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Does a good relationship worth the risk

Hi everyone, I am a man who is recently diagnosed with hsv 2. I have a wonderful girlfriend, who is hsv 2 neg. We love each other and both hope we can have a bright future together. We haven't had sex yet. I talked about my diagnosis with her. Although she was shocked at first, but after learning more about it, she decided to continue our relationship and see if we fit each other in other aspects first.

We are both well educated on hsv, know its risk of transmission and method to reduce risk. However, as we continue dating, I am growing more and more anxious about the possibility to transmit to her, and what negative impact might be on her, even if she understand and accept the consequence and risk before hand. I was worrying if we were together, I cannot give her the best sex life she could have had. I spent sleepless nights thinking about if it is responsible to continue our relationship.

I've consulted many doctors who are well informed on herpes, and they all say it is not a big deal, especially in a long term relationship. On the other hand, I read posts about the physical and psychological agony suffered by those diagnosed. I am in a painful confusion. I love her and I want to construct a bright future with her, but I also fear the possibility that I might hurt her.

If there is anyone who can share your thoughts, especially from those discordant couples, or from girls as hsv has more impact on them? How much does herpes matter is your relationship? How much does it impact on your well being and quality of sex life? Does the relationship with someone you love worth taking the risk and consequences?
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Avatar universal
Nice response from Fleetwood20.  Here are some other thoughts, in response to  "I read posts about the physical and psychological agony suffered by those diagnosed."

First, "physical agony" is irrelevant in this situation. Most genital herpes, including first episodes, is mild or even asymptomatic. And knowning the risk, if transmission occurs with symptoms, your partner would be able to promptly start treatment before it became anything near "agony".

Second, the research is clear that the main "psychological agony" is the problem of discussing herpes with potential partners, i.e. exactly what you are going through now. But that's not an issue in a committed, long term relationship. It would come up for your partner only if your relationship ends and someday she re-enters the dating scene.

Fleetwood's closing sentence is exactly on the mark. Don't let this virus interfere with romance, commitment, love, and rewarding sex.
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Avatar universal
I think the issue is that you are referring to what you have actually 'read' on the internet. You never read the countless millions of stories that go "HSV2 has absolutely no impact on any aspect of my life, hell I don't even know I have it!"

Both my wife and I have it and it actually impacts her less than me. It's a bit of the (un)luck of the draw. The odds are that it won't impact her much at all if infected. The antivirals are very effective if for some reason she is.

I do appreciate that being in a concordant relationship means sex is 'carefree' compared to your situation. It would be a shame if either of your fears got in the way of desire.
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