Dealing withe the fact that I have herpes

I was recently diagnosed with herpes 1 & 2. I am ashamed at myself and what I have done with my relationship. I did something bad 44 days before I tested. I engaged in oral sex with a friend I met online and we did frontage as I was limp and very nervouse and wound up prematurely ejaculating on myself.  I said I couldn't do this anymore and 3 days later I tried to get things working with my girlfriend who said she wanted to try and have kids. We had unprotected sex about 5 times in may and 7 times in June.  I tested 12 days after the sex with my now ex and 44 days after that very stupid encounter. I was HIV negative and everything else was negative on 8 panel except for herpes 1 and 2. Are my tests accurate?  What are the chances that I infected my partner with no outbreaks?  Also I feel that my HIV is accurate do you feel I need to take this test again?  I am def going to take the herpes again to make sure.  I am devastated I just want to turn my life around and move forward. I have already scheduled a psychiatrist to meet up with to help with my anxiety and other issues. Thanks in advance.

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

OK, let me get a little more information.

Can you get the numbers associated with the positive results and post them here for me, please?  This is very important.  Please get a copy of the results, and post the results EXACTLY as they appear on the lab form.

I'll await your posting.

Terri

[jjpatrick135]

HSV 1 and 2-Specific Ab, IgG
HSV 1 IgG, Type Spec 4.16 HIGH 0.00-0.90 index BN
Negative 1.09
.
Note: Negative indicates no antibodies detected to
HSV-1. Equivocal may suggest early infection. If
clinically appropriate, retest at later date. Positive
indicates antibodies detected to HSV-1; coinfection
with HSV-2 cannot be excluded without type specific
testing.
HSV 2 IgG, Type Spec 7.45 HIGH 0.00-0.90 index BN
Negative 1.09
.
Note: Negative indicates no antibodies detected to
HSV-2. Equivocal may suggest early infection. If
clinically appropriate, retest at later date. Positive
indicates antibodies detected to HSV-2; coinfection
with HSV-1 cannot be excluded without type specific
testing.

[jjpatrick135]

Thanks for your help Terri I know the numbers are high I had no outbreaks though.  To be quite honest with you I think I am thinking worst case scenario right now.

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

OK, so the results do indicate that you are definitely infected with both HSV 1 and 2.  

However, there is absolutely no reason to believe that you necessarily acquired HSV 1 or 2 from your encounter 44 days before testing.  Did you experience any symptoms at all subsequent to that encounter?  You could have had both for many years.  Unless you were tested prior to this enounter, there is just no way to know what is going on.

Has your partner been tested to determine if they are infected or not? You may have even gotten herpes from your partner, no way to know for certain without testing.  Has your newest partner been tested?

Terri

[jjpatrick135]

No symptoms whatsoever.  I have been tired and somewhat fatigued but thats because of my work and commute.  My partner is getting tested at the end of the month.  She told me that she tested approximately a year ago and was clean.  We also separated for about 2 1/2 years and I did have unprotected sex with a friend...this was approx 3 years ago from today.  I believe I could of gotten it there.  Otherwise, I had no other partners in this 5.5 year relationship.  I had two other partners before I met her.  One was 8 years ago (eventually unprotected sex for 3 months)  and another encounter 6.5 years ago one time.

[jjpatrick135]

Terri are you busy?  I'm sorry but my anxiety is off The roof.

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

I understand that you are anxious, and that's reasonable under the circumstances.  It is not possible to know exactly who infected you.  When your partner gets tested at the end of the month, you will know, if she is negative, that it is not from her, but you won't know from whom you acquired this.  If she is negative, then you will need to take steps to try to protect her, including daily therapy and condoms.

Terri

[jjpatrick135]

Do you think there is an HIV concern?  She was clean.

[jjpatrick135]

I tested HIV negative on 7/2

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

I don't think HIV is a concern, no.

Terri

[jjpatrick135]

Ok thanks Terri I appreciate you getting back to me.  I will just have to wait for my ex's test results and I am hoping they turn up all negative especially the herpes.  Thanks.

[jjpatrick135]

Hi Terri. Please thank Dr. Taulbee thanks for her time.  I am hoping to proactively fight this virus as best as I can. Now I just have to get rid of my HIV anxiety.  I have been told repeatedly that I do not need further HIV testing which makes sense but the thought that I am getting punished for what I have done I just can't get it out of my head.

[Terri Warren, RN, Adult Nurse Practitioner]

I will tell her, I know she felt very positive about your conversation with her.  She really enjoyed speaking with you.  

As far as the HIV fear goes, I think you are mixing up biology and psychology here in a way that isn't helpful for yourself.  I understand it, but it doesn't work that way.  I hope you can somehow start believing you are negative for HIV and move on with your life.

Terri

[jjpatrick135]

Yes me too.  I'm getting a little better I just hope the folks in this chat community understand and that I am really thankful for their input.  I am seeing a psychiatrist for this so I am hoping it helps.