Need Some Help

Hello my friends. I really could use a little help and support from my friends. As you know I finished tx last Friday. Don't understand why things happen but my joy was short lived. Just received a call from my ex husband ( some here know he has ESLD). He has been in the hospital for the last 2 weeks because of an infection in his leg. The Dr's told him today his time is limited. We both cried for a long time. He has no immediate family except our children so I am going to try and help him as much as I can, He fought very hard but he said he is just very tired. He lives on Staten Island. If anyone here can give me the name a Hospice I can get in touch with. I don't want to call just anyone. To be honest I really don't know what I am going to do. We made our peace about 6 months ago when things were getting progressively worse for him. I cannot turn my back on him. He is still my childrens father and no one deserves this $$$$ disease. Sorry for the long post but I knew I could come here and be sad and cry and you all would understand.

[Forseegood]

I just want to send you my support and hope that you all go through this with love, and with love, grace....

[wyntre9]

I am so sad for you, merlino.

I will try to do a google search on staten island hospices for you and will get back online once i get the info.

wyntre

[wyntre9]

Here's the link for the page I pulled up when i entered Staten Island Hospice facilities.

Hope you find something here.

wyn

http://www.google.com/search?q=staten+island+hospice+facilities&ie=
utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

[merlino]

Thank You

[merlino]

Thank you too - I have a strong faith but I have to say it really has been put to the test since last year and now this.

[ladywhy]

I'm so sorry to hear about your ex-husband. I'm gonna call my Mom tomorrow. She has an old friend who was a nurse and is a long time resident of S.I. Hopefully I'll have some info. for ya tomorrow. I'm pretty sure Kathleen will give me some good info.

ps. It's too late to call tonite...or I would.

[Trish77]

I have no information to offer you....I simply want to tell you that I'm blessed by the graciousness of your heart and your kind of actions are the ones that are a candle lit in the darkness.  Your children will learn immeasurable good things from your actions and they will become better people for it.  I wish you all the grace, strength and resources you need to handle whatever you choose to do in this situation, for whatever sits right with you.  Not everyone will understand your decisions, it only matters that you do.

[revolution]

I can't pretend to know what you are going through, but I just wanted you to know that you are special.  I, too, have an ex tghat I have children with and I am not sure I could extend your kindness nor concern.  God Bless you in your struggles.
Sandy

[jools57]

I am keeping you and your ex and children in my prayers...Hospice was a Godsend when my mom was ill, and passed away in 2001...be strong, and know that you are loved...
Blessings

[merlino]

Thank you all so much. He wants to tell the children himself when we go next weekend and asked me not to say anything. I respected his wishes but they know something is wrong when I told them we are going to see your Dad. I am so sick for both him and my kids. I know this is going to sound so selfish but I am so tired of having to be strong.

[ladywhy]

Couldn't get through to Mother all day. Talked to her tonite. She promised me she would call her friend in SI first thing tomorrow. My Mom has no doubt her friend will be able to send you in the right direction. My prayers are with you.
Y

[FlGuy]

There are many kinds of strength.  You have displayed a few of them over the course of diagnosis and then treatment.  Strength and endurance are important when your efforts can affect the outcome.  There are times when we want an outcome or things to unfold in a different way but need to understand and accept that there are matters beyond our control. I'm sorry for the things that you and the kids will be going through and your endurance will be tested one more time.  You weren't so sure that you'd make it through tx, but you did.

[beamishboy]

well said FLGuy...merlino i wish you strength,peace and great JOY..in this life...there are no auditions and little stage direction..you are improvising with incredible  kindness and talent..trust your heart and GOODLUCK

[nygirl7]

Oh shoot I didn't see this note and I just made a thread asking for prayers for you and here it is.  I just didn't want to say what was going on cause it wasn't my place.  Call me tonight and let me know how you make out.  Know that I am here for you WHENEVER YOU NEED ME even if it's in the middle of the night and you just need to talk and cry - whatever.

You aren't that far away that I couldn't come down if you need me to.  I'll be there.

[jmjm530]

Sorry you and your ex are facing such trying times. Hopefully, this link will help:
http://www.hpcanys.org/county.asp?ID=31

-- Jim

[charm27]

oh god.....I have said my prayers..and wishing you and your children strength at this time.
I know how heart wrenching this is for all of you.

We are all with you .......................................

[amommy]

I hope you are able to find some comfort here and useful resources as well.  I will continue to keep you and your ex husband and your children in my prayers.

[ladywhy]

Sorry it took so long to get this info. This woman has lived in SI for 50 years, and she is a retired nurse. She recommended Staten Island Hospice: 1-718-226-6450.
I hope this is of some help.

[ladywhy]

I'm leaving for Long Island on Sunday am. If there are any calls or whatever (anything) that I can do for you...please let me know. I'll be there for around 5 days.
Sincerely
Yvonne

[tumbleweed1999]

You will be blessed in soooooo many ways by being this wonderful compasionate person.  I know it will be hard on you and the children to watch him go thru this but God is good and will give you the strength that you need, just don't let go of His hand.  As I said on NYgirl's thread, you may need to do just one minute at a time, but you can do this and you will get thru it.  The children will see such an awesome example in their mother.   God bless you, darlin'
Hugs and Prayers
Geri

[ladybug52]

Sorry I'm so slow to respond. My husband just lost his mother, and it's not the same as a your kids losing their father--my husband is a grandfather himself. However, I can identify with the  hurt... to see your children go through a loss is so hard,  it tore me apart watching my kids lose the only grandmother they ever knew. (My mother died in 1990)
I'm not going to urge you to stay strong. Just do the best you can. You're children need to learn it's ok to show grief...so many people have been taught not to show emotion (my husband, his father)
I'm grieving for you, the one who has to step up and take care of everything.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Bug

[Tallahassee]

Hugs and prayers...

[chellski]

i was so sorry to read this post, i am glad you are dealing with this post tx.  i know what you mean about being tired of being strong, but we do it anyway.  My kids were 9, 12, 15 when my husband passed, and it was two years later that they learned i had hep-c.  As you, they were always first and foremost on my mind.  Counseling was such a big part of our lives, both family and individul. My three were all "daddy's girls" and watching them grow into healthy and happy women (the oldest is now 20) - well there is no greater joy.  you have to know life continues, we do our best, and things work out in the end.  There were times when my oldest and i didn't speak, times now with my 17yo still, but faith and perserverance, putting one foot in front of the other gets you to a good place eventually, and its all worth it.  i wish you peace through the difficult time ahead, you will never regret the kindness and love you are showing your husband, you are an incredible inspiration to your kids.
call me, e-mail me anytime you want, i've been there.
chelley

[GrandmaA]

God bless you, your children and your x. So kind of you to reach out and help him in his hour of greatest need. You are a very compassionate person and you just finished tx a week ago. I'm in awe of you. Remember God never gives us a burden we cannot carry - WITH HIS HELP.
After we forgive others, the Lord will forgive us also. I'm praying for you all.

Love,
GrandmaA  

[shastri20032003]

You seem to be doing the right thing and your best under the situation. May God give you the strength in these trying times
Take care
Shastri

[northstar]

God bless you for being there in such as this!! He is very blessed to have you. I will pray for strength for you.

[seabean]

You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Take care of yourself.
Judi

[Lady Lauri]

You are a very good soul to stand by your ex right now, and your doing it for him as well as your children. If ever a time to put things away/behind you, you are doing that now. My ex and I are now the best of friends, he was one of the 1st to call and offer his shoulder after my dx. It felt good.

It's NOT selfish to be so tired of being so strong and OKAY to be weak, for yourself, at times. Let yourself cry, scream, be angry, be sad.Even not knowing much here yet about everyone, it sounds like you have earned that.
Everything you are doing is so very unselfish, be very proud of yourself.
God bless in what's ahead for you, your children and him. Hospice is wonderful. Amazing people they are. They help give dignity, comfort and peace in passing.
This is a time when you will see 'one set of foot prints in the sand'.
  God bless,             Lauri

[dlr2007]

Just wanted to let you know that you and your kid's father are in my prayers. You are doing a wonderful thing by supporting him through all this. I lost my kid's dad in 2001- different circumstances, sudden death- and I know that the feelings are very deep in this situation. Hospice in MA where we live is great- I'm sure they are the same everywhere. Please make sure to take care of yourself too. And your kids will be fine, I believe. My kids were small, 7 and 3, but children of all ages are remarkably resilient. Especially when they see their mom being as strong and kind as you.You will all be in my prayers,
Dee

[Lonestar823]

Hello Merlino, I had read NY's post a few nights ago.  She asked for prayers directed towards you.  I didn't post but I did say my prayers.  Now I read from you what is happening in your family's lives.  This is so very sad.  The only hospice I've had experience with is the Connecticut hospice in Branford.  When a friend of mine passed away a few years ago I don't know what I would have done without them.  My friend chose to stay at home but they came to me every day while I tended him.  I didn't think of myself as being very strong either.  I was fragile like you must feel.  Florida Guy is right though.  There are many different kinds of strength, you'll see and you will find yours of that I am sure.  God bless your husband, yourself and your children.