Joke(Can't help but love old people)

Subject: Fwd: Fw: Can't help but love old people
>
> An American Airlines jumbo jet is making its final approach to Gatwick
> Airport and the pilot comes on the intercom:
>
> 'This is your Captain speaking. We're on our final descent into
> Gatwick. I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you
> enjoy your stay in the London area'.
>
> He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his
> conversation from the cockpit.
>
> The copilot can be heard saying to the pilot, 'So, Skip, whatcha got
> planned while we're in London?'
>
> 'Well,' says the skipper, 'first I'm gonna check into the hotel, take
> a big ****....then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge
> **** out20to for dinner.... I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back
> to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all
>
> night long.'
>
> Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately
> begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new
> stewardess is that the pilot's talking about.
>
> Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane.
> She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to
> tell the pilot to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she
> trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.
>
> The old lady leans over and says: 'No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta
> land the plane and take a **** first.'
>

[ladybug52]

Thanks for that one. Wonder if  I could get away with telling that one at work.....I work at a nursing home!

[Fl_Gator]

Got this one from my very best (Blonde) friend....


AN IRISH BLOND IN A CASINO

An attractive blond from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single     roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.  Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men...are men.

[Rockerforlife]

The blond joke is not only funny,but its true,dont know how many times ive walked into a telephone pole watching a hot babe...i need a helmet

[lapis]

Thanks for the jokes, wonder if I'll be able to remember them??  They would both be good for re-telling.

[Fl_Gator]

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.  
2. Hide and go pee.  
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.  
4. Kick the bucket  
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.  
6. Musical recliners.  
7. Simon says something incoherent.  
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :  
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.  
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.  
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.  

OLD IS WHEN:  
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.  
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.  3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.  
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.  
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!  

Thoughts for the weekend:  
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?  
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!  
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Ponderisms  
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.  

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.  
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.  

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.  

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?  

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.  

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?  

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'  

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'  

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?  

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?  

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?  

But Most Of All, Remember!  A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!