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Boyfriend gave me Herpes
Several years ago my boyfriend (whom I had not seen in 3 months due to us living in different states) showed up at my house for a scheduled visit. As we began to get intimate, he awkwardly proceeds to tell me he has a sore on his penis. (It was a small cluster of sores, blister-like.) Not thinking a lot of it at the time, we had unprotected sex. The next day or two he has severe flu-like symptoms along with his sore. Bad enough that he goes to the doctor for relief from the flu symptoms, which is not typical for him.
About 4 days later I have intense burning and sores all over my genitals, very unbearable! I go to the doctor and get diagnosed with herpes.
Both of our sores take about two weeks to heal.
Now here is my dilema: He says that he has no idea how he got this mysterious sore and flu like symptoms. (He has a history of being unfaithful and I have forgiven him many times.) Since this has occured, he gets recurrent outbreaks about 6 times per year. (We are still together)
Recently, I have reason to suspect he is cheating again. The relationship has continued to be rocky through these last several years. I am going to try to get him to go to counseling with me so that we can work on his infidelity issues. Having been very concerned that there is more to his herpes story than he has shared with me, I feel it would help validate things for me to get an expert opinion.
My question is:
1.) Could his initial sympttoms been caused by his herpes being dormant resulting in a recurrent outbreak displaying primary-like symptoms and he never knew he had anything? If so, is it likely something like this could happen? Or does it seem more likely he was actually having a primary outbreak due to a recent infection of genital herpes?
Any light you can shed on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
About 4 days later I have intense burning and sores all over my genitals, very unbearable! I go to the doctor and get diagnosed with herpes.
Both of our sores take about two weeks to heal.
Now here is my dilema: He says that he has no idea how he got this mysterious sore and flu like symptoms. (He has a history of being unfaithful and I have forgiven him many times.) Since this has occured, he gets recurrent outbreaks about 6 times per year. (We are still together)
Recently, I have reason to suspect he is cheating again. The relationship has continued to be rocky through these last several years. I am going to try to get him to go to counseling with me so that we can work on his infidelity issues. Having been very concerned that there is more to his herpes story than he has shared with me, I feel it would help validate things for me to get an expert opinion.
My question is:
1.) Could his initial sympttoms been caused by his herpes being dormant resulting in a recurrent outbreak displaying primary-like symptoms and he never knew he had anything? If so, is it likely something like this could happen? Or does it seem more likely he was actually having a primary outbreak due to a recent infection of genital herpes?
Any light you can shed on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
You clearly see good things in him as does your daughter, so I truly hope you get professional counseling and work it out so you can be together in a healthy and loving way.
No, herpes is transmitted through skin to skin contact.
Terri
No, herpes is transmitted through skin to skin contact.
Terri
One other thing I need your professional judgement/knowledge on, Is it common for one to contract genital herpes (HSV2) by something other than direct skin contact? If so, how?
In case you wondering why I haven't already moved on and found someone else, it is because we a child together. She adores her dad, as he does her. I don't want to hurt her. And also because I still have hope and I love him very much. Just asking for some honesty on his part.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Oh, believe me, I know what you are experiencing. Been there, done that.
Unfortunately, there is no perfect answer for this one, no way to know for certain. What I would say is this (and I speak from experience): TRUST YOUR GUT. I think that rarely goes wrong.
Terri
Unfortunately, there is no perfect answer for this one, no way to know for certain. What I would say is this (and I speak from experience): TRUST YOUR GUT. I think that rarely goes wrong.
Terri
I have been trying to figure this out from day one! Due to recent events I have felt an even stronger need to just simply know the truth. Doesn't really matter about having herpes, it is the whole "honesty" factor. I would like to present him with some pretty strong evidence that I know he has been dishonest about this for years, because I am getting to the point that if he cannot be honest with me about his stepping out of our relationship then what is point of me trying to mend things. I plan to sit him down and have a sincere talk about what my expectations are and to ask him once more to tell me the truth about this. If chooses not to do so, then I may not stick around. I am tired of being made a fool of and unless you have experienced it you probably wouldn't understand. (Not intended to be rude :) ) As for it being his first infection, I am about 99% sure it was and I just wanted to get someones professional OPINION, not a guarantee, but opinion. I understand that it is impossible to know for sure without the antibody test, but I think we both know that the evidence clearly points more one way than the other.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Without an antibody test for him, it is really impossible to know if this was his first infection or not.
Am I correct in reading that this happened years ago? May I ask why you are trying to figure this out now?
Terri
Am I correct in reading that this happened years ago? May I ask why you are trying to figure this out now?
Terri
His lesions were definately scattered after a day or two. Not covering the penis, but in several different places on the shaft. The initial (the night he arrived) symptom I saw was one cluster of blisters on the shaft which progressively got worse over a couple of days as his flu symptoms started.
I had the antibody test and it was negative. He did not.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Clearly, I don't know the truth of what went on here. I can tell you that most commonly, new infection with herpes involves lesions that are more scattered around the penis and more often involves flu like symptoms. Recurrent herpes tends to be a group of blisters in one location rather than scattered, and doesn't often have flu symptoms associated with it.
Did either of you have antibody testing done at the time of the lesion evaluations?
Though herpes is clearly an important issue for you, it sounds like the relationship issues are more overriding in the big picture. I really hope you and your partner will consider finding a good relationship counselor to explore the dynamics of what is going on with you two.
Terri
Did either of you have antibody testing done at the time of the lesion evaluations?
Though herpes is clearly an important issue for you, it sounds like the relationship issues are more overriding in the big picture. I really hope you and your partner will consider finding a good relationship counselor to explore the dynamics of what is going on with you two.
Terri
Also I would like to add that when my test can back positive I confronted him pretty calmly about how he may have contracted this. He had absolutely had no idea and even mentioned that maybe I could have gave it to him! (Even though he was the first to present with any symptoms. (Also, I have been 100 % faithful to this man, and he knows it.) He went on to say that he really wasn't going to concern himself with *where it came from" because he loved me and wanted us to be happy. Even suggesting he may have caught it from an infected towel. FYI, I have heard this kind of twisting the truth many, many times from him.
They were in clusters in a few different places. It seemd like it was worse the nexr day. Never had cold sores. Definately HSV2.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
This is very tough to answer. Either of these two situations could be the case. Can you describe for me a little better the presentation of his sores? Were they all of the penis or just a small group of blisters in one location? Has he ever had a cold sore that you know about? Do you know if the herpes is HSV 1 or HSV 2?
The only way to have sorted this out would have been to do a baseline herpes antibody test when he first got the blisters. Do you know if by chance this was done?
Terri
The only way to have sorted this out would have been to do a baseline herpes antibody test when he first got the blisters. Do you know if by chance this was done?
Terri
You are reading content posted in the Herpes Forum
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
