alcohol

Seems i have been so sick for so long without access to medical treatment that drinking is the only comfort i have , i mean blackout, lashout, because i was forced to go without treatment for so long ,ask and you shall not receive at TPFW...I watched my father die of cirrosis (cirrhosis) God is it my karma to do the same? Anyone have any input? I have been sick since 2004 , feel like **** everyday, sometimes can;t even get up and moving. Any suggestions? Need help..

[jmjm530]

Does "TPFW" stand for Tennesee Prison for Women? A quick 'google' brought that up.

If that's the case, I'm very sorry that the prison system didn't give you access to medical treatment. Have you been diagnosed for Hepatitis C?

You do have some control over your karma, so no, you don't have to follow in your father's footsteps.

Assuming that you're out of prison now, there are a number of organizations that might be able to help you with the alcohol issue.

"Forseegood", one of our members, formerly worked in some drug/alcohol counselor
capacity. Maybe she or other can direct you to the right places.

As far as your hepatitis is concerned -- if that's what you have -- are you currently seeing a doctor? If not, that is the place to start. Maybe if you post your approximate location, someone will know a hepatologist (liver specialist) in your area.

Hope things get better. They can.

-- Jim

[Teufelhunden]

I wrestled with the beast just like you're doing. My father was like your father. Watching him die a little day by day saddened me greatly because I knew the outcome. After we buried him do you know what I did? I got drunk. That was my comfort. When I was diagnosed with Hep C, the beast didn't care. All he wanted was me to continue drinking and, who was I to argue?  Three years later, the day came when I started treatment and as soon as that needle filled with interferon went into my side, I knew that the beast had left me. Those three years leading up to that day was my karma.  You can do it too. You still have a chance to make it right with yourself, and only you can do it.  Look at your options. Life? or Death? Not much of an option, is it?  You take that step now to rid yourself of the beast, and I can promise you, you'll never regret it. I wish you the best of luck.

[Forseegood]

I think you probably know all the answers, but maybe you need our support which you have. I hope they have AA meetings wherever you are, they don't have 100% luck with everybody, far from it, but they have saved thousands of lives. The only thing they as from anybody for that person to have the ability to be honest with themselves, that's all. Best of luck to you, I hope you get the help you need, you sound like a very worthwhile person, and you deserve it.

[Lonestar823]

I surely hope you haven't made a one time post.  I've seen so many of those here.  Come back and talk, okay?  There are many here who will help you try to find your way.  

[Lady Lauri]

  Why denied tx?  Is it as jmjm said?
I am sure you already know this, but feeling like s**t will lesson much without the alcohol. Before I was diaganosed I always had 'hangover' h*ll a day after any night out, far worse than any 'normal' hangovers. Our livers just aren't able, ya' know?
So sorry it is such a struggle for you to stop, as it is hurting you so much with Hep. Perhaps anti depressants could be a start for you? Being so down.
I didn't drink a lot, or rather, have any addiction to it, but I still miss even my nights out, wine with dinner and you REALLY miss it once told "NO you CAN'T".  It has to be h*ll for you.
Keep trying and fighting it, you and your life are very worth it.
                                                                            LL

[Lady Lauri]

Am I to understand you drank up until tx day? NO judgement here, the question is.....I thought-heard  that you could not start tx without being clean and sober (drugs and alcohol) for awhile before you could even do tx? Just curious.
                                                                       LL

[merryBe]

OK, I know what it's like to see a parent smoke and drink themselves to death. Been there.
I know what it's like to not care about me,and use, did that after my mother killed my grandama and then herself.  Crud happens...Times in our life, we don't care...and any way out of the pain seems ok.

but sooner or later it has to dawn on you it's your life, not therie. If you let what they did wrong destry you to....well then...they win ...and what have you proven? that you can be equally stupid?
.
You have a disease that is treatable, that you could one day recover completely from, and have a happy life thereafter. But you have some tough choices to make. I'm able to alleviate the worse pain with meds, and docs have many ways to help us through the treatment sides. the key is to want it, to want to make it.

I totally understand your fear, and staying drunk not to face it. BUT your frear is based on when there were no cures. It was a sad sorrowful thing to watch dad die, mine and yours..but NOW, now there are cures now. SO now, each day drinking is another large amount of damage being done. People do make recovery from stage 3 and 4, heavy drinking dgets you there in a hurry. turn it around NOW dude. your life is too precious to toss away just cause the old man did....he'd tell you that himself right now, if he could.

[gauf]

AA worked for me, but it took a long long time for me to get honest about my disease. it is not just a drinking problem, it is also a THINKING problem. Just get started by going to a meeting and listen.

[Jakied]

Have you tested + for Hcv ?  Or have not tested yet?  If you are + for Hcv, please stop drinking.

Hcv LOVES alcohol the way a fire loves gasoline.  Alcohol really speeds up the damage done to your liver.

Get into Aa.  They are life savers.

[ladywhy]

"Get into AA.  They are life savers"
If you don't know where a meeting is, look up a meeting on-line near your home. Look in the Yellow Pages....it has helped people worldwide who have had and "alergy (allergy)" to alcohol. Members will pick you up...drive you home. You don't have to do this alone. I speak from experience.
You don't 'have' to drink anymore...there are other ways to get through life, the joys and the heartaches...pick up the phone.
Sincerely,
y

[flintstone]

Yes i was told in 2004 i was positive when to prison b-4 i was able to seek medical attention none there.. i am going to a gastro on the 26th i hope and pray that i am a canadiate for treatment it has been so long who knows what shape my liver is in? I have never had a drug problem just alcohol yes i know alcohol is a drug 2 but what else can i do 2 escape? I am a burden to everyone so i try to keep all my feelings, symptoms and yes depression 2 myself...i take welbutrin  and kloninpon but it does nothing..Any suggestions? By the way i am a 44 year old female ..don't let the name fool ya..

[Lonestar823]

This is a huge first step.  I'm so happy to know you have an appointment.  You've come to the right place too.  There's so many of us here who have walked in your shoes.  Just stay here and look around.  We're all terrified when we begin.  The fact that you were denied treatment in prison is another story.  I've known two others in that situation and it's horrifying.  
Your appointment is this Friday and I feel incredibly proud of you for going.  Reading your first post was heartbreaking and I worried you may not even be capable to begin or that you wouldn't post back.  I've seen it happen here before.  Do you have someone to go with you?  They'll probably be all kinds of info and facts tossed around your first appointment so try to make some notes.  If you're like most of us, anything your doctor says will go in one ear and out the other soon as you walk out the door.  Just breathe easy.  You'll do it.  

[ladywhy]

"Any suggestions?"

Alcoholics Anonymous!

Alcohol is a depressive...so continuing to drink...will probably negatively react with the meds you are taking. Girl, I am the same age...I have the same "diseases".... I know all about feeling like giving up....
Now....i know there is a reason I'm here....and there is for you too. Don't give up, get help....and take it One Day AT A  TIME.

[Teufelhunden]

Actually it was a little over three months before I started treatment. The point being that as soon as that needle went into my side, I knew then and there, the beast would never return and I was committed to remaining sober, even after treatment. My hope was to slay the dragon and the beast at the same time. Well, at least I got one!! Now, to work on the dragon!! Take care.

[beamishboy]

"it's your life,not their's"...that statemnt says so much..taking control of our OWN options-becoming independent of the past....realizing that life is an incredible opportunity to grow,rejoice,help and create...the freedom that comes w/ this awareness of independence & empowermnt is GREAT,GOOD Stuff.....use it  and share it and make a difference!

[Leatherneck58]

My last drink was in 2000.  I was married 4 years ago, thought my life was really coming together.  My wife has never seen the 'old' me.  Then the whole treatment debacle.

Treatment is tough, dying a slow, miserable death from cirrhosis is worse.   I agree with everything everybody has said.  AA saved my bacon.  It may not be for everyone, but it worked for me.  Drinking with HCV, on antidepressants is suicide on the installment plan.  Throw in Acetaminophen, you've hit the liver failure trifecta!

Check out the program, and do so with an open mind.  DON'T DRINK.......NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!  Unless of course a dirt nap with a sod blanket sounds good.

Hang tough.......

[beamishboy]

.."dirt nap with a sod blanket"-priceless..thks for that pity expression,i can hardly wait for an opportunity to interject that one !-LOL......Great to hear of yr sucess with the 'program.'..Good stuff

[jacksonpotter]

I was a drinker.  My first doc said wouldn't treat until 6 months after I quit drinking.  My new doctor told me that is up to each individual DR.  She won't treat if you drink but I didn't have to be sober for 6 months before I started. When I decided to quit drinking and do treatment, I also decided that no matter what the outcome, svr or not I will never drink again.   Lifestyle change is one of the decisions everyone must make with this disease.

[pigeonca]

I hope you also are seeing a shrink of some sort.  Feeling that you're a burden and holding in all your sorrows is so sad and unnecessary.  There are people in this world who love you, but they may be holding back from offering their love because your behavior causes them pain.  

So yes, changing your lifestyle is of paramount importance - as is finding a good therapist and/or an AA group, and also working on getting the right AD prescription.  Anti-depressants are very tricky and usually a trial and error process is needed before you get the right combination of drugs and dosages.  Drinking can be a way of self-medicating because you're not getting what you need from your pills.

You deserve to be healthy as much as anybody.  Best of luck.  I look forward to seeing your posts on this forum as you go through this journey.  We're all here with you.

[gitz]

[Lonestar823]

I know you wrote a post after this one.  You had gathered your strength and had made an appointment to see a doctor last Friday.  The other post has been buried a page or two back and so we only see this one.  If you are there, please tell us how you made out.  I know you can do this.

[merryBe]

I was sick back then too in 04,,,with no tx...but if you have tx available now why not just do it.
you don't have to have your dads fate, but everyday you postpone tx and/or keep drinking you are just sealing that fate.

So do you think you deserve your dads fate? Or do you want to have some quality of life and a turn around? I think sometimes we just think our families were screwed up and died young...why shouldn't we..

and smoking too....one day I just didn't want to pollute myself or my kids anymore....I wante to be around for my grandkids and let God keep His promises to "return to us the years the locusts have stolen". We can recover and have better years than we could have ever dreamed of, but we have to take that long hard look and say, this has to stop now doesn't it.

your question seemed like an attempt to make that statement.