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does it really ever get better?
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does it really ever get better?

My wife has three more weeks to go on her treatment and the mood swings anger and irrational behavior is getting worse. I love my wife very much but I dont know how much  more I can take. she is violent rude and tonight she left
with her dogs and said she was getting a motel for the night because I didnt read her mind and make dinner excatly the way she would have done it. I dont mean to sound like I dont have compassion for what she is going thru,but I am just about over the edge. I got laid off from my job on friday and she had some kinda problem at work on thursday and she would not even talk about it. he said she didnt understand it so how could I possibly .I am so tired of being treated like I am nothing. I have tried to be understanding but there seems to be a double standard. she works late that's ok. I finally have someone interested in my music and they want to hear some things from my catolog and I am trying to put it together,I am told they aint gonna listen anyway? I really think maybe Im going crazy, I just want to run away sometimes and I know that is wrong but I thought a marriage was an equal partnership not a dictatorship maybe I am just whining for nothing I dont know
Tags: ANGER All THE TIME
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Avatar_m_tn
Many people get very irrational and irritable on treatment. How was your marriage before she started Tx? If the marriage was good before, chances are that things will normalize after she finishes.

I finished in October and was still having rages occasionally until just a few weeks ago. Sometimes I just caught myself having brief snaps with reality and even did as your wife did and left to spend the night in a hotel over something really petty and stupid.

She's only got 3 weeks left. The best thing you can do is to be as non-confrontational as possible. Don't let what she says get to you. It's the drugs talking and after she finishes Tx she will begin to level out again emotionally. It may take a few months. Sometimes it's 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Give her a hug and let her know how much you love her and care about her and promise her that the 2 of you are going to get thru this together. Be vocal about your support, don't assume she knows you are there for her.


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288609_tn?1240100356
I hope it gets better because I don't like the person I have become and I know it is hard on my family. This TX is so overwhelming it is easy to get self absorbed and leave everyone else in the dust. All my energy goes to just getting through the day. I often don't have enough energy to even feel joy. These meds do leave me at a heighten state of irritation because you become uncomfortable in your own skin. The emotional roller coaster is exhausting for everyone around. This is very hard on a relationship and has changed the way my family sees me. I have wished many times that I could go crawl into a cave or hotel room and finish this treatment on my own. Maybe let her know it might be best for both of you to take time off from each other. I think this should pass but it will take time.
Try to hang in there the woman you married is in there some where.
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547181_tn?1255150106
Me too become a very short tempered man and also and during my tx there come comes certain phases when the situation becomes very worse and i get irritated on very small/negligible things.  But i hope this will get better as i have met certain persons who get through this phase and are normal now. Pls take care of your wife as in the light of my personal experiance, i can say that we ( people during tx) do not have control over this thing and this is the type of mental support we need from our surrounding persons.  
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Avatar_m_tn
I understand that you're writing to vent. You don't really have a question. I also think you may be writing to justify your own lack of response.

This is not about her. This is about you and whether you are going to stand up for yourself or allow yourself to be walked all over. What you need to do is obvious. Insist that your wife see a marriage counselor with you. If she will not, move out now. You should almost certainly work with a counselor of your own to deal with your submissive tendencies and figure out whether the marriage is salvageable.

Good luck.
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388154_tn?1306365291
Are your wife on ADs I wasn`t on neither of my treatments.

On the otherhand I quite fast recovered mentally (allthough can still have strong depressiv thoughts that doesnt last long thank GOD, now and then I´m 7 weeks post) after both my treatments just 2-3 weeks.

Its only a short time left try to be patient, this meds really changes many of us for the worst during treatment.

But I´m happy to say afterwards its many times the opposit we changes to the best even better than before treatment.

ca
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602261_tn?1252586758
First off I know that some people do experience irritability on Tx but what your describing is your wife is overboard. I don't really buy into the whole mood swing thing on Tx. Yes, you can have mood swings on it but not that severe. It doesn't take that much effort to handle your emotions. If I feel irritable on or off Tx I just tell someone close to me that I'm going in the other room or I go for a walk I don't rip their head off there is no point. I bet your wife showed these tendencies before treatment didn't she? You should give her an ultimatum to stop it or you're leaving.

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Avatar_m_tn
I had to tell my gf that i felt terrible and didn't want to talk yesterday. She knows about the irritability and left me alone. I was actually getting very angry just because she said something to me and I felt like it was too much effort to respond to her. So I just wanted and breathed deep and said I need to be quiet for a while.
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206807_tn?1331939784
This is a copy of the thread when you posted it before. My position remains the same and I am sure everyone else's does to.
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/737356
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9648_tn?1290094807
Wow. I grew up in an emotionally abusive household and I have one bit of advice: you can't let her treat you like that. It just isn't okay.

Sounds to me like you both need to take a step back. She's clearly having lots of trouble with the tx and that doesn't put her in any position to offer you advice or reassurance (which it sounds like you need). With her volatility, you're better off with less interaction. Sometimes on tx people just can't talk about things. It isn't good to try and force it.
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149675_tn?1257636570
I do not have any idea what your relationship was like prior to her treatment. i had read your previous thread when you posted it and reserved my comment at the time.

I will tell you that what she is experiencing is definitely from these meds. I had some pretty severe anger issues early on and said a lot of mean and hurtful things. This medicine made me not only irritable, but at times full of rage, and even a little aggressive. My doctor put me on AD's and Xanax and the problems cleared up. I resisted taking the meds until it became clear I had no choice. they made a huge difference. i was not like that prior to treatment. I was the eternal optimist in life. This treatment made me cynical and mean. I did not like who it made me. My wife had commented many times she just wanted the old me back again.

There is a lot of research that clearly documents this behavior. My doctor even told my children to understand that this was all from the medicine and it was not daddy.

Like I said I have no idea what you and your wife's relationship was like prior. I also know from what you said that you had been in an abusive relationship earlier in your life.

I will not attempt to tell you what to do but rather to understand this is the meds contributing to her irrational behavior, emotional outbursts, etc. Anyone who tries to tell you differently is mistaken.

This treatment has ruined a few relationships and there has been a few posts over the years about it. It is not only hard for those who treat but can also be really hard for the families that are trying to love and support us.

I really hope this all works out for you and your wife and feel for you. I know this has got to be really hard on you.

It sounds like she should have been treated for these issues a while ago. If she has 3 weeks to go hopefully she will rebound quickly. Just know that some have lingering effects for a while after stopping TX. She needs to discuss these issues with her doctor.   Good luck and may you find the courage and wisdom to do what is best.
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726434_tn?1302060554
Im sorry to hear your having such a hard time with everything. I am just less than 2 weeks from finishing treatment. As I was reading your post, I thought maybe MY husband found my bookmark and came in here to vent.... ask for advise. Wasnt till you said that your wife left with the dogs that I knew for sure it wasnt me.  In the last month or so I have been very very moody. and in the last couple of weeks Ive had what I can only describe as psychotic episodes. I nearly ran my husband over in the driveway the other day, because he came out to help me clean off the car (snow) after i had already done it. Now that Im not in that moment I know it was absolutely nothing to do with him, but it seems to be like a snowball effect with a definate avalanche at the end of it. My son told me the other day that I needed to be locked up. I told him " thats what Ive been trying to tell you " . I know that these drugs I am taking have changed me from a fairly happy go lucky kinda gal to a total nutbar.  So I guess for you, you'd have to ask yourself honestly... how was she towards you before treatment???  If things were good, then you have no reason to doubt that will be the case once the poison leaves her body.
If nothing else I just wanted you to know that there is another depressed husband out there..... hang in there its almost over!     Anne
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Avatar_f_tn
Excuse me for saying this but your wife sounds like a selfish *****.  Its all about her.  I'm not buying into she's doing this because of the medicine.  There's nothing in this world could make be rude or disrespectful to my husband.  Maybe a little quick tempered or short, but never rude or saying hateful things like your wife has done to you.

You deserve better and both of you should see a marriage counselor as Mark1955 suggested.  If she won't go and things don't change you should leave there as fast as you can. Run !  

You need to stand up to her and when she threatens you with leaving tell her 'Don't let the door hit you in the *** "  Don't let yourself become a door mat to her abuse.  Maybe if you stand up to her she may respect you a little more.  Women like Men--not doormats.  She does it because she knows she can get away with it.  You are allowing her to take away your self esteem, your sense of self worth.  That is never okay.  She is degrading you.

You must make a stand or things will never get better.  Good luck!
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149675_tn?1257636570
Please do not take this personally as it is not my intention. I would like to point out some things.

While I am sure that you and others are well intentioned in your comments, you may be a little off the mark about the meds causing this. While you may not be experiencing any of the symptoms described above and you may be able to show self control and restraint others may not. This medicine can effect  people differently.

They are indeed side effects of interferon. Read the information package that came with it and it tells you as much. It effects some more than others with estimates of as many as 40% being effected in varying degrees.

I agree that counseling is a great idea,  you also need to understand that for some the neuropsychological effects are very real. When someone is in a raging state they can not always control their actions, no matter how much you love them. I said some pretty mean things. I always apologized later as I felt terrible and did not mean it.

My wife will tell you that I was always the hopeless romantic and always saw the best in everyone and everything. This medicine changed me. When my doctor wanted to prescribe AD's and the like I refused to take that **** because I felt I did not need it. Then I flipped out on a cop who told me I could not park somewhere, and on another occasion  screamed at a man the size of an NFL lineman and was praying he would get out of his car so I could fight him. The doctor told take the meds or come off treatment. They made a HUGE difference.

You just heard from a couple of people who described that it is or has effected them similarly. So whether you "buy into it or not" don't be so quick to dismiss what others describe as their experiences. Be thankful you have not experienced it.

Here is just a couple of many links that talks about it:

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/display/article/10168/1171804?pageNumber=1

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/display/article/10168/52351?pageNumber=1

http://www.springerlink.com/content/qq04551n77362753/

While I do not know the particulars of his wife's and his relationship, and I am not in any means advocating anyone stay in an abusive relationship. I am just trying to point out there actually is very real explanation as to why she may be behaving this way.

Again no offense intended to anyone.


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748940_tn?1233341048
I wouldn't put up with her behavior one more minute. I wouldn't have accepted it this long.

I was fully responsible for my behavior during the duration of treatment.

No one allowed me to act out because I was on tx.

Your partner has serious issues. She will realize you are not the cause very quickly when she is on her own.

Life is too short to endure abuse. . . from anyone. . . for any reason.

Max
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577132_tn?1314270126
I really want to second what DragonSlayer has posted, I know the meds affect some people in this way.   I too was badly affected by the medication first time round and I had some major mood swings that bordered on psychotic that I was unable to control.  It terrified me.  

Things this time round have been somewhat easier due to better management and rescue meds BUT I still have moments when I feel myself slipping out of control and things come out of my mouth before I have time to censor what I am saying.  When I get under pressure I find I lose my 'appropriate behaviour filter'.  So far I haven't done anything too bad and I know when I am acting inappropriately and I am able to acknowledge it and apologise.

I don't know how to advise you about your relationship but I can honestly say that I returned to normal pretty quickly after end of treatment.  Important to note that I stayed on a mild dose of anti-depressants.  Even though your wife is close to the finish line perhaps it might be worth discussing some antidepressants with her and her doctor.

I feel for both of you, all the best.

Epi.
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206807_tn?1331939784
Look guys, I know you are trying to sympathize with this woman but IT IS NOT THE MEDS. These are some excerpts from his last thread describing her before tx. The woman has mental issues

“If  this were the first time she said she hates me,I would say okay it's the meds.but it is the third time the other two before the treatments began.It seems as long as I just do whatever she says things are fine”.


“And she has always been a very controling person”


“She lost her mom last year and was devastated when her mother cut her out of her will.because she sold her mothers home and had her deamed mentally uncapable to make her own decsions.”

”I  didnt realize that i you dont do what she says she will make you”
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Avatar_f_tn
No offense was taken.  However, I cannot understand how these drugs can turn a sane gentleman, hopeless romantic into a raging beast.  I have read other post about Riba rage and so on.  I do believe you, and others that say it happens, and did not mean to imply that the rage does not happen.

For some strange reason, its a gut feeling I just don't believe that is the case in regards to depressed husband.

I have not been on tx long enough to fully understand all the ramifications, complications, that may come with it.  On second thought in the future I will refrain from making comments on issues that I truly don't understand, unless of course I can provide some positive support or encouragement.  It was really none of my business anyway!

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648439_tn?1225062462
You know, I haven't read all the posts so I might be repeating what others have said.  The medication is responsible - we become like other people.  That said, I think you should get her down to the doctor right now and sort it out with medication, particularly if she has mental health issues.  It is not fair for her and you to feel so bad without some good professional support - criminal negligence, I would say.  However, you do have to go out and get the right support when you need it.  Start with you - get yourself some counselling so you can manage your wife better when she is feeling so bad and so you can proceed through the next few weeks.  I don't think it is a good time to sort out your relationship issues - everything is so skewed on treatment.
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206807_tn?1331939784
I have to agree with Tippy and the others on this one. She is a Lunatic not trying to put any effort in trying to control the mood swings.
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561705_tn?1234549759
If you have ever flown on a commercial airline, you know that the cabin crew instructs you to place the mask over your face first, then help others. While we may not agree on
why your wife is being abusive, we probably ALL agree that you should seek some guidance. Help yourself. You deserve to be happy.

Shupeg



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634590_tn?1293777693
im on week 19/24. i experienced the same mood swings, i.e anger, disopointment, depression and sometimes crying. i have started antidepression for last 15 days and now im feeling very good. consult your doc for ADs. he will help better. And also dont mind any word and act of your wife. Things are not in her controle.
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288609_tn?1240100356
The meds can effect your mental health and if you have any prior issues it will exacerbate them. When I go into a rage even over small things it is so hard to reverse it. I need to go off and be alone. Is there any family or friends that can help you with her and give you some time off? She needs AD if she is not on them or to bump them up. She is so close to the end try to stick it out and allow for some time after TX for her to get better. I read that the first month off of TX is worse than on TX. Hopefully afterwards she will realize how unreasonable she was and be thankful to you. If it still is not working several months after TX then would be the time for you to decide to stay or go.
I had a friend where his wife left him during TX and I felt as did his family that was the wrong time to go. They no longer speak to her and she is one of my best friends. She now regrets it but it is to late. Protect yourself and try to make an agreement that when she starts to get unreasonable or cruel that you or she can walk away for a time out.
I wish you the best
Connie

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Avatar_m_tn
We should suffer the ones we love if for no other reason they most likely, through the years, have suffered us."Love is patient, is kind, is not self seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs." This treatment is brutal and not understood by those that have not experience it. jerry
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149675_tn?1257636570
Ron,

I appreciate your point of view, but I am not trying to sympathize with this woman. My point, as is others here, is to point out to Depressed husband that the Meds really do make people do these things and act in bizare ways. This medicine is strong stuff and can effect some people much worse than others.

I am not speculating and am stating fact. I am not sure where you seem to come from to be convinced it is not the meds and she is a lunatic.

Maybe the woman did have previous mental health issues. This medicine will only make those problems worse.

I thank God that I talked to my wife completley prior to treatment and all the way through.She has been part of the process. She understood as much as a person who has not treated can what is going on. She said she will stick with me all the way through "In Sickness and in Health" until death do us part. We took our marriage vows seriously. She did not "run like hell".

I do not know depressed husbands life story, and do not pretend to know it. Maybe he has some issues that actract him to abusive relationships. I have no idea. I am not a shrink.

I was merely pointing factual information about how interferon can and does cause this in some people. This is not a phenomenon that only effects the hep C community. This has been documented in cancer patients as well as interferon is used as a cancer treatment also.

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Avatar_m_tn
Interferon is a nightmare, truly a torturous nightmare. I always tell my family before the first injection (been treated many times) "Say goodbye to me, because Mr. Hyde has come to stay for awhile." The psychological side effects are truly that bad. A drug induced psychosis is not an exaggeration.
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Avatar_m_tn
"Drug induced psychosis" is an exaggeration.
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577132_tn?1314270126
Actually, I felt like I was suffering from drug induced psychosis on my first treatment.

It is not possible to quantify someone else's experience so please do not try to tell me what I did or did not experience.

Also, for women, the treatment drugs also affect our hormone production and levels.  You have heard of PMS, yes?  Mix that with an historical tendency to mood swings, some severe serotonin depletion in the form of interferon, riba,  and lack of sleep, and a good helping of cortisol from emotional stress and worry about whether this treatment is going to work or not and you are looking a pretty potent molotov cocktail just waiting for a match.
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320078_tn?1278348320
I can only tell you my experience. Yes the meds effected my mental health!!!!!!!  It would be either crying, or raging mad.   If someone had cut me off on the road, I would chase the car.  If my husband said how do you feel?  my answer would "how do you think i feel?"

My mood was like a roller coaster and Kenny (my husband) never knew what he was walking into,

I like Dragon, gave husband and my children the literature to read.  The support of my family and friends got me through treatment.

Good luck!!
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206807_tn?1331939784
Everyone seems to be focusing on the effects of treatment and over looking her prior mental condition.

“If  this were the first time she said she hates me,I would say okay it's the meds.but it is the third time the other two before the treatments”

She told him twice prior to the Meds, She Hates Him

.”It seems as long as I just do whatever she says things are fine”.

This is pretty much self-explanatory

“And she has always been a very controling person”

Refer to above

“She lost her mom last year and was devastated when her mother cut her out of her will.because she sold her mothers home and had her deamed mentally uncapable to make her own decsions.”

Let’s see’ she deemed her mother mentally incapable to make her own decisions and sold her mother's house. Afterwards she was devastated because of being cut out of the will???????

”I  didnt realize that i you dont do what she says she will make you”

Refer to above

I am not buying it
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577132_tn?1314270126
With respect to all, this IS a Hep C Help Forum.  Not a relationship/counselling forum.  

The question was asked "can the meds cause this behavior" and I believe this is the answer we should be endeavoring to respond to.

Whether we "buy" what this person is saying is irrelevant, they have asked a seemingly sincere treatment related question.

They have not asked us for our opinions on their relationship, nor have they asked for our opinions of their significant other.

Who are we to judge?
.
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206807_tn?1331939784
The question was “does it really ever get better?” I don’t think anyone can give an answer without looking at her past behavior.
He also went into detail describing his relationship thus opening up for our opinions. Everyone that responded saying her behavior is caused by tx is also giving their opinion. My opinion (which was asked for) is, I doubt things are going to get better.
He asked a treatment question and it is getting answered.
However, there is 2 sides to every story and we are only hearing his version.

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206807_tn?1331939784
He could try this

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,

“You Can Be THE Man of Your House.”

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You  will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my  meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are  going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will  wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will  massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess."

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149675_tn?1257636570
funny!!! Thanks for injecting a little humor into this.

The bottom line is no one knows what the relationship is really like. Everyone is speculating. I just presented facts that the medicine does indeed do this to some people and some relationships.

If there was a problem before this will only make it worse. My wife is close with me and supportive and was ready to head for the hills at one point. She said I do not think this treatment is worth it.

thanks again for the joke. Old classic but a good one!
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577132_tn?1314270126
Yes, thanks for lightning the thread up!

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206807_tn?1331939784
Your welcome. Hopefully this thread will be put to rest. I think we pretty much covered it from every angle.
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439539_tn?1233469415
"I think we pretty much covered it from every angle"

Look at depressed husbands profile and I think we may have another angle to look at..I'm sorry if I'm wrong.

Tammy
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206807_tn?1331939784
Whoa, I didn't see that one coming.


About Me: Female, - , member since Jan 2009
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80575_tn?1207135964
Hi depressedhusband.  

Straight up, it's the drugs talking.

I've written this here before....about 20 weeks into my first tx, one day I became enraged over nothing at my wife and two pre-teen kids.  In nice clothes I stomped out to my garden and began weeding it by hand while shouting nasty things.  About two hours later I was covered in dirt, exhausted and came in for a shower and apologies.  My behavior wasn't anything like that before tx.

Now here's the opposite view of your present situation....My wife didn't want me to start a second tx because of all the crazy mood swings on 1st tx..  Somehow she thought that I should just "suck it up", be a man, take the drugs and behave myself.  On 2nd tx (Vertex Prove 3) about half way through I came to this board and asked for help because she showed NO understanding of what I was going through.  Something really helpful happened....a guy named Willy50 suggested that I have her read the thread.  She did and began to understand what it looks like from my shoes.  I'd like to suggest that you have your wife read this thread to see how much you love her and that there are people here who have experienced the same things.  BTW; I don't agree with many of the above people who deny that it's the drugs talking.  Everyone reacts differently to this poison and it doesn't make sense to make a general statement.

Here's a couple other things that I'd like to suggest for your family:

a.  Why don't you do something just for you.  My wife took the kids out to dinner & a movie a few times WITHOUT me.  I appreciated the quiet house and they appreciated not having my grumpy axx around for a few hours.

b.  Will your wife's doctor prescribe something to help calm her down?  On my 2nd tx Dr. Paul Kwo at IU Med. Center was very aggressive at treating side effects.  He tried different things like Valium which at the end of a long day was a pleasant way to take the edge off.  Oh by the way, right after tx stopped, so did the Valium.  At the risk of starting a pot thread...that also was helpful to take the edge off.  Drugs aren't the only avenue to take the edge off either.  I went in for a weekly massage and at the risk of dry skin enjoyed a hot tub 2-3 times per week.

She has 3 weeks to go.  About 2-3 weeks after stopping each treatment, I began to feel alive again inside.  I love music, especially rock-n-roll, however during tx I just couldn't bear the noise.  Each time after stopping tx, about the 2-3 week mark I noticed that the beat inside of me came back and on came the stereo.  What I'm saying is that you are almost there and you'll get her back.

Here's something for you to look forward to.  I completed my second tx (Prove 3) almost 16 months ago.  I found out that I went UND on this tx between week 1-2 and remain UND at my last blood draw which was 12 months post tx.  I'm cured and have my life back.  

Oh yeah, my wife and are are back to our normal issues (nothing's perfect, right?), my kid's are now teenagers which create so many active discussions in the house.  It's back to normal in my house...you'll get there too.

Think about having her read this thread.

Take care.

miked



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206807_tn?1331939784
“Think about having her read this thread”
Do keep in mind, this may backfire and result in a serious @ss Whooping.
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602261_tn?1252586758
I'm lost. This guy starts these threads and gets a mass amount of replies but does he ever answer?
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206807_tn?1331939784
      I was thinking the same thing last night. More food for thought, did you notice depressedhusband’s profile say's Female?

Merriam/Webster---“A Male Partner in Marriage”

This was either a mistake in the profile or a Troll.
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602261_tn?1252586758
You are correct sir. Perhaps this is a troll attempt or a gimmick who knows? Why post and then never really reply? Strange. Good catch on the gender I would have never noticed.
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206807_tn?1331939784
Actually kickingboxmom caught it first.
If she is a Troll, we have to give her credit. She took us all Hook, Line, and Sinker.
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80575_tn?1207135964
depressed husband says that he (she?) lost their job.

Maybe he's job seeking?
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