vulnerability/working on tx

[crossroadsec]

I just find myself feeling vulnerable lately. Physically facing rescue meds. Happy beyond reason about UND and finishing Incivik. Yet... I'm normally pretty self confident. I can be a bit of a people pleaser. I like everyone to be kind. I'm a lover who really tries to avoid confrontation.
I've had a co-teacher who is probly ready to retire. She's also very abrasive w me. I think that's just her personality. But she personalized it today.... again. No one knows I'm sick or treating. Now I'm having self doubts. Not like me. I'm trying to keep a perspective, but it's not easy when you're ability to work it called into question. (it had to do w/ a form that I made errors on) She helped me fix it and when I went thank her at the end of the day, she jumped all over me. I think it's less about me and more about her: The milk of human kindness may have dried up. lol
Thanks for listening. I've got a 4 day fall break to get some rest. I've never worked anywhere where I dreaded going to work. I don't need this.
Karen :)

[frijole]

Karen
YOu actually sound like a good teacher and a well orgainzed person.  You filled out a form wrong?  pshah!  The woman who was abrasive does not matter but you do.  the rescue drugs will help.  Please take care
frijole

[belle19]

karen, you hang in there.  i agree with libzo1, you're a great woman and your students think so, too.  don't let that meanie bring you down.  she has a bad attitude and you have a positive one!!  you're a better person.  don't ever forget that.  your cyber friends are always here for you!!  take care.  belle

[libzo1]

Dear Karen,

That difficult individual has no idea how fantastic you are but I'll bet the students do.   You will get better and get your hard earned SVR but she will always be tough.  Your grace serves you well.   I am glad you are here.

[Isobella]

~The milk of human kindness may have dried up. lol

That sense of humor can help in the long run.  Your post brings back memories of my tx.  Even though my sx were light, I learned to embrace the "riba rage" and have used it well post tx to advance my cause against people like your inconsiderate co-worker.  

Wishing ya the best.  When you get through this, you'll realize you can do anything you set your mind to.

Isobella

(glad to see goofy is still up to his same tricks here...keepin' it all in perspective, keeping us all laughing=))

[crossroadsec]

thnx all. Four days off and I'm feelin betta. Your right, I know what and who are important. It's not always easy to distinguish when you're sick. I'm a forgivness girl too. Open Heart. Open Mind. Then we can spend on NRG on what's vital.
Take care, Karen :)

[kaylaann]

I read your post and you could have been describing me. When I was working, I also had chronic Lyme in addition to HCV. My thinking wasn't as clear as it had once been and people were just awful. I told a couple of them, I hope you never have to walk in my shoes.
It is about them. I found that praying for them works...it's not easy sometimes, but God has helped me with forgiveness. It did tend to make me withdraw from others, I am sorry to say.
We live and grow...blessings to you. :-) kaylaann

[flcyclist]

Karen, you are working while under the influence of some very challenging medications that affect the body and mind.  Cut yourself some slack and realize that although you may not be up to 100%, you doing all you can for now.  You have the dignity and grace to deal with these situations.  It's unfortunate that your co-worker doesn't.  You will come out of this a stronger, more confident person, knowing what incredible challenges you've endured and what you've accomplished.  Next time you'll know how to deal with her crap.  Big smiles for you.  ;)    

[GoofyDad]

I'll survive and am gonna throw self doubt out the window.

Just be sure to open it first. Otherwise you might start doubting again... as you're sweepin up the shards....

[crossroadsec]

Thnx for kind words. Since finishing Incivik, I find myself mentally clearer. I still have to work longer grading papers than I used to. Classroom management? Not a problem. Lesson plans? Theyre memorized in my head n kiddos r loving them. The paperwork?  It's less than 10% of my total work day..
I'll survive and am gonna throw self doubt out the window.  It's not as easy to gloss over mean girls while on tx. Lol. It's funny how that 1 caustic person can have an effect. I'm so glad for fall break. Chance to process n refocus. I glad to have my posse on the forum.
Xoxoxo Karen :)

[SunShineGirlie]

first off, congrats on finishing INC, that is a huge milestone I have 12 days left and counting!  
second - kudos to you for working through this nightmare, it is not something I would even entertain, my mind would not be at full game and I would not feel comfortable taking pay for less than earned. (that said I do understand some people do not have a choice)
sometimes we get in a situation where we allow others to "rile" us, when we do this it only hurts us ( which I am sure you know) you seem like a real nice lady and I am sorry you let this other worker get to you.  
keep your eye on the prize, this year will go by faster than you realize and you will be a new person, all healthy and radiant and tip top!
Have a nice day - Sunny

[James10500]

I was checking in for a flight once. The person in front of me was a total ahole to the CR rep, I mean out of control idiot it was unreal. Anyway when I approached her I said "wow I'm really sorry about the way that person treated you". She said "oh, it's ok he was the one who has problems". Some people a just jerks because they don't like themselves. Don't stress to hard on it. Hope you start feeling better.

[Kathy73]

I was hyper sensitive on txt. My poor husband barely survived my wrath on many occasions. I was very glad to have started antidepressants because I had a bad case of riba rage. If someone cut me off I wanted to follow them home and give them a "what for". My middle finger got a lot of extension use.

Then there is the brain fog. In order to keep my job I had to put EVERYTHING on a post-it or else I would forget it immediately. I was able to keep my job and even got promoted during txt. But I owe that to post-its.

What I'm trying to say is take it easy on yourself. Try not to take too many things too personally. Cut yourself and people around you alot of slack. This too shall pass...

[TripleCrown]

My motto (again with the out of africa quotes)
" let it go...let it go...this water belongs in Mombasa anyway."
I hope tomorrow is better for you.

[Mary4now]

You are right it is more about "her" and its hard to let that stuff fall off you.  Just take care of yourself and realize that nothing is permanent.  I think this treatment and experience with any disease in this case hep c, makes one less tolerant of the BS and also has reigned in my anger, I am more patient and more aware of whats important oh yeah more aware of picking my fights.  some just aren't worth it.   Spend time with people who can show their love and support.  I hate it when people take you by surprise attack.  if it happens again, you may just want to ask her not to talk to you like that.
everything changes,,,,, this too will pass........
take care of yourself,
Mary