wanna die

[alreadydead2yrsago]

I just took 10 pills or ribavirin(400 mg) one shot,and will take my pegasys shot now..I wonder is it gonna kill me! Is it enough to kill me or just gonna be hospitalized and got severe anemia and bleeding!

I wanna die badly,my life is misery,my parents passed away last year after 2 yrs of suffering both from cancer,I live with my brother,he has beaten me directly after my both parents death and force me to break up with my boyfriend and I went into a nervous break down....then I get engaged month later to another guy and figured out I have hep c...now he broke up with me,I'm always alone,this medicine make me unable to be friendly or to talk or move,my full time job is Ruined uop,dun wanna go to work anymore,it's my 7th shot...my fiancé can't handle my pain,hates me,fed up and was never there,he broke up with me,it's not about him,I dun give a damn for him,he was already making me feel lonely all the time and never hugged me when I'm in pain,he is an ***,I'm extreme lonely and my life is misery. I'm in PAIN

[Wildorchid1121]

Just got to the forum today, and your message caught my attention, the response you have received is unreal.

This means one thing: YOU are not battling this alone, there are others that are concerned and worried about your well-being, and willing to be there for you, even if at a distance.

Riba is a very powerful drug, almost every side effect you feel during the treatment is due to Riba. I take 1000 mg a day, and I am so sick every single day. I can barely stand on my feet, I can't go out anywhere, I cry a lot......depression is the worst side effect.

Personally I take Paxil (antidepressant) on a daily basis because of depression I have been battling with for decades. I had a very difficult first marriage, difficult pregnancies, I lost my second son on my 7th month of pregnancy, I almost lost my youngest son at 18 months old, I got divorced, I lost my Dad to cancer, I found out I had Hep C, and a lot more.

I always asked: "God what else is going to happen to me?"

What I am telling you is, we all have our personal monsters we have to deal with, suicide is the easy way out, and never the answer. No matter what your religious faith is, Pray. Prayer was the only thing that helped me get out of that dark place. I found comfort in prayers because I realized things could have been worse, and for everything I lost, or suffered, God gave me something to be happy and thankful for. He always did, but I was to blind to notice it.

We need to realize and accept that the things that happen to us in life are not a punishment for something we did, they are just things that were supposed to happen, and they did. It was meant to be that way. I am sure that your parents are watching over you and hoping you realize that life is worth living, and that it's OK to feel the way you do, but never to give up Hope.

Everything will change for you, for the better......you just have to Believe. This treatment will soon be over, each day is one day closer to your goal of finding your health.

Keep your head up high, tell yourself every single day that you are the most important person in the world, and that you and only you are going to make a change for the best.

You are worth it. God Bless you.

[flcyclist]

Sorry yesterday was such a bad day, but hope you got in to see the doc and under some guidance to a get to a better state of mind.  Let us know how you're doing.  

[Trish77]

Hi Nora....thanks so much for checking in and letting us know how you're doing, it's good to hear from you and see that your outlook has gotten brighter today.  We all have dark moments when life gets hard.  Please stay in touch..and keep moving forward a step at a time.  You can do it!!!  

Best to you, Nora.

Trish

[SusieS2010]

Please ask your doctor about an anti-depressant. I'm happy to see you feel better.

[researchmonkey326]

Glad to see you feeling better today.  Don't give up!

[atthebeach]

nora,
i am so happy to see your posts have a different tone than yesterday. i sent you a personal message about the LORD. and today i see you are thanking GOD that is so comforting to know. please lean on HIM , HE will comfort you and give you a hope and a peace. praying for you.
debbie

[James10500]

Hi Nora,

You can do this, you will get through this.  We care about you !!

James

[alreadydead2yrsago]

There r many names I didn't write,I want to thank each one of you,you are all amazing,and ur words are really helpful and sincere.

[alreadydead2yrsago]

James,Trish,marti,flcyclist,his3707,copyman,curiouslady and everyone..thanks for your words and support,it really means a lot to me,want to reply on each post..u give me hope,I know life is beautiful and worth living,life can be tough big time,but the best is yet to Come always..that's y we go thru this tough treatment to get a healthy life and healthy moments for the rest of our lives.

Live with an active body without pain is a treasure...I was hysterical yesterday,totally gave up and it was the longest moments ever..but thanks GOD,nothing serious happened,only some extra fatigue,headache and myalgia..I fell asleep or maybe fainted yesterday after hours of crying,emotional and physical pain..but here comes a new day,I'll go to my doctor now...wish that overdose won't affect the treatment in a wrong way.

Marti,u have been thru a lot,brave u r,god bless u,wish u happiness and healthy body and life.

The spirit of love and support here is a blessing,may GOD bless u all.

Thanks a dozen,
Nora

[marti45]

Please get to a mental health professional and get some help.  When my son was diagnosed with cancer I spent every waking moment thinking of killing myself.  Antidepressants helped quickly. Felt like a curtain was lifting. I got to live to see him become a healthy successful political activist making the world a better place.  In 2000 my husband died from cirrhosis caused by Hep C.  We got 3 calls for transplants but none of the livers were viable, Got back on meds for depression promptly . I did a year of treatment in 2005 followed by a year of almost 2 yrs of interferon maintenance. Was going to start to start Incevik this week and started Zoloft to hopefully prevent the awful anxiety and Riba rage I had on treatment. Just got my pretreatment labs back and learned somewhere along the way the virus cleared. I am so happy to be alive. I still have compensated cirrhosis but
without the virus I feel I have some quality of life left and an opportunity to give back. I lost several friends to drug addiction in the 70's and 80's and am so grateful something allowed me to get through those crazy times. I only briefly allowed myself to be in an unhealthy relationship. You have to get help so you can learn to care about yourself . There is no excuse for physical violence. None! Once the antidepressants start to work you will be able to start to work on your relationship and health issues. Learn to live alone and be happy before jumping into another bad relationship. With the right support you will get through the treatment. If you do not have cirrhosis talk to your doc about putting it off until you get your house in order. Life is beautiful and we all deserve happiness.  You can get there.  I am so happy to be alive. Just can't believe I cleared the virus.
Call a suicide or help line for abused woman and they will give you options for getting yourself in a safe and loving environment. Life can be wonderful.

[flcyclist]

Do hope she's ok and checks in today to follow up.  

[curiouslady1]

Has anyone heard from this individual?  Is there a way for the list administrator to contact her/him to see if she is ok?  I tried to back channel and got no response.

[his3707]

Yes, please dont try to end your life.  You are going thru with a major step  to become healthy!. It takes a toll on us to get rid of the virus but you will know how worth it  is very soon.   Once you are done with this you will be able to go on with your life and put this disease behind you For Good!   Hang in there and seek professional help also if you can to help you along.  We are all here for you.

[James10500]

Hang in there ! don't give up NEVER give up !  Please if your daddies little girl would he want this for you ?  NO he would NOT.  Please you will find happiness. TX is tough on us, see a doc as suggested by others.

[copyman]

Ask your doctor for an anti depressant.

Taking extra Hep meds isn't going to kill you so I don't think you really want to do that. Sounds like you just need some attention. Try and find a live Hep C chat room. This type of forum with a delay isn't what you need.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

God Bless

[Trish77]

I can relate.....I actually "lost" both my parents when I was just a small girl and went without hugs most of the time from that point forward.  It was a terrible ache sometimes.  I did learn to be strong though.  It will get better.  Maybe your brother also misses your parents and is having a hard time handling it properly. It's okay to be weak from time to time...happens to all of us when we get worn down.  

Get some rest for yourself, call your doctor if you took too heavy a dose and glad to know you will talk to your therapist tomorrow.

[alreadydead2yrsago]

It's 400 mg per pill..

[alreadydead2yrsago]

I was a daddy's girl,and my brother had never been tough before their death...but it just happened that way,life turned upside down suddenly...no one to hug me and let me feel safe...

Wish I can be strong back,I already feel now terrible fatigue.

[Trish77]

Sometimes....there comes a time when you need to learn to lean on yourself.  Other people want to help but they have lives to live also.  Even if they say they will help, when the time comes, sometimes it's a bit much for them.  

Sometimes it helps just to talk about it.  I hope this helped get it off your chest.  I think you need to really have the courage to make changes for yourself.  I don't know what is available to you in your country for supports, here there are women's shelters and counsellors. I think it's not easy being a young single woman in an Arab country...but there is always a way and I believe you will find it.  One step forward at a time.  Good luck.

Oh....and how many mg are your ribavirin pills?  FlGuy makes a good point...200mg or 400mg or...?  How much total dosage have you taken?

[willbb]

this is where I feel safe,whenever I read ur posts and see the support all around,i feel here that there r ppl who can know what I feel...

Yes we do.   lots of good people here to help you thru...

[alreadydead2yrsago]

I'll hit my therapist tomorrow if today passed well,thanks research monkey

[curiouslady1]

Doctors can help you with your feelings. They have medicine for that.   Let your doctor know how you are feeling and ask him also for another doctor to talk to.  

[researchmonkey326]

Since Im not familiar with life as a woman in an Arab county, any of the rest of you know what services are realistically available to her?

[alreadydead2yrsago]

Thanks trish,appreciate your kind words and support and thank you all for being here..this is where I feel safe,whenever I read ur posts and see the support all around,i feel here that there r ppl who can know what I feel...

I have mixed thoughts,I always have strong will for success and life..but now I'm collapsing,I'm giving up...I can't find anything beautiful,even my fiancé that I loved and tried much to lean on him hated my load and my tiredness. I'm sorry for being talkative,I'm just tired.