life without alchol

Does anyone else feel like I do, a bit left out because I don't drink?

After being diagnosed with hep C in 2005, I stopped drinking alcohol. It wasn't hard, my drinking had consisted mostly of wine with dinner, an occasional mixed drink or shot of tequila. Living in wine country for so many years made drinking a glass or two every evening feel normal.
Stopping was easy, getting rid of hepC was not, and the nasty virus is still in my blood stream after having almost killed me. A liver transplant saved my life which brings me to where I am now, over two years post transplant, with renewed energy and clarity of mind.

The last six months I spent in Thailand primarily for dental work.
Now, my husband and I are back.
I view family and friends who have aged, as we all do, and wonder how much the alcohol contr4ibutes to their lack of awareness.
My sister forgets whole conversations. Constantly, I need to remind myself that what I am told, especially in the evenings, is filtered though an haze of alcohol. I worried about the approach of Alzheimer’s in a woman who I now realize drinks every day.

And it makes me aware of my being outside as the one who is sober at the dinner party where people appear stupidly repeating themselves and collapsing into giggles which I do not share. I try to smile and  let it roll off of me. Accepting people as they are, is my mantra.

But who can I discuss this with when just about everyone I know starts drinking every evening, if not before?
Its not that I want to drink, I just wonder if any of you find yourselves feeling anything similar to the way I do?

[willbb]

Hi there... I stopped drinking many many years ago. For me ,it came to a point were I just wasn"t interested anymore being around folks that were always drinking...especially to exccess. There are many people out there that don"t need to drink (especially to exccess to enjoy themselves).Possibly another group of folks to hang out with would be more enjoyable for you....

Best
Will

[Bill1028]

I don't miss being one of the stupid drunks, and I'm getting less tolerable of listening to their drunk talk.  I do miss a good glass of wine.

[fretboard]

On occasion I think of having a beer but that's usually on hot days.  I think it thru tho' and I end up with a soda. lol

[orphanedhawk]

Sorry about the inaccurate grammar, that happens when I don't proof read things first.

I do have some friends who don't drink but there are people I've known for years and family of course, who I'm not about to cut out of my life.
Still I often feel some kind of disconnect like we're on different planets.

[paen53]

I share some of your feelings about alcohol use, except I would love to drink again - no doubt about it. No, not sloppy, falling down drunk by any means, but I would love to be able to have a glass of wine while dining with friends or a cold beer on a hot summer's day - and without the worries about my liver.

I can enjoy my O'Doul's Amber or water w/lemon, but could do without the comments about my choices in some situations (not all). It makes me feel somewhat singled out and yes, disconnected, especially if I'm feeling overly sensitive or in a new situation. Otherwise, around family and close friends, it doesn't bother me - and many of them have toned down their drinking habits with age. No hassles there as most know of my situation with liver disease.

LOL, I remember a night not so long ago I was out for a meal and I ordered my usual O'Doul's.  Lucky me, it was Happy Hour, so they brought me two!! Had to really pace myself there.......

Pam

[his3707]

I quit drinking going on 7 years ago. I wish I would have known about the HCV long before because I would have quit way before that even.  Ive only known about the HCV for 2 years.   most of  my long time friends  are drinkers  I was so fortunate  It wasnt hard to quit but my life before always included alcohol in social gatherings. I rarely see  my ole friends.     after 5 minutes they are into the social and drinking and it gets stupider by the hour.  Very boring for me these days.  On principle, I hate the  alcohol because of all the problems it causes everywhere all the time.  Destruction!  Sometimes I fee tempted that If I didnt have HCV I would drink because it seems like everyone on the outside looks like they are having a grand time.  I do feel like a fuddy duddy at times.    Im getting older now and have no business getting buzzed on alcohol or anything anyway.  When I emerge victorious after killing this dragon,  And after what my liver has been through, I should be tarred and feathered if I ever think of picking up a drink and assaulting m self like that again!

[HectorSF]

Drinking and all that has not been a part of my life since the early 70s. Your not missing anything my friend. They are... IMHO

To me alcohol and drugs are ways of numbing yourself. Life is too short for that. Well my life anyway ha ha thank you HCC. You know this. Having had a transplant you know that at any time something could happen. You understand the true worth of life. Ever day of life is a gift not to be squandered. I treasure it like it is a precious jewel. They don't get it I'm afraid.
Luckily they have never had to face death. I am happy for them. I wouldn't choose this path either if I had a choice. But I didn't have a choice. We can only make the best of a bad situation. It happened and we deal with it as best we can using all of our inner resources that we had gathered over a lifetime... I don't know how much longer I have to live. It could be short I'm afraid. I don't want to be too dramatic. But I have a bad feeling. I can't explain it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not giving up. I will fight to the end.

I have a hard time sleeping now cause those are hours that are gone forever. I might not have too many left. Being high on some substance makes no sense to me. I want to be a fully alive as possible every second of whatever time I have left. Having to have a drug to have a good time seems pathetic to me. I don't want to judge others but for me there is no room in my life for that. I understand it is your family. My family had a lot of alcoholics in it so I do have issues with substance abuse. I know I am not objective about it. I can't be. I've seen too many consequences of drug abuse. Many friends have died or had there lives ruin by it. I don't know anyone who's live is better because of drugs. It takes it toll one way or another or time. Anyway this is my experience only. I am only talking about me life and the way I choose to live. Other are free to do what they want.

I have been around alcohol and drugs often in the past. I was in the entertainment business. Drugs everywhere. But I had already lost my desire for them after seeing my best friend lying on the floor of his bathroom, blue with the needle in his arm when I was 17. I will never forget that. Though it was hard to come to terms with I have taken the lesson from that and it helped to get me on a better life path. That was my first "wakeup call". The thought of that image in my mind make me ill to this day. It was horrible and it still hurts me. But it help me change my ways. So now ESLD and liver cancer giving me another "wake up call". I'm running out of my 9 lives! I try to savior every little pleasure in life. .. I want to take it all in and never forget it. It will help me through the darkest hours ahead......

Sorry it is 3 Am and I better leave it there.

Hector

[working dog]

thanks for taking the time to help folks on the forum...good luck with everything....billy

[elpasolady]

No one can ever possibly know what it is like to be in your situation unless they, themselves, are in it. It's really too bad that we can't seem to appreciate the life we are given, the beauty around us, BEFORE we are faced with our own mortality.

Thanks for your wise words and for sharing a part of your story.

You are a true asset to this forum, and for that, I thank you!!  

Hugs!
~Debbie~

[HectorSF]

Thx working dog & Debbie.

" It's really too bad that we can't seem to appreciate the life we are given, the beauty around us, BEFORE we are faced with our own mortality. "

Debbie, so true. So sadly true. And that goes for me too. Glad I finally woke up to "smell the roses" before it was too late.

Cheers!

Hector

[Mary4now]

I want to tell you things are as they are and the past is gone, one moment of realization in this school of life is worth everything.  

[flcyclist]

After finding out about my HCV diagnosis about 1 yr ago, abstaining from alcohol was such an easy choice.  I didn't drink much anyway.  I want nothing to compromise the health of my liver, especially during and after trt.  

I'm fortunate that my family and friends don't socially drink much.  However, when attending out of town meetings, gatherings at restaurants, socials, the pre-dinner drinks are flowing.  Still no temptation, and I find it a bit humorous to watch the change in behavior after a few drinks.  I don't need alcohol to be happy.

[HectorSF]

"I don't need alcohol to be happy."
You said it perfectly...

Of course living in Tampa doesn't hurt either. There is some serious eye candy at the beaches there. Luckily my heart is still in good health, otherwise I might have had a heart-attack by now...Lots of days spent at Clearwater Beach...being oh so happy and falling in love every 5 minutes.

;-)
Hector

[James10500]

I miss beer.  Used to have one a day and in a glass fresh from the freezer.  Mmmm Fat Tire.
but oh well...not such a big deal to give up when your liver is stage 3 !

[ejoli]

   You know what I really miss?   Cigarettes!    I quit 21/2 years ago when I was put on transplant list and I still want one everyday.
           After I found out I was SVR I celebrated by having a frozen Margaretta at a restaurant and since it was at least 5 years since I had a drink I thought I would get a buzz.  It wasn't anything special....                   I don't really hang around any drinkers anymore,   -Libby  

[flcyclist]

Hector,  yes, the eye candy is very nice, but unfortunately most are younger than my oldest daughter.  Still hard not to look, but sunglasses are a must if my wife is with me, lol.   Walks on the beach near sunset are a safer bet for me now, and keeps me out of the hot sun  :)  .....

James,  ahhhh, don't tempt me with a cold Fat Tire.  Great way to finish a long ride, eh?  

[HectorSF]

I understand the age issue, but beauty is beauty. And a beautiful woman is at the top of my list for the most beautiful sights in the world.
Sunglasses cover many things, being out too late as my eyes are blood shot, nodding off cause I'm tired or bored and tired, discrete reconnaissance of bikinis. But I'm single so I am free to admire. The problem is, I get a creak in my neck from turning around so often...Oh well, the price we guys have to pay.

Hector

[flcyclist]

Hector,
If you have any future plans for visiting Clearwater/Tampa area, let me know.  It would be great to meet you, maybe dinner, and get a few creaks in our necks at Clearwater Beach.  

Hope your doing well.  

[orphanedhawk]

Hector,
Yes, I came so close to death that I do indeed see things differently now. I use my experience for perspective~see a new wrinkle on the face? So what? I'm alive!
Its easy now to let the petty things in life slide by.

Right now I am on the Mendocino coast visiting friends and loving the beauty of what is before my eyes.
You are fortunate to be in San Francisco with its physical beauty, diverse population and tolerant attitude.

Mary4now:
Great words to live by. I remind myself to maintain forward motion.

Peace and contentment to all of you and big hugs too.
OH

It is easy for me to remember being in your shoes, having trouble sleeping at night, then sleeping more and more during the day.
You amaze me with your mental clarity despite being so ill.
Once I accepted death, it lost its scariness. By the time I was rolled into surgery, I had no thought of not making it, it wasn't an issue.
( I have a somewhat Buddhist attitude which I think helped me.)
Keep putting one foot in front of the other and don't forget, there is a whole crew of people out there thinking of you.

Occasionally I miss the taste of wine but I prefer staying aware.

[orphanedhawk]

Not sure what I did but my message got discombobulated.
from Mary4now to my signature should have appeared at the end.
OH

[HectorSF]

Life is a struggle for everyone. I don't mean to play down the conflict you are experiencing over alcohol and health. Since you have been through so much I know you are strong and have the wisdom to know what is good for your health and what is not.

I'm glad you are enjoying life and appreciating the great beauty of our state. Although I am not from California I feel more attached to it all the time. Of all the places in the world that I have been to, I am so happy to be living in our pretty city with the diversity of people that also make the Bay Area home.

Of course I wish we had weather like Southern Cali but then again there is always conflict at one level or another.

Enjoy the great Summer weather!
Hector

[cakes8267]

I really enjoyed reading this long list of comments.  No one ever discusses what we miss, a beer or an evening glass of wine on the deck over looking the lake or the Arizona sunset.  I can still enjoy that, but all in moderation.  
Thats the key.  
An occasional can be had and isn't going to kill me or my liver.  

[orphanedhawk]

I honestly rarely miss drinking, but when others are, especially family or old time friends, it can be hard to relate other than in the past tense.
It really isn't a struggle for me not to drink.

Although there are times life is a struggle, other times it is a smooth sail.
The trick is to enjoy, stay clear of mind, and focused.
For me, contentment is the goal.
My wish for everyone is contentment.
Peace to you all,
OH

[susan400]

I quit drinking and smoking cigarettes 16 yrs ago.  I do occasionally miss the social aspects of being able to drink.  Most of the time, I'm not around people that drink.  However, when I get around my family, most of them to drink every time I'm around them.  I've been quit so long now though, that whenever I catch a wiff of hard liquor, or beer, or even some strong wines (like when I'm around other people that are drinking it), the smell literally makes my stomach feel nauseous.  Same thing with cigarettes.  I smokes 1/2 a pack a day back when I was smoking.  I started when I was 13 and quit when I was 34.  However, I had quit once for about 10 months around the time that I was pregnant and directly after and another time when I had pneumonia, but both of those times after quitting, I went back to smoking again.  When I quit the last time 16 yrs. ago, I never smoked again.  Now, whenever I have to be around it, (which is rare), the smell makes me gag.  I don't know why it is that I'm so sensitive to these smells now, since I used to drink and smoke.  Any theories on that?  I don't need to drink to have fun though, especially after all this time.  Back when I was drinking, I was drinking like 2 mixed drinks of diet coke and Bacardi light rum, EVERY night and then, when I went out, I'd drink mai-tai's.  Also, sometimes, I'd have wine with a meal on a special occasion.  But, all of that drinking was prior to my Hep C diagnosis.  I never got to the point where I had a physical addition to the alcohol because I never had to go to a rehab in order to quit and never had any type of withdrawal symptoms when I did quit, other than a little anxiety.  Susan400

[nomorehepcliz]

I quit cigarettes 25 some years ago, and miss hem.  The other night I was watching a Linkin Park concert on TV, getting some work done, and a beer would have been sooo nice - I really miss that.  I just quit the sauce when I started treatment 3 weeks ago.  I wasn't a heavy drinker at all, 1 cold one after work, but back in the day, I did put them back.  On my hurting liver!  Which came through just fine...  Socially, so far I haven't had trouble, but this is all new...

orpanedhawk, I love your attitude!

[meakea]

I totally understand what you are saying.  Many years before I was dx'd with HCV, I made a conscious decision to abandon my group of friends because I just didn't fit in.  They had a "Friday night club" that pretty much was gather at a pre-designated person's house and drink all night and talk about "the old days".  I wasn't a drinker so I sat there pretty much bored out of my mind about their old stories; wondering why they didn't want to live a life that created new things to talk about.  After a year or so of this it dawned on me that I was letting life pass me by by hanging around with this group of friends.  It was hard to back out of the group but I did it gradually and never regretted it.  I realized I want to live my life and not just talk about a life I once lived.

For me, it was fairly easy because none of these friends were part of my family and I went on to make new friends that shared my view of life.  It won't be quite that easy for many people that want to make a change because we can't always just walk away from friends/family.

But...I do understand what you are saying...

[orphanedhawk]

Hey thanks everyone for your comments.
I try to stay upbeat and compassionate, keeping my focus and humor intact, which can be challenging at times.

Ironically, all this alcohol based thinking recently came to a head with an old friend, who confessed to a recent DUI, then kept whining, " what am I going to do?" about various things falling apart in her life.
I told her she was an alcoholic and needed to deal with stressful situations in a different way.
Normally, I listen to people and keep my opinions to myself, but she kept complaining and asking, so. . .

Anyway, thanks for understanding.

[his3707]

To bad we cant all hang out together....(In person)   We have so much in common..  But I'll take what I can get and when I can, hang with youse-guys in cyber-space. :)

[HDCoop]

I drank every day, not at home, but at the bars since 1985 when I got divorced.  Diagnosed on 9/11/2002 and have only had about 6 beers since then.  Wish I would have stopped a lot earlier.  After about 3 months of not drinking and in the middle of my first treatment, I noticed my bank account and was freaking out about what I hadn't paid and what they were going to come and take back :)  It was the money from not drinking, I can't believe I spent that much money on booze.  Decided during my second round of treatments in 2004 that I needed something, so I bought a motorcycle and have been riding every since. Relapsed both times, I am getting ready to start the triple treatment soon I hope.

Find another passion to fill the void of feeling left out.  I never would have thought that I could find something and have so much fun without drinking.  If I were still drinking, I would have never experienced traveling around the country on my bike.  

[donnieraye]

I quit smoking and drinking long before I found out about the HepC.  I was homeless in the FL Keys.  Yep, I was seeing the Florida Keys on my hands and knees.  I migrated on my bicycle from Key Largo to Key West in the Winter.  Over 100 miles with everthing I needed to make camp on my bike.  I kept telling myself I was having fun, and keeping my acholism away from my family.  I always kept a camp of some sort.  I would have sober periods where I would work in resturaunts or Day Labor, but for the most part, it was beer for breakfeast, lunch and dinner.  I could panhandle a parking lot and make $30 in 20 minutes.  I knew every inch of the Keys, but I could never find my way out.  I was with an abusive acholic, being raped and beaten was a daily way of life.  Everytime I got away from him he would find me and ruin my new life somehow.  He ripped out my hair by dragging me through the woods with it, or my wrists or feet.  Finally he ended up in jail for 2 weeks and I made my great escape to the Ocala National Forest.  In a very short time I quit drinking. Life away from the monster was sweet.   Here I went to work from my camp, and saved that money to get out of Florida during the summer,  and be homeless in some cool mountains for the summer, then back to Ocala during the Fl winter.  

[donnieraye]

Opps, I hit submit too soon.  I was afraid to return home which was only 2 hours away, because when I left for the Keys my life had become a shamble.  I had lost a great job with the cruise lines out of Port Canaveral, my home, my boyfriend, because I was such a drunk.  All my friends were drunks, so I stayed away till I was extremely sober.  Life eventually allowed me to return to my family, I tried to work, I tried to make friends, but the depression and fear from all that I had been through (I did leave out many horrible things I experienced) left me isolated and fearful of people.  Of course finding out about the HepC in 2003 has kept me this way.  

So you guys dont know it, but I've made all of you my friends.  You are here on the forum to guide me and give me strength. Thank you for that.  One day when I am not so shy to post perhaps I will give strength and comfort.  My SVR is due and will happen this year!
Oh and by the way, the Girls  on the 'VIEW' don't know that they are my friends either. Hey Whoopie, watcha doin girl?

[orphanedhawk]

I've made some good friends here too. It's a supportive group.
But I also have made new friends along life's road.
Have you tried reaching out to others in your community or taking a class of some kind?

My own way to deal with fear is to look it square in the eye.
I say to myself, " what is it you are afraid of?"
Once, I'm honest with myself, the fear loses it's strength to control me, often dissolving.
I also write and draw to deal with intense personal problems. Just getting it out someway, helps me.

It's my old friends from years past, who I have issues about their drinking habits, and, not all of them, just a few.
Good luck

[susan400]

Everyone that wants to stop drinking, like you said.., needs to find a new outlet.  For some, that might look like motorcycling, for others, it may be sailing, for others it may be church and their faith, for others it may be volunteering for a worthy cause/charity.  I really don't have any need for alcohol in my life because I have so many things that keep my focus. When I'm not on treatment, I'm working out at the gym (which helps my endorphins), volunteering for A.C.S., volunteering at my church, cleaning house for my sister-she pays me and going to visit my son who has special needs (he lives 6-1/2 hrs away), so I never had time to think about booze, it has no appeal to me whatsoever.  I still do light exercise even though I'm on treatment, but I don't have the energy or lung power to do what I was doing prior to treatment.    Susan400

[alagirl]

Nah, I could drink now if I wanted I guess, SVR and I was an acute patient, but it's not my thing.

[hepman]

hello it's bin along time hope all is well stay in touch i go to na and aa meetings not just to stay sober but to help deal with family and kids that have problems   i meet lots and lots of sober people doing all kinds of things party's lots of people meeting as friends at coffee shops. a hole sober world. if i new about it maybe i would never got hep. it helped my son put down the needle and stay clean and sober.  if i had more energy i do more

[orphanedhawk]

OMG, you're in Lake county? That place is notorious.
You deserve to pat yourself on the back repeatedly if you can stay sober there.
I don't know why that's true, its so physically beautiful.

Glad to hear you're doing okay.
I'm alright. When I get down I just look up at the sky, and the blue chases away the blues.
Take care, OH