Confused and depressed - need help

Hi ,

I am a male effected with genital herpes (simplex) for @ a year now. I had 4 episodes of herpes in this year. Every time it appears i get depressed and upset. I have a wife and kid and my wife does not know anything about it. I have been telling her that some infection is occurring to me again and again and I done know what it is. I avoid sex during outbreak, but that puts a question mark on her face. I am from India where if i let her know that I have herpes and have got it form sex outside marriage, our marriage would go for toss.

I am worried and confused on the following, pl. help:

1. What are the chances of me infecting her.. for last 2 occurrences i didn't had symptoms and suddenly the foreskin went red one fine day, till that time we have regular sex (protected penetration, non protected oral sex & foreplay). I don't get active blisters or any kind of fluid formation happens.    

2. We want to take a second chance for baby, but i am afraid that i would transfer the infection to her.

3. How should i explain her about my problem? The mistake i regret. After this incident I have stopped having any sexual relation outside my marriage.

4. How long herpes would re-appear?

5. What I can do to reduce / stop the re-occurring of herpes?

6. Is herpes a common problem?

Pl. help, I am totally depending on it. Awaiting for your advise ASAP.

Thanks and may god bless you!!

Pat

[Mistakeguy789]

It would be best be helpful if you can tell us how you were diagnoised and which type you have.

1.  With condoms the risk is really low on a male transmitting to a female if you avoid sex when active symptoms are present.  But this question depends on type as well.  Also are you taking daily suppresive therapy?

2.  Again there is a risk but we need to know the type.

3.  This is something you need to be honest about actually.  Addressing the concerns and correcting the problem are key.  You aren't having sex outside of the relationship but the fact is you have HSV.  Did it come from outside the marriage or inside?  No way of knowing without proper testing.  

4.  Herpes can be present for 5-10 days with an outbreak.  Do not have sexual contact until the skin has fully healed.

5.  You can reduce (sadly not stop) herpes by taking dialy antivirals.

6.  HSV is common.  About half the adult population has oral HSV-1 that we get as a child.  Hence why I asked the type and how you were diangoised.  

[patamy]

hi
thanks for ur prompt reply.

I have genital herpes - simplex type. I have got it from out side relationship which was the mistake i had done a year before, there was no actual sex involved but a body to body massage only.

I have stopped my bad habit since then.

Can u pl give ur expert views for my questions based on addational information i have given.

Normally how many years herpes reoccur in hsv2 simplex type.

Once again thanks for ur support.

[petal130]

You never answered how you were diagnosed. Sometimes folks mix up risk with guilt.

Herpes is called an STD for a reason - a massage wouldn't transmit it unless there was penetrative or oral sex.

[patamy]

Petal,

Following is the way I was diagnosed, my penis head under foreskin went red and I went to doctor (skin & STD) for showing it to him. He conformed that it was genital herpes (simplex).

Recurrence of the same thing happened 4 times in this year..

The massage I had was naked and body to body. As far as i know herpes is spread with contact between skin and this happened in body to body naked massage and hence i got it.



Pl. share your expert views on the above.

Thanks

Pat

[petal130]

A visual diagnosis is wrong 1/3 of the time - only proper testing can diagnose herpes. Quite honestly, redness alone can easily be fungal or bacterial, especially if you are not circumcised.

Insist on proper testing (swab/culture when symptomatic), and at this point you can get an IgG type specific blood test for herpes. You are hanging your hat on something you may not even have.

[patamy]

hi petal,
sorry i am late in replying as i am travelling.
thanks for ur advice. First time when i had this issue the doctor did and Igg and the Igm test for herpes, both came back negative. Then after a month or so i re did the tests Igg came positive with mild to moderate numbers, both the labs were different and hence the confusion increased. As there are no sores or pus he said that we dont need to do swab test.

For this full year (last july till date) i had 4 episodes of herpes and @ 6 to 7 times other bacterial and fungal infection. The doctor said that as i have got herpes and  my skin has become more sensetive i am getting other infections also. He also had given me nerve tonic for pain in nerves as he said that i was getting post herpetic neroulegia.

So again lost, confused and depressed. If i have done a mistake and if i get it, it is still acceptable, but i am very much afraid of giving it to my wife, an lovely and innocent lady.

So can u pl guide me on the following.

1. Generally how much time it would take for this problem (herpes simplex) to reduce.

2, what precautions i should take for not giving it to my wife.

3. Are there any medicines except antiviral therapy which can help to reduce recurrance of herpes.

Thanks a lot in advance.

Pat

[petal130]

"Mild to moderate" numbers don't define a positive herpes diagnosis. You need to find out what those numbers were, as they easily could have been a low/false positive.

[patamy]

Thanks for ur advice. Tomrrow i am reaching home, would refer the results and would let u the numbers.
Take care
pat