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Marriage and Treatment
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Marriage and Treatment

My husband and I have been married for 12 years.  He ended his 9 month treatment on interferon/ ribovirin and victrelis two weeks ago. During treatment he experienced extreme mood swings, depression, anxiety, aggression, and rage.  I know he was going through alot. I did my best to cope and to do what I could for him but it was never enough.  During the end of his treatment his verbal abuse became so intense that I had to stay with my parents on and off for my own sanity.  We have already had a difficult marriage due to the death of his parents and relapse.  I am staying with my parents again. The symptoms have not subsided and seem worse. He has brief moments of clarity but for the most part seems to be directing all of his frustration and anger at me to the point where he is affecting my mental health. I hadn't seen him for a week and a half but he told me he loved me and wanted to have a happy life so I returned home with hope just to be screamed at again. He says hateful things that do not coincide with the situation and his anger is relentless. He is not and has not been on any medication for the psychological side effects in spite of both his doctors suggesting he see someone, but not until recently. He is on pain medication for his back.  I love him but don't think I can handle any more of this.  I don't know what to do. I am ready to give up. Not only is he emotionally absent but he is verbally attacking me. He says that it's me and I can't talk to him and though he has the numbers has not made and appointment with a psychiatrist or psychologist.  Shouldn't he be coming back? This is awful. Any advice??
13 Comments Post a Comment
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163305_tn?1333672171
It took me a good three months post treatment to stop feeling grumpy.
These meds are strong and it takes time to rid your body of the toxins.
Eating well and exercising can help him bounce back but it still simply takes time.

I'm always so sorry to hear these stories. I know it was hard for my husband during my tx but I'm grateful that he was able to support me during this time.
Conversely, I didn't aim my rants at him.

Good luck on going forward.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think you are wise to stay with your parents. For all his suffering, he does not have the right to abuse you.
These meds can be terribly toxic and I know  your story is not rare. If you can stay safe (Being verbally abused is not safe) and hold off for a few months before making any permanent decisions, you may come to rediscover the husband you once knew. It takes time. Some say three months, others close to a year.
This is a personal relationship that I cannot really advise you on as an outsider, but if I were you and I found that after a few months he had changed back to the man I knew, I wold forget evry mean thing he said and start new. These drugs can turn us into monsters at times. Don't put up with it now, but when he is okay again, consider it part of a nightmare forever gone.
I admire your strength. All the best to you.
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Avatar_f_tn
Was he verbally abusive before treatment? If this is just an escalation of previous bad behavior, that's one thing. But if it's completely new, it will probably change when the meds are gone.

I am seven weeks off treatment and still grumpy - although I'm not a screamer I am having trouble controlling my temper.

Stay safe, stay away if you have to, but give it a few months.

rk
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3230925_tn?1397619565
  When things simmer down a bit in a couple months.You might consider seeing a  marriage counselor.Relationships are very complex.During treatment a lot of relationships go bad and it takes time
to heal and mend these relationships.When he comes around out  of his stage of anger is the only time you will be able to reason with him.,and he will propably see the error of his ways and ask for forgiveness.He' got a lot to grieve right now,the lost of his parents and his relapse and to top it off the situation of your marriage right now.

  There is five stages when one is grieving a lost,and he is in the anger stage right now.When someone relapses,they go through these stages and in his case he also as to grieve the lost of his parents that triples the grieving process.I see your willing to work this thing through and I'm sure you guys will work this through.At this moment you are the voice of reason in this and the pillar of strength.So hang in there.And i think staying away at your parents right now is the correct thing to do.

All the best to the 2 of you

Dannyboi7
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190885_tn?1333029491
what were his parents like?  the nut doesn't fall far from the tree....when young we're attracted to opposites ..its a natural way to build strong people...as we get older many times we like people that are more like ourselves...its easier...some folks stay together for many years and do fine...but blood is always thicker then water....its neat to see people work things out ...life is short though and we will all be dead a long long time.. if things go south you won't be alone...i was on ads 2 months before treatment and weaned off 3 months post treatment....never was on anything before...i'm glad i was on the ads and feel it made things easier on treatment for me as well as my gf....but was happy to get off them...if he's just off treatment i would try to be as clam and helpful as you can...hopefully he's drinking lots of water even post treatment..treatment symptoms can take quite a while post treatment to get over....i would think exercise and water will do a lot to help....his relapse had to be so tough for both of you......the new drugs out there coming up are so promising ....good luck....billy
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for the feedback. I don't think I was clear...I was stating that our marriage has been rough overall over the years on account of the death of his parents, his dad, 2 years ago, and his mom 5 years ago. Following both of his parents deaths he relapsed on drugs. Both times we had to separate because of similar angry irrational behavior he displayed.  In between these hard times we had a a happy marriage and really good times together.  He was loving and wonderful.  This is in the past except the scars are still there and history is repeating itself in a way.  It seems whenever things get really difficult instead of embracing me he becomes irrationally angry and demanding.  He is an extreme case regarding his reaction to the medication and has a propensity for drug induced psychosis. He is currently Hep C undetectable.  Staying at my parents house is a temporary fix...I cannot stay here for three months to a year and I obviously can't go home. I am unable to pass the health advice along as I cannot be by his side...and when I speak to him his reactions are completely unpredictable and erratic.  I'm going to need to make a decision.  I still live him in spite of all of this.  We have been through so much together.  I would hate for it to end like this.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi,
I am so sorry. You are in a difficult place and so is your husband.
I think this is a decision you will have to make for yourself, there is no way an outsider can advise on these issues.
You will do whatever you have to do. Sometimes things can be worked out and sometimes you waste your life hoping things will change. It is really a decision only you can make and do it w/o looking back.
My only advice (and I hesitate to even say this much) is to wait a few months. There is often a real transformation that takes place, a joy and sort of gratitude...everyone has hard times, many ppl suffer anger and angst but when you start feeling good and see a light at the end of the tunnel, a lot of us really do move forward with a more positive mindset.
Good luck to you.
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Avatar_m_tn
Here is my 2 cents.  First, many many professionals do not well understand the range of sides that people experience.  Frankly..... they are not always the same from week to week or from treatment to treatment.  It is possible that some shrinks might merely think your hubby is being difficult.  I am not really aware of how they can differentiate a mental disorder from the effects of the drugs.

I think you are doing the correct thing; get away from it, from him, from the issue.  As mentioned, people all respond differently, recover at different speeds.  I also have to wonder if he could/should be on an anti-depressant?

What you may find is in carrying on your own life that your marriage may be saved. It sounds as though living with him during this time could push one of you to crisis.  It could be in a few weeks or months separated that his old self returns and you Two can pick up where you left off.  

Hubby may realize that it was his anger if he continues to have anger issues in your absensce.  Who knows?  Treatment is very tough and many people just do well "holing up" and not interacting with others.  It is a coping mechanism of sorts I think.

Well, a few ideas......
Sorry, this treatment can be hard on those surrounding people on TX too.

willy
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3230925_tn?1397619565
HCV SVR Improves Quality of Life & Brain Function
Various novel agents, including telaprevir, boceprevir and longer-acting interferons such as albinterferon alfa-2b, appear to offer improved SVR rates and/or more convenient administration options compared with current therapies, potentially leading to improvements in HRQoL in patients with chronic hepatitis C.""

"Various studies have shown that HRQoL improves after SVR has been achieved [14,15,17-19]. A recent study of HRQoL in 29 patients receiving PEG-IFN-α showed that the 13 patients who achieved SVR after 12 weeks of treatment had significantly improved mental health summary scores on the SF-36 [14]. A recent analysis of data from the Hepatitis C antiviral long-term treatment against cirrhosis (HALT-C) trial showed that SVR significantly improved scores in the role physical, general health, vitality, and role emotional domains of the SF-36. All patients in this trial had been previous nonresponders to antiviral therapy."

http://www.natap.org/2012/HCV/012712_02.htm
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1986676_tn?1329866071
Stay safe with your family. Don't  put yourself at risk.        


Reva                      
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Avatar_f_tn
If he is a drug addict, that is the core of the problem. Without drug treatment, he will choose drugs over you.
Advocate1955
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2203249_tn?1338994046
My boyfriend did the same things u described that your husband does. It got so bad also that I had to move out for awhile because of the verbal abuse but I will say it's been 1 month post treatment and he's already gotten so much better, still has a ways to go but it's SOOOO Much better.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think you were very wise to remove yourself from what could be a very unsafe situation.  Your husband's unwillingness to get help is very concerning.  I agree with other posters above that you should not return home until things begin to resolve.  It can take some time for the meds to leave the body (I've heard at least 6 months)  

I had a glimpse of what you're talking about when my husband, who is usually very sweet and kind, had a "riba rage" incident.  It was so out of character, and so irrational, I had no idea how to handle it.   Especially because I have kids, I was very clear with him that while I was trying very hard to understand what he was going through, I would ABSOLUTELY not  tolerate his out of control behavior.  He was taking AD's which I believe helped a great deal, and once he had calmed down was on the phone with our hepa to increase his AD dosage.  I was grateful that he was so proactive, and it fortunately did not happen again.

Personally,  I would not got back until he agrees to get help and/or his anger issues resolve.

Please keep yourself safe.
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