Confused and very depressed about hsv1, please help!?

[Ghost6342]

i'm 16/male/gay. back in summer 2010 i met up with an older man and he gave me unprotected oral sex. I had a blood test done 2 months later because i was scared i caught hsv1 but my test came back negative. so i don't have hsv1 or hsv2. but i know that a ton of people have hsv1 (almost 80% of people) I'm just really confused and really depressed about it because i don't want to catch this virus because i have diabetes, and i don't want to catch a bunch of sores around my mouth that keep coming back. but there's this other guy i want to be with, he's very sweet and he says he cares about me and loves me, but i scared he might have hsv1 since 80% of people do. I really don't want to catch it but i still want to be with him. It's tearing me apart inside.

Basically what i think is i have 2 choices. Be single/lonely my whole life and not have anyone or get a bunch of painful sores on my mouth that never go away. Can someone please tell me that I'm wrong if i am. I literally spent 2 nights in my room crying about this.

can someone please help me.

[Blueberrypancakes22]

I recently gave my boyfriend of 1.5 years long oral sex and he contracted hsv1 approximately 10 days after he had his primary genital outbreak and it is possible he also simultaneously contracted hsv1 oral as well at the same time because he had no immunity or prior HSV infections.

I highly recommend using condoms for every oral and anal sexual encounter and the virus sheds asymptomatically. As my childhood cold sores did. I haven't had a cold sore in over 5 months. His genital sore are just now healing up and he was devastated when his lip began to break out two mornings ago.
Never thought I could give HSV to someone with out a visible cold sore I was under the impression I was only contagious highest right before and during outbreak.
Careful out there in the "hook up scene"

[Ghost6342]

I have another update.
the bump wasn't a coldsore because it was gone in 2 days. im fine now.

[Ghost6342]

ok. it was hurting earlier but i feels fine now. it's also very small and i can barely even see it. but where should i go to be seen, because my parents aren't going to take me to get me tested for herpes again because they think i'm too parinoid about it.
and i showed it too my mom and she said it didn't look like a coldsore, but i just won't kiss anyone until it goes away. i'm sure i'll be fine :)

i hope.

[gracefromHHP]

this doesn't sound like oral herpes.

be seen if you are concerned.

[Ghost6342]

should i just forget about it and not care at all?

[Ghost6342]

I have another update. i just noticed a small bump above my lip after shaving. and also, i just remembered that my doctor told me that there was no evidence that i was exposed to hsv1. (so basically i could have had it in my blood and they didn't tell me because they probably didn't test me at all)

i feel even worse now because i think it's a coldsore. i can't talk to my therapist about it because i highly doubt she knows anything about herpes. does this mean i can't kiss and give oral sex to anyone without telling them i have herpes?

i'm sorry if i asked this question before but i still don't fully understand.

[gracefromHHP]

best of luck! I hope you make better progress now :)

[Ghost6342]

well i just saw her again today and i told her how i felt about her not taking my problems seriously and she's willing to help :)

[gracefromHHP]

you are over 14, you can make your own medical decisions. without being in school all day it's hard to find others to talk to who have therapists to see if someone recommends one but why not just take the phone book to dinner with the folks one night and open it up to child therapists and say - I think we need to look for a new therapist for me because I have concerns I need help with and I don't feel my current therapist is helping me near enough.

[Ghost6342]

i'll see what i can do. my parents are the only ones who can find therapist for me. or i could try a hotline or forum or something.
and i know i already said this but i'm sorry for being rude earlier <3

[gracefromHHP]

you definitely need to find a therapist that you feel more comfortable with.  it's not doing you any good if you don't feel that she takes your concerns seriously and if you can't see her on a regular basis.

[Ghost6342]

yeah. i'm seeing a therapist and i tell her all of this but she dosen't help me at all. i tried to tell my parents to have me see someone else but there too dumb to find a different therapist.
i can't even see my therapist that often because she always busy :(

by the way, im sorry for snapping. i was just really upset <3

[gracefromHHP]

most of my 17 year old's friends don't date and never have dated.  you are not some anomaly!  even my 21 year old, he and most of his friends don't bother dating either. Sure if someone interesting comes along, they chat them up and sometimes go out on a date or two but most of the teens I know, are not in relationships with others.

are you talking to a counselor about all of this?

[Ghost6342]

but im 16 and i never dated ANYONE before! people my age are always in relationships. but i can't find anyone because everyone is straight! and theres no other gay guys! thats why i have to search online. but i can't even find anyone there. i feel even worse right now ):

[gracefromHHP]

it has nothing to do with being gay dear. It has to do with growing up and your hormones controlling you more so than your brain - we all go through it :)

[Ghost6342]

this is what i get for being gay :(

[Ghost6342]

but something is still missing in my heart.
i need a man. you don't understand :(

[gracefromHHP]

sounds like you have plenty of interests to pursue that don't involve sex until you are more ready for it :)

[Ghost6342]

i like video editing and photoediting and sound editing. and i like acting and screen play writing (i want to be a horror movie director when i grow up) and im not involved in any sports but i weightlift with my uncles every monday.

[gracefromHHP]

one of the most important parts of life is learning how to be alone.

talking to others is one thing, meeting them for sex is another.  

are you involved in sports? do you have hobby's?

[Ghost6342]

i know im getting off topic but i only go to school for 3 hours a day and i get no homework or test to study for so i can really focus on school.
i just can't stand being alone. thats why i talk to guys online

[gracefromHHP]

at your age, only 1 out of every 3 people has hsv1. It doesn't get to the 80% rates of infection in the US until you are retirement age.

is hsv1 overall a big deal? no, not really but it certainly is something to be educated about which is why I recommended the reading materials I did in your original posts on this. Perhaps you need to just keep rereading those posts whenever you feel stressed about this?

also you are only 16 years old. meeting strangers online isn't in your best interest. Concentrate on your school work and making something of yourself. The love life part of that will come naturally along the way :)

I totally agree that if you don't have a therapist/counselor, getting one to work on your anxiety is a good idea :)

[Ghost6342]

thanks (:

[petal130]

I assume you most likely already work with a therapist if diagnosed with Aspergers? Talk to them about your irrational fear of herpes if so. Unfortunately we could tell you that herpes is just a pesky skin condition until the cows come home, but it most likely will not do for you what a mental health professional can do (none of us are that here).