depression and hep c/ittybitty's rescued post

[cuteus]

From a post down below, that needs input and support:
ittybitty
10/31/2005
C16 . Has anyone gone through treatment having already been diagnosed with severe clinical depression? Were you able to stay on treatment? Did the depression worsen? Was it manageable? Some history, I have been HepC+ for 10-15 years, my last biopsy 5 years ago showed bridging fibrosis, and my ultrasound this summer was normal. My alt's etc. have always been borderline normal. My previous doctor did not want to treat me with combo therapy because of the depression/suicidality, he felt better drugs were coming, and I should wait. My new doctor since I moved to Florida does not agree, he is urging treatment, as long as I am closely monitored by my psychiatrist.

My Mom and I are I am reconsidering the decision to postpone treatment since my aunt was just diagnosed with liver cancer and cirrhosis and regrets her decision not to treat because now there's nothing "they" can do. Not sure why a transplant isn't an option, I guess her age? My Mom and her sister both got HepC from blood transfusions in their 30's and are now around 70. I probably got it in utero or from household contact - sharing her razor in my teens? I was in no rush to get treatment after seeing how it affected my Mom, she had to stop treatment from the side effects; and a fellow psychiatric patient became severely suicidal/depressed on combo treatment, and hasn't been the same since.

[cuteus]

ittybitty
10/31/2005
C16 .
All three of us had similar numbers as far as slow-progression of fibrosis, normal ultrasounds, and low ALT's etc. Recently my Aunts afp's jumped from under 10 to the 20's, and an MRI and biopsy last month revealed several large malignant tumors and advanced cirrhosis. SO, my Mom had an ultrasound this week which revealed cirrhosis, (yet her last ultrasound only 6 months ago was normal, she's unable to have another biopsy because of a bleeding disorder). Her afp's have also jumped, even worse than my aunt's #'s.

I am not working because of the depression, I have a husband, who is supportive of whatever I decide, and no kids, so I could do the treatment now. Part of me hopes if treatment is successful, it might help with the depression and enable me to get back to work. A bigger part of me is terrified of doing permanent damage and worsening the depression beyond the point of treatment.

I am trying to sift through all the information here and want to crawl back under the covers, its too much to deal with. When I was first diagnosed years ago, I was doing a lot of research and quite active posting to newsgroups, and found it depressing, overwhelming, energy-sapping, and have found it healthier for me to keep my head in the sand, having decided not to do anything at the time. This worked for me, as long as my disease progressed slowly, since I had other problems to deal with. Now I'm scared, overwhelmed again, and I'm angry at my doctor who told me, "people don't usually die FROM hepatitis, they usually die WITH hepatitis...cancer is rare, blah blah blah." silly me, I figured I could cruise along into my 70's like my mom, no problem.

Ok, time to get off the pity pot. Thanks for listening...hello? hello? is this a fake hang up? this is a fake hang up, isn't it? ;-)
(from the movie, "What About Bob?", a mental patient's guide to living in the real world)
Eisbein
11/01/2005
C17 ittybitty PLEASE, be brave and take this post to the top. It belongs under this thread, but almost nobody comes down to read old posts.
It is a very good sign that you posted at all. I would like to give you my opinion to your situation, but it is also important that others get an opportunity to voice theirs.
Also give your age, genotype, and other stats.What antidepressants are you currently taking?
I am truly sorry that you have to watch your mother and aunt go through the final stages of liver disease. But that is the bitter truth for some of us, but maybe there is a silver lining in this tragedy...a wake up call for you, to take charge, become active again, and face this disease.
You are on the right path, a lot of people here will respond to you, but they can't, if they don't see your post.

Ina
ittybitty
11/01/2005
C18 . Thanks, INa for your helpful post. When I try to post a new message, I get "Dear Friends, We are very sorry, but this Forum has reached its limit for new questions today", I tried it a few times, last night and this morning.

I don't know how to 'take this post to the top' within the thread, there's only a button at the bottom to 'post a comment', which defaults to the bottom, and thats about my limit for figuring things out. As I said, its been a while, last time I posted, AOL still had newsgroups!
ittybitty
11/06/2005
C23 . Thanks everyone! I'm back! Still not able to post a fresh message, but I am heartened by the responses to my post, even I'm all the way at the bottom! I haven't been able to find this website b/c the computer I stored the link to, crashed after my new puppy bit through the usb cable to my camera *sigh* Took 3 days to find the forum again, there's so much hep c info out there (isn't that great?!) Puppy is great otherwise, he's like an antidepressant that barks! Gotta watch those baby teeth tho..

Here are a few numbers:
2/8/05: AST 35; ALT 77; AFP Tumor Marker 3.5
Genotype: 1a or 1b (can't remember, either one sucks anyway)
2/14/00: Liver Biopsy - Fibrous portal expansion/focal mild steatois. I don't see where there's a grade or level anywhere, that must be something new they're doing?
Haven't had a viral load level in 10 years, but it was over a million and doubling, last time we checked. My doctor said it wasn't important unless I was on treatment, to see if it cleared.
Fibrosure - had this last year instead of another biopsy (too painful!), and it showed bridging fibrosis, if I recall.

I can't find my folder with my HepC labs, and the prospect of calling all my doctors for copies is too much to deal with right now, so that will have to suffice. I'm a bit upset, since I'm sure my 10 year old records won't be accessible. I'm sure it'll turn up when I'm looking for something else, but no luck so far. Also, it had an article on liver transplants I wanted to send to my aunt *sigh*

For my depression, I'm taking Wellbutrin. I was also on a mood stabilizer, but I went off it. Haven't had a recurrence of a manic episode since going off Celexa 4 years ago, which has been known to trigger mania, but I'm usually just depressed. I won't go into the definition of clinical depression, since I'm not a doctor (I just play one on TV :-) As for whether the depression could be from having a long-term illness, or the fatigue from the hepc, it certainly could be contributing to that, but my mom, dad, grandmother, and sister all have depression, and have been treated for it, and only my mom also has hep c.

Called my aunt yesterday to ask her how she's doing, my mom said she's very depressed. She went back to work on monday, after taking a week from the surgery. The doctors can't give her a life expectancy timeframe, they said her liver appears to still be able to repair itself despite the cirrosis and many tumors, so while they can't treat or operate further, she's not terminal (this is coming from my cousin, not sure how this could be, but...). The cancer hasn't migrated outside of the liver or to lymph nodes. She doesn't have ANY symptoms (ascites, jaundice, brain fog). Just before the cx diagnois, she admitted she had some pain in her side. Other than that, her only unusual numbers were the AFP's, which I believe jumped from single digits, to the 20's. Not a big jump really, a bit scary! But I wanted to double check.

This is quite an active website, I'm glad to see, I have a lot of reading to do. Thanks for the feedback on the depression, I still don't know if I want to take the chance. If my aunt could live to almost 70 before getting cancer, and my mom to 72 before gettting cirrosis, I think I could be ok with that. Of course, they got hep c in their 30's, 40 years ago, and I got it when I was born, 38 years ago, or in my teens from using my MOm's razor, so I guess I'll make it to 40 or 50, depending on how/when I got exposed. Whatever. I think I'm going to stay put for now. Wish I could be in some of those clinical trials, but they all seem to exclude people with pre-existing mental conditions, especially depression (no surprise!). So I'll wait.

I will call my doctors this week and get started getting copies of my records, whatever they have. No sense wasting energy tearing the house and my hair apart! Peace out."

I just found the thread, I like to bottom feed sometimes, and fish for lost posts...as Ina does.

[cuteus]

I hope this is ok with you guys, I tested the post question button to see if there were openings and I had to use it or lose it for the day. You guys were a lifesaver to itty.

[cuteus]

darn! it said Ina also in the 'to' box! selective erasing?

[Forseegood]

So sorry to hear of your woes, it sounds like youre very close to your mom and aunt, it is good that they have been able to make it to their 70's, a feat not shared by many with this disease. Firstly, youre aunt. An ex-boyfriend of mine had the same thing and he was told to just have the best "quality of life" he could have till his time comes. He wasn't going for that, he was able to lobby to do some stem cell therapies for his liver, his own doctor had advocated for him to some other doctors, and it was hard for him to get this, but they did it for him. They are doing some cutting edge things in certain hospitals, of course, not all. I don't know what her financial situation is to be able to go to another hospital out of state if need be, but I'd look into it, before he told me this, I thought they were only doing these things in Asia and England. If you'd like, I'll ask him about it further. Not to give any false hopes to anyone, I'm just talking about what my friend did, which indicates to me it can be done.

One thing you didn't say about yourself...perhaps you might be doing as well as you are doing with your depression because the wellbutrin is your only frame of reference. Have you tried other anti depressants as well? You prob have.

I have depression from time to time (I'm in menopause and hep c, YIKES!)but I do things like wellness meditation (a good person for that is Pema Chodron, I just listen to her meditation tapes on my computer or ipod) and cognitive therapy exercises. Also talk therapy with a therapist from time to time, not now. I have read many studies where they feel they get the best result when people suffering from depression do all these things, or as many as they can, together. Meditation, cognitive exercises, anti-depressants and talk therapy, or at least the last two or three together. Of course the big catch 22 with depression is the more depressed you are the least likely you are to want to do all these things...but you have to pull something out of yourself to try to do as many as possible because all these things together have a synergistic effect, they work much better together than any one of them on their own. A really good cognitive therapy book is the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns, he's a very respected expert in this field. To give a snap explanation, the depressed mind is given a "pattern" of depressed thinking by the subconscious, a "loop" of continual and fatalistic thinking that these exercises help to change over. We are only as sick as our thoughts. Sometimes when these thoughts come a calling for me, it helps for me to just separate them from myself, and fully realize that they are just "thoughts" and sometimes, as soon as they come, they can go away again...if I don't read too much into them or give them too much weight. What I try not to do is think that I "am" my thoughts, because of course, I'm not. Because a lot of these fatalistic thoughts are irrational, and I am a mostly rational person. I hope so anyway, ha ha! I know to a depressed person I am sounding like I am oversimplifying things, but maybe give it a try if you can if you haven't already. The exercises are very simple to do, not complicated at all. You can use the same type of exercises to get you out of an anxiety attack. Anxiety and depression can be closely aligned.

After I had a little better handle on these things, and got some more coping mechanisms under my belt, I'd try to go for the treatment. After all, if it gets too bad you can always stop. Now I'm no doctor or psychiatrist and I'm only telling you what "I" would do in your shoes, I'm certainly no expert. It might even be irresponsible for me to say these things, I don't know for sure, but you did ask for some feedback and I'm only saying what I would do in your circumstances. I can relate to depression, that's for sure. But I'd get a whole bunch of people in on this with you, a therapist (because many psychiatrists do not do talk therapy anymore) a psychiatrist of course, a doctor, your family, everyone. That way you'll be overseen and it'll be a team effort, one of the worst things you can do for yourself with depression is isolate. It even helps to write these things down all the time, it's a good way to get it out of your head an onto paper. Hope this helps, sorry if I'm a little long winded. Good luck to you and please check in, people care and are concerned.

ps. I think what Cuteus meant when she said (or someone said) for you to go up on the board is when you see a recently posted thread, you cut in on that thread if you can, and post your concern or question. It is allowed on this board to cut in on another person's question because there are only like 3 threads open a day. And many people's questions can support other people questions on the same thread. If I'm not wrong about this.

[Forseegood]

BTW, don't quite know if youre expecting an answer from Califia right now, couldn't make that out, but she is away for a time, just in case you wanted to know.

[IttyBitty]

Thanks Cuteus for bottom feeding, and taking the time to cut/paste and get my post up top!  If anyone needs more details (as if this post wasn't long enough already :-), I've been conversing in the original post, 'depression and mood swings - mvftennis 10/24/2005', so there may be some overlap.  I'll make a note there that its to be continued 'up here'.
Peace, Bitty

[IttyBitty]

Thanks, forseegood.  I'll try to answer some of your questions. Yes, I've taken other antidepressants, (my original post had the list), and using the Wellbutrin, this is the longest I've been out of the hospital (9 months).  However, I've been much better (but much worse, too). I'm far from where I want to be.  As I posted in the other thread, my new doc has talked about Lexapro, but I dread tapering off, dealing with new side effects, and would likely need to be in a hospital for safety, which I also dread.  But I'm considering it.  I'm really spiraling down these last few months, and this news is making it worse, I don't know if I'll get through the holidays. So I need to think seriously about it.  As a condition of my hospital discharge I had to get a therapist, and I got a great one, even my husband likes to come with me.

I actually have/had the book, Feeling Good by David Burns, it was pretty dense for me (does that make me dense?). Thanks for the summary of depressed thinking loop, it is so true - wow!  I like your concept of realizing that they are just "thoughts" or as my favorite therapist used to say, 'feelings aren't facts'.  No, you are not oversimplifying things, altho when I'm in the pit, if my dear friend told me to just 'change my attitude', I would tell her where to go.  When you're in that state, it seems degrading and insensitive to tell someone to just 'think themselves well.'.  But I know what you mean, so I understand. Thanks for the reminder not to isolate, and to write things down.  My friend taught me to journal, its a big help, and he's really mad at me for letting it slide!  It really works. I know what I need to do, I know it works, but when the depression returns, I get sucked down into the pit.  Yoga, exercise, therapy, and meds, thats the formula. But since we moved, I'm very alone - no support groups, no friends, no gym buddies.  And yes, you're 100% right, the more depressed you are the least likely you are to want to do all these things.  

Thanks for your concern!
IttyBitty

[IttyBitty]

forseegood, my aunt lives just outside nyc, so if you have any suggestions re: stem cell and cutting edge therapies, I'd like to pass them along.  Her 4 kids already lost their dad to alcoholism, they've had a rough time, they don't deserve this. I talk to 2 of my cousins every other day, this news has devestated all of us. Her financial situation is ok, I can leave it to her to decide to go out of state if need be, depending on the information you have.  Do ask your friend, thanks!

If I do decide to treat, I will do what you said, get the team on board - doc, psychiatrist, therapist, husband (family is far away and going through a lot in addition to this hepc stuff, and my mom starts treatment in january), maybe hunt down a support group, although I haven't seen any.  Mental health resources here in the sunshine state are frighteningly pitiful.  I never realizd how lucky I was up north.  But we moved here for the sunlight/warmer weather to help my mood. Anyway, I'll continue to read/post, and feel free to be long winded any time, I have the same affliction.
IttyBitty

[cuteus]

if your sister is closed to NYC, there are many hep c specialists in the area to choose from. Dr Dieterich, Bernstein to name a few. the Hepatitis C center is also a good resource. She has great resources around. Dr Bernstein will have a presentation on 12/14/05 at 2pm at the Long Island Jewish Medical ctr in New Hyde Park, I registerd to go. Maybe she can call [phone] and see if she can register also. It is called Hepatitis and Liver Disease. There are many members here that reside in FLA, that might give you some hep c resources. Med Help is a great online resource as you can see.  It got me through the many stages of grieving.

[mistybean]

My depression got worst.  But the key is to just remember that the meds are activating this.  I got really,, really dark.  I now take an antidepresent.  It helps but I still have my moments.  It is dooable and expected that anyone would get depressed when you are on as many meds as we are one.  Good luck

[Forseegood]

Hi itty, I guess that's why I put that "oversimplification" clause in my post, I know how insulting it is to be told to "just change your thoughts" when youre in the midst of a deep one. But unfortunately, depression is such a devastating and complicated disease, the only things that seem to work (at all)is if you do all those things, or as many as you can, unfortunately. There is hardly the "magic bullet" for depression, it's real work and like I say, the more of these things you do, the more effective it is at helping yourself. In the "Feeling Good" book, there is a simple little graph close to the beginning, pages 6,7,8,9/ it's just a simple little graph, many who are in the "midst" just look at the little graph for some relief, to be able to get some kind of perspective on how they are thinking.

If you go to audible.com, there are many meditition books, I find Pema Chodron's to be some of the best. She went into all this to help with her own depression. She has one that is called "Good Medicine" and it's a relly great meditation on healing, depression goes under that. I think the download is like 13 or 14 bucks. Pema is all about showing yourself compassion, and showing others compassion. Sometimes, when you can't just get yourself to read, because it's too difficult when youre in a "deep one." It's just easier to listen to something, even if you don't want to or it's too hard to concentrate very well (once again, i've been there.) You just listen to it on your computer if you don't have a download listening device. And just sit there. Many times, it'll give you a relief from the "dark cloud" long enough and you can at least function enough to go out and do what you need to do, or take a walk, etc. Yes, the yoga and exercise is essential. I also go to a place, hynosisdownloads.com and they have a lot of hynosis downloads that are only like 7 dollars a piece, and they have many downloads in dealing with bad thought patterns, and they give you tools to turn your thoughts around. These guys are out of England and they are really good at what they do. Their tapes helped me to get over a phobia I had.

As we both know, depression isn't something that you can just "get over" people who don't have it say things like that because they don't know what it is and not everyone has the compassion and perspective to really put themselves into someone else's shoes. I've done all these things and sought them out cause I knew I had to to be able to feel better, to function. I wish I could give you my email cause I could just send you a ton of things in an email. Maybe someone else would know something about that, or better yet, go to Janis and Friends website and post to me there, I can give you my email address there, only if you want it of course, if not, that's perfectly okay too, I totally understand. I've done enough work on myself that I dont get offended easily, ha ha!

It's just so essential that you reach out, talk to people, email, do all the things we've talked about, get your body moving, etc. We are just wired differently than other people, we can't always turn off our "thinking" like other people. So those are the cards we were dealt, genetically whatever, so we need to help ourselves as much as we possibly can. I know you'll feel better. And as far as the treatment is concerned, I did not know that you experience such "deep" depression, you and your professionals will know if you can be able to treat. It is true that hep c exascerbates depression that is already there, or cause it for many people, and it would be lovely to get the bug out of your system - but you do have other considerations to make. I do know a few people at Janis who were clinically depressed before they did treatment and they did it anyway with success. You could maybe ask about it over there in a post. It is a more complicated issue for people like us, and we sure have to do a lot of homework and consultations with many professionals before and if we decide to treat. Good luck to you.

[Forseegood]

Also, forgot to say that I'll ask my friend, when I can get to him cause he's pretty busy, what exactly he did to get these new treatments, etc. Like I said, prob be better if you try to contact me at Janis, that way you could get my email, if not, i'll try to post whatever info I get here.

[Forseegood]

Just wanted to reiterate one more thing, while it is true that hep c can make this worse, we are in a danger area with these meds, and it's not something that is black and white for us. You know that professionals have to be brought in, etc etc. Hopefully, we'll all get the answers and relief we all deserve.

[mistybean]

I want to also make a comment.  That we are in a danager area with depression and these meds.  I went super dark and I had been on depression meds in the past.  I mean really dark.  I went ahead and started the antidepressents and they have helped a little.  I am still not sure if the meds excellerated the depression or the fact I have not taken this treatment well.  You learn alot about your self when you go through something like this.  I found out I am a baby and really don't like to not feel well.  I also noticed that Cancer folks seem to be more positve about thier treatments.  Is this because they are closer to a possible dealth if the drugs don't work.  In my case I was not going to die from Hep C.  I just felt that I was going to die from the treatment.  I am a big baby..

cheers.  

I am working on improving my attitude because I am almost done.  Just took shot 17 out of 20 if my doc gets his way.  I will most likely contine to stick myself with my meds at home untill at least 22/23 or maybe 24weeks.

[rearfang]

Hope you can get some help for what's going on. It sounds like you can use some. Sorry to hear about your aunt and Mom. I think anyone would be depressed under the circumstances, so it must be hell when you already have the propensity. Keep us informed, okay?
Lauren

[debdeb47]

Hi, I've been taking AD for years, and even taking them mostly regularly, too, and on tx (10/24), no significant depression or even major mood change.  However am getting worn out, and feel that I may be slowly slipping.  Mostly it's just my usual behavior magnified brain fog and low motivation.  I have a big career going and it's a tiny bit too much.  But no psych sx, thanks to good luck.

[IttyBitty]

Hi Forseegood, thanks for the info on audible.com, and hynosisdownloads.com, I'll check Pema Chodron's out, it sounds very helpful.

I haven't tried posting at Janis and Friends website, but I'll look for you there when I am up for it.  Don't want to spread myself too thin, I get overwhelmed easily and then bail out of everything...I'm glad to hear that people over there posted they had depression and made it through treatment.

re the stem cells, I understand if your friend is busy, I'll look on my own too.  I did talk to my Aunt last night, she's been getting a lot of support, and my other Aunt offered half her liver, but her doc says she's not a candidate because of the size of the tumors and the stage of the cirrhosis.  But I emailed her a study on transplants thats recruiting, and encouraged her to keep trying. She's had 3 biopsies and had her 3rd MRI yesterday morning to see how the ablation surgery did, and her doctor is the head surgeon, so she feels ok with her treatment.  What her hepatologist said is, there is some evidence that "some" cells are attempting to regenerate.  I don't know...it seems they should be able to do SOMETHING...I'll post her numbers separately...

[IttyBitty]

Hey mistybean, thanks for telling me your experience.  I'm sorry to hear you had a hard time.  What's 'super dark'?  Were you suicidal?  I'm a big baby too :-).  When I had my biopsy, I almost punched the doctor in the face it hurt so much.  The lidocaine didn't penetrate through my fat, I guess, and I felt the whole thing.  He wrote on the report, 'patient tolerated the procedure well', and I asked him, 'were we in the SAME ROOM???'  

Very glad to hear you are almost done, way to go, hang in there!  I hope you are getting good results!  Be well...IttyBitty

[IttyBitty]

Hi Lauren, thanks for the kind words.  You have no idea.  Its been a terrible 2 months, and this is traditionally when I get more depressed anyway because of the change of seasons.  And being so far away is hard.

Thanks DebDeb for your response, I hope you continue to be sx-free as far as the depression goes, that is good to hear, and I hope if I have to do this, I will be too!  Like I said, not much support around here, I looked online for support groups, alot of dead links/phone #'s from the Florida dept of health, none in the paper, so I'll just keep working with my therapist. It seems all my friends have a lot going on recently, (expecting a baby in 2 weeks,  one lost her father to cx last month, and the other has been in/out the hospital for months and is having surgery after thanksgiving).  I do have an old friend visiting for thanksgiving, she's far away too, but very supportive, she suffers from depression and is going through a tough time herself.

I said I'd post my family's numbers after talking to them. Got an update on her and my mom's AFP numbers last night.  My Aunts AFP's were 11, then 26, and then in the 4 months they were diagnosing the cancer with all the MRIs and biopsies, it steadily increased to 40.  Meanwhile, my Mom's were 27, and have jumped to 50, so she was pretty upset to hear her sisters numbers were lower, and now she has cancer.  But last weeks ultrasound showed no cancer in my Mom, (but showed the new diagnosis of cirrhosis).  My AFPs wer 3.5 last year, I have called my doctor to get copies of my records, and will schedule an appointment to have new AFPs and another Fibrosure.  I don't think I want to wait, but I am confident they will remain low.   My doc told me as long as AFPs weren't like 500 I shouldn't worry.  Wrong.  Anyone else have any AFPs done?  Not that its an exact science, I know.  Just wanted to know what people thought.

Ok, gotta get showered and get the day rolling.  Will try to exercise and eat better.  I've been living on pop tarts and ice cream and that can't help my mood... :-)  My husband does the cooking, and then I eat **** anyway *sigh*.  Well, at least I don't drink/drug, chocolate is my drug.

[mistybean]

Super dark.. just very depressed where I could find no way out.  I would never really kill myself.  But yes I had vision.  I am feeling better today because i think my two shots of procritt are working.  I also was dark because i had marriage problems during the treatment.  My husband would drink everynight bringing back very bad memories of my past.  Being on tx helped me to see some old things that were blocked.  My counseler says my thinking is distorted.  anyway,  I would tell him how it would bother me and he would just flip me off.  Two weeks ago after his mother died he has now cut way back and is down to just getting drunk on the weekends which is much more manageable for me.  This tx has forced me to look into areas that I had ignored for years.  I have been able to look deep inside and see my issues, et.  Prior to the tx.. I worked so much on gettng ahead I never focused on me.  Now I find out that I am a 44 female with some old issues.  And for my husband.. he has told me he is going to divorce me two times so far.  I will be stronger in a few weeks after tx and can deal with anything he brings on.  cheers

[Forseegood]

Really glad to hear that some of us have progressed a little. With me, just a little feels pretty good. Another day can bring better things. One thing I really love about Pema Chodron, is that she talks about letting the depression just float, not running away from it, just showing it compassion, showing yourself compassion, everyone else compassion. It's the running away from it that makes it feel worse. Don't think she mentioned anything about calling yourself a "baby" he he he. I guess her whole point is that we can be really hard on ourselves, and usually, when we are hard on ourselves, we can be hard on other people... and the beat goes on. Hope everybody reading this feels better today. Don't mean to sound "preachy" though I prob sound like it, just wanted to help. Like I said, if you can get over there to get my email info, I'll email you these files if you'd like, and any info I find out from my friend.

[IttyBitty]

Hey mistybean, sounds like you have a rotten situation at home, makes me feel better, that it could always be worse; my husband is doing all he can to take better care of himself, and is great when I'm sick.  Hope you hang in there.  Sounds like you are 'across the pond' (flip off/cheers)?  

Forseegood, I'll try to get over to janis and friends and track down your email, in the meantime your suggestions are very helpful.

I went to my doctor today, I was calling for my paperwork, but they had an appointment at the last minute, so we buzzed over there.  He's going to run a new batch of bloodwork, and said I just need a note from my psychdoc that he'll monitor me.  He was very optimistic, saying I could be 'cured'...not treated, CURED.  My husband was jealous (he has diabetes and kidney problems and no cure/transplants yet).  I asked, what about relapse, he said the #s are very low, but if you relapse, you're not cured, are you?

I asked about clinical trials, and he recommended 3 treatment centers in Florida, Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville,   Shiff Clinic? in Miami, and University of Florida, Gainesville which had Dr. Davis, a 'world authority', who is now at Baylor TX (even tho he's gone, his momemtum continues there, whatever THAT means).  Jacksonville is an hour north, Miami 3 hours south, Gainsville 2 hours NE.  

Anyone have any perspective/advice/caveats between getting treatment from your hep doc, vs. a clinic/hospital?  Oh, and this guy says if you're 1b, its 48 weeks, not 24? Before considering treatment, I think I'll go for a consult at the closest place in Jacksonville.  

Lotsa thinking to do....pass the chocolate :-)

[lackalustre]

these are long posts if you read this far i have a few suggestions.   i have been going to a sleep clinic now 2 years post treatment after clearing the virus.  as ive had severe sleep problems.  i had depression before, during and after treatment.    one of the things they are recommending at the sleep clinic is full spectrum light therapy.   they have had excellent results at 15 major medical centers in the U.S.     our bodies can get circadian rhythm disorders and the light helps set our body clocks and improve mood.
   i got my GOLITE from www.costco online for only $139.   i feel its helped my mood a lot and i use it every morning.   for any one interested in reading about light therapy go to www.apollo lights   or like that.   i live in the pacific northwest and we get a lot of dark days in the winter and now with standard time change its kickin in.

[Forseegood]

Hey thanks for the heads up on that light therapy. Been meaning to investigate that - but since I live in sunny CA, do you think it might be a prob for me? Haven't thought it through, back to the old puter to research it. It's mostly sunny here even in the winter. I'm just wondering if it's a time frame thing, if I shine a light in my eyes at a certain time, etc. would that make a difference? Better me to shine a light in my eyes than a cop, he he he/ Not that that's ever happened or anything...

Get back to ya soon, hope you feeling better today. Been interviewing pooches all day, my dogs are dragging.

[IttyBitty]

THANK you for the link to costco, that is exactly the light i wanted to order, and it retails for $279, cheapest on ebay was $179, but $139 is more do-able.  My doc asked me to get one last year, but then it was spring, so i waited, and here we are, getting dark, and eating carbs like crazy.  There is a lot of info if you do a search on go-lite and SAD, on why it has to be a particular light spectrum to work, looking at an incandescent or florescent bulb won't help you.  I have been procrastinating getting one, i am going to get on this tomorrow, i hit a dead end when I asked my insurance to cover it, they sent me in circles and i gave up, so i'm so glad to be posting here and getting such great suggestions.  thanks again!

[lackalustre]

the light should especially be used in the morning to help set your body clock. but it depends on if you have trouble falling asleep or waking up during the nite. or just low energy, etc..  that appollo lite website has all that info.  
  guess you have to be a costco member to get that price.  but  its the best deal around on that Golite.  paying for a membership would almost be worth it just for the lite.

[IttyBitty]

Hi Ina,
Yes, the Celexa worked well on the depression, but I had to go off because of bad sexual side effects, followed by a full-blown manic episode, which I was told is sometimes triggered by Celexa in bipolar patients.  I could use a little mania now, believe me. Anyhoo, thanks for the details on the celexa/lexapro it will help when I talk to my doctor.  We shall see what happens.

Lackluster, I have a friend who is a member at costco, so we're all set there.  I don't have trouble sleeping, I sleep too much, so I guess its energy, mood, and such.  I plan to use it in the morning while reading my email.
IttyBitty

[NHgrown]

Hi everyone....I usually dont post...but reading and relating to the depression subjects,  I had to tell of my experience. I'm a geno 1a, w/cirrhosis, NSVR to peg-Intron/RBV, poly neuropathy in the feet non disbetic who has lived thru an awful divorce, lost my main source of income..a business I built for 20 years, and ended up on the street.  So I know what depression is all about or thought I did, until I me Peg-Intron.  Now I lost all my friends. So inorder to see the next days sun I let my Dr talk me into SSRI's.....everthing went from bad to worse...a small percentageof people can't take them...I'm one, but had a tough time convincing my Dr that the SSRI was making my depression worse....I didn't feel like the TV commercial after taking the pill,  laughing and holdings hands gazing into her eyes as everything now was dippty do. I never had that experience with SSRI.  They were horrible for me. I tried all the common ones and a few uncommon ones left over from the cold war. But I stayed with the peg and finished the treatment. I did not sustain a neg viral load. The only treatment now was half dose interferon forever or until VX-950 is available to cirrhrotics. I've been doing half dose for two years, so for the last 5 years I've been on one type of interferon or another. There is no quality of life..just existance and hope that some day you'll be able to recover some piece of your life back. I have cured myself of depression.  Yes....I might be one of the luckly ones, but it works for me.  Don't get me wrong...I still live on a 4 day week sometimes 3 days..the other days I'm interfering.  But since I cannot take SSRI's, and if you had this experience, try what worked for me.  I take St Johns Wort...900 mg daily.  I noticed in the beggining I had to keep adjusting my dosage until I felt undepressed or a difference, then I reduced the dosage till I got depressed again and increased it till the depression went away...I been taking this for 3 years, with NO adverse effects and liver friendly. My liver enzymes are normal or slightly high and have been for 2 years. I have ultra sounds every six months....I'm go to go.  St Johns Wort isn't the answer to end all depression but it made me put the gun away and I had somewhat of a life.  Only till recently by accident did I find something that would really help.....Testosterone. As we all have experience....there is little limbido with interferon and when the Dr. puts you on SSRI, there goes the rest. Sex is the last thing on your mind. You've lost all desire.  Thats the SSRI.  Since I don't take them, my loss of limbido needed to be looked at professionally...I went to a liberal Urologist in Boston and the process began.  I had no testosterone, not low..but barely measureable. He sent me home with a script for testosterone injections intra muscluarand I proceeded to get on the web and learn everything I could about testosterone.   Guess what....low testosterone will cause depression and a host of other symptoms which I could relate to.  I'm now in my 7 month and for the first time, for as long as I can remember, I have NO DEPRESSION and the CHICKS ARE BACK. I sold the gun. There are risks with testosterone and you should only take it thru a doctor.  In fact my Heptologist was the one who first suggested I take testosterone...that was using patches...after a weeks worth of patches I looked like a leopard. Explaining the spots was almost as diffuclt as explaining erectile dysfunction. In conclusion....interferon has something with depeleting DHEA. and testosterone.  I've had three adjustments to the  amounts I use and still not where I would like to be as far as limbido...but the side benefits are worth it  even if there wasn't substantial improvement in limbido. The depression is gone. I feel more connected to the world, and on occasion...It all comes together.

[cuteus]

New Hampshire?
Your story is the definition of survival instint and what a powerful weapon it can be.

You are definetely a survivor! Like Eibsein says, other interferons might not affect you the same way as the first one. Just one thing to consider.
Thank you for sharing that amazing experience, hopefully it might help someone else.