Don't imagine you can change a man, unless hes's in diapers!!

Ugggggghh.  Someone call the cops, I'm taking an assault rap.  It would be homicide, but I don't have the strength I used to have.  Victim? Ex-boyfriend.  We ended our relationship because he had too many issues with the mother of his new born child.  Okay, thats cool...I don't want nor need any drama from any crazy women...and I call her crazy because she drank every day she was pregnant.  She even came to my house once to yell and scream at me.  When I wouldn't open the door, she smashed the glass window and opened the door.  The only thing that stopped America's Most Wanted from televising my story was because SHE WAS 7 MONTHS PREGNANT.  When she got into the house, she had a box of wine in her hand. So at this point, I forcefully brought her to my couch, sat her down, and took the wine.  I then told her her life was saved because she was drunk.  Then asked her what she wanted.  She was so trashed, all she could do was scream in a foreign language.  So after this episode, my boyfriend went crazy and started using...then he made the decision to go into a rehab then halfway house.  After celebrating our birthday together(both bdays on aug 10th) I found out that he was still having sex with crazy lady and few others.  We split.  He has since gotten kicked out of half way house, moved in with another user, and might be going to jail for not paying child support(he has 5 kids).  During this whole time, he continues to call me.  He claims he is sober, and still works..he was always a worker.  But my problem is, he constantly telling me that he values my friendship, I'm the only women he could every trust, bla bla bla...but i don't want to hear ANY of this ****.  He ruined all chances with me.  He took me for granted.  But here is where my insecurities come in...he was the only man I ever loved.  I have a weak spot.  I keep taking his phone calls, and when I treat him like ****...he loves it.  He fricking loves it.  I hate this.  I can't take him calling me.  I can't take him telling me that his new squeeze, whom he tells me is just using for her appartment and car, reminds him so much of me.  then he brings up the sex.  Thats so not fair considering I havent had sex since my birthday.  He makes me hate all men.  His head is so big, it is screwing up the balance of the equator!!  Women, tell me some positive and independent feed back! Make me strong d*mnit! Please.

[BellaMamma]

Forgot to tell yall, he called me one hour ago, thats why i wrote this.  In the convo, I did not tell him I was going on tx, but just told him that I was going thru some heavy **** medically.  I cried and screamed and told him that he should of been here to hold my hand.  He should be here to support me, not off with random women and not taking care of his children.  When he was with me, he took care of all his children, went to work everyday, and was happy.  Now he is acting useless.  and pathetic.  and he hurts me.

[Marcia2202]

Change your phone number, then he can't all you.

I don't understand why you say that he should be with you supporting you... you don't need someone like that in your life... he seems to be an incompetent weak person. People like that are not capable of supporting others, especially if they cant even support themselves...

Cut him out of your life...

Take care of yourself, be selfish... Once you are through with your illness and treatment, you will be stronger. I can almost guarantee you that this treatment will make you a stronger person, once you get through it... Probably even while you are treating. You will learn how to say no to protect yourself!

You are still young. You will find a person who is more suitable for you and build up your own family one day. Don't waste it on a guy like that!

Just my two cents....

[GreatBird]

Marcia, that's at least a couple of bucks worth of advice. :)  I completely agree.

[GSDgirl]

ouch, sounds like a crazy life.  I personaly couldn't deal with any of that.  It reminds me of high school loves but unfortunately it is not high school.

I thyink you need to sit down and figure out your priorities and stick with it.  You don't need someone like that in your life at this time.  Good Luck

Denise

[Isobella]

Agree, agree, agree....now is not the time to have to raise a boyfriend-not to mention all his babies and baby-mamas.  

Now is the time to be selfish and take care of yourself.  After you begin tx, you will find that you have to use your energy wisely and you''re not gonna have the energy for all that drama.  

If he truly loves you and all that blah, blah, blah he keeps talking about is true, well then...he now has 48 weeks to get his **** together.  If he can't be strong on his own, he's not gonna be strong with you.  He'll sap your strength and believe me....you're not gonna have it to spare.  

You're gonna find out what just how strong you are when you get thru tx and aren't gonna have the patience for all that.  Yes...set your priorities--curing yourself of hcv.  Stick with it--complete tx.  After that...the rest will fall into place.

Hang tight, you can do this.

Isobella

[jdwithhcv]

You are absolutely right - you cannot change a man.  However, you can change the way you react to his antics.  Stop taking his calls.  As everyone else has told you, you will need all your resources to get through treatment.  You won't have anyhing to waste on this guy and all his drama.  Be strong, you actually have the power here and its up to you whether or not you let this continue.  Lose this guy, at least while you are fighting the HCV dragon.  After you have finished that battle you can reasess, but I'm betting if you can keep clear of him for the next 48 weeks you will find you can keep clear of him forever.  You are much stronger than you know.  Best of luck to you.
jd

[FlGuy]

Start a "Pro" and "Con" list. After speninding very little time at that, find something better to do.  Root canal souinds like a more pleasant undertaking.

[kitkat14]

The guy is a nothing but trouble.  Stop taking his calls or change your phone number, whatever it takes to get him out of your life so that you can concentrate on getting your health back.  The last thing you are going to need is a lot of drama in your life while treating.

I split from my husband before I started treatment and I was really glad that I didn't have to put up with his nonsense while I was treating.  There were times that I would have appreciated someone going to the grocery store for me but I managed to do it on my own and so can you.  Believe me, you are better off without him.

k

[BellaMamma]

You are all awesome.  Just the answers I was looking for...I guess I knew it myself all along, I just needed some reassurance.  thanks!

[Lady Lauri]

Hi Bella, don't believe we have 'met'. I'm a geno 2b, blessed to get SVR. This place, people, saved my sanity thru it all. Your thread brought back memories on how we used to vent on EVERYTHING here. Used to have a lot on how to deal with our men thru tx
(yes honey, I DO love you, no, I DON'T want sex much on tx ',lol)

Not sure where you are in tx, but I'm sure you know it can be an emotional rollercoaster. I can't imagine having this man, drama, stress around thru tx. From your post, I don't see one thing he has to offer you!  (good sex is not enough! And God knows what he's exposing you to!) I do understand that 'he's the only man you ever loved', and it's hard. My ex killed himself last Aug, the day after my sis passed! The 'love of my life'. I left him 10 yrs ago due to alcoholism, but he never cheated nor was as bad as this guy! It was very hard to leave him while still in love with him. I did it mainly for my kids, and his! It took me 10 yrs to realize....I was not in love with him anymore! We were all close & friends when he died. My life was far better without him in it (as a spouse). I was quite 'beaten down' when I left him, as I suspect you are.

You have to stay away from him awhile, to see clearly! It's like an addiction, as long as you keep getting a 'fix' now and then, you won't see it all clearly. Do this for yourself, I'm sure you deserve far better. I'm sure he does love or care for you, but often in life we have to disconnect from someone we care about, that is not good for us, our lifes. And his 'love and caring' is not the real thing,not a good thing. Anyone that truly loves you would not continually hurt you, do bad things. Thats just not 'love'. His baggage alone will weigh you down.

A wise chinese man told me, during my break up with the man above.....
'no one does anything to you that you don't 'allow'. Don't allow him anymore.
You need to be concentrating on yourself, your tx, your health, your life. Not being with or fixing this mans self inflicted issues.

Hope u don't mind input from a 'stranger' .

GOOD LUCK, LL

[nygirl7]

My ex killed himself last Aug, the day after my sis passed! The "


Sounds like my husband.  No joke involved there.  Took me years to leave him but he never stopped using, never stopped whoring around and finally killed himself in a drunken/high episode TWO Augusts ago now.

Save yourself YEARS of aggravation, heartache and crazy women coming to your home drunk (yup I can check yup that happened to me too she told me she deserved my husband (we had two kids) because she was adopted and never had a family) and just move forward now.

it's NOT going to change.

[Ugly14U]

Double wide, or single two bedroom ?

[franke566]

Is this the right forum or did I end up on the Jerry Springer show?  Lose the Loser-continue the Tx and empower yourself-counseling w/o him, her, them!  Man, life is too short.

[WriteItDown]

Wait for a man who treats you the way you know you ought to be treated.  I guarantee you when you find him, you'll wonder why you ever wasted time on anyone who didn't treat you right.

I had my share of losers, LOL, but luckily I met my lovely husband for whom I would do anything.  He has his share of faults but one thing has been consistent throughout our relationship: he loves me and he acts like it!

By the way, the sex thing.... *sigh*  It is an unfortunate fact of life that sometimes even horrid losers are good in the sack, but trust me, you have to IGNORE that.  There are what, like 6 billion+ people out there, that's more than 3 billion guys, so he ain't the only one who knows how to do it!

Good luck girl!

[Trish77]

"By the way, the sex thing.... *sigh*  It is an unfortunate fact of life that sometimes even horrid losers are good in the sack, but trust me, you have to IGNORE that.  There are what, like 6 billion+ people out there, that's more than 3 billion guys, so he ain't the only one who knows how to do it! "

I have to say, this made me laugh out loud for awhile. :)  Ain't it the truth ..... lol  :)

[GoofyDad]

And Andiamo says it's boring? Heck, that way I see it we're about one arrested-nekked-chick-on-the-front-lawn-on-Sunday-afternoon away from having some seriously tittliating  discussion.

[franke566]

I've been by that house; the one with the pink flamingo and busted out lawn chair?

[franke566]

Why is it that so many women (A) put up w Losers and( B) think they can change them?
There is only one person in this entire universe that we can truly change and that is ourself! Dr  Wayne Dyer wrote this, Andrew Weil and others.  The loser, as you called him, is the one getting all the candy!  Do you think he thinks he's a loser?  My dumb older brother has been married 6 times.    He met every woman he married in a bar.  The last one was 20 years younger w 5 kids ages 16 down to 2.  As soon as they get hitched the first thing she does is start nagging him to go to A.A. which he will not do.  She confided in me, my other brothers and sisters and said he was a Loser.  I said: is he abusive? No. Treats your
children well? yes. Brings home the bacon? Yes.  So whats the beef?  He likes to stop at the bar every night after work and I don't like it.  Well, I said, wasn't that where you met him?  There are always two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle.

[GoofyDad]

I hear the lawnchair got moved back up to the porch after the couch got wet in the rain.

[l-horn]

This line right here:

"We ended our relationship because he had too many issues with the mother of his new born child..."

sums it up

Move along, move along....nothing to see here.

[franke566]

Yep-and the boards on the porch aren't strong enough to hold the couch even when it's dry.  Dumb dog keeps fallin thru the hole in the chair and the trailer is leanin on the back corner so everytime the commode gets flushed water sloshes out!  Get Er done!

[Ugly14U]

Actually, I think you're kinda cute, and crazy enough to keep me interested. We should talk. would you consider relocating to like San Diego? I probably don't have enough drama to keep you interested, but I could learn...