Hepatitis C Community
family issues
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family issues

WHEN FAMILY MEMBERS JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND

       There are probably few things in life that are more hurtful
than being rejected by family members when we need them most.
Unfortunately, many patients find that a diagnosis of hepatitis C
not only causes friends to scatter, but also contributes to some
families literally splitting apart. Hep C is a disease that no one
truly understands, nor do we have much control over what it does to
us. Sure, we can learn to live with it and alleviate some of its
symptoms, but we still have no control over how others see us or how
they'll act towards us. Hepatitis C is a disease with so much
misleading information that it leaves us wide open to criticism from
family members who either can't or won't try to understand. Because
we "don't look sick" it's easy for them to forget that we are. Pain
and discomfort aren't always obvious on the surface, but this sure
doesn't mean that they aren't real.

       Progressed hepatitis C causes changes in temperament and
studies have shown that it does have a negative effect on thought
processes and behavior. It's not unusual to be a bit anti-social
when a person isn't feeling well, but with healthy folks, it's
usually temporary and most people are understanding With those of
us who have hepatitis C and are symptomatic though, it's an ongoing
struggle, and one that can easily mimic just about every negative
personality trait that a person could ever have. Since the liver
plays such an important role in energy production, it can make a
person appear lazy since we tire easily and often require breaks to
rest. This fatigue can then contribute to irritability and short-
temperedness which doesn't exactly endear us to family members or
anyone else. These negative traits are often blown out of proportion
in the minds of loved ones and it's not uncommon for them to think
we're making excuses for our behavior because we don't appear sick
outwardly. Many of us find ourselves written off by our families
as "being hard to get along with" or "difficult" regardless of how
hard we may try to show them otherwise. Don't be surprised if you
find yourself excluded from family activities either. It's
unfortunate, but it happens all the time and families can find ways
to justify this sort of thing by blaming it on those of us who are
sick.

       It's no secret that hep C definitely contributes to this
sort of problem in many infected individuals, and most of us are
very aware that we're not always the easiest folks to get along with
when we're feeling poorly. It all boils down to lack of knowledge
about the disease, but we can't make others learn about something
that they don't want to, so we have to try to find other ways to
either co-exist or separate ourselves from it all. Health is far too
important to allow family problems to destroy and toxic people are
detrimental to those who are sick. Outward appearances often belie
what's truly going on inside of us and no one can know how we feel
just by looking at us. Only another patient or their caretaker can
know how much most of us struggle every day of our lives to be
likeable, amicable, and as normal as this dreadful disease will
allow us to be. We need the love of our families more than almost
anything else in this world, but most of them never realize how
tempting it is to want to give up the fight for life and let nature
just take it's course when we realize that we don't have their
support.

       Some family members harbor resentment towards those of us
with hepatitis C because they feel that somehow we did something to
deserve it. Of course this is absurd because there is no test
available to determine the source of a person's infection, and it's
wrong to hold such a grudge anyway. Irregardless, it's terribly
hurtful to know that those who are "supposed" to love us would hold
these kinds of feelings towards their own flesh and blood.
Nevertheless, some will accuse us of using our illness to garner
sympathy or to excuse our shortcomings and it's something we have to
get used to.

       Many patients we speak to express the fact that they've come
to dread holidays because of knowing that somehow, some way, their
illness will affect what should be a happy and joyous time. It's not
unusual for patients to want to isolate themselves from loved ones
because they feel like "lepers" because of their illness. A display
of unconditional love from family members could go a long way in
alleviating these feelings, but, our loved ones are human too and we
can't expect them to see things quite like we do. After all, if you
never suffered with a potentially fatal disease, how could you know
how it feels?

       In spite of how things might appear, we're not making
excuses here folks. These things are very real, and we're not making
anything up just to convince our families or anyone else that we're
worthy of their love. Being resented is a very difficult sentiment
to swallow though, and especially when it comes from our families.

       None of us asked to be infected with hepatitis C, and I know
of no one who has the disease who hasn't felt at one time or another
that they've let their families down by getting sick. However this
doesn't give anyone license to belittle us or make us feel inferior
because of it. We know when we're feeling less than sociable and we
need desperately for our loved ones to understand and not make more
of an issue out of it than it already is. No one really enjoys being
around people who are feeling poorly and we're well aware of this
too. What we don't need though, is to be constantly reminded that
our disease sometimes causes us to be less than cordial, because
it's something we struggle with constantly.

       There are many stages of this disease and degrees of
severity, so just because one person with hep C may not have
symptoms doesn't mean that another patient doesn't. Hepatitis C is a
very complex disease with many different strains, and no two people
experience exactly the same thing. We need our families to know that
we hate this disease and what it does to us more than anyone else
ever could. We're also very cognizant of the fact that it affects
not only us, but everyone around us. For this we can only apologize
and try our best to be as pleasant as possible when we're around.

       I sincerely hope that those reading this who are healthy
will forgive us when we're "less than" we'd like to be. We're aware,
we're fighting for our lives, and we're doing the very best that we
can. Now if we could only make our loved ones understand. . . .

Related Discussions
31 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_n_tn
Im going to post a responce here that will ruffle feathers but I'm going to any way. My husband is geno type 1a, recently diagnoised. I know many of you are NOT IV drug users, alcoholics and script abusers, so I'm Not speaking to you, with theses comments.

My husband was a heroine addict before I met him. My 25 years with him have always been a roller coaster ride with drugs/alcohol. He did cocain awhile, lying to me. He stold everyones Tylenol-3 at diffrent times, beg borrowed and stole anyones pain killers or downs. Lied to me. Drank like a fish at diffrent times for diffrent periods of time. Lied said I just had a beer and you just smell one.I just did a line with friends and you caught me just this time. Always lies. Ok addiction and I'm stupid.

So in the case of drug addicts and alcoholics with Hep c, yes it is a terrible thing, a sad awful price to pay.

As a family member let me tell you, it is another crappy, stupid, life changing thing for us to deal with. We bitched at you for doing alcohol and drugs, you made us feel like we didnt know what we were talking about or worse you blamed us and now you are sick, life threatening sick. We are now supposed to be strong and supportive once again. Or we ar acussed of giving you NO support.

I know this is NOT the case with everyone or even most {no hate mail please}but if if is the case, I'm sorry, really I am for you and my husband, but how much can a family member take for life choices. Now we may loose you or live through your tx , with you and worry about you and hang through the tuff spots AGAIN!

Whinning gets to me in these cases. Now your sick detoxing or dry drunks and again we have to live with your choices and tx.

I humbly apologize to those of you who arent in this catagory or those who have done treatment and are wiser. I pray for your complete recovery as well as people like my husband, but in the case where people continue to self destuct PLEASE Dont Whine to ME!!

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unfortunately this is when we find out who our friends are.  almost done 2:  thank u for acknowledging my message.
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Avatar_n_tn
While I can appreciate your position, this is not a support forum for those who have to deal with addicts.  It is for those of us with hepatitis to find support, comfort, and a place to vent our pain and frustrations.  Please try Al-Anon.  They may be able to help you.  I think a lot of your anger is self-directed and out of place here.
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Hi:

I understand the anger you feel towards your husband; but the anger you are feeling will only tear you up. My ex-boyfriend of 6 years had problems drinking and with cocaine.  Ironically I and my daughter are the ones with the hepatitis C; he tested negative. When I found out my daughter and I had hepatitis, I broke up with him.  I realized life is too short to waste on someone who is in denial, and I knew I needed all my energy to take care of myself and my daughter. I looked into the future, saw the possibility of having to begin combo therapy, and could easily imagine being sick from medication one evening, relying on him to be there for something, and him binging on that night. I would rather be alone than be with someone I can't depend on to be there when I need them.  You need to separate your husbands hepatitis c from his addictive behaviors.  While one may have lead to the other, they are now two different issues that must be addressed separately.  While you COULD help him with his hepatitis C, you certainly CANNOT help him if he is in denial of his addictions.

Maybe you should consider separating from him for a while and taking care of yourself.  Perhaps the time apart will give him a chance to make some realizations of his own.  You cannot help someone unless you first help yourself.  Ask yourself honestly why you want to stay in a relationship that brings you so much pain.  Do not confuse need with love.  You can still love someone even if you are not with them; you need to learn to love yourself a little more.  I know the situation you are in is very difficult; it hurts a great deal.  I can feel the pain you are in under the anger, but you don't have to live like this. I was about to type "good luck," but you don't need luck in this situation.  You have a choice; it is your life.  Make the choice to be happy.

G
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I gave up all my idiot behavior, so my feathers aren't ruffled by your post, but I can't help wondering why you married a junkie if you don't like the roller coaster ride?
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Avatar_f_tn
I must have missed something in your post.  Was your boyfriend negative for the hcv rna or antibodies?  If he is negative, you and your daughter could not have been infected by him.  If he was exposed to hcv, he will always carry the antibodies or so I read. Just a little confused.
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Cuteus:

He actually was negative for the hcv antibodies; he didn't test for hcv rna.  I realize that I did not contract hepatitis c from him, but I have to admit at first I did suspect that was how I got it.  Like many, I was not educated about hepatitis c, and did not realize that sexual transmission was so low.  After researching, I realized my blood transfusion as an infant carried a much greater risk of infection then sexual transmission.  It took a bit for it to sink in that something that happened so long ago could be affecting me now; it was very surreal.  Problem is, however, often times alcoholics/addicts will lie, so although I knew about the alcohol and cocaine, I always wondered if there were other things I was not aware of; not a pleasant way to live.  Because of this tendency of addicts to lie, I was terrified to be tested for HIV; I was tested twice (well after 6 months of last possible exposure) and thankfully they were negative. (I don't think he did IV drugs, but then again, I couldn't be %100 sure.)  My ex-boyfriend and I are still in contact; I have encouraged him to be tested again just to be sure. (My daughter had a false-negative test so I am a bit overly cautious.)  He said he recently gave blood for a fund raiser and was not notified of any infections; he said he disclosed the fact he was exposed to hep c (by me) to the blood drawing center. I found that odd because, if he was honest with them, I would think the cocaine use would have eliminated him as a donor, but I am not sure about that because, thankfully (given I had hep c all my life without knowing), I have never donated blood.  I am also still friends with my ex-husband whom I was with for 7 years, as well as all of my long-term ex-boyfriends; I have told them all about my hep C status; they have all been tested, and they are all negative.  Although far from a scientific study, I think this supports the theory of low sexual transmission.
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hi there, i have to agree with galen, there is wonderful suport available in a similar format to this one for you....just type in Al-Anon...and choose which sites you want....I think you will find suport for what you are going through there......however.....and i will say this anyway....cause i CAN and also the menopausal, riba rage stuff working in my favor right about now.....i know a think a or two about addiction and have written a book on the subject AND it was used as a required text for several university courses for which i lectured.....NOW...having asstablished my working base of knowledge somewhat...i will say to you that addicts are doing the very best they can to cope with their own often emmense agony.....more often than not, i have found, (even speaking from deeply personal experience) that the majority of those who cope with their pain via drugs and alcolhol, do so as a result of very early, and not so early abuse....often sexual, if not, physical and phycological....so...having said that, i understand a little of your frustration, however, my dear, it pales in comparrisson to the life of pain, confusion and after effects that these experiences mark for life one with....so, i would encourage one of 2 things...either understand WHY he finds his fear based using....nessisary and love and suport him through it...(it tends to be far more difficult for men to speak and open up about this)or.....contact al-anon for suport...or leave....the LAST thing any addict or alcoholic needs is MORE SHAME DUMPED ON THEM......wishing you find the help and guidance you seek elsewhere....it's out there for you.
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Hi again:

Just want to add, the reason we broke up was not that I suspected I got hepatitis c from him.  The reason was that he was still in denial about his addictions, and I did not want to live with that anymore, especially since I had my and my daughter's health to worry about.  Last year we were in Hawaii and went diving.  The next day (Thursday) I was getting strange joint pain and was concerned I had decompression illness.  I skipped a morning dive on the subsequent day (Friday) because I was worried.  All morning and afternoon on Friday I was concerned about having decompression illness and couldn't wait for my boyfriend to get back from his morning dive.  He returned 5 hours late from the dive drunk; he knew not drinking was a condition of our relationship, and not only did he drink, but he was drinking and driving.  I was annoyed with him, told him I wasn't feeling well, and went to the hospital.  The doctor wanted to send me to a decompression chamber; the symptoms of decompression illness can be vague, and the doctor didn't want to take any chances.  I called my boyfriend to tell him what was happening, and he told me he was leaving me; he thought I was being dramatic about not feeling well and used that as an excuse for his behavior.  He said he was leaving my plane tickets and some money and checking into another hotel. I left the hospital and ran to the hotel where we were staying to stop him from leaving.  I let his drinking and drunken decision making come before concerns for my own health.  It was like a nightmare for me.  Of course he changed his mind the next day when he sobered up, but that was next to the last straw for me.  I didn't go to the decompression chamber because Diver's Alert Network said they didn't think it was decompression illness; in retrospect I believe what I was feeling were symptoms of hepatitis c.  For most of my life I have been told these vague, strange symptoms were all in my head.  It was episodes like what happened in Hawaii that concern me.  Whether you have hepatitis c or not, everyone deserves to be with someone who will be there for them when needed.  I now know I was really sick (hep c), I just didn't know what was wrong, and it saddens me he wasn't there for me when I needed him. It saddens me even more I wasn't there for myself, as I suspect _Sherr may not be there for herself (completely speculative); I will not put myself in that position again.  Had I did get hepatitis c from him, and he was not in denial, sober, and trying his best, I never would have left him; I would have stayed and we would have fought it together.  But that was/is not the situation.
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oh honey hang in there....i KNOW it sucks to be shunned and made to feel less than, and mis-understood espeacially when we need family the most honey....and i CAN RELATE...that is why i've choosen a new family through this experience, and it happens to be right here for me.....your peice was very informative and moving...ever think about printing it out and sending it to all those family and friends you think could benifit from reading it...even if you wanted to leave it un-signed, you could let them know that it is important that they read and try to be compassionate....i don't know just a thought...i just feel for you...and sometimes i wish i could smack some people upside the head for thier intolerance of illness'.....sending you hugs....kimmy
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I understand your frustration and I also know that we do this tx to become healthy.
I don't know if you've finished tx or cleared the virus, but I think that if the tx is succesful there are no reasons to suffer anymore the symptoms of hep C. I haven't had any symptoms before tx, I was happy and not feeling tired. It is true that the tx has changed my behaviour and my moods and the judgement, but I really hope that in a few month after finishing tx to be me again.My family has been very supportive but they are hopping that I will become their mum and wife.
I'm week 47 now and at the end of patience physically and mentally.
I was so scarred of your post that I'm shaking now from my whole body. Will my life from now  be a heal for my family and me? Hard question with no answer?
Good luck to everybody and keep a positive attitude.

Galen-please don't judge me for my spelling or gramar, English is my second language...
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Most americans speak only one language let alone write more than one.
My daughter in law is from Ecuador and speaks five languages
Where are you from?
Wow! week 47. Hang in there girl! I firmly blieve life will get better for us!
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I'm from Romania
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...but living in New Zealand
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i did not write the things on family above (at the top)  but it came thru on one of the hep sites and i thought it was worth sharing. dont know who wrote it.   as family issues can definitely emerge with this illness and the treatment.
   fortunately i have a supportive family but at times things can be difficult.  hey life is difficult - then u die.  ha    i pray a lot.  and give thanks...  love to all....
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I guess Im just lucky to have the support I have had since dx with Hep c 1a. Im a paramedic and got it on the job, but do like my beer on my days off, Im on wk 40 of 48, I just finished reading about the spouses and such that continue the lifestyle (drugs, tatoos, they had before. I havent had a drink since last year when dx, sure its rough but when I think of the sacrifices my wife (very little sex, my brain fog, and a little riba-rage thrown in) has made for me, soft drinks arnt so bad. This disease is blood to blood and alcohol durring tx is stupid, I know when Im finished with tx Im having oysters, crawfish, crabs and a beer, I have no liver damage but if I did forget the beer.I will still work on an ambulance and take my chances but thats my job. If a relationship doesnt meet halfway its time to rethink it and take care of yourself. Life is short enough to put up with ****. I sometimes wonder about the percentage stats for svr when I know what the stats are for drug abusers. And I mean that in a good way, sure there are non responders and those that found out late they were infected (after symptoms) but most in this forum are commited to slaying the dragon and each other and read it daily. We were all kids once doing things we were ignorant of the dangers of. Its time for some to grow up. If the dragon isnt a wake up call, what the heck is. Good Nite all
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Hi lackalustre, Thank you for sharing! I have always felt that family issues should be listed along with all other possible sides. Hahaha! It is a big part of dealing with treatment for many & it would be better to be warned so as to prepare ones self. All in all I had pretty good support during TX but the part in the posting that mentioned not looking sick but being sick really hit home. Those were the times on treatment that were the hardest, my husband & kids would have to be reminded (and not always nicely) that I needed help & understanding. Avoiding my mother on bad head days was also helpful. I know it all sounds frightening to the newly diagnosed but all I can say is be thankful for this forum. It sure helped me prepare as best as I could for the 48-week haul.
All my very best!
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GALEN SAID IT ALL!!!!!! And yes you have ruffled my feathers! I was an addict, before I even knew what an addict was! But w/ the unconditional LOVE FROM MY FAMILY....I made it thru. So if you don't like what you read here.....then don't come here! Don't you think we have "Dumped" on ourselves enough???? I have been drug free for 10 yrs., thought I'd really done things w/ my life since then...only to find out I had Hep C. My Mother hasn't wanted to talk about it much, and I didn't even know what Hep C was. I cried and blamed myself for a long time....so, miss "goodie two shoes".I've had my say!!! If you are having a pity party....then get off your a**, and do something about it!!! If you've never been an addict then YOU HAVE NO CLUE!!!!! Believe it or not it is a DISEASE!!!!!!! And NO fun at all. I feel sorry for your poor husband. You never know what you will have to face in the future!!!!! GOOD LUCK and prayers to your sick husband. Cindee
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In all fairness, my wife has been where I think Sherr has been. I lied and cheated and drugged my way to hep-C. My wife is severely scarred from all that behavior. Lets not call her names but understand the other side of the coin. Seems like she posts and reads so I assume her husband is really in great hands with this woman. I watch this forum everyday. Geno type 1-b, no treatment. I am waiting for alternative and my wife supports me but she gets her digs in every now and then. In my case and looks like Sher's I brought this on in my denial way of thinking. I'm not saying you are right Sher but I do understand. I pray for you as well as your husband and all of us. I agree you need alanon to understand all this addiction lingo. But God bless you and keep coming back and YOU try and understand our side of this coin, called the dragon.
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Hepcbilly, wow, it sounds like you have come a long mind healthy way. I imagine dealing with an addict that you love must be impossibly hard. When you say your wife is permanently scared from the experience of dealing with your addiction disease, in what way do you mean? Hope I
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Not at all Terriri, in a word without going too far off this forum TRUST. In my addiction I lied and lied and then I lied some more. How can husbands/wives of us addicts TRUST. And that my dear can damage an innocent loved one and is why I think I feel for Sherr, she to is a victum. I think we addicts know what we may have done to those we love and is why I think I understand Sherrs anger. Without great detail on addiction, it is a family disease, we know all that. But Hepc is not about addiction, so I am done.I see her way of thinking{as my wife points out sometimes} I personaly have this disease from addiction. God Bless {especially you insomniacs}.
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Oh No befuddledbedarned I just choose not to do treatment right now. My GI will treat me, but this is my choice, for right now. Don't listen to me watch the forum I just had a comment about another post. These guys know what they are talking about.
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Well, neighbor.  I'm from Hungary, but I live in the US.  
You've come a long way; one more week and it's the finish line for you!  Whatever worked for the last month will work for this last week of tx.  OK?  
Enjoy the spring... plant something pretty for us, who are shivering in the snow and wind... and have weeks to go yet.
Maj Neni
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Well, I've been w/an chronic cheater and an addict.  Personally, once an addict kicks his addiction, he's a damn good person.  B/a cheater always has a moral stain.  So, there are worse things than addiction-drugs or alcohol.
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I understand quite a lot u are going thru.  The fact that none of your partners became infected does give me hope, but even at a 1% chance, I couldn't ask my partner to take a chance.  So I accept the use of condoms even though I despise them.
I hope you do better in a new relationship, we do seem to attach ourselves to the same type over and over. You were fortunate his behavior didn't prompt you to try and feel what he did with drugs.  I gave in to the tempt.  He chose to continue with drugs, he liked the feeling.  I have my doubts about calling addiction a disease. We have more choices than with diabetes or cancer.  You can choose not to take them and go for tx and continue with support groups. He liked the high, did not want to give up looking at life through that glass. My opinion, guys.
Is your daughter ok?  I had my last daughter 14 yrs ago, and was terrified of having infected her. She is negative, and I also breastfed 4 1/2yrs(have the twin saggy bags to prove it too). You can email me at ***@**** if you want to talk.  
From that last pregnancy I developed joint pains that were finally dx related to hcv this year by the rheumatologist.
Go to go to lunch, now. Later. TY all
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Avatar_f_tn
Lackalustre,    Thank you very much for posting this article. I copied and saved it. I plan on trying to share it with a few of my loved ones. Most have been very supportive, but it's truly hard for them to understand.

My husband and I had a little spat just last night when he gave me a hard time because he feels like I'm not doing enough. You see, he let me take this year off from teaching to try to get better, so he thinks that since I'm home now, I should be helping him more. I feel bad because he is very busy with a new business. I know that he works hard and resents the fact that I am no longer bringing money into the house hold. He has made me feel guilty for the money that I have spent on my children and grandchildren for Christmas. We have only been married 5 years, and he had never been maarried or had kids of his own. He has been wonderful to my children really, but his money and his hobbies are very important to him.

He told me last night that he thought that I must not feel so bad because I'm not in bed sleeping all the time. I just broke down crying. I have been struggeling to do as much as I could each day(although it never seems like enough) I know that I don't get the rest that I should in order to really try to fight this disease, but I feel guilty if I rest too much. It is also realllllly important to my husband that I cook a big dinner every night. I've tried to explain to him that it is hard to cook when nothing sounds good to eat. But I still try to cook something nice every night.

One of the hardest things for me is the fact that he does not try to slow down his alchohol intake.  He drinks beer and rum and coke at least 3 days a week. Even though he knows I can't drink and it would make it easier for me if he slowed down, he won't. And he doesn't just drink a few drinks at these times, he drinks until he can hardly walk or talk and passes out on the couch. I think the thing that bothers me the most about this is that I feel that he must be unhappy to have to drink this much.  He says it's because he has had a stressful day and needs to relax.

We almost never have sex. I worry that he is afraid that I may infect him, even though we us condoms.( he tested negative as did my 3 children, thank God) Or maybe he just doesn't find me desirable now. And who can blame him, with the tx. and sx.

I have asked him to read some of the postings on this site before, but he won't bother. He hates to read, unless it's a Cabellos cataloug or a hunting/fishing mag. I do believe that he loves me, but he just doesn't know how to cope with all of this. I don't think he really understood what he got himself into when he married me and my family. Then, 5 years down the road his new wife is diagnosed with this awful disease.

People are always telling me, Kim, you look so good. I can't believe your sick. And when they ask how I'm feeling, I don't want to whine and tell them that my whole boddy hurts, I have had head-aches that last days, sometimes my elbow hurts sooo much, I can hardly lift a glass, let alone push a vacum cleaner.
Please excuse my pity party. I feel better jsut getting some of this off my chest. Sorry friends!  Take care, berlynn
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Girl you hang in there. I too went thru some of the things you mentioned. My husband drank beer every nite, and I'm sooooo against alcohol now. I just prayed and prayed and prayed some more. It's been 3 wks since he has had a beer. God does answer prayers!!!!! And remember you are always in my prayers as well as everyone else in this forum!!!! Much Love, Cindee
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Avatar_f_tn
Ouch!  That is a lot you are dealing with.  There seems to be a lot of extra stress that you don't need right now.
You have the right to lie down when achy and call in for delivery if need be. It is quite selfish to insist on a big home cook dinner every night even when you are healthy.
I found out this year it is VERY hard (if not impossible) for a man who never had children or raised any,to come close to understanding how parents behave and feel, they have no appreciation of the sacrifices and bonding. There is nothing you can say that will make them understand. You have to be a parent.
And nothing matches motherhood.

Add that to this illness and it calls for some boiling stress.  He does not seem willing to try to understand either, per your comment on his reluctance to read on this illness, I wish you tons of wisdom and strength,  TONS.  At least you will always have the love of your kids.  
And, stop trying to excuse his behavior by your illness, please.
He is a big boy.
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berlynn:

The hardest thing for me with my ex was feeling bad that he seemed to need to drink to be happy.  I couldn't help but feel that my caring about him and my love for him should have been enough for him to want to stop.  Unfortunately, that is never the case. I am sure you already know this, but your husband's need to drink has absolutely nothing to do with his love for you.  I find the whole issue of alcoholism as a disease highly confusing/debatable, but regardless, I know that whatever is causing your husband to behave as he does can only be determined by him.  All the love in the world will not make him stop until he is ready.  That is an incredibly painful reality to accept.  

You are not having a pity party; it must be terribly difficult for you on tx to have to deal with addiction issues and the accompanying behavior when you need a lot of support yourself. It would be difficult for people who are perfectly healthy.   Alcoholics, if that is what your husband is, and only HE can make that decision, frequently have sexual hangups; again, it is NO reflection on you, but that doesn't stop it from hurting like hell.  Do your best to take care of yourself; do something nice for yourself today.  NEVER feel quilty about his drinking it is NOT YOUR FAULT; and NEVER feel quilty about your needs.  The worst thing you can do is nag him about his drinking; I am not saying you do, but just in case, don't; it gives the person an excuse to drink and makes you feel bad about yourself and wastes energy you can be putting into something productive.  It must also be difficult feeling so dependent on him, especially since you have children; tx must be making you feel very vulnerable right now; but the time will go by fast.  I pray you slay your dragon, and one day soon, when you are strong and healthy, your husband will make some realizations and you will be able to support him in his recovery.  Until that day comes, have faith and stay strong.

G
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Hi, Berlynn,
It is really tough sometimes.  I feel for you.  I've been so lucky!  Maj Neni
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Thanks guys for your emotional pick-me-ups. I am sorry to whine, although thank God you all know what it's like when these meds help you get all worked up.OMG.... Your words of wisdom  and caring really helped me feel better. Being on TX is hard enough, but I really feel supported and cared for by all of you on this forum. I WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!!!!!  My GI told me that at this point in tx, he is just a cheerleader, cheering me on and doing what it takes to help me go all the way without quitting. I'm not stopping, I am going to burn this dragon to cinders. And after that, I will work things out with my other half. The laughter and love I get from this site is the most powerful medicine I have. Thanks friends, berlynn
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