Aa
alcoholic liver disease
My husband has just been discharged from hospital after going in with severe rectal bleeding. He's had cirrhosis, or however you spell it, for a few years but he is a hopeless Guinness drinker and because he doesn't drink spirits/wine etc he thinks he isn't an alcoholic. Won't listen to anyone and now his liver has decompensated and he has hepatic encephalepathy (spelling wrong again but bear with me). He's back on the Guinness and is being so difficult. He's not taking his (lots of) medication regularly and unless I make sure he takes it, he doesn't. He is on one meal a day (I make sure it's the good stuff) and won't eat anything more. He is supposed to take lactulose 2ce a day but doesn't. It's a nightmare and I'm at the end of my tether with him. He is in terrible pain every night. Will he be dead soon? I think so. Don't know what to do. Anyone out there ever had this to deal with? Any tips on how i can help him and myself? Thanksxxxxxxxxxxxx
That was such good advice and I have started to think about these things over the weekend. I felt a bit guilty at first, looking at him snoring on the couch and me planning how I'm going to manage when he dies. But it does make sense. I now know he won't make old bones and that what I thought would be a good few years in front of us to enjoy are now impossible. I felt a bit more positive when I looked to the future and I realise I will be OK, but it's a heart breaker when you care so much about someone and they just don't care about themselves or those around them. My nephew hung himself 2 years ago, no one knows why. Didn't leave a note or anything. My husband was angry with him but I told him his rope is the pint of guinness he pours down his throat. But he just can't see it.
I was sorry to hear of your experiences and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words. You have inspired me to look after myself a bit better and be strong. He's gone to his mother's house today to stay overnight and when I spoke to him on the phone he had obviously had a drink. I'll be sleeping light tonight in case Mam phones to say he's been taken ill again. But that's how it will be for a while longer and I'm beginning to accept it. Thank you Debby. Bless you. nana xx
I was sorry to hear of your experiences and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words. You have inspired me to look after myself a bit better and be strong. He's gone to his mother's house today to stay overnight and when I spoke to him on the phone he had obviously had a drink. I'll be sleeping light tonight in case Mam phones to say he's been taken ill again. But that's how it will be for a while longer and I'm beginning to accept it. Thank you Debby. Bless you. nana xx
Not a tougher boat to be in than the one you are in. I'm very sorry for you and wish like everybody else I could say something to help you. I stuck around my husband through all of his problems (hep, drug addiction, alcoholism) and he finally ended up killing himself last year. I wish i had done things differently but I, like you, wanted to help him even though in the end I really couldn't do anything.
You should at least find a real life support group if you can - Alanon or a group where they would perhaps have knowledge of the things you could take advantage of in your area. A local hospital would know perhaps where to start?
You need to do things for yourself. Please believe me in that. In the end - regardless of whichever way things go down it will be hard. Very very hard. Getting some things in place to protect yourself (ie: will, support group, funeral arrangments, financial planning - whatever) is the BEST thing you can do right now.
You simply cannot make someone stop drinking that does not want to. But you can do things to take care of yourself - I hope as someone who was COMPLETELY unprepared when the time came you can take my advice on that one. If he is going to end up killing himself in this way - it's still sort of killing himself in the end. It won't be pretty - make sure you take care of all you can NOW.
Best of luck, Debby
You should at least find a real life support group if you can - Alanon or a group where they would perhaps have knowledge of the things you could take advantage of in your area. A local hospital would know perhaps where to start?
You need to do things for yourself. Please believe me in that. In the end - regardless of whichever way things go down it will be hard. Very very hard. Getting some things in place to protect yourself (ie: will, support group, funeral arrangments, financial planning - whatever) is the BEST thing you can do right now.
You simply cannot make someone stop drinking that does not want to. But you can do things to take care of yourself - I hope as someone who was COMPLETELY unprepared when the time came you can take my advice on that one. If he is going to end up killing himself in this way - it's still sort of killing himself in the end. It won't be pretty - make sure you take care of all you can NOW.
Best of luck, Debby
I've been looking on the medhelp alcoholics forum and have found that quite fascinating to marry up some of the behaviour and medical patterns of people on there with that of my husband's. There is someone on there who has a husband going through stuff mine did about 2 years ago. Poor cow doesn't know what's in front of them if he doesn't do something about it now.
My Byron is back on the Guinness and it's like looking at a time bomb and waiting for it to go 'BOOM'. Hope he doesn't make too much of a mess when he does. I'm off to an al-anon meeting tomorrow evening. I'll let you know how it went. Hope you are all well.
My Byron is back on the Guinness and it's like looking at a time bomb and waiting for it to go 'BOOM'. Hope he doesn't make too much of a mess when he does. I'm off to an al-anon meeting tomorrow evening. I'll let you know how it went. Hope you are all well.
That would explain my D-a-a-a-a-a-ady then. Oh, and the way the ewe’s around here scatter when they see me coming.
Coming down the street, that is; not the other, er…. :o)
Nana, it sounds like you have developed some survival skills somehow, somewhere. Humor and wit can be salves to the soul; keep it up, it sounds like it’s coming in handy already :o).
I see you have lost your Father already due to Black Lung, possibly? And now this.
Something I realized a while back is that everything that happens in life is a gift; even the cr@ppy stuff. Try to find personal growth in tragedy; based on your own description of your husband, it sounds as if maybe he would counsel you to do the same, if he were capable of it right now.
You also sound pragmatic about life, rather than willy-nilly emotional. At least that’s my observation looking in from the outside; often a different view looking out from within, however.
This all tends to describe a survivor; I think you’ll eventually be OK. Talk to the folks at Alanon; no guarantees on how the meetings will go there; the groups are only as productive as the participants, of course. On the other hand, support is a double-edged sword. Maybe you can offer some help to others; you never know.
You have my most sincere sympathy as you deal with this; try to make the best you can of it.
Thanks for checking back, and be well—
Bill
Coming down the street, that is; not the other, er…. :o)
Nana, it sounds like you have developed some survival skills somehow, somewhere. Humor and wit can be salves to the soul; keep it up, it sounds like it’s coming in handy already :o).
I see you have lost your Father already due to Black Lung, possibly? And now this.
Something I realized a while back is that everything that happens in life is a gift; even the cr@ppy stuff. Try to find personal growth in tragedy; based on your own description of your husband, it sounds as if maybe he would counsel you to do the same, if he were capable of it right now.
You also sound pragmatic about life, rather than willy-nilly emotional. At least that’s my observation looking in from the outside; often a different view looking out from within, however.
This all tends to describe a survivor; I think you’ll eventually be OK. Talk to the folks at Alanon; no guarantees on how the meetings will go there; the groups are only as productive as the participants, of course. On the other hand, support is a double-edged sword. Maybe you can offer some help to others; you never know.
You have my most sincere sympathy as you deal with this; try to make the best you can of it.
Thanks for checking back, and be well—
Bill
Sheep! You are right. There's many a hybrid human with cloven feet and strange, woolly hair and a penchant for the odd munch on grass, in the valleys. There's always a favourite ewe with seductive eyelashes within the farmer's flock and the nights can be very cold . . .
nana x
nana x
"the Welsh, much as I hate to say it, can be a bit too nationalistic on times. It's all daffodils and red dragons."
And sheep, don't forget the sheep!!! Sorry, couldn't resist, I used to date a Taff.
jd
And sheep, don't forget the sheep!!! Sorry, couldn't resist, I used to date a Taff.
jd
I'm so sorry about your dad. Mine died in march of this year to chronic lung disease brought on by years working in the coal mines of South Wales (UK). Didn't smoke by the way. All his brothers went the same way. One of them in his 50s. He couldn't understand why my husband drank like a fish and put his health in so much danger when he himself had no choice but to be housebound and attached to an oxygen cylinder for the best part of 24 hours a day. You are right though - it's no fun not to have any sort of control - or even for that person to listen to someone else about how ridiculous they are being with their health. He's had at least 5 pints of Guinness again today and has now been banned from a local store because he walked out without paying for his newspapers. I'm mortified as I know he'll be the topic of conversation in our small seaside town. He's also a little incontinent. I've made enquiries about the al-anon support group. There is one about 20 miles away so I'm going to go to the next meeting. It breaks my heart seeing what he's become because he was so intelligent, kind, very, very witty and funny and a joy to be with up until about 4 years ago. A professional man with dignity and strong morals. He's now a stranger and the dignity is long gone. It won't be long before he's dead. It's just a matter of time and I don't think it'll be long, looking at him today. Ah well. I'm not going anywhere and I make sure I enjoy time with my daughters and my grandson in between the pain. They totally understand why I stay with him and support us as much as they can without being judgemental, for which i am very thankful. Thanks for your message. Means a lot. xx
My dad was an alcoholic, smoked heavily, ate fatty foods and lots of red meat. I loved him to his early death. As a child I couldn't understand why I wasn't enough for him to stop drinking. He went into the hospital several times with severe nose bleeds and the docs told him he had high blood pressure, but he denied it and never took meds. It is very painful not to have control over someone who has so much to live for but lives for the addiction instead. Someone else suggested you go to a support group such as Al-anon, etc. You need support for and some detachment from his disease. This is your life too and you deserve to have some special times with your family and not be totally consumed by your husband. You are missing out on your own life.
Best wishes,
Barbara
Best wishes,
Barbara
Thanks Bill - your advice is good. Problem with the UK's health service - although unlike yours, is sort of free, - once he told the doctors in hospital he doesn't have an addiction and would not accept counselling or any help to remain off the Guinness, they kind of washed their hands of him other than to not be able to treat him if he goes in again as an emergency. I had started the ball rolling to have what we call here a 'care package' in place but once he said the immortal words "I am NOT an alcoholic and I do NOT need help thankyou", they said they had to discharge him and he/we were on our own.
The consultant there told me though to take him straight back there if he started bleeding heavily again. They were very nice to me but had little patience with him once he was on his feet and started being an awkward patient. Fair enough I thought, to be honest.
He's out again this morning and his encephalepathy is quite marked. Doing the most unusual things and nearly flooded the bathroom and was going to knock an interior wall down for some unknown reason. I managed to distract him from that alarming pastime by pretending we had a builder coming in to do it in a few weeks! The lies I'm telling him just to keep him (and me) safe! I'm going to burn in hell!!!! It's like 'Rain Man'.
Anyway, about the US ers being pricks. Believe me, I've holiday-ed and visited many places and the people in New York and Florida were very amiable. The English (I'm Welsh by the way) are so far up their own backsides that only their little toes are visible. And the Welsh, much as I hate to say it, can be a bit too nationalistic on times. It's all daffodils and red dragons. Have you ever watched a game of rugby? Ye Gods, it's carnage! I love the grumpy Greek people who even though they have a permanent scowl are probably the most helpful on the planet. The Spanish are also very nice. But I'm afraid when I visited France, all my fears were confirmed. I've never felt so unworthy to be alive. I felt as if I should be apologising for breathing their air!!!! My mother loves them though and disagrees with everything I say about them. She can speak the language though. I only know the rude words.
Anyway - better do some work now. Bye everyone who reads this and take care, especially Bill.
The consultant there told me though to take him straight back there if he started bleeding heavily again. They were very nice to me but had little patience with him once he was on his feet and started being an awkward patient. Fair enough I thought, to be honest.
He's out again this morning and his encephalepathy is quite marked. Doing the most unusual things and nearly flooded the bathroom and was going to knock an interior wall down for some unknown reason. I managed to distract him from that alarming pastime by pretending we had a builder coming in to do it in a few weeks! The lies I'm telling him just to keep him (and me) safe! I'm going to burn in hell!!!! It's like 'Rain Man'.
Anyway, about the US ers being pricks. Believe me, I've holiday-ed and visited many places and the people in New York and Florida were very amiable. The English (I'm Welsh by the way) are so far up their own backsides that only their little toes are visible. And the Welsh, much as I hate to say it, can be a bit too nationalistic on times. It's all daffodils and red dragons. Have you ever watched a game of rugby? Ye Gods, it's carnage! I love the grumpy Greek people who even though they have a permanent scowl are probably the most helpful on the planet. The Spanish are also very nice. But I'm afraid when I visited France, all my fears were confirmed. I've never felt so unworthy to be alive. I felt as if I should be apologising for breathing their air!!!! My mother loves them though and disagrees with everything I say about them. She can speak the language though. I only know the rude words.
Anyway - better do some work now. Bye everyone who reads this and take care, especially Bill.
"In any event, to need to feel guilty about anything in here." should have read: "In any event, NO need to feel guilty about anything in here.
Obviously :o)
Bill
Obviously :o)
Bill
Many of us are in here in part due to self-inflicted injury; Hep C is commonly associated with IV drug use, but not always. In any event, to need to feel guilty about anything in here. Feel free to participate; and continue to follow this thread; others might chime in with their thoughts and suggestions as well.
Interesting you found the people in the U.S. amiable… for the most part, I find us to be a bunch of pr!cks :o). Perhaps you hit us on a good week :o)?
Seriously, pressure his doctors to help you out with additional resources in your area; they are medical doctors and should not take a moral position on this health issue; be it yours or your hubby.
Can you print this thread out and leave it for him to read in a lucid moment? Just thinking out loud….
My sincere and heartfelt best withes to you both; if he wants to discuss any of this, I’m a retired drunk myself… maybe we can relate to each other.
Take real good care—
Bill
Interesting you found the people in the U.S. amiable… for the most part, I find us to be a bunch of pr!cks :o). Perhaps you hit us on a good week :o)?
Seriously, pressure his doctors to help you out with additional resources in your area; they are medical doctors and should not take a moral position on this health issue; be it yours or your hubby.
Can you print this thread out and leave it for him to read in a lucid moment? Just thinking out loud….
My sincere and heartfelt best withes to you both; if he wants to discuss any of this, I’m a retired drunk myself… maybe we can relate to each other.
Take real good care—
Bill
Thank you so much for all your kind words. I stumbled on this forum whilst looking for answers and just decided to ask. I've never used a forum before and apart from work and the odd ebay splurge hardly use the internet. Bill1954 was probably right in that I should leave him. He's not abusive to me and has never been violent or I would leave. I think he's probably going to die soon and I just don't want him to die alone. Since he came out of hospital and started drinking again his friends (drinking buddies who all have issues themselves) now are not bothering with him. I feel pity for him knowing the man he was five years ago and what he's become. My children (he's my 2nd husband and not their biol father, but raised them from an early age), love him, but love me more, and their concern, although they care about him, is for me. He's here now. On the sofa cuddled up with the dog and half asleep. I picked him up earlier - he'd gone AWOL but I found him. Like a big, sheepish teddy bear with club feet. But he's rambling and his legs are beginning to swell again. I know the outcome. I just wanted to talk to someone. You are all wonderful and I really hope your own illnesses can be made better for you. His is self inflicted so I feel a bit guilty blathering on here but I was feeling a bit desperate earlier. BTW I have visited the USA twice and loved it. Everyone was so welcoming. goodnight, Godbless. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I wish I could offer you more than sympathy. Reading about your situation makes me sad. If only we could make these decisions for our loved ones when their judgment is so clearly impaired. Sorry to say it but your husband's addiction is HIS problem and beyond your control but it still has the power to break your heart. End of the day, you have to protect yourself.
I'm hoping you have better days ahead.
Cheers,
jd
I'm hoping you have better days ahead.
Cheers,
jd
You’re in a very difficult position; you’ll probably be criticized by some if you up and leave (which might be the best thing for you , by the way), and are living in H3ll if you don’t.
Ultimately, it’s his decision how he lives his life; but he needs to realize somehow that his disease carries far beyond himself. You can ask his doctors to give him further counseling, and of course AA is available for him; but he needs to want to help himself. Other options to consider are clergy, friends, his children?
I believe Alonon has chapters in the UK; they can help provide support for those suffering from alcoholism indirectly, such as yourself. You’re more than welcome to continue to read and participate in here as well; however, as HCA mentioned, the thrust of this forum is viral hepatitis. A lot of us in here have dealt with alcohol and/or alcoholic spouses- lots of empathy here, for sure.
Take any action you have to; if his doctor or someone else can *shame* him into asking for help, that’s fine. Take some time out for yourself as well… ALD is not a pretty death by anyone’s standard. Try to make him realize how selfish he is being; maybe he can quit for someone else, if he can’t do it for himself.
Be well; I hope you and your family find peace soon—
Bill
Ultimately, it’s his decision how he lives his life; but he needs to realize somehow that his disease carries far beyond himself. You can ask his doctors to give him further counseling, and of course AA is available for him; but he needs to want to help himself. Other options to consider are clergy, friends, his children?
I believe Alonon has chapters in the UK; they can help provide support for those suffering from alcoholism indirectly, such as yourself. You’re more than welcome to continue to read and participate in here as well; however, as HCA mentioned, the thrust of this forum is viral hepatitis. A lot of us in here have dealt with alcohol and/or alcoholic spouses- lots of empathy here, for sure.
Take any action you have to; if his doctor or someone else can *shame* him into asking for help, that’s fine. Take some time out for yourself as well… ALD is not a pretty death by anyone’s standard. Try to make him realize how selfish he is being; maybe he can quit for someone else, if he can’t do it for himself.
Be well; I hope you and your family find peace soon—
Bill
Sorry to hear of your situation.
This is a Hepatitis C forum rather than alcoholic cirrhosis.
There are measures of cirrhosis called MELD and Child-Pugh and you can look them up on the internet and ask your doctor where he is on the scale.
They do not consider ongoing alcoholics for life saving liver transplants,so if he is to be saved he would have to have been proven dry for a long period.
Only the doctor can give a prognosis.
Best wishes.
This is a Hepatitis C forum rather than alcoholic cirrhosis.
There are measures of cirrhosis called MELD and Child-Pugh and you can look them up on the internet and ask your doctor where he is on the scale.
They do not consider ongoing alcoholics for life saving liver transplants,so if he is to be saved he would have to have been proven dry for a long period.
Only the doctor can give a prognosis.
Best wishes.
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