Can herpes cause a low sex drive?
by Ames969, Jun 03, 2009

I was diagnosed with herpes last year.  I have always been quite careful and have gone for many tests to make sure I am clean but then had an outbreak on the way back from holiday.  I had no idea what it was and tried to ignore it thinking it would just go away.  I eventually couldn't any longer after about 3 days as it was too painful, so went to the doctors who confirmed it was herpes.  I had no idea what it was (other than being an std) and couldn't believe it as I had not long been tested and was clean.  The doctor explained that there is no test so could have had it for years without knowing, however have since read that a blood test will pick it up.  The tests I had never involved a blood test so i guess that's why it never showed up.

Anyway I will get to the point... I'm pretty sure that since then my sex drive has been almost zero.  Does anyone know if herpes can cause a low sex drive or do you think it will be more an emotional reaction?
I am still with the same boyfriend as when i found out I had it, and think i always thought he had given it to me as he also gave me chlamydia.  I don't know if in the back of my mind that has something to do with me not wanting to have sex with him.

I never really dealt with the issue, got upset on the way home from the doctors and have never really spoken or thought about it since.  I have never had another outbreak, so try not to think about it.  

Sorry to ramble on, just my low sex drive is causing our relationship to fall apart and don't know what to do!!
Please help!
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Member Comments (9)
by FeelingAwful, Jun 03, 2009
I have been reading up on this but I am not a professional.  I think it is a mental response that has lowered ur sex drive.  I have yet to read anywhere that says that having this skin virus lowers sex drive.  Good luck with everything girl and I wish you the best.  
by gracefromHHP, Jun 04, 2009
You and your bf both need to go have type specific herpes igg blood tests done to see who has what. you can't even begin to start dealing with all of this better until you do. Once you know who has what then you can better decide what precautions to take, if any.  Since you don't sound like you have any idea if you have hsv1 or hsv2 genitally, that's why you too need more testing done.  

If there are issues in your mind about him giving you std's, you need to deal with those too!  Either see a counselor on your own or both of you go. If he just came into the relationship with stds and never knew it because he hadn't been tested, that's one thing but if you suspect infidelity too, you need to deal with that.

Will herpes cause you to have a lowered sex drive? no it does not. Having issues surrounding it all though will.  They are separate things and need dealt with individually.

by Ames969, Jun 09, 2009
Thanks guys, I am new to this whole medhelp thing and it is so nice to be able to ask questions without having to tell people I know!
I have booked in with a counselor to try and deal with the issues I have, and also have been to the doctor to get a blood test to make sure that i do not have a hormone imbalance or anything, he also suggested that if the blood tests come back clear I should go down the route of counseling.

Thank you again!
by blackiegoof1, Sep 30, 2009
I too wonder if h lowers sex drive. I am single and have not had sex in over a year. I would certainly like too emotions get in the way.
by gracefromHHP, Oct 01, 2009
emotions keep you from having sex certainly is not herpes causing you to have a lowered sex drive!

Have you talked to anyone about the feelings that are keeping you from pursuing a new romantic relationship?

by starshineods, Jun 15, 2011
I completely disagree. Herpes does not PHYSICALLY prevent you from having sex or lower your sex drive, but it has lowered MY sex drive. I feel unattractive and like a burden to my partner, so I won't pursue any kind of sexual activity. He has never made me feel this way. It's a feeling that has come from herpes. I just want to wear sweatpants, and hide under my covers and I HATE looking at attractive people even in movies and TV shows. It has completely destroyed my self-esteem. When my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful, I think he's saying it just to make me feel better. The emotions CONTRIVED from having herpes have eliminated my sex drive.

I'm here today because I'm looking for answers. This has seriously affected my thoughts of my relationship. Having sex ONCE a month is not healthy for anyone's self-esteem when they're in a relationship. We used to have sex at least 4 times a week...I'm not used to this, and I'm not doing well with dealing. I'm 21 years old, not some dried up old lady! Most married couples have sex more often than I do! What are some ways of coping with feeling like a complete piece of ****? I know I'm responsible for the lack in sex in my life, but now it feels like such a chore, and feels not real. It feels like when we have sex, we're doing it because couples are "expected" to have sex. I won't talk with him about this very much because I don't want him to know how much of a mess I am over something so "little"...? To me, it's not little. My boyfriend has been nothing but supportive of me, he's not the problem. He is the love of my life...I just wish I could express that to him like I used to. I don't feel like a "whole" woman. I can't give him EVERYTHING he needs and I HATE myself for it.
by franklinandbash, Jun 15, 2011
You need to talk to someone about this...like a counselor.  Your emotional distress is expected, but you should soon learn how to deal and live with the virus.  You could have things way worse...Herpes has no impact on sex drive but your mind does.
by Well_In_Doubt, Sep 09, 2012
My goodness, you just described my whole situation. I'm a 17 year old girl that was diagnosed when I was around 8, and to this day have no idea how i got it. Long story, and not the point. But, i just finally had sex with my boyfriend after multiple months, and he knew way before. Each time we've had sex, hes finished, and i dont even feel like a started. I began my research wondering if herpes affected my sex drive, but maybe it could be emotional? Thats something very hard to fix... And being at my age... Im pretty clueless about all of this.
by StarshineSaysHello, Feb 11, 2013

I am 22 and I had my first outbreak a little over a month ago. I went to be tested and found out I had H. So my bf went to be tested and found out he has it too. We don't know the source.

My sex drive is non-existant since the outbreak. I have tried, but then stop things as/before it progressed. I am wanting to get help, but can't afford counseling. I have been trying to find things about it online, but has only made it worse.

I don't know what to do.