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12773 tn?1328913186

Friday Humor

I want to live my next life backwards!

You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat.

Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.

When you get kicked out of the home for being too healthy.

You spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit
checks.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're
too young to work.

So you go to high school: play sports, date, drink, and party.

As you get even younger, you become a kid again. You go to elementary
school, you play, and have no responsibilities.

In a few years you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged
keeping you happy.

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like
conditions: central heating, room service on tap.

Until finally . . . . You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case. :)



12 Responses
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Avatar universal
...LoL...
Helpful - 0
92903 tn?1309904711
Do everything backwards and well ....how can I say this.... the returning wife might let out a yelp!  That may be illegal in GA?
Helpful - 0
86075 tn?1238115091
Cats and dogs

As seen in a dog's diary:  8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite 10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!  11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!   Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!  1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!  3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!  4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!  5pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!  7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball!  My favorite!  9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!



As seen in a cat's diary:  Day 183 of my captivity...  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little  dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced > to eat dry cereal. The only  thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and  the mild satisfaction I get  from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.  Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my  attempt to kill my  captors by weaving around their feet while they were  walking almost succeeded.....  must try this at the top of the stairs.  In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile  oppressors, I once again  induced myself to vomit on their favorite  chair..........must try this on their bed.  Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless  body, in an attempt to  make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try  to strike fear into their hearts.  They only cooed and condescended about what a good  little cat I was. Hmmm, not  working according to plan.  There was some sort of gathering of their  accomplices. I was placed in solitary  throughout the event. However, I could hear the  noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due  to MY power of  "allergies."  Must learn what this is and how to use it to my  advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and  maybe snitches. The dog is  routinely released and seems more than happy to  return. He is obviously a half-wit.  The bird on the other hand has got to be an  informant, and speaks with them regularly.  I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his  current placement in the metal room,  his safety is assured.   But I can wait, it is only a matter of  time..............


Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
LoL.... I Like That...

Guess a lot of things would be better off in reverse...

If you play country & western music in reverse... you'd get your dog back, your wife back... ect ect...
Har, Har, Har!

Okay, that was dry but true...

Have A Great Weekend Ya'll
;)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Good one.  Yep, it would have it's merits going backwards!
Helpful - 0
86075 tn?1238115091
maybe I thought this was funny cause I'm part Indian myself...

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the hell the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
Being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the Meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
One week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" he asked. "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It looks like it's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy".
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
LOL what a great way to start off the weekend!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
liked the jokes

Foresee, I love the animal joke. Very cute!!!!
Helpful - 0
86075 tn?1238115091
didn't you ever think that cats were more female and dogs more male? he he he, just kiddin....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
lol!!!!

OMG!!, so true,you're not kidding,, it's the truth!! ha!!

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
happy friday to you.

that was so funny. i just woke up and that was the first thing i read, what a great way to start the day.

took #15 last night, hoping to do more writting today, though these sx are crazy and unpredictable seems like it gets easier to deal with as time goes by, doc. suggested it would be like that - in some ways.

good morning to all, hope today is as beautiful as it was yesterday. seemed like everyone was happy about that.

rose
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
LOL...Well theey say we go back to our childhood as we get older...lets just hope we go all the way back!
Helpful - 0
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