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This forum is an un-mediated, patient-to-patient forum for questions and support regarding herpes issues such as: Herpes symptoms and treatments, causes, diagnosis, and herpes in men, tests, telling your spouse or partner.
The only way you'll both know is to get in sooner than later and get the lesions swabbed/cultured by your medical provider. In addition, as it may be too late (really it needs to be done within the first 48 hours of symptoms for an accurate swab), request an IgG type specific blood test.
As to him not wanting to talk about it, does he already KNOW he has genital herpes??