fallen in love with man living with hepatitis c

[coolgirl]

I met a wounderful man some months ago who later told me he has hepatitis c i knew very little about HC before  so i researceh a little,i love this man so much i would like to have a family and children with him but after reading that these a possibility of contracting HC through sex though this is not proved leaves me confused. if i decide to stay the rest of my life with him would the children we have be HC negative ?? would i have to worry everyday that i will contract  hc from using some of he's staff will i be scared from every little headache he has thinking it could turn in to something serious ??   pls help .

[DMPA]

I had it for 10 years before I knew i even had it and my husband who was my boyfriend for 5 of those years never contracted it.  We were obviously intimate and did not use protection.  We even shared toothbrushes on occasion.  He never tested positive and from what i know the only way to pass hep C onto a baby is if the mother is positive for Hep C.
Is he seeing a doctor?  Go to his doc with him they will alleviate your fears.  
Even when i found out and was on TX, my doc said there was no real reason to use protection.

[leeac]

ultimately, it will be a decision you have to make for yourself.  although the chances of transmission in a regular heterosexual relationship are low if you two take precautions, the very small chance still does remain that blood to blood contact can result in infection.  generally i would caution against sharing of razors, toothbrushes, needles or other mediums of blood transfer.  i think it is very commendable that he informed you of his status, so perhaps you should do him the courtesy of doing as much research as you can, and make the best decision for yourself and him.

in general, hcv is not passed from the father to the children through birth, and rarely from the mother to the children through birth.  after birth, your children would have to take the same precautions on sharing certain items as you would.

as DMPA indicated, perhaps you can see your own doctor or go with him to his doctor to ask your own questions.  keep asking the questions and you should find your answers.

pl

[NYgirl]

While the chances are very low it is possible so the best thing to do is practice safe(R) sex and follow the rules...(not too hard - use condoms).  If you are in a completely monogamous relationship the chances are supposed to be low IF you don't have anal sex or sex with period time...and make sure not to tear any skin that could go blood to blood.

They say toothbrushes and razors and things so just know and be careful about that stuff too.  I had to have both my kids tested because I never knew that.

If you just can't, the chances are very low and you just might want to keep an eye out but most likely won't get it.

Most of us in here really have no idea how or when we really got it - so that is something to think of too.

[Forseegood]

I've been around for awhile, been to more then a few support Hep C groups, a lot of these types of boards, and I have yet, yet, to meet a person who thinks they may have gotten this through sex with another person...in this world anything is possible, but I really don't think that this is some kind of huge factor, or even a small factor for that matter, or else the stats would be coming in like that, as with HIV and AIDs....and they just aren't...

Although I have to add that there are people who say they don't know HOW they got this, (and this does leave an open question) but when you factor in: unsanitary nail salons, dental offices with unsanitary procedures, ditto medical facilities, tatoos, toothbrush or shaving utensil sharing, etc...

Any situation where *blood* to blood could be a factor, these situtions do open up questions themselves...

In the Hep C support groups I went to...there were many men who had Hep C, who were there with their wives and/or live in Significant Others, and none of the SO's had it...and many of these people had been together for many years before they even knew that the SO had had it, and had not been employing safe sex measures...I do know of a few wives/girlfriends who had it also, and the husband/SO did not contract it either...

I'm not saying to go out and "not" practice safe sex measures, far from it, people should always practice safe sex...I'm just pointing out that Hep C is a BLOOD TO BLOOD disease...

You will find the same types of expereinces on these boards...most everyone CAN pinpoint reasons why they would of gotten this, mostly from needle use in drug experimentation, and hospital incidences, blood transfusions, needle stick accidents for health care workers, etc....

I don't see any, any reason why you couldn't live happily ever after with this person, as long as you have an understanding heart...just don't use his personal items, anything that could possibly have blood on it...and don't employ "rough sex or anal sex" any practice that could possibly draw blood...and when you think about it, how many of us employ practices that draw blood from one another?

And personally, I wouldn't use a person's toothbrush or shaver blades, etc whether they had hep c or not, ha ha!...

Of course you might think I'm biased, cause I have it myself, but I don't think you'll find much info to counter what I've just said...try to see him as a person who has this disease, and not define him by it, ...we all are pretty much normal people, with the same lives and concerns as anybody else...in fact, a lot of people don't even know they have this, unfortunately...Also know that there are a few drugs now in the pipeline that are looking pretty good, much better then the current drugs, so keep that in mind as well...

...good luck to you...

[Forseegood]

I just don't know that I would say "most of us" don't know how they contracted it, from what I see, many of us do have a good idea...not to be picky...

[FlGuy]

Somehwere between coolgirl's 'use of some of he's staff' and NYgirls 'not too hard' there is a question to be asked, for the longer term.  If he has hep-C, what is HE doing about it?

[Forseegood]

Just to make a correction in my post..in the support groups I went to...there were a "few" couples whereby both people in the couple had Hep C, but they said they were both drug experimenting when they were young, as many others had...I just thought it was telling that there were so many couples where one person had it and the other didn't...

[52TELE]

"fallen in love with man living with hepatitis c"
(tounge in cheek)
We HEP C guys are a separate breed of guy, coolgirl.
Renegades living on the edge, tempting fate and daring life.
Many of us HEP C guys can't be tied down too long or we get ramblin fever,(to go along with the regular fever)
That's right, were trouble, the guys your mother warned you about.
Be very careful... A HEP C guy is a man's man and he will break your heart. LOL.

Mark

[GrandOak]

From my situation I will tell you that as near as I can tell my infection must have occurred 30 years ago.  It wasn't until last year when I was going through treatment for alcholism (alcoholism).  My Doc ran an extra panel because my ALT and AST was not rebounding as normal from my detoxification.

It was about 30 years ago when I met my wife in high school, we later married and now have 3 wonderful children.  I figure it was my recent bout with drinking which depressed my immune system to the point that the HCV was able to take off and establish such a foothold on me.

To make a long story short, when we learned of my condition, my wife was tested and found to be negative.  We are still considering whether to have our children tested since she tested negative. But because of the manner in which this disease is transmitted, it is possible to have a loving relationship with someone who is infected.

But as another pointed out, you may want to put some thought into what he is planning to do about his condition if you are serious about establishing a long lasting relationship.

[FlGuy]

As a follow-on to 52tele train of thought 'Sexual Changes: Some people with hepatitis C have a decreased interest in sexual activity. Decreased sexual response and lack of intensity of sexual response have also been reported. Sexual changes can be an upsetting symptom of hepatitis C. If you are experiencing sexual changes, talk with your health care provider, and your spouse or partner. There are things that you, your health care provider, and your partner can do to help you have a satisfying sex life.'  More reason for the b/f to be fully aware about the disease he has.
More interesting information about hep-c can be found at janis7hepc.com.

[NYgirl]

WOW What an EXCELLENT POINT

What IS HE doing about it?  One would think the person with the disease SHOULD be the responsible one but unfortanately as in case with my xhusband = he just told me I couldn't catch it from him (in the mid80s they didn't even know what it was yet and that is what he was told).

However today EVERYONE knows it's a transmittable blood borne disease and HE should be taking steps to protect hopefully someone HE loves.

[52TELE]

Should there be a reference to "4 hours" and "the emergency room" in your post somewhere?

[NYgirl]

What I really mean (now that you're so NITPICKY HA!) ;)  is although I am pretty sure I got this from drug addiction I have no idea if ths is true or not (I did not use IVDU back then at all).  A few of my boyfriends did have it, I might have gotten it there. Or I did have a transfusion in the early 90s and could have gotten it THERE.

The doc guessing i"ve had it for 25 years is pretty much just a guess (I was a hard core alcoholic too so I double damaged a lot) and really have no idea how long it is I've had it.

I think even for those of us who can assume we got it via drugs - there is always the possiblity we got it from someone via sex or another way. Look at all the people who have none of the keymark ways in their history = but there you go they have it.

I am meaning a definitive time that they got it because to tell you the truth - I have literally no idea when it really was or how I really got it.

I was under the assumption that most people in here really dont know exactly how, why, when, where that they got it either.

But that's me the ASSumer!

[FlGuy]

'Should there be a reference to "4 hours" and "the emergency room" in your post somewhere?'
That part of the commercial always made me wonder.  I've assumed the 4 hours and emergency room information was a suggestion on how to spread the good news.

[jmjm530]

Sexual transmission is uncommon but possible. Current guidelines do not suggest monagamous couples need to use condoms. In fact, many here report long-term marriages where no condoms were used and no transmission. Still, it's your body/health, so use your judgement.

Fl and NY,

I don't think either of you were saying that someone who doesn't treat is not responsible, but since you bring up the issue:

Coolgirl, since you're new to all this, someone with Hep C basically has two choices -- to treat or to watch and wait. Neither choice is inherently more or less responsible. It depends on many factors that your boyfriend and a liver specialist can best sort out.  

FL,

Not sure if you were addressing Coolgirl's concerns or just putting out some information about sexual interest and Hep C. But to put it in context, I really don't think it's a very big problem based on what I've read, my own experience and anecdotes from others here and elsewhere. Treatment on the other hand did pretty much kill my sex drive but then again, I had a rough time of it.

-- Jim

[FlGuy]

Not suggesting that he tx. But, all folk with hcv should have a plan of some sort.  Whether it's watch and wait or take action. I hope that all those that have hcv or a loved one understand the disease, options and do they best that they can to take care of themselves.

BTW Jim..Now have appt with Chief of Hep at U. Miami (Schiff's successor).  It's 2 months away but the timing looks good.  It's aprox the time when they will be sourcing relapser recruits, from what they told me in previous conversations. Have to pay out of pocket but I'm hoping it's worth the investment.  If nothing else - hope he gives me some hints about next steps.

[NYgirl]

No what I meant was...since he is the guy with the communicable disease what is HIS take on sexual protection and stuff?  why is it the WOMAN's sole responbility?  I would think a man that LOVED someone would want to keep his partner safe and I wonder what his concern is...isn't it HIS responsiblity?

That was all - nothing about treating or not treating on my end.

[sfbaygirl]

I am glad you brought up the sex drive issue. My libido is almost nil these days, to the detriment and upset of my loving hubby. I wish I could change it, but not sure what to do. My dog said nothing when I mentioned this.

Jim, I agree that perhaps having a rough time on tx is the culprit.Although, I do have some good days, so it can't be all that.

I feel really bad that I am not as loving and affectionate with my husband. I feel like I can barely take care of myself right now. He is feeling unloved and neglected and I feel sad and hurt that I can't be there for him.

Not sure what I can do, except make more of an effort. Faking it is not really doing it though!

[jmjm530]

Just to clarify for "coolgirl", you're on treatment. I thought FL Guy was talking about folks off treatment but maybe I'm confused here.

You also said "Faking it is not really doing it though!"

Be fortunate that you're a woman and therefore able to fake it :)

-- Jim

[sfbaygirl]

That's true :) The energy level does nothing to help move those ol' bones though!

[Forseegood]

From all the studies I've ever read, and docs and researchers I've ever spoken to, plus the good old personal anecdotal stories I've heard and read...the easiest way to get this is through blood transfusion (prior to rigorous testing precedures)...you have ounces of blood going directly into the blood stream...

The second easiest way are needles in drug experimentation, another implement with possible shared blood going directly into the bloodsteam...

All the other avenues decline from there in order of importance all though once you get infected - youre infected...there just isn't a lot of data that you can get this through bodily fluids of other kinds...

If there were, I prob would of seen it by now, God knows I should back off my relentless fact finding re this disease...though, of course, I'm no expert...if this were coming up a lot, my doc would know about it...along with the others I've spoken to...someone show me the data...

Let's face it, many if not most of the people who have this disease got it through drug experimentation...It was the 60's and 70's and 80's for crissakes...these were the times of all types of experimentation without a lot foresight into what we were doing....then there is the overweening problem of addiction which  is a disease in and of itself...

There's no judgment to that at all....it is what it is and these people had no idea they'd end up with this disease, at least back then (include me in there)...I in no way feel this disease is a "punishment" per se, like some of our fundamentalist friends...things happen in life, not all of them are good...unfortunately...

If most people are honest and forthcoming, I would venture that a goodly amount of them have a pretty good idea where they got this from...though of course it's hard to pin down exact dates...and there are many who got it from transfusion and hospital accidents...

And of course this is all for the purposes of "this" discussion, because, as was stated, it doesn't ultimately matter how a person contracted this disease, every patient deserves respect and good medical care no matter what disease they are suffering from...

52Tele: (Tongue kinda in my cheek) It's been my experience, that guys who write posts like this are the good guys, the good husbands and fathers and boyfriends...the guys who will "willingly"....for the most part....take out the garbage with smiles on their faces ...but, God bless em! they do have rich imaginations and longings... Usually, the kinda guys youre speaking about...the real nerdowells...don't cop to it this easily... he he he...

[leeac]

Kalio wrote: "Hep C is NOT recognized by CDC or by WHO as an STD therefore it is not a "sexually transmitted disease" and therefore can not be transmitted sexually or the chances are so minute as to be insignificant."

I think we're all on the same page here Kalio.  Chances of transmission through normal household contact (and/or intercourse) has been documented to be very low, however, it is NOT impossible.  Sex does not have to be "gory blood on blood" in order to transfer extremely minute particles of blood from one partner to the next during unprotected sex.  All you can really do is maximize your precautions to further minimize your chances of transmission.

[Alady1620]

You are a very good person for wanting to stay with this man.  It says something about your heart.  People with hep c need love too and it makes me very happy to hear that there are people out there that are willing to overlook the negatives and take a chance.

About your questions:  the chances of you contracting hep c from him are very, very slim.  I wouldn't worry much about sex unless you have herpes (or other open sores) or anal sex.  Basically, you can only get it from sex if there is blood involved.

Stay away from his razors, toe nail clippers and toothbrush.  It is not likely you would get hep c from those items but there is a very small chance.  Also, does your friend have good oral hygeine?  Make sure he is getting his teeth cleaned and taken care of regularly so he doesn't have bleeding gums.

I think you are ok on the baby birthin' part too.  It is not likely at all the baby will have hep c if you don't have it.

Is your friend getting treatment?  Has he gone through treatment before?  There is a chance he could clear the virus from his system for good.  If he took treatment and didn't clear, there are lots of new drugs in the pipeline so there is always hope for the future!

[Forseegood]

Hey, good point about the bleeding gums, I thought we all pretty much covered the waterfront, but you found something worthy of note...

[Alady1620]

I also wanted to add that you should be prepared for the occasion that your friend will go on treatment.  It is very hard and the medicine does some nasty things to some people.  Educate yourself on the treatment too bc he will need somebody to lean on and support him.  You will have to be strong too.

[52TELE]

You pegged me. I did smoke a cig once.

[Forseegood]

I've already talked ad nauseum about this, but this thing keeps coming up, so to speak...if I haven't heard this again and again and again...Oh, I was recently diagnosed with this, but my wife doesn't have it...and they've been together 20 years with unprotected sex for most of the relationship...I think someone on this very thread just said it....I've personally heard variations of this dozens and dozens of times...

If Hep C was easy to get sexually, this just wouldn't happen...it would be like AIDs, where millions of people who have had no other route of transmission except sex with their husbands or wives, whatever, significant others...turn up infected...but this just isn't the case with hep c...

This fact alone has had many a physician to conclude, while there maybe a "chance" it is a remote possiblity...unless it's rough or anal sex like was said, you need to exchange blood...and yeah, could be a possiblity that "both" partners are bleeding in their respective genitals, but does anybody think that would happen very often?

Anyway, you've had varying opinions on this, maybe talk to some hepatologists and/or microbiologists, some real experts if youre that concerned...but to be very, very worried about this possibility is just utter twaddle...cause I'm sure you'll be using protection anyway...

As you found on this thread, no one is suggesting that you undertake unsafe sexual practices anyway...that goes for anyone just starting a relationship with anyone, whether they are known to be infected with this or not...best of luck to you...

[Forseegood]

I think this person was asking if it would be okay to be in a relationship with a person with hep c...I say, a resouding yes, if you take particular precautions, most of us made that caveat...

No one is saying that there isn't the slightest possiblity that you could contract this....but I think we're all under the assumption that anyone getting into a new relationship would be taking precautions anyway...

That's assumed...you'd have to be living dangerously on the edge not taking precautions with a new person, hep c or no hep c...

Geez, all the guys I was with, the unprotected sex in my youth?.....and none of them have this (except one that had experimented with needle use himself)...

Was this some freak of nature on "all" their parts?? That many times? (this is not something some would readily admit, but I'm okay with my past, it's my past and nobody elses, ha ha) If it was *that* worrisome, why dont more of them have it?

I've talked with other people with similar experiences, all with a big sigh of relief when they found out their previous partners didn't have it as well...

I can only "assume" that an individual here was saying, no, you should be very worried in undertaking a relationship with a person who is infected with hep c, precautions or not...stay away from us...

If this was as sexually transmissable as AIDs, I'd be the first to say it...

I categorically disagree with this...this is the main question that was asked...do many of us feel you shouldn't get into a relationship with a person infected with Hep C? Even if you take the precautions you should? It begs the question...

[GoofyDad]

"Be fortunate that you're a woman and therefore able to fake it :)"

Gee Jim, Don't you pretend you care whether their liking it? A double dose of sensitivity training for you m' boy.

[Forseegood]

One more thing and I'll get off the thread, promise, ha ha! When is the last time anyone cut someone's penis with their tooth? You'd have to pretty, pretty intoxicated to do that, or could happen while sober.....

Maybe if a bookcase fell on the back of your head at the very moment you were indulging in oral sex during an earthquake...Anything's possible, but we're talking about probable...

[Forseegood]

youre still answering a different question, and she did ask us our opinions on this very question...I'm out...it's all good...

[GoofyDad]

Clearly you've never read The World According to Garp.

-Woman has afair with teanager.
-Meets him to call it off.
-He drives her home and solicits one final trip to the submarine races while parked in her long dark driveway.
-Dad returns home with the kids, who convince him to coast up the darkened drive sans headslights
-Severe impact and toothsome removal of the penile unit ensues. Carnal carnage, you might say.

[returntosender]

Hey congratulations on falling in love with a HepC guy - as my wife said after we were married for ten years - "you have been sick for ten years now knock it off"

In reading this entertaining thread I was peaked by the mention of libido and treatment. This is a subject near to my heart and I find that my personal reaction to tx was quite odd. I was totally and unabashedly libidinous (horny little Hepc devil - woodpecker lips, chinese arithmetic, superman's kneecap and all that).

Right after starting tx I was so consumed with it that I could think of nothing else. This continued thorughout 48 weeks of tx.  When my treatment ended, my libido ended right along with it. "What was all that about?"  I thought to my rather boring new self.  Could combo tx really make you horny?  Why would they make a flu-like, sweaty, irritable, itchy, splotchy, tired, peeing, sleepy, goofy, sneezy (cant resist the 7 dwarf references either) full of poison drugs and killer virus particles horny?  

I know why - it is just another karmic payback for the fun I had in the seventies. I knew I would be punished. My dad said he hoped I would be punished and god knows my friends that are still alive would revel in my misery.  I didnt take the wallet! It was the hash and the wine, I didnt really mean to moon the girls softball team.  I didnt steal your dad's coin collection honey - he probably misplaced it in his safe.  Now that I think of it, I probably got off easy.

[52TELE]

Sender , I dont know if you would care for this , but Jackson Browne wrote the following about our lives in the 70's. It remainds me of a lot of us.

"Some of them knew pleasure and some of them knew pain and for some of them it was only the moment that mattered.
On the brave and crazy wings of youth , they went flying around in the rain and their feathers once so fine were torn and tattered."

"Before the Deluge"

[returntosender]

As Springsteen said at Brown's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction:

"Listen to the chord changes of Rock Me On the Water and Before the Deluge, it's gospel through and through. Now I always thought that in our fall from Eden, besides the strains of physicality and the bearing of earthly burdens, our real earthly task was that an unbridgeable gap, or a black hole was opened up in our ability to truly love one another. And so our job here on earth, the way we regain our divinity, our sacredness, and our general good-standing is by reconstructing love and creating love out of the broken pieces that we've been given. That's all we have of human promise. That's the way we prove ourselves in the eyes of God and facilitate our own redemption. Now, to me Jackson Browne's work was always the sound of that reconstruction. So as he writes in The Pretender: We'll put our dark glasses on, and we'll make love until our strength is gone, and when the morning light comes streamin' in, we'll get up and do it again. Amen."

Amen indeed!

[52TELE]

I remember that induction , and thinking what could be more rewarding for your lifes work than to have Springsteen say that about you.

True that.

[Forseegood]

I don't know if you were following this thread that carefully, but some of us were acknowledging that while there *could* be a chance you can get this sexually....it's not that *probable* under the right conditions....which means, as long as you take precautions it's perfectly fine to be in relationship with someone infected with Hep C...

In even looking at these stats you provided, it seems I have a better chance of finding the *real* abondoned safe belonging to Al Capone....then infecting my partner with this disease, AS LONG AS I TAKE PRECAUTIONS...I'm a "somewhat" rational person, so of course I'd take precautions...

Please pay special attention to these last few paragraphs...hopefully, you'll get my point because up till now it seems to have eluded you....there is a difference between probabilities and remote possibilities...the remote possibility of contracting this sexually.....shouldn't preclude a sexual relationship with a responsible person with this disease...condoms anyone?

There's a remote possibility that I'll hit the back end of a bus on Wilshire Blvd tomorrow, but I'm still going to go driving in my car...that's it, I gave it my best shot...fine if someone disagrees with me, but argue the premise I'm making with all the inherent details I've listed....Okay if you don't want to as well, just thought I'd throw that out there anyway....

[Forseegood]

geez, doesn't it make you flinch just a little? just reciting that story? I guess I'm just too sensitive, figuritively and literally...Even that movie freaked me out...hey, we're all rooting for ya QueeksDraw...

[jmjm530]

Kalio says: Contracting Hep C from sex is not only "uncommon" it is unheard of
-------------------
Maybe small chance, maybe low transmission rate, maybe even "uncommon" but certainly not "unheard of". The links previously posted speak for themselves, and there are many others if you want to google "sexual transmission hepatitis c" or do the same thing on the Projects of Knowledge web site. As Forsee suggests, the risks can be brought down probably close to "remote" with safe sex practices including condoms, but that has only been part of the discussion as not everyone practices safe sex with condoms, all the time, with all their partners.

[Forseegood]

I was under the impression that we could address members who had not addressed us formally, unless they have specifically asked us not to...and I'd always comply with a request like that...

Spacecoast, I only read a few of those sites you listed, but I did not see where they specifically said that you could contract this disease sexually "even if" you were taking precautions...only that we have a very small chance of contracting the disease sexually....with no qualifications...


Unless I read them wrong, and I didn't read every one...

I can only infer that the few people who *have* theoretically contracted this disease sexually (and I do find these stats suspect, in that there are bound to be people who will misrepresent how they contracted this disease to the researchers, some might not want to disclose to anyone, including themselves, that they experimented with needles...

After all, these researchers can only go by our firsthand accounts, they sure weren't there!!!...that is not to say I believe everyone capable of these misrepresentations, but perhaps a few, I have read some research regarding issues like this...)

So maybe that will clear up some misapprehensions regarding this argument??...I just don't see a lot of data from reputable sources regarding these issues...data that would be hard to retrieve in the best of times...

[jmjm530]

Just to be clear, I'm certainly not suggesting anyone avoid a relationship because of the uncommon possiblity of contracting hep c. Quite the opposite, my advice for coolgirl would be to totally go for it if she loves this guy, as few things in life are 100%. Given a monogomaous relationship, her chances of contracting hep c -- even without condoms -- would be very little, and with condoms, maybe even nil. But for others reading this, I think it important to point out that sexual transmission apparently does exist to some extent in non-monagaous couples who practice unsafe sex practices including not wearing condoms.

[sfbaygirl]

The Pretender: We'll put our dark glasses on, and we'll make love until our strength is gone, and when the morning light comes streamin' in, we'll get up and do it again. Amen."


I remember that induction as well. Love that song! Whine, Whine (again!) I can put on my dark glasses but I wish I had the strength and will to do it the first time, let alone again and again!
! Wow, I remember the day....  Unfortunately, so does John and he feels left out and unloved.

That is a trip that you were a "so enthused!" during tx. Then it went. Gosh, I am sorry for you. If you figure out how to get it back let me know (w/o tx, of course) even for sex I don't think I would do these drugs again....well, maybe for a week once in a while. Lol.  

I hope the opposite happens to me. As soon as my 48 weeks are up, bamm, I am one hot mama! That's something to look forward to.

[Forseegood]

No argument from me! Now that you've defined your terms! yeaaahhhh, no point of contention! ha ha! I just felt this an important argument, someone was asking about being in a relationship with someone with Hep C and how viable this was....so I gave my little pit bull Petunia a run for her money, ha ha ha!