Can I be sued...

I recently posted a question to in the Ask a Doctor STD Expert forum about whether or not I could get sued for not telling my last partner that I had herpes before sex but I had used a condom and been outbreak free and on Valtrex for 7 months.  Bottom line, I was scared to tell her and finally came clean a couple days after we had sex.  She freaked and hasn't returned any of my txt messages or calls for a week now.

I wanted to thank the people who responded to me and let them know that I called and appologized for the txt message communication of my herpes situation but of course she didn't answer and I had to leave a message.  Who knows what she is doing..  Probably assembling and army of people to burn my house down or the best lawyer she can find.   I thought we had something special but obviously I was dishonest and I know I was in the wrong.   I do feel terrible even though the doc said it's not likely that I would get sued...   I still feel bad.  

[gracefromHHP]

I don't think you have to worry about legal action.  She does have grounds if she has it to take you to civil court but there will also be a little burden of proof on her side to it too. she'd have to have proof that she'd been tested for herpes prior to this and was negative and is now positive which isn't likely a proof she has ( most folks are never tested for herpes routinely ).  That said - even without that she could probably still make a case but if your lawyer had a good medical expert on your side it would be hard for her to win.

I do have to say - I can not believe that you texted this to her!!!  If you were my man - you'd be more worried about your manly bits at the moment than a court of law.  

I think at this point you can join me in the been there, done that and learned my lesson the hard way club. Didn't talk about my herpes once to a partner - just thought if I avoided sex during ob's that would be enough and I could get away with it. Needless to say he ended up with herpes several months after I found out I had herpes ( I had had it before I met him and never knew it until a prior partner came to me and told me it was most likely me he got herpes from ).  Having to own up to having herpes and not telling him after the fact just totally sucked. I learned that even though it's hard to talk about it before being intimate - it's far easier than talking about it after the fact.

Jess and I really will talk to your gf if she needs someone to talk to. I'm sure there are many others here who would do so too.  Her risk was absolutely minimal but I can certainly understand why she panicked.  Most folks don't know enough about herpes to realize how common it is for starters let alone how with just the barest of efforts you can get their risk down to almost nothing.  She has a 1% risk of getting pregnant on the pill each year, a 2% risk of contracting hsv2 from you if you were on suppressive therapy and used condoms.  It's really low risk in general.  

Hang in there - hopefully she finds good info and will start talking to you again about all this so you two have a chance to work things out :)

grace

[austin345]

Thank you Grace..  I would love to offer your support to her but she won't even talk to me.  The last txt I got was a week ago basically saying she wanted me to leave her alone and she would tell me either way if she had it or not on June 12 which supposedly is when she goes to her doctor.   I honestly don't think I gave it to her.  I just have that feeling so hopefully at the very least she'll try to communicate some week next time.  Until then I won't sleep very well..   I always think the worst though.   Thank you for your support and I'll keep you updated.

[austin345]

Well Grace she was supposed to go today but decided to go to cancun instead and I tried to call her phone but she wouldn't answer but then finally txted me saying that her doc was out of town so she didn't go..  She just said "I told u I would let you know"  so I tried to be nice on txt but she was very mean and said I didn't deserve anything and I intetionally betrayed her trust..   I don't feel like I intentionally betrayed her.  I felt like I was protecting her in a way and doing what was right.   I feel even crappier now because she's prolonging this and making me feel worse and it feels intentional on her side now.  

[waringblender]

Here's what I think: 1) she is not concerned about what happened. If she were, she wouldn't be making trips to Cancun. You don't need to see your own doc to get tested for herpes. She could go to any public health department; 2) she's blown you off. It's clear from her remarks and actions that she's not interested in you anymore.

Forget about her. Start dating other women. Consider this one a tough lesson, and go forward from here. And be honest with any potential partners before you screw!

[austin345]

thanks waringblender...  I'll try to put this behind me.  This forum has been a great help.