question on dating

[Javi1962]

I have a question, when I go out on a date, when is the right time to tell the person you have hep C? and how do you bring it up? any singe people out there know how to answer this question?

[Bill1954]

Hey there, Javi—

I think you’re getting the cart in front of the horse; you haven’t been officially diagnosed yet. In the meantime, if you use a condom (if the need arises), it should be an issue. I’d be very cautious at this stage; you are antibody positive, but don’t yet know your RNA status. If it turns out you are RNA negative, then there’s no reason to disclose this to anyone, ever.

Get those tests done, then you’ll have enough info to work with. Best to you—

Bill

[epiphiny]

I agree with Bill on getting the cart before the horse here but I also understand your feelings right now.  I was single when I was diagnosed with Hep C and now I'm married!!

I made sure that I never had unprotected sex while I was single.  And once I knew I had met someone that had the potential to become a significant other I would tell them about 'my condition' as I called it. If they could not accept me as I was then I knew they were not for me.

As it turned out I had 2 significant relationships prior to meeting my husband.  I made sure I had all the information they would need when they asked any questions.  Funnily enough, when I told one person he also revealed that he had it!  I thought that we would be a match made in heaven but that was not so!  Didn't work out at all. I know that he went on to marry a non Hep-C person!

It isn't a death sentence and it doesn't mean you won't be able to date people.  It just means you will need to be more aware of what you do and make good choices in the people with whom you decide to be intimate relationships with.  And truly, if a person can not accept you for who you are then you really are better off without them.

[Bill1954]

“In the meantime, if you use a condom (if the need arises), it should be an issue.”

Should have read “In the meantime, if you use a condom (if the need arises), it shouldN’T be an issue.

Listen to Epi; she offered very good advice—

Bill

[HopefulinScotland]

Well, I'll answer your question more for the benefit of anybody else who may look at this thread, since you haven't yet been diagnosed.

I know that this is a difficult thing for just about everybody. I know that I, at least, deal with feelings of guilt and shame over my infection. But, I did manage to meet a wonderful man and get married.

I would recommend waiting until you know someone well enough that you feel they need to know, but not so long that they may feel betrayed. What I mean is, the first date is too soon. The first date is already fraught with nerves and nobody wants to hear anything heavy. I've been turned off by people flinging all their baggage around on a first date. EVERYBODY has baggage. What matters is how gracefully they carry it. Also, if I've not yet discovered a bit of chemistry and started to relax around that person, their issues will override any other impression I'm getting. I once dated a guy who talked a lot about the difficulties of caring for his elderly father. I had visions of being married and changing diapers and stuff and we hadn't even ordered our dinner, yet.

On the other hand, you need to tell the person before either of you are too emotionally invested. You absolutely must tell them before you have sex with them, IMO. It may be ignorance on their part, but if they're worried about catching it from kissing, they're going to feel so betrayed that they're not going to hear you when you tell them there is nothing to worry about. The pain of being rejected by someone you've been intimate with is also much greater.

Honestly, I think dating with Hep C means hooking up and casual sex/recreational sex is probably not as feasible. Holding off on physical intimacy longer than may be the norm for most people will give you more control over the situation as there will be less vulnerability. Then, I think, waiting until you're pretty sure this is someone you'd like to get physically close to could be a good idea.

[nygirl7]

You are so lucky Hopeful I hope someday I can find somebody wonderful to marry too!  Great encouraging post with so many good thoughts, honest comments -  Thank you :)

[Javi1962]

thank you all for your comments, I am in the middle of a divorce right now, and no chance of reconciling, just a little worried about my future, I am 47 was married for 23 years and now I feel like if I have hep C it's going to be real hard to find someone, unless I date from a hep c support group in my neighborhood lol, but I am putting the cart before the horse thanks Bill, I was diagnosed positve for antibodies but now I am going to check and see if I am positive for the virus, hopefully I am not, but your all a great help, this forum is awesome, I will let you know how it all turns out.

[jessiejames1973]

i disagree
why do you need to tell someone before sex?
use the safety type condoms they dont break and then there is no risk. i had unprotected sex for 11 years and didnt pass it on

[epiphiny]

I think Hopeful made a great point when she said people can feel betrayed if you don't let them know prior to sexual relations.  If it's just a casual one night stand then I can see your viewpoint, safe sex is a must, but if you are looking for someone to share your life with starting out with betrayal is not the best plan for a long and happy life together!

[Trish77]

I'd wait for the results of that test before worrying about dating with Hep C.  That's enough to have on your mind at one time.  I'll tell you though that it's possible to have a relationship with someone other than someone with Hep C.  I did while I was dating and some guys can handle it.  Not everybody is clueless about Hep C or unable to handle it.

[jessiejames1973]

i share your view about betrayal, but if you are not putting someone at risk, whats the problem, you dont know if you want to see someone again let alone spend you life together after a few dates
play safe at all times though 100 %