bed experience while on tx? Will they dissapear after I finish tx? I see a psychiatrist every Friday but he says that the only solution is to stop the treatment which i don't want. I feel that if I fall the treatment I'll be more depressed and scared of dead.
Sorry for posting bad things, I don't know what to do...
Please help
I don't want to stop the treatment and the antidepressants seem to work only partialy.
Did you have this kind of bed experience while on tx? Will they dissapear after I finish tx? I see a psychiatrist every Friday but he says that the only solution is to stop the treatment which i don't want. I feel that if I fall the treatment I'll be more depressed and scared of dead.
Sorry for posting bad things, I don't know what to do...
Please help
Dheana, I am so happy to read that you're feeling better! Whew! I know we all were very concerned for you. I think we all had a silent prayer chain going for you:) I know how scary that can be and totaly understand how worried you are. You take care and know that you're In all our thoughts. Loving thoughts and prayers, Kelly.
Getting well, my Drs had a real hard time trying to decide If I should be put on the TX due to the fact that I have Bi-polar w/ major depression/suicidal Idealzation and social phobia. The first It was realized that I had depression was when I was 12yrs old and swallowed a bottle of my Moms sleeping pills. They weren't going to let me do the TX and I really wouldn't have blamed them. What I told my Dr was that If there was one thing I was used to was being depressed! After atleast 36yrs of It I would certainly know If It was a "different" kinda depression. So, no I wasn't denied but almost. If they are concerned about depression for you they have psyc's that specialize with HCV. That Is always an option and let them know that you would be willing to be monitored regularly by a psyc. You all take care and you're In my thoughts. Kelly.
Getting well, my Drs had a real hard time trying to decide If I should be put on the TX due to the fact that I have Bi-polar w/ major depression/suicidal Idealzation and social phobia. The first It was realized that I had depression was when I was 12yrs old and swallowed a bottle of my Moms sleeping pills. They weren't going to let me do the TX and I really wouldn't have blamed them. What I told my Dr was that If there was one thing I was used to was being depressed! After atleast 36yrs of It I would certainly know If It was a "different" kinda depression. So, no I wasn't denied but almost. If they are concerned about depression for you they have psyc's that specialize with HCV. That Is always an option and let them know that you would be willing to be monitored regularly by a psyc. You all take care and you're In my thoughts. Kelly.
Thank you for your latest post. I was very disturbed at what you were going thru and felt terribly for you. I am glad you are feeling more on top of this. Anyway you can get thru it, even exercise...
The amount of support and care for you was overwhelming to me. While my wife and friends are sympathetic, the people on this forum care differently. Hang in there--at 44 weeks, you're nearly home free. (At 6 weeks, I can only envy your 44...)
The amount of support and care for you was overwhelming to me. While my wife and friends are sympathetic, the people on this forum care differently. Hang in there--at 44 weeks, you're nearly home free. (At 6 weeks, I can only envy your 44...)
I love you all. Yesterday I left office and went home and called my shrink. He was not very concerned because he knows I won't do it. It's just the tx that is playing games with my mind. I had a good sleep and then I started to run. I have to mention that becaise I am laisy I didn't do any exercise so it is normal that my mind is tired.
Now I see the things different,I want to live, I love my life and my kids. I am just VERY scared. I haven't had this kind of thoughts in my life
Now I see the things different,I want to live, I love my life and my kids. I am just VERY scared. I haven't had this kind of thoughts in my life
Oh you don't know how happy I was to see your post today!!!!! I have prayed for you continuosly since yesterday evening. And I still have some bad days....but it's gonna go away. I know it is. I guess I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!! I had to stop work @ month 2 so you're doing better than me!!!! I'm going thru the chemo "wash out period". I still have brain fog, and my body is soooooooo tired. My joints ache so bad and my headaches are sometimes bad. I promise I feel so tired right now...that I don't even want to think about Thanksgiving! And if I had to decorate a Christmas tree....I feel like my arms would fall off. You will have to stay on your antidepressants for a few months after tx...I've already been told that. See if your dr. will increase you antidepressants to get you thro this...I am also taking Kolonapin...4 x a day.(it's for my nerves). So you hang in there and keep the faith!!!!!! Love ya girl,Cindee ps I cried so hard for you last nite, I'm so glad to know you had a better day today.
Hi Dheana....I'm 43m type 1a grade3 stage4 diagnosed Cirrhosis.I'm 3-4 weeks away from starting tx....Sure I'm scared but I have everything to live for. Today is our 14th wedding anniv.....12 yr old son & 10 yr old daughter. I have a great life today.....let me rewind 20 years. 9-15-1983 I made a very serious suicide attempt in the midst of a 10 year drug use ...( clean 17 yrs ) .....Thank GOD I screwed that up also!! I certainly didn't know I had a wife and two kids in my future...Hang in there " one day at a time " or " one minute at a time "... I am going to fight this Dragon called HEP C but I need everyone's help. I started reading this forum about 2 wks ago and I read it every day. I am not alone and neither or you...keep talking to anyone who will listen..GOD BLESS
My prayers are with you as well, dheana.
Has anyone been denied tx due to past history of depression?
Has anyone been denied tx due to past history of depression?
Dheanna,
When I read things heart wrenching like this I have to spend my 2 cents. Okay dear, a yr ago my brother inlaw ended his life leaving behind a wife, 3yr old lil boy, and a 8yr old lil boy. They came to stay w/me after this happened and every time I looked Into Kamerons sad little eyes(8yr old)my heart would crush. I did every thing I could to help him fill the void of not having a father anymore. It was Kam's first yr In rocket football. No father there to cheer him on, just old aunt Kelly! I practiced with him every day. Helped him get Into his football gear. There was no man there to teach him about the protective pads, etc. I taught him with tears In my eyes every time. His mom would try to help him but he only wanted me cuz as he would say his mom didn't know how to do It right:) I am a tom boy so I always roughed him up like his daddy would so he kinda attached himself at my hip and that was totally okay w/me. I miss his dad, Eric, every day. Eric looked just like Eric Estrada! I always told him that was his twin In this world:) Kaleb the 3yr old was a bit young but still remembers his dad. I tried to take care of the boys at the funeral so thier mom could grieve w/the rest of the family. I still have nightmares of Kameron screaming, then Kaleb joining In cuz bubby was doing It. "Where's my daddy! I want my Daddy!" Kam has a major anger problem because of this. He hits his mom, has trouble In school, and with friends. I guess what I'm trying to say Is If you are picturing yourself leaving this world then take a few to picture your family with out you here. I have my battles w/this as well. Like Tallblonde, I get on my knees every time I feel this way and ask for strength. Ask and you will recieve. I may have to ask 10x a day but I ALWAYS get the strength. I had a bad expierience on an AD. I went on It and really fliped out! It may be an option to try a different AD. My phyc back ground Is very intence and you need to do some thing NOW. Like said earlier It's the tx, It's not you. There Is no shame In this at all. Call your therapist asap, and I mean this morning! If you feel yourself loosing control and no one Is around call one of the many suicide hot lines and they will contact your dr, therapist, who ever! Please get help! Don't be a statistic, be a surivor! Your family needs you. I don't know you but I do care. I will be praying for you and my heart goes out to you. Kelly.
P.S. Sorry to get so detailed about It but I think If Eric had thought of what It was going to do to his sweet little boys he would have never done It. If you need to talk e-mail me at ***@****
When I read things heart wrenching like this I have to spend my 2 cents. Okay dear, a yr ago my brother inlaw ended his life leaving behind a wife, 3yr old lil boy, and a 8yr old lil boy. They came to stay w/me after this happened and every time I looked Into Kamerons sad little eyes(8yr old)my heart would crush. I did every thing I could to help him fill the void of not having a father anymore. It was Kam's first yr In rocket football. No father there to cheer him on, just old aunt Kelly! I practiced with him every day. Helped him get Into his football gear. There was no man there to teach him about the protective pads, etc. I taught him with tears In my eyes every time. His mom would try to help him but he only wanted me cuz as he would say his mom didn't know how to do It right:) I am a tom boy so I always roughed him up like his daddy would so he kinda attached himself at my hip and that was totally okay w/me. I miss his dad, Eric, every day. Eric looked just like Eric Estrada! I always told him that was his twin In this world:) Kaleb the 3yr old was a bit young but still remembers his dad. I tried to take care of the boys at the funeral so thier mom could grieve w/the rest of the family. I still have nightmares of Kameron screaming, then Kaleb joining In cuz bubby was doing It. "Where's my daddy! I want my Daddy!" Kam has a major anger problem because of this. He hits his mom, has trouble In school, and with friends. I guess what I'm trying to say Is If you are picturing yourself leaving this world then take a few to picture your family with out you here. I have my battles w/this as well. Like Tallblonde, I get on my knees every time I feel this way and ask for strength. Ask and you will recieve. I may have to ask 10x a day but I ALWAYS get the strength. I had a bad expierience on an AD. I went on It and really fliped out! It may be an option to try a different AD. My phyc back ground Is very intence and you need to do some thing NOW. Like said earlier It's the tx, It's not you. There Is no shame In this at all. Call your therapist asap, and I mean this morning! If you feel yourself loosing control and no one Is around call one of the many suicide hot lines and they will contact your dr, therapist, who ever! Please get help! Don't be a statistic, be a surivor! Your family needs you. I don't know you but I do care. I will be praying for you and my heart goes out to you. Kelly.
P.S. Sorry to get so detailed about It but I think If Eric had thought of what It was going to do to his sweet little boys he would have never done It. If you need to talk e-mail me at ***@****
Hey ....It's me Cindee...I felt the same way...I was going to take evry prescription drug I had in the house. That was my plan. Then I planned to go outside in the back yard, so I wouldn't leave the memory of my dead body in the house for my hubby to always have to remember....and yes I told my shrink...later. She said why didn't you call me? I told her I called on GOD first! Girl I couldn't bear the thought of not getting to talk to you!!!!! I love you...you have been an inspiration to me. If you must...go into the hospital to finish tx. But get out your Bible and go to GOD....if ya think you're going thru hell now....WOW we don't know the half of it. I have been so scared @ times that I would get down on my knees beside my bed and hold my Bible clenched to my heart....@ I would pray and weep before the Lord. You hang in there...it gets better I promise and I would not lie to you!!!!! Sometimes my husband left me weeping in the a.m. He had to go to work, but he would call, or I would call to let him know not to worry. Please remember a passage from the Bible..."this too shall pass". I know it's hard and I wish I could run to you and hold you!!!! When I read your post cold chills went all over me. Tomorrow something wonderful might happen and change the way you feel. I was put on 30 mg. of lexapro and trazadone to sleep, I just lately found out trazadone is also an antidepressant. ALL OF MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS WILL BE DIRECTED TO YOU!!!!!!! I'm 11 days post tx @ I just said to hubby tonite...what have I done to myself???? We can get thru this together. Please e-mail me @ ***@**** I will be waiting to hear from you. ps I usually come on line about 7:30 each nite. I LOVE YOU and everybody here does and don't you forget it!!!!! HUGS ~Cindee~
why dont you copy your post and tell all the docs that you want help... quiting tx is much better than your option, about 2 or 3 percent of people on tx have tried to kill themselves. i always tell my wife that i can't die yet because there is so many women out there that i haven't seen yet. even on my worst days i enjoyed see i happy lady. so get the help and watch your child grow up.............roy
hey gal, please take the advice of everyone above and get help now.
i know i mentioned this before but is it anxiety that gettin to you? zanax has helped a lot of us during the day and ambien for sleep if needed. along with anti depressants.
eat small frequent meals with protein, avoid refined sugars which boost endorphins but let you down and zap seratonin. drink tons of water. your in my prayers...
i know i mentioned this before but is it anxiety that gettin to you? zanax has helped a lot of us during the day and ambien for sleep if needed. along with anti depressants.
eat small frequent meals with protein, avoid refined sugars which boost endorphins but let you down and zap seratonin. drink tons of water. your in my prayers...
remember what we talked about earlier - there's plannning and there's planning. Wishing you were dead is pretty normal on tx ( check the clock - it's probably morning. Make tea, try to remember what coffee tasted like, reconsider). If you're visualizing the impact of your death on those in your life it's time to check out the price of caskets. Unbelievable! They always go up right before Christmas. This is just no time to buy a casket. Much better to wait for those post-holiday sales.
Personally, it's the casket that always stops me - I just know my wife would go and **** away good money on one of those over-priced funeral home jobs. A couple of good flat pine boards and I could make my own in a week-end. So "make casket" has been on my list of unfinished construction projects (for a while now...)
Personally, it's the casket that always stops me - I just know my wife would go and **** away good money on one of those over-priced funeral home jobs. A couple of good flat pine boards and I could make my own in a week-end. So "make casket" has been on my list of unfinished construction projects (for a while now...)
I just want you to know that my heart goes out to you. I've already said a prayer asking God to give you strength and courage to get through this dark time. You MUST NOT give up, under any circumstances. It's the drugs that are making you feel this way. I don't know you, but I'm sure there are many people who would be devastated to lose you. You are important to them. Your life matters.
I'm sending you the biggest cyber-hug ((((((Dheana))))))))). Hang in there!
Susan
I'm sending you the biggest cyber-hug ((((((Dheana))))))))). Hang in there!
Susan
Hi, Dheanna,
Perfectly ordinary people can be brought to suicidal thoughts and actions by these drugs. IT IS THE DRUGS, not the reality of where your real life is. And YOU ARE IN DANGER NOW, in my view. Try to not be alone, and do go to an emergency room if you are actually contemplating killing yourself. Call the hospital if you so much as have these thoughts!
YOUR HUSBAND AND CHILD NEED YOU ALIVE! Doing harm to yourself, you never have another chance to be with them. Your child will not understand why you "chose" to leave her. Stopping tx at 44 weeks is probably not going to make too much difference to tx. You've already helped your liver a whole lot. There is no room for guilt here (for stopping a little early), and Hepatitis will probably not kill you, certainly not for a long time. As said above, tx is temporary, dying is not.
Dheanna, I lost someone to suicide a long time ago, and the hurt never stops. And the family feels guilty!
Besides, YOU CAN'T COP OUT ON ME NOW. I really do have New Zealand on my "To see" list, and you promised me a dragon BBQ!
Take care, and stay in touch here.
Maj Neni
Perfectly ordinary people can be brought to suicidal thoughts and actions by these drugs. IT IS THE DRUGS, not the reality of where your real life is. And YOU ARE IN DANGER NOW, in my view. Try to not be alone, and do go to an emergency room if you are actually contemplating killing yourself. Call the hospital if you so much as have these thoughts!
YOUR HUSBAND AND CHILD NEED YOU ALIVE! Doing harm to yourself, you never have another chance to be with them. Your child will not understand why you "chose" to leave her. Stopping tx at 44 weeks is probably not going to make too much difference to tx. You've already helped your liver a whole lot. There is no room for guilt here (for stopping a little early), and Hepatitis will probably not kill you, certainly not for a long time. As said above, tx is temporary, dying is not.
Dheanna, I lost someone to suicide a long time ago, and the hurt never stops. And the family feels guilty!
Besides, YOU CAN'T COP OUT ON ME NOW. I really do have New Zealand on my "To see" list, and you promised me a dragon BBQ!
Take care, and stay in touch here.
Maj Neni
Have you been honest with your psychiatrist about your suicidal thoughts?
The good thing about this is that you are talking about it and haven't made a move in that direction yet.
The situation you are in is temporary - you have to remember this. You can't give up your entire life over something that makes up only a small part of it.
I don't know what it is like to be on TX and depressed at the same time - but I have been where you are mentally. Up against a wall...feeling like there is no where to go...except out.
Please make sure you tell your psychiatrist. If you are in a position where a short hospital stay will help - do it. I did...and it helped. It helps to put things into perspective.
The good thing about this is that you are talking about it and haven't made a move in that direction yet.
The situation you are in is temporary - you have to remember this. You can't give up your entire life over something that makes up only a small part of it.
I don't know what it is like to be on TX and depressed at the same time - but I have been where you are mentally. Up against a wall...feeling like there is no where to go...except out.
Please make sure you tell your psychiatrist. If you are in a position where a short hospital stay will help - do it. I did...and it helped. It helps to put things into perspective.
Have you been honest with your psychiatrist about your suicidal thoughts?
The good thing about this is that you are talking about it and haven't made a move in that direction yet.
The situation you are in is temporary - you have to remember this. You can't give up your entire life over something that makes up only a small part of it.
I don't know what it is like to be on TX and depressed at the same time - but I have been where you are mentally. Up against a wall...feeling like there is no where to go...except out.
Please make sure you tell your psychiatrist. If you are in a position where a short hospital stay will help - do it. I did...and it helped. It helps to put things into perspective.
The good thing about this is that you are talking about it and haven't made a move in that direction yet.
The situation you are in is temporary - you have to remember this. You can't give up your entire life over something that makes up only a small part of it.
I don't know what it is like to be on TX and depressed at the same time - but I have been where you are mentally. Up against a wall...feeling like there is no where to go...except out.
Please make sure you tell your psychiatrist. If you are in a position where a short hospital stay will help - do it. I did...and it helped. It helps to put things into perspective.
You need some help, and pretty fast. The reason you feel the way that you do is because of the neurotoxicity of interferon. Your depression is not controlled at all. What does it matter if you interupt your treatment? If you kill yourself because of the way you are feeling (WHICH IS TEMPORARY) and 100% drug induced, you won't be around to finish treatment. You are not thinking clearly. You MUST call your doctors and tell them what is going on. Don't wait until Friday. Although depression is common, suicidal ideation is not. The fact that you are making suicide plans is a very serious problem. Please, please, get help today.
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