Aa
My Status
A number of people have written me privately to ask how I am doing. I greatly appreciate that.
The constant lack of sleep and my intolerance of all sleep aids has left me in a place where it is difficult to write. I am hanging in there though and only have 7 shots to go! My liver panel tests are gradually rising and are slightly abnormal now. I think that is not unusual at this stage of treatment. I am still undetectable.
Med Help was kind enough to restore my original Andiamo ID and I found an old post that says how I feel better than I can write it now:
When I was 18 and suffering from the typical problems of that age, I would, during the darkest moments, lie on the floor near the stereo, smoke a joint and listen to some good music. I would look up and dream that someday I would have the answer; I would have a wife, family, house and a career. I thought for sure I would have that by the time I was 25.
When I was 25 and life was still uncertain, I thought I would surely have the answer by the time I was 40. Now I am over 65 and life is still uncertain.
My wife and I sold our house and planned to move on to our sailboat for two years and not have a worry in the world. Instead, Telapravir came along and my doctor convinced me that I might not have two years of good health. So, here we are renting an apartment and I am in Prove 3.
I am lying on the couch having taken a mind altering drug and listening to good music. The mind altering drug is interferon and the result of the alteration is a dark experience, far from that of the 60s. An alteration where every glance is a threat, every horn an attack. My mind races with the desire to fight some invisible enemy that does not exist.
I will get through this as I did all the other times, but the price is high when you reach the age where life changes from infinite and invincible to vulnerable and short. If anything, interferon does show me how wonderful life can be without it. I look forward to that day.
Eric
The constant lack of sleep and my intolerance of all sleep aids has left me in a place where it is difficult to write. I am hanging in there though and only have 7 shots to go! My liver panel tests are gradually rising and are slightly abnormal now. I think that is not unusual at this stage of treatment. I am still undetectable.
Med Help was kind enough to restore my original Andiamo ID and I found an old post that says how I feel better than I can write it now:
When I was 18 and suffering from the typical problems of that age, I would, during the darkest moments, lie on the floor near the stereo, smoke a joint and listen to some good music. I would look up and dream that someday I would have the answer; I would have a wife, family, house and a career. I thought for sure I would have that by the time I was 25.
When I was 25 and life was still uncertain, I thought I would surely have the answer by the time I was 40. Now I am over 65 and life is still uncertain.
My wife and I sold our house and planned to move on to our sailboat for two years and not have a worry in the world. Instead, Telapravir came along and my doctor convinced me that I might not have two years of good health. So, here we are renting an apartment and I am in Prove 3.
I am lying on the couch having taken a mind altering drug and listening to good music. The mind altering drug is interferon and the result of the alteration is a dark experience, far from that of the 60s. An alteration where every glance is a threat, every horn an attack. My mind races with the desire to fight some invisible enemy that does not exist.
I will get through this as I did all the other times, but the price is high when you reach the age where life changes from infinite and invincible to vulnerable and short. If anything, interferon does show me how wonderful life can be without it. I look forward to that day.
Eric
Thank you all for your support. It does make this trip easier when people offer support. Especially, people that that know the drugs intimately.
Eric
Eric
Eric,
You have made such a positive impact on so many just by being honest in your experience. I feel the desperation that we all feel when I read your words. The motivation and belief that is so strong when we begin seems to get sucked right out of us as time does it's thing; but despite it all we have hope and we are part of the fortunate ones that seems to have paid a special price to earn the 'right' to take the tx that will likely do so many very well in the future.
I've thought lately a lot about taking some mind altering drugs that are not part of my tx program but will likely wait on those (if ever) but just knowing that I will have the option is good enough for now. I'm on 33 so about 8 behind you and am trying to get my location changed as well to the middle of the country from the east coast and waiting to hear. (any advise on how to approach that is appreciated).
Anyway, take care and know that you're there now and can likely stop at any point but might has well finish the 48 since you're so close. I hope you will continue to post even after you quit tx and help us that are close behind to feel the hope that begins to fill you as you come back to reality.
Thank you my friend!
Scotty
You have made such a positive impact on so many just by being honest in your experience. I feel the desperation that we all feel when I read your words. The motivation and belief that is so strong when we begin seems to get sucked right out of us as time does it's thing; but despite it all we have hope and we are part of the fortunate ones that seems to have paid a special price to earn the 'right' to take the tx that will likely do so many very well in the future.
I've thought lately a lot about taking some mind altering drugs that are not part of my tx program but will likely wait on those (if ever) but just knowing that I will have the option is good enough for now. I'm on 33 so about 8 behind you and am trying to get my location changed as well to the middle of the country from the east coast and waiting to hear. (any advise on how to approach that is appreciated).
Anyway, take care and know that you're there now and can likely stop at any point but might has well finish the 48 since you're so close. I hope you will continue to post even after you quit tx and help us that are close behind to feel the hope that begins to fill you as you come back to reality.
Thank you my friend!
Scotty
As usual, your post was beautifully written and painted a picture so clear that I felt like I was in the room with you. That's quite a talent, you know, to write like that :).
I'm so glad you're almost done with tx. You deserve a long vaca on your boat to just kick back and rediscover feeling good again!
Best wishes and prayers,
Dee
I'm so glad you're almost done with tx. You deserve a long vaca on your boat to just kick back and rediscover feeling good again!
Best wishes and prayers,
Dee
That was one of the most beautiful things I have seen written in so long, Eloquent and took me there, in the solitude of the tx moment, the weariness and the determination to prevail and get through this.
thank you that even in your weariness you shared and you will get there!
I am going to the commissary tomorrow or tuesday, ick!
Deb
thank you that even in your weariness you shared and you will get there!
I am going to the commissary tomorrow or tuesday, ick!
Deb
Its not so far away.. These next weeks will fly by for you. And you will start to feel better soon. I did not feel all my energy come back the first week, but by the 2nd wk I really felt it. I have all of it now. I went to commissary last weekend for a monthly food shopping. While on tx had to use the motorized wheel chair. After attempting to walk thru there at least 3 times. I had to try to find a place to sit, or lay across the buggy to hold myself up, when I felt I was going to pass out. I finally realized I could not do it without the motorized cart. I had to do that for at least 6 mos or so. Oh what a wonder feeling to know I made it thru there without any of that this last time. You will be there soon my friend.. I promise you will feel better.
Look forward to our lunch in March. Hopefully we can get a bunch of people there.
Look forward to our lunch in March. Hopefully we can get a bunch of people there.
Thanks so much for the wonderful supportive comments. This means so much to me!
Eric
Eric
Hang in there! Remember you and I have treated the most and I'm so happy for you that you've finally got a winner here w/SVR! Susan
I know just how you are feeling right now, Eric.
My mood is foul and at this point I'm having difficulty getting excited about feeling "normal" again. I can't remember what "normal" feels like.
But I know that in a matter or weeks that will change.
What a great St. Pattys day for you!
I'll cross the finish line 10 days after you and we can start planning that SRV party!
My mood is foul and at this point I'm having difficulty getting excited about feeling "normal" again. I can't remember what "normal" feels like.
But I know that in a matter or weeks that will change.
What a great St. Pattys day for you!
I'll cross the finish line 10 days after you and we can start planning that SRV party!
How wonderful that you have the gift of expressing your feelings so eloquently. I remember reading that post the first time, and feeling your sense of frustration, hope and determination. These mind-altering drugs make it difficult to speak clearly, but your messages always come through as clear as verizon wireless or memorex....just a little attempt at humor....you are almost there and everyone is cheering you on.
Hugs,
Bug
Hugs,
Bug
Hi Eric,
I have missed reading your adventures and musings.I remember you got me thinkin' and talkin' about writing on forum about my summers spent in Ireland. Hasn't happened yet...and I can't see it in the foreseeable future. I'm lucky I can talk in full sentences!
You are my hero! Only 7 more to go...YEA!!!
...just imagine the day when you have energy and clarity and feelin' good.....wow, that's not far away....
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!
y
I have missed reading your adventures and musings.I remember you got me thinkin' and talkin' about writing on forum about my summers spent in Ireland. Hasn't happened yet...and I can't see it in the foreseeable future. I'm lucky I can talk in full sentences!
You are my hero! Only 7 more to go...YEA!!!
...just imagine the day when you have energy and clarity and feelin' good.....wow, that's not far away....
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!
y
Goodluck and i am sure the wind will be at your back...you got plenty of cruising to do..
Thanks for reposting that incredibly beautiful visual. You are always in my prayers - one of my MH heroes!
hang in there dude...so glad you are in the prove 3
there's a reason they call it interferon...it interferes with everything!!
how about
Enter, Fear ON !!!
how many ways can we spell paranoid?? well a few now. Let's hope smooth sailing will be yours again soon!
Best wishes
maryB
there's a reason they call it interferon...it interferes with everything!!
how about
Enter, Fear ON !!!
how many ways can we spell paranoid?? well a few now. Let's hope smooth sailing will be yours again soon!
Best wishes
maryB
Full moon over the gulf (in a few nights) especially theraputic. I'll catch over the ocean.
I am back in Florida until the end of treatment. I plan to take your advice and spend time watching sunsets over the gulf here in Tarpon Springs.
wyntre: We will get plenty of opportunity to rebuild our lives once we are SVR!
wyntre: We will get plenty of opportunity to rebuild our lives once we are SVR!
I understand completely. I'm at week 58 of 72 and it is rough. Like you, I'm counting down to the final peg - April 26 for me. If I had known how many additional health problems I would develop on TX, don't know if I would have started. I doubt I will treat again if this round isn't successful.
My life, too, has been completely transformed; Had to sell my house to afford TX, moving from 8 rooms to a studio/cottage, end of career, financial problems.....
Ah, well . . . this isn't easy for anyone and the challenges are there for us all.
Best of luck in your final weeks. I get the last 3-month shipment next week and then my countdown begins in earnest, too.
Post when you can,
wyntre
My life, too, has been completely transformed; Had to sell my house to afford TX, moving from 8 rooms to a studio/cottage, end of career, financial problems.....
Ah, well . . . this isn't easy for anyone and the challenges are there for us all.
Best of luck in your final weeks. I get the last 3-month shipment next week and then my countdown begins in earnest, too.
Post when you can,
wyntre
Andiamo1: Took time to read many of your previous entries. You write beautifully. This entry has touched me. Although I can't understand the experience totally, you've brought it closer what desperately fighting hcv means, especially against great obstacles and previously failed treatments. :( Yet continued perseverance! This forum has been difficult to read at times, because it is often sad but it is real and honest. We depend on health to meet future goals and conquer dreams. Even with the greatest health we continue to reexamine those goals. But wow, when diagnosed and treatment comes into the picture, I see many of your lives totally rearranged! It concerns me that I have to treat some day, and how it will affect me. Many have expressed that treatment has drained their stamina... but I see obviously not their spirit! It was discovered I have hcv three months ago and it hasn't sunk in! No symptoms of a virus and have not started treatment. APKhaos expressed it well in his last paragraph to you, Andiamo1, and that is what I wish for you!
NY, LL, APKhaos and FlGuy: All of your responses to Adiamo1 entry are incredibly encouraging!!! Some of the entries I've been reading here are gut wrenching, some funny and many informative. HOPE is paramount and that doesn’t seem to be lacking much here. This is a strong group of people. I see many courageously take the bull by the horns, becoming their own advocates, hunting for the right doctors, researching, and being a part (in all aspects) of their treatment! There is good communication here and sincere concern for one another. I suppose it is because we need to stick together, and who else can understand better but those sharing our virus? I just wanted to thank each of you.
NY, LL, APKhaos and FlGuy: All of your responses to Adiamo1 entry are incredibly encouraging!!! Some of the entries I've been reading here are gut wrenching, some funny and many informative. HOPE is paramount and that doesn’t seem to be lacking much here. This is a strong group of people. I see many courageously take the bull by the horns, becoming their own advocates, hunting for the right doctors, researching, and being a part (in all aspects) of their treatment! There is good communication here and sincere concern for one another. I suppose it is because we need to stick together, and who else can understand better but those sharing our virus? I just wanted to thank each of you.
It sounds like you are north rather than south these days. I can relate somewhat to how you feel but also know that tx (and probably a long string of them) can have a lot of nasty psyche consequences. For brevity, I'll call it a major funk although it's much more than that. In those real dog days of tx I found that the most serene times could be found at the beach; walking sitting, reading or watching the world go by. I realize, in that respect, I was more fortunate than many. So, if you are able to escape south while you are on tx, give it a try - it sure can't hurt.
Thank you all so much for the kind comments. I am sure you know how much this means to all of us still in treatment.
I do read the forum regularly, but rarely have the ability to concentrate enough to write anything. Just a few more weeks now and March 17 (EOT) is within sight!
Eric
I do read the forum regularly, but rarely have the ability to concentrate enough to write anything. Just a few more weeks now and March 17 (EOT) is within sight!
Eric
Eric,
Remember, its always darkest before the dawn.
The last months of tx are definitely the hardest. The drugs have taken their toll and your reserves are depleted. More than that, you psyche has been beaten down by months of uncertainty and the very real fact that those that love you are deeply worried and uncertain as well, despite having done their best for months to put a brave face on it.
All this is soon to be over, and you will soon be convinced that this beast is behind you. The wind will be at your back, the sails with be snapping, and your passage will be easy once again. Its worth the wait, believe me.
Remember, its always darkest before the dawn.
The last months of tx are definitely the hardest. The drugs have taken their toll and your reserves are depleted. More than that, you psyche has been beaten down by months of uncertainty and the very real fact that those that love you are deeply worried and uncertain as well, despite having done their best for months to put a brave face on it.
All this is soon to be over, and you will soon be convinced that this beast is behind you. The wind will be at your back, the sails with be snapping, and your passage will be easy once again. Its worth the wait, believe me.
Eric, that was really something to read. So true and what we try to tell our children, cherish your days and plan, it goes all too fast and than something like Hep happens :{
I am off and on in reading/keeping up with post and didn't realize you were having such a tough time (and you hadn't posted) I can't thank you enough for trying to assist me in that 'problem' while you were so down. How kind is that?!
I'd posted (we)..."where have the care free" days gone and it can get quite sad in loosing them and than having your life, all plans change or stop due to an illness, treatment that makes you and your life all different, and often not too good. In the dark places, being Geno 2b, 24 weeks has helped bring me out of there. 48, 72 weeks, I just can't imagine.
Only 7 more, (me to on 7) and you've given it your best. Hopefully soon you can get on that boat and enjoy your life, all you worked for these years to do. Hopefully you'll get SVR, your liver is better and you'll have many years to enjoy and be carefree a bit.
I really wish those things for you. You have my healing, SVR, thoughts, hopes and prayers.
Keep checking in.
LL
I am off and on in reading/keeping up with post and didn't realize you were having such a tough time (and you hadn't posted) I can't thank you enough for trying to assist me in that 'problem' while you were so down. How kind is that?!
I'd posted (we)..."where have the care free" days gone and it can get quite sad in loosing them and than having your life, all plans change or stop due to an illness, treatment that makes you and your life all different, and often not too good. In the dark places, being Geno 2b, 24 weeks has helped bring me out of there. 48, 72 weeks, I just can't imagine.
Only 7 more, (me to on 7) and you've given it your best. Hopefully soon you can get on that boat and enjoy your life, all you worked for these years to do. Hopefully you'll get SVR, your liver is better and you'll have many years to enjoy and be carefree a bit.
I really wish those things for you. You have my healing, SVR, thoughts, hopes and prayers.
Keep checking in.
LL
My friend,
You are almost over with the interferon now. The spring is coming and is right around the corner. Life will begin to blossom and bloom and you right along with it. I can't wait for the day that you post and feel better to tell us that you are officially SVR. After the long long road you've been on fighting this disease - you certainly are one of the few that absolutely and totally deserve it more than anything in the world.
I can't wait for that day.
Debby
You are almost over with the interferon now. The spring is coming and is right around the corner. Life will begin to blossom and bloom and you right along with it. I can't wait for the day that you post and feel better to tell us that you are officially SVR. After the long long road you've been on fighting this disease - you certainly are one of the few that absolutely and totally deserve it more than anything in the world.
I can't wait for that day.
Debby
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Hepatitis Social Community
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
