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163305 tn?1333668571

life without alchol

Does anyone else feel like I do, a bit left out because I don't drink?

After being diagnosed with hep C in 2005, I stopped drinking alcohol. It wasn't hard, my drinking had consisted mostly of wine with dinner, an occasional mixed drink or shot of tequila. Living in wine country for so many years made drinking a glass or two every evening feel normal.
Stopping was easy, getting rid of hepC was not, and the nasty virus is still in my blood stream after having almost killed me. A liver transplant saved my life which brings me to where I am now, over two years post transplant, with renewed energy and clarity of mind.

The last six months I spent in Thailand primarily for dental work.
Now, my husband and I are back.
I view family and friends who have aged, as we all do, and wonder how much the alcohol contr4ibutes to their lack of awareness.
My sister forgets whole conversations. Constantly, I need to remind myself that what I am told, especially in the evenings, is filtered though an haze of alcohol. I worried about the approach of Alzheimer’s in a woman who I now realize drinks every day.

And it makes me aware of my being outside as the one who is sober at the dinner party where people appear stupidly repeating themselves and collapsing into giggles which I do not share. I try to smile and  let it roll off of me. Accepting people as they are, is my mantra.

But who can I discuss this with when just about everyone I know starts drinking every evening, if not before?
Its not that I want to drink, I just wonder if any of you find yourselves feeling anything similar to the way I do?
36 Responses
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163305 tn?1333668571
OMG, you're in Lake county? That place is notorious.
You deserve to pat yourself on the back repeatedly if you can stay sober there.
I don't know why that's true, its so physically beautiful.

Glad to hear you're doing okay.
I'm alright. When I get down I just look up at the sky, and the blue chases away the blues.
Take care, OH
Helpful - 0
565061 tn?1314241091
hello it's bin along time hope all is well stay in touch i go to na and aa meetings not just to stay sober but to help deal with family and kids that have problems   i meet lots and lots of sober people doing all kinds of things party's lots of people meeting as friends at coffee shops. a hole sober world. if i new about it maybe i would never got hep. it helped my son put down the needle and stay clean and sober.  if i had more energy i do more
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264121 tn?1313029456
Nah, I could drink now if I wanted I guess, SVR and I was an acute patient, but it's not my thing.
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Avatar universal
Everyone that wants to stop drinking, like you said.., needs to find a new outlet.  For some, that might look like motorcycling, for others, it may be sailing, for others it may be church and their faith, for others it may be volunteering for a worthy cause/charity.  I really don't have any need for alcohol in my life because I have so many things that keep my focus. When I'm not on treatment, I'm working out at the gym (which helps my endorphins), volunteering for A.C.S., volunteering at my church, cleaning house for my sister-she pays me and going to visit my son who has special needs (he lives 6-1/2 hrs away), so I never had time to think about booze, it has no appeal to me whatsoever.  I still do light exercise even though I'm on treatment, but I don't have the energy or lung power to do what I was doing prior to treatment.    Susan400
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163305 tn?1333668571
I've made some good friends here too. It's a supportive group.
But I also have made new friends along life's road.
Have you tried reaching out to others in your community or taking a class of some kind?

My own way to deal with fear is to look it square in the eye.
I say to myself, " what is it you are afraid of?"
Once, I'm honest with myself, the fear loses it's strength to control me, often dissolving.
I also write and draw to deal with intense personal problems. Just getting it out someway, helps me.

It's my old friends from years past, who I have issues about their drinking habits, and, not all of them, just a few.
Good luck
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443922 tn?1374157016
Opps, I hit submit too soon.  I was afraid to return home which was only 2 hours away, because when I left for the Keys my life had become a shamble.  I had lost a great job with the cruise lines out of Port Canaveral, my home, my boyfriend, because I was such a drunk.  All my friends were drunks, so I stayed away till I was extremely sober.  Life eventually allowed me to return to my family, I tried to work, I tried to make friends, but the depression and fear from all that I had been through (I did leave out many horrible things I experienced) left me isolated and fearful of people.  Of course finding out about the HepC in 2003 has kept me this way.  

So you guys dont know it, but I've made all of you my friends.  You are here on the forum to guide me and give me strength. Thank you for that.  One day when I am not so shy to post perhaps I will give strength and comfort.  My SVR is due and will happen this year!
Oh and by the way, the Girls  on the 'VIEW' don't know that they are my friends either. Hey Whoopie, watcha doin girl?
Helpful - 0
443922 tn?1374157016
I quit smoking and drinking long before I found out about the HepC.  I was homeless in the FL Keys.  Yep, I was seeing the Florida Keys on my hands and knees.  I migrated on my bicycle from Key Largo to Key West in the Winter.  Over 100 miles with everthing I needed to make camp on my bike.  I kept telling myself I was having fun, and keeping my acholism away from my family.  I always kept a camp of some sort.  I would have sober periods where I would work in resturaunts or Day Labor, but for the most part, it was beer for breakfeast, lunch and dinner.  I could panhandle a parking lot and make $30 in 20 minutes.  I knew every inch of the Keys, but I could never find my way out.  I was with an abusive acholic, being raped and beaten was a daily way of life.  Everytime I got away from him he would find me and ruin my new life somehow.  He ripped out my hair by dragging me through the woods with it, or my wrists or feet.  Finally he ended up in jail for 2 weeks and I made my great escape to the Ocala National Forest.  In a very short time I quit drinking. Life away from the monster was sweet.   Here I went to work from my camp, and saved that money to get out of Florida during the summer,  and be homeless in some cool mountains for the summer, then back to Ocala during the Fl winter.  
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Avatar universal
I drank every day, not at home, but at the bars since 1985 when I got divorced.  Diagnosed on 9/11/2002 and have only had about 6 beers since then.  Wish I would have stopped a lot earlier.  After about 3 months of not drinking and in the middle of my first treatment, I noticed my bank account and was freaking out about what I hadn't paid and what they were going to come and take back :)  It was the money from not drinking, I can't believe I spent that much money on booze.  Decided during my second round of treatments in 2004 that I needed something, so I bought a motorcycle and have been riding every since. Relapsed both times, I am getting ready to start the triple treatment soon I hope.

Find another passion to fill the void of feeling left out.  I never would have thought that I could find something and have so much fun without drinking.  If I were still drinking, I would have never experienced traveling around the country on my bike.  
Helpful - 0
789911 tn?1368636783
To bad we cant all hang out together....(In person)   We have so much in common..  But I'll take what I can get and when I can, hang with youse-guys in cyber-space. :)
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163305 tn?1333668571
Hey thanks everyone for your comments.
I try to stay upbeat and compassionate, keeping my focus and humor intact, which can be challenging at times.

Ironically, all this alcohol based thinking recently came to a head with an old friend, who confessed to a recent DUI, then kept whining, " what am I going to do?" about various things falling apart in her life.
I told her she was an alcoholic and needed to deal with stressful situations in a different way.
Normally, I listen to people and keep my opinions to myself, but she kept complaining and asking, so. . .

Anyway, thanks for understanding.
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Avatar universal
I totally understand what you are saying.  Many years before I was dx'd with HCV, I made a conscious decision to abandon my group of friends because I just didn't fit in.  They had a "Friday night club" that pretty much was gather at a pre-designated person's house and drink all night and talk about "the old days".  I wasn't a drinker so I sat there pretty much bored out of my mind about their old stories; wondering why they didn't want to live a life that created new things to talk about.  After a year or so of this it dawned on me that I was letting life pass me by by hanging around with this group of friends.  It was hard to back out of the group but I did it gradually and never regretted it.  I realized I want to live my life and not just talk about a life I once lived.

For me, it was fairly easy because none of these friends were part of my family and I went on to make new friends that shared my view of life.  It won't be quite that easy for many people that want to make a change because we can't always just walk away from friends/family.

But...I do understand what you are saying...

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I quit cigarettes 25 some years ago, and miss hem.  The other night I was watching a Linkin Park concert on TV, getting some work done, and a beer would have been sooo nice - I really miss that.  I just quit the sauce when I started treatment 3 weeks ago.  I wasn't a heavy drinker at all, 1 cold one after work, but back in the day, I did put them back.  On my hurting liver!  Which came through just fine...  Socially, so far I haven't had trouble, but this is all new...

orpanedhawk, I love your attitude!
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Avatar universal
I quit drinking and smoking cigarettes 16 yrs ago.  I do occasionally miss the social aspects of being able to drink.  Most of the time, I'm not around people that drink.  However, when I get around my family, most of them to drink every time I'm around them.  I've been quit so long now though, that whenever I catch a wiff of hard liquor, or beer, or even some strong wines (like when I'm around other people that are drinking it), the smell literally makes my stomach feel nauseous.  Same thing with cigarettes.  I smokes 1/2 a pack a day back when I was smoking.  I started when I was 13 and quit when I was 34.  However, I had quit once for about 10 months around the time that I was pregnant and directly after and another time when I had pneumonia, but both of those times after quitting, I went back to smoking again.  When I quit the last time 16 yrs. ago, I never smoked again.  Now, whenever I have to be around it, (which is rare), the smell makes me gag.  I don't know why it is that I'm so sensitive to these smells now, since I used to drink and smoke.  Any theories on that?  I don't need to drink to have fun though, especially after all this time.  Back when I was drinking, I was drinking like 2 mixed drinks of diet coke and Bacardi light rum, EVERY night and then, when I went out, I'd drink mai-tai's.  Also, sometimes, I'd have wine with a meal on a special occasion.  But, all of that drinking was prior to my Hep C diagnosis.  I never got to the point where I had a physical addition to the alcohol because I never had to go to a rehab in order to quit and never had any type of withdrawal symptoms when I did quit, other than a little anxiety.  Susan400
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163305 tn?1333668571
I honestly rarely miss drinking, but when others are, especially family or old time friends, it can be hard to relate other than in the past tense.
It really isn't a struggle for me not to drink.

Although there are times life is a struggle, other times it is a smooth sail.
The trick is to enjoy, stay clear of mind, and focused.
For me, contentment is the goal.
My wish for everyone is contentment.
Peace to you all,
OH
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1583549 tn?1308749462
I really enjoyed reading this long list of comments.  No one ever discusses what we miss, a beer or an evening glass of wine on the deck over looking the lake or the Arizona sunset.  I can still enjoy that, but all in moderation.  
Thats the key.  
An occasional can be had and isn't going to kill me or my liver.  
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446474 tn?1446347682
Life is a struggle for everyone. I don't mean to play down the conflict you are experiencing over alcohol and health. Since you have been through so much I know you are strong and have the wisdom to know what is good for your health and what is not.

I'm glad you are enjoying life and appreciating the great beauty of our state. Although I am not from California I feel more attached to it all the time. Of all the places in the world that I have been to, I am so happy to be living in our pretty city with the diversity of people that also make the Bay Area home.

Of course I wish we had weather like Southern Cali but then again there is always conflict at one level or another.

Enjoy the great Summer weather!
Hector
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163305 tn?1333668571
Not sure what I did but my message got discombobulated.
from Mary4now to my signature should have appeared at the end.
OH
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163305 tn?1333668571
Hector,
Yes, I came so close to death that I do indeed see things differently now. I use my experience for perspective~see a new wrinkle on the face? So what? I'm alive!
Its easy now to let the petty things in life slide by.

Right now I am on the Mendocino coast visiting friends and loving the beauty of what is before my eyes.
You are fortunate to be in San Francisco with its physical beauty, diverse population and tolerant attitude.

Mary4now:
Great words to live by. I remind myself to maintain forward motion.

Peace and contentment to all of you and big hugs too.
OH

It is easy for me to remember being in your shoes, having trouble sleeping at night, then sleeping more and more during the day.
You amaze me with your mental clarity despite being so ill.
Once I accepted death, it lost its scariness. By the time I was rolled into surgery, I had no thought of not making it, it wasn't an issue.
( I have a somewhat Buddhist attitude which I think helped me.)
Keep putting one foot in front of the other and don't forget, there is a whole crew of people out there thinking of you.

Occasionally I miss the taste of wine but I prefer staying aware.
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1669790 tn?1333662595
Hector,
If you have any future plans for visiting Clearwater/Tampa area, let me know.  It would be great to meet you, maybe dinner, and get a few creaks in our necks at Clearwater Beach.  

Hope your doing well.  
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446474 tn?1446347682
I understand the age issue, but beauty is beauty. And a beautiful woman is at the top of my list for the most beautiful sights in the world.
Sunglasses cover many things, being out too late as my eyes are blood shot, nodding off cause I'm tired or bored and tired, discrete reconnaissance of bikinis. But I'm single so I am free to admire. The problem is, I get a creak in my neck from turning around so often...Oh well, the price we guys have to pay.

Hector
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1669790 tn?1333662595
Hector,  yes, the eye candy is very nice, but unfortunately most are younger than my oldest daughter.  Still hard not to look, but sunglasses are a must if my wife is with me, lol.   Walks on the beach near sunset are a safer bet for me now, and keeps me out of the hot sun  :)  .....

James,  ahhhh, don't tempt me with a cold Fat Tire.  Great way to finish a long ride, eh?  
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Avatar universal
   You know what I really miss?   Cigarettes!    I quit 21/2 years ago when I was put on transplant list and I still want one everyday.
           After I found out I was SVR I celebrated by having a frozen Margaretta at a restaurant and since it was at least 5 years since I had a drink I thought I would get a buzz.  It wasn't anything special....                   I don't really hang around any drinkers anymore,   -Libby  
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1491755 tn?1333201362
I miss beer.  Used to have one a day and in a glass fresh from the freezer.  Mmmm Fat Tire.
but oh well...not such a big deal to give up when your liver is stage 3 !
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446474 tn?1446347682
"I don't need alcohol to be happy."
You said it perfectly...

Of course living in Tampa doesn't hurt either. There is some serious eye candy at the beaches there. Luckily my heart is still in good health, otherwise I might have had a heart-attack by now...Lots of days spent at Clearwater Beach...being oh so happy and falling in love every 5 minutes.

;-)
Hector
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