This forum is an un-mediated, patient-to-patient forum for questions and support regarding herpes issues such as: Herpes symptoms and treatments, causes, diagnosis, and herpes in men, tests, telling your spouse or partner.
Hello. I am a male with Hsv2 (genitals) almost for 2 years. I am going to get married soon with a girl which i fell in love with her recently (with whom I never had any sexual intercourse yet). I have discussed my case with her and it was astonishing and pleasant in the same time how she was quite understanding! But I am worried about how to avoid infecting her ? is using condoms all time is the only way? i feel much that it will be unpleasant to use condoms all time with the woman i am in love with. I feel that it will lessen much the intimacy feeling of deep and close contact with her using such a protective way ! also, she will not be able to use oral sex, which can reduce her as well as my enjoyment of our sexual relation. And the most important thing which disturbs my mind is how to make her conceive and have kids together without infecting her during unprotected sex ? Please, any one in this Forum who may help me in scientific reliable information, I would be so grateful and thankful.
just out of curiosity - how were you originally diagnosed?
so what can you do to lower your partners risk? If you two did nothing but avoid sex any time you had anything going on genitally, she'd have a 8-10% risk each year of contracting hsv2 from you. If you use daily suppressive therapy, her risk is cut in half!! Throw in condoms too and she is down to a 2-3% risk on average of contracting hsv 2 from you each year. If you are planning on having a family, you staying on daily suppressive therapy is a good idea until after you are done having children. when she is pregnant, come back and we will help guide the two of you as to what to do then.
Hello grace. Thanks much for your reply and your help through your information you've given. I do appreciate that much. Regarding my diagnosis, I made a blood test and it came positive, also i had during the past 2 years a few outbreaks. Regarding my girlfriend, she has been married once and divorced now for almost 2 years, and never had any sexual relation after her divorce with any man. Also, she didnt have any sexual relation with anyone prior to her first marriage. So, she is quite sure that she was not subject to any risk of contracting Herpes, not even from her ex.
What are the best suppressive medicines in your opinion? to your knowledge, I live in Europe, so I am not quite sure whether the Dermatologist I have visited is very well informed about Herpes. or should I consult in your opinion a Venereologist ? would it be better ?
I guess that in USA, Herpes in much more studied and researched and a better knowledge about it is acquired between specialists in that field. Therefore I am asking your help in this site.
You have stirred up my curiosity in your last statement, as to the guidance after my wife gets pregnant , please I would like to be informed beforehand about the procedures in order to be aware of all steps we should follow to have a harmonious relation based on knowledge and understanding.
I am very grateful to you for your dedication and patience in reading all our posts and worries, sharing them with us and guiding us with knowledge and information.
Many many thanks in advance.
your gf should also still get tested for herpes. you two can't make educated decisions about what precautions to take until you know who has what. assuming is never a good way to approach std's and testing. make sure you both have covered all other std's too.
your regular provider can write you a prescription for daily suppressive therapy. All 3 work fine. valtrex is just the most convenient since you only have to take it once a day.
the free herpes handbook we recommend in our read before posting post on the forum has a whole chapter on pregnancy. you and your partner both giving it a read is a good idea. I will gladly give personalized help when she is pregnant too :)
Hello again dear grace. Here I am back writing again asking for more information and hoping to find the answer. My wife now ( former gf), is feeling bad for not being able to make oral sex with me( as me having HSV2). She is trying and holding herself much for not doing it, but i don't know for how long she can resist her desires. Here I am asking you, is it possible to have oral sex as long as there is no shedding or OB? is there any other way to enjoy it without risking her from contracting it ?
Another question: for how long should Valtrex be taken before making sex for my wife gets pregnant? is there any appropriate schedule for that ?
Hi Grace. No I didn't yet start suppressive therapy. I try to avoid medicines as much as possible because of their side effects. But if it helps me having a normal sexual life without restriction with my wife and does not have side effects, i will feel more safe and peaceful in using it. Hope you can guide me through that.
Thanks a lot in advance.
Dear Grace. I still didn't get any relieving answer about my worries. I am afraid of transmitting HSV2 to my wife if she performs oral sex on me. I already read Terri warren's " The Updated Herpes handbook ", but i couldn't find any detailed explanations regarding oral sex, unless what is mentioned in page 26 : " For instance, if a man has herpes on his penis, he may still be the giver of oral sex to his female partner...". Is it safe if she performs it when i don't have an OB? I am afraid of transmitting it to her , then it would be a great disaster if she gets it into her mouth and then transmitting it to me(my mouth) later. it seems it is a two-edged sword, of which the softer edge is either killing. Is it better to avoid totally oral sex?
if your partner contracted hsv2 orally from performing oral on you, no reason to think you'd then too get it orally from her. you have significant protection from getting hsv2 on other body parts.
it's never 100% protection but your partner performs oral sex on you when you don't have symptoms, it's really low risk that she'd contract hsv2 orally. no reason at all to be avoiding oral sex with your partner.
why not start suppressive therapy to lower her risk over all and give you a bit more peace of mind?
Hi again dear Grace.
I have now another issue, and related to the formers in all ways. We decided, my wife and I that it is time to have a child, therefore I am writing asking for more advice and consultation. How can we manage that she get pregnant without infecting her with HSV? Is Valtrex, which you mentioned in your previous replies, enough to reduce the chances of infecting her ? I have read many articles in many other sites about Valtrex and its side effects, and honestly got more confused as many infos were contradictory. If i take Valtrex 500mg (a pill daily) until she gets pregnant, and then quit it, will that be ok? I feel somehow scared risking my health in taking Valtrex for a long period. Whats is your opinion regarding this issue?
Again, my cordial thanks.
If you stop taking valtrex once she's pregnant the risk of her contracting it during pregnancy goes back up. If a woman contracts herpes and has her first outbreak during pregnancy, it can be bad. So when she does get pregnant, you two need to be really careful she does not contract it.
22 weeks pregnant, carrier of herpes for 3 years. good luck! Keeping my fingers crossed you two will become pregnant :)
Thanks much for your kind reply Tkenna. I appreciated that much for opening my eyes to this information. My wife is so understanding and knows that one day she will get infected in a way or another, and because she loves me much, she was very supportive and wanted to be with me no matter what the consequences are. But we want so much to avoid this problem during her whole pregnancy period. I dont know whether even with Valtrex it will be safe to continue having sex, or once she is pregnant we have to abstain from complete sexual life and be content with external caressing and love. How do you do yourself with your partner to be on the safe side regarding this issue?
Thanks in advance
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