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163305 tn?1333668571

Is foot in mouth a side effect?

Yesterday, I did it again, twice. One of my kids phones. They want sympathy and instead I make some wisecrack and burst out laughing and can't stop and by then my foot is firmly entrenched into my mouth. I know if they talk to me on certain days of the week, I am closer to being clear minded. My kids think I'm making excuses. I'm convinced its tx related.
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146021 tn?1237204887
I'm geno 2 never learned the subtype. I really never had any health problems from the hep c. My liver enzymes were always normal, although they are really good now. I'm lucky to be incredibly healthy overall, in spite of my diet and smoking. I've only smoked since 2005 and I'm ready to quit when I get off tx. I inherited my dad's energy & hyperactivity. I also inherited his low tolerance to pain, that's why I'm so ready to get off this tx!
OH: I took parenting very seriously and had the same attitude, limits, choice / consequence. I thought it was a formula to success until I tried to apply it to someone who had never known limits. I also have really slacked off with the youngest, he's incredibly smart and manipulative and gets away with stuff that the others wouldn't even THINK of. (As they remind me all the time!)
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163305 tn?1333668571
  I was not the usual mom when my kids were growing up because I thought limits were good and necessary for kids. I still do. And for puppies too.
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173975 tn?1216257775
In MO'S words,

I don't mean to hijack the thread . . . .

BUT, I get so confused about who's at what point in their TX.

Are you in the 24 week 2b group?

Please refresh my memory.

Ya know, it's so hard for me to think of you as having ANY health problems coz you always sound so incredibly STRONG!  :)

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146021 tn?1237204887
Wyntre LOL 'a vow of poverty'----for you maybe but the birds want to eat!
I think teaching can be rewarding but maybe wasn't a good fit with you, I doubt I could work in the situations you and sfgirl were put in.
Sfbay: I'm just bewildered about my niece. She is a chronic liar and a thief but she would never hurt me physically, I only have emotional pain related to trying to raise her. I  certainly think she is a product of her early years living with an alcoholic father in conditions that were unbearable to most kids. She's just a hardened survivor, maybe someday she'll come around. Although past history is the best predictor of future behavior. BTW, John sounds like a great guy!
OH: Well, this turned into an entirely different thread than it started with. I believe you are right about the complexity of the issue. As society evolves, our children are getting less parenting, more exposure to environmental hazards and pollutions, more media bombardment telling them how to act and what to wear, more pressure to fit in. Now I'm really going to sound old-fashioned, but kids were safer with less choices, with less technology, with a cleaner environment and more family time. Why can't they be like we were, perfect in every way? Oh what's the matter with kids todaaaaaaaay. I always hold that last note for a big finish!
love you all,
Bug
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173975 tn?1216257775
At least you're not in the hospital, right!  That's great!

It's funny - i was just thinking how you and I should collaborate -

I swear I've got close to 700 pages about it.

I'll email you.  (If you're up to it, that is).

BTW - Did you read Frank McCourt's "Teacher Man," about his days in the NYC school system before he published "Angela's Ashes?"

Hawke,
Don't mind my rant.  I think it really is impossible for folk who deal only with their own kids, or relatives, or neighbors to understand the scope of what's going on.

AND, I don't blame anyone for not wanting to know.

It's shocking.  It's terrifying.  It's Lord of the Flies on a nation wide level.  It's worse than that.  And it's real.

I don't know all the details of SFG's story, but I know the story all too well.  It's happened to me and probably 25%, minimum of others actually IN THE CLASSROOM.  (never happens to adminstrators, or non-teaching staff).

But I don't want to bore you with this discussiopn.  I just couldn't keep my mouth shut about the difference between today and 20 years ago.

You absolutely have a valid point that EVERY generation thinks the one after is a disaster.

But this really is different.  Mostly coz the adults no longer have any power.  It's all been stripped away.  And the kids KNOW that.  They're perceptive, opportunistic and ruthless.  (As are the young of most species).


SFG,

I found out entirely by mistake that I can apply for disability retirement.  SO I'm gonna do it.  It may not be approved, in which case I do the 18 month COBRA, keep collecting my income protection insurance, sell the house and get the f*** outta here!

And I'm not EVER gonna work in a school again.  (unless I get really desperate, I guess).

Of course, this decision comes with a vow of poverty!  *LOL*
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163305 tn?1333668571
I may joke about how we've turned into  old foogies but that doesn't mean I doubt the reality of kids running wild. I think the issue is rather complex. First we have a society who's values are based on owning, not on caring, consideration, honesty etc. But no matter how much anyone buys, it leaves you feeling empty. Its a substitute, not the real thing.
   On the other hand, I just heard a doctor on the radio talking about the behavior of kids and food; i.e. junk food and pesticide/herbicides. They did an experiment with kids who are taking ridalin. They fed them organic healthy food and the kids mellowed right out. The we are what we eat theory.
   However, I know a woman who had one child, perfect easy, great kid. Second kid by another husband was born with a mean streak. Lucky for all involved she spotted it, and spent more time than most could, with this boy. I wouldv'e thought she was over protective but what she did worked.The boy is grown now, productive, a good person, and not doing things just to hurt people like he did when he was younger.
   I also wonder if part of the problem is the fear we all live under. How are kids supposed to feel safe when everyone around them is scared?  I could rattle on and on about ideas and possible causes, some which contradict the others.
  I honestly can say, I'm glad my kids are grown. And I'm beginning to think maybe I'm lucky just to have the grandpuppies.
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131817 tn?1209529311
No, not home yet. Could be a month yet. I'm in an apt. that works for now.

I am proud of you too! You took matters into your hands, got yourself on tx and outta the job. I sure hope you get that disablility retirement. You need to tell me how to do that one day. I do want to work, but my god, with the amt of work at home and John's practice, I am very busy. Waiting for that energy to return after tx...I had so much!

When do you find out about your retirement? Ya know we need to write a book about the state of education and these entitled kids.
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173975 tn?1216257775


"I had locks put on my bedroom doors when she was 12 because I was afraid I would wake up with a knife in my back one morning."

Yikes!  that's how I felt about my ex-husband!  TG I got rid of him.  it's not so easy to divorce a kid, though.  

"I won't go back to teaching either. It is really sad when the nutz get to run the asylums"

That's a perfect way of putting it, except I'd add the Ivory Tower CLub, you know, those who are always talking about "the children this and the children that and it's all about the children blahblahblah and meantime they're the last to ever have more than a ten second interaction with anyone not their age.

"They feel so entitled"

And yet they're SOOOO stupid.  (sorry) That's what really drives me nuts!

"I just won my court case against the school district regarding being attacked."

I KNOW!  HOORAYYYYYY!  I'm right behind you - filing for disability retirement coz of SX after the union advised me i was eleigible based on 20 years service credit.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.  But, even if i don't get it, I'm outta there.  I'm NEVER going back.  Weird how it took TX to force me to deal with that issue, too.

"Nope, not going to put up with it anymore. Stick a fork in me, I am DONE."

You GOOOOOOO girl.

I swear I can't believe how strong you sound.  Are you at home yet?  keep it up, SFG.  I'm soooo proud of you.
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131817 tn?1209529311
I think that some kids have some serious problems that can't always be resolved with love and caring. This girl is bipolar and borderline, like her mother. Big problem is her mother is the perfect one (who does nothing) and feeds her all this junk about me. I think she feels extremely entitled to a wealthy life. She is going to learn the hard way that her therapy costs are cutting big time into anything she may have inherited. Luckily for her, we are paying for college, although with her total obsession with guys, I doubt she will make it far, although I sure hope she does. I think at some point when shes in her 30's maybe she will understand she didn't know it all at age 17 and have some compassion, although if she is a sociopath, she won't.

Bug, you mentioned this niece before, w/o all the details...You do understand. I really do think that chemical imbalances as well as environmental influences have a lot to do with how children grow up. I have had a son with big problems, but I am not terrified of him. I am of her. I had locks put on my bedroom doors when she was 12 because I was afraid I would wake up with a knife in my back one morning. I still feel the same way today. It is really hard for John to hear this and to tell her I want nothing to do with her, but he did it. I think it is in her best interest as well to have consequences for her actions. My line is drawn in the sand, I have had enough and won't deal with it again.

Wyntre, you know I know about teaching....after hundreds of kids you KNOW that they are not all going to come out well. I won't go back to teaching either. It is really sad when the nutz get to run the asylums and that's what seems to be happening. We NEVER would treat teachers like they are treated today. And parents a lot of times back up their kids. Perhaps it will take a long time and a lot of teachers to leave the profession before society gets that something is really wrong with how we bring up kids today. They feel so entitled and smarter than we are, among other stuff....Don't get me started...I just won my court case against the school district regarding being attacked. I'm certainly not going to take it at home. I did for long enough, gave her enough chances. Yeah, she would appologize and be all sweet and nice and then stab me in the back the next minute. Nope, not going to put up with it anymore. Stick a fork in me, I am DONE.  
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173975 tn?1216257775
GM,

"He's visiting China now with his family and I'm so glad, he won't criticze me long distance'

How funny and probably TRUE!  Lucky you.

L-Horn,

have a seizure - great solution!  

Hawke,

unfortunately it's no longer a byby birdy world.  

Hope ya don't think I'm making these stories up?

If so, just check the news - the 3 LI teenage girls caught on video beating up a another girl, the 67 year old Penn. teacher beaten and sent to the emergency room coz he confiscated a students cell phone (which the kid wasn't supposed to be using and refused to relinquish)

Not to mention my personal experiences which haven't, luckily, yet risen to the level of making the local papers!

Most folk wouldn't last two seconds in a school - not that they'd want to and i totally Don't blame them.

Schools are the new frontline - they're war zones - and if it hasn't yet happened wherever you're living, all i can say is - you're lucky.

But the old NIMBY perspective is one that's persistent, globally as well as nationally and locally.

Don't mean to rant . . . .

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163305 tn?1333668571
I love that story. I'd go into hysterics. Sometimes I wonder if  too many people have lost thier sense of humor. I wish I had the guts to say half the things I think of, but I'm not poker faced enough to pull it off.
   And to everyone bemoaning those damn ingrateful kids, I hear echos from Bye-bye Birdie. " Kids, whats the matter with kids today..."
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Avatar universal
I'm so sorry your 17 year old step daughter is so rude and disrespectful to you. Many of the young people today feel "entitled". I don't know why, we never did that. It's so strange. It will pass with time. She will mature and grow up. She has so much to learn about life. She might be copying her mother who is her main role model. I hope in time you can have a really good relationship with her with respect.

My kids are grown and gone. But I still have one who is immature. He's 31 and sometimes acts like  21. He criticizes me a great deal and thinks he knows what is best for me (even when I don't ask his advice). All because he has a master's degree in college and I don't. He's visiting China now with his family and I'm so glad, he won't criticze me long distance, too expensive. He thinks I favor my older son who is 44. Well, he treats me like a Queen with total respect. Anyone would prefer that. He and his wife gave me the best Xmas last year.    
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148987 tn?1287805926
I've also laughed a few times at things that the other person didn't fully appreciate. I have a friend who's looking for a job. His current job is stressing him out so much he had a seizure at work. He tells me in his latest interview he was getting hammered in a technical interview and he said 'I just wanted out of the room, I didn't know what to say or do.' I told him he should have gone into a seizure and fell on the floor flopping around. I laughed quite hard for a good minute to silence on the other end of the phone followed by an 'anyway'.
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173975 tn?1216257775
"My niece would give you the shirt off her back--and then steal it from you later."

LB,

You REALLY have a way with words!  
"some kids just don't turn out well no matter how much you love them or try to get thru to them.!"

Yep.  I'm not a parent but had 8 brothers and sisters and after seeing thousands of kids and watching some of them from K to 8th grade (when I spent ten years in one school) I can tell you UNEQUIVOCALLY that there IS such a thing as a BAD SEED.

"And sfgirl, your step-daughter sounds really really like a sociopath."

I concur.  

"No remorse no conscience and it's always some one elses fault."

At some point they (the kid) has to take responsibility for their actions.
Maybe that's the problem.  For some reason, the law that every action causes an equal RE-action is not taught or modeled or even acknowledged anywhere - not in the media, not int the home, not in the schools - it's terrifying.

I've seen adults blackmailed and fired by kids who at the age of 7 up know the system inside out and know how to milk it.

Right before I went on leave for TX, the PE teacher in my school was up on DYFS charges because a couple of fifth grade boys had decided it would be a lot of fun to make MR. D lose his job.

They nearly succeeded.

It took the poor guy six months to straighten it out, and he's lucky he was able to.  

"I sound like a sociopath myself, Huh? ranting and raving!"

Me too.  *LOL*
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146021 tn?1237204887
Cindy you have a good heart, but there really are teens who are chemically imbalanced and love and understanding does not change them. My niece would give you the shirt off her back--and then steal it from you later. I had her visit every summer for years, our family vacations always included my nieces. Her father died of cirrohsis, and hep c in '98. My sister had been raising her for 4 years because of his health problems. After going thru hell and back and having tons of marital problems she finally said enough and sent her to live with her mom. This girl would stay out all weekend, lie skip school etc.
Her mom had her 4 months and after she slapped her mom, stole a car and travelled across a few states before getting caught, my niece was sent to Texas because I know all about raising kids. Ha! We saw 2 different counselors. I had to be at her school every week because of some teacher who was ready to kick her out of class, or down at the police station to bail her out from shoplifting. My kids would wait after school to give her a ride home and she would blow them off while they sat waiting in a parking lot for her. She ran away 3 months before she turned 18. When she came back to get her stuff, my husband and I begged her to reconsider, but she left. When she was 20 and pregnant I was at the hospital with her. I have given her money, paid her rent, given her furniture and haven't seen her in 10 months.
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146021 tn?1237204887
Sorry to go off, it's just that after talking to other people I have found out that some kids just don't turn out well no matter how much you love them or try to get thru to them. I love my niece and invite her over all the time. She lives here in Texas still, a few miles away, but I never see her. I know she had a messed up life way before I got her but I tried and she doesn't want or need my love. And sfgirl, your step-daughter sounds really  really like a sociopath. No remorse no conscience and it's always some one elses fault.
I sound like a sociopath myself, Huh? ranting and raving!
Maybe some day they will change, and as for my niece, I'll always love her unconditionally, maybe she needs more than love though.
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Avatar universal
I just barely survived that six weeks and swore I'd never again work with anyone taller than me (I'm 5'4). (that's after getting threatend with being shot - punched in the eyes, tripped , etc. sort of like what SFG is going through times several hundred).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That had to be beyond stressful to face everyday.
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146021 tn?1237204887
You always make me smile. I felt bad for going on and on about kids, but I seem to be in a mood today.
Did you understand what I meant when I said 'do the drapes match the rug?'
I seem to be losing a lot of hair that normally would require a bikini wax. I'm glad to see it go, but I wonder if it's just temporary.
Hugs,
Bug
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173975 tn?1216257775

Did you understand what I meant when I said 'do the drapes match the rug?'
I seem to be losing a lot of hair that normally would require a bikini wax. I'm glad to see it go, but I wonder if it's just temporary.

NOW I DO!!!!!!

That went entirely over my head!  

Hahahahaha.  

I gotta remind you I'm on the Board of Directors for the Coalition to fight for the Dignity of the Cosmetically Impaired.  
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Avatar universal
It will get better, the teenage years are the worst and your stepdaughter is at the worst age of all esp. female to female. I have a 22 year old girl, 32 neices and nephews and 14 great neices and nephews so I have seen it all, they all go through it to some extent. Some day she will come around and let you know (in one way or another) that she does care and appreciates you.


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173975 tn?1216257775
IMHO only

I've worked with kids for 20 years (it wasn't my first choice - just turns out there was no other way to make a living with almost a PhD in music)

I've had 10,000 plus students.  In one school I saw 1200 different kids per week!

It has never been easy, and, as i said, I am/was a musician, not a child expert, but the difference in behavior between now and when I started 2o years ago is indescribable.

I took my current job about 7 or 8 years ago after I got sick of doing a 2 hour commute everyday.  I was so excited to have a job 5 minutes from my house.  I started in May, the fourth music teacher in a year.  I worked with grades k - 8 - I just barely survived that six weeks and swore I'd never again work with anyone taller than me (I'm 5'4).  (that's after getting threatend with being shot - punched in the eyes, tripped , etc.  sort of like what SFG is going through times several hundred).

i told my supervisor if he didn't transfer me I'd resign.

he placed me in a k-4 school.

Now, the 4the graders (age 10 or so) are like the 7th graders I worked with when i first started.

I'm through.  I may not go back.  And it's not Like I can't handle the kids - I just don't want to.   It's truly scary to see what the future looks like.

Again, IMHO
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Avatar universal
I think that there are alot of the kids today that are very rebellious for what ever reason. I have kids in my family that are being raised in a good household and they are difficult kids even with a good up bringing. I have another family member who is bringing up his children in a loving home, he's a practicing Buddhist, good father and yet his kids, one in particular is very difficult  I don't get it. What is causing this?

But I will say this, we would never ever have gotten away with some of the things that these kids today get away with as far as how they talk to their parents. We would be punished by not being able to go out with our friends or something like that. I know my one family member doesn't believe in punishing the kids, so that may be part of the problem. The teenage years are difficult, but my one niece is only 11 years old and she seems to be headed in the wrong direction. She acts and looks alot older that 11 also.

Its stressful for my brother in law as a single father, but he is hopeful things will get better as they get older. I hope this is true. Funny thing though is they are great when I have them. I think they know I won't put up with it, but then again kids usually do love to go to their Aunts and Uncles house so they are probably on good behavior because of that. Aunts and Uncles may be part of the problem.  We spoil them and then send them back home.
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173975 tn?1216257775
Hawke,

Good point.  Karma and respect go hand in hand.  Unfortunately, Respect is
an alien concept to most teenagers.

"She has physically attacked me, pushed me, hit me thrown things and kicked me for no reason... I have never done a thing to this girl and she hates me."

Correction - Sounds like ya never did a thing except try to HELP her.

After all you have been through, to have to tolerate hostility and rudeness from your step-daughter is going too far.

"Why should I continue being a punching bag?"

You shouldn't and you can't afford to!  You need to take care of you and John has to be on the same page.  (IMHO)

"I think I need to see the shrink."

Might not be a bad idea.
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163305 tn?1333668571
   Lucky for me, my son doesn't stay angry or my toes would still be tickling my tonsils
     I empathize with you and know that step-kids can be a royal pain. My stepson's mother abandoned him at age 3. Although I was the one saying, eat your dinner, do your homework, take a bath, etc, etc., I got all the misplaced anger that should have been directed at her. And the missing dippy mother was always 'perfect' in his eyes.
  You have the wisdom to know the teenage terror could indeed turn around once the teenage years are over but she deserves the consequences of her actions. Which in this case, since she can't be of help, she should be quiet, if that means Utah, so be it.  
   If the little darling is quoting karma and knew anything about Buddhism, she'd know to respect her elders.
    
.
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