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Genital hsv 1. What am I dealing with?
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Genital hsv 1. What am I dealing with?

Hi All,

So my girlfriend just told me she has genital hsv 1. What am I dealing with here? Should I be concerned?

She referred me to this site if I had any questions and I have been reading up on some information and from the looks of it I shouldnt be concerned as it rarely sheds. How accurate it this?

I am a little concerned because the forums also state that there is a risk but its highly unlikely to spread from genital to genital but what about oral? Am I at risk for catching it orally?

I have been tested previously and am negative for both types of hsv. I always make sure I am tested for everything. I really love this girl and have know her since freshman year in college she is 23 and I am 26. I care about her so much but I'm not sure i want to contract this although she definitely defines and has everytihng I want in a woman. Can someone tell me what genital hsv 1 is and what it does to the body? Am I safe to have unprotected sex with her? We have always used condoms but after shes told me I've been a little less spontaneous in fear that I might contract her hsv 1.

I really dont want her to feel like Im pushing her away but its hard not to feel scared about this.

Is it really just a skin condition?
How come I have not acquired this yet? I have dated a handful of women and none have told me about any type of hsv 1. My gf said everyone has it in the form of cold sores on their mouths but to my knowledge I have not seen anyone with cold sores.

Can someone shed some light as I am very concerned and do not want to leave her without knowing the facts or what I will be dealing with.
94 Comments Post a Comment
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101028_tn?1348750963
statistically 1 out of every 2-3 people you know has hsv1. It's incredibly common and this certainly isn't the first person you've ever been with who has it.  In your age group, 70% of all newly acquired genital herpes infections are due to hsv1 too.

so what do you do? Well of course make sure other std bases are covered too, including both of you having had your gardasil shot series too. Talk about birth control and condom use too.

are you likely to contract hsv1 from her? no you are not. Usually just avoiding sex any time she has anything going on genitally is all it takes. It can be transmitted from genitals to genitals but the risk of such is very low. it's also not more likely to be transmitted to your mouth through you performing oral sex, it doesn't shed much so the risk of transmission to any body part is overall very low.

keep asking questions!

grace
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Avatar_m_tn
So am I safe to stay in the relationship with her? What if I contract this will it be painful? Im willing to risk it but then I think about it and I think Im crazy. My parents nor my grandparents or anyone in my family has hsv 1 from what I know. None of my friends have it so how common is that or are they just nto telling me anything?

Is hsv oral the same hasv hsv 1 genital just that the location is different. When she told me she got cold sores I said fine whatever but then when she said its herpes I was a little bent out about it.
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101028_tn?1348750963
you were more likely to have contracted hsv1 orally from a care giver as a child than you are to contract your partners hsv1 genital infection.   it's not being crazy to be in a relationship with someone who knows they have herpes!!

it's more about your genes if you are from a family that no one seems to get cold sores. It doesn't mean no one has hsv1 orally, it means you can thank mom and dad for something good about their gene pool - the gene that makes you less likely to get obvious cold sores if you contract hsv1 orally :)    
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Avatar_m_tn
That sounds great! One last question (I think) I like having sex and since I've known her she also likes to have sex. She contracted hsv 1 from her ex who didnt tell her he had cold sores. How spontaneous can we be in the bedroom? I dont want to hold back because I like being very affectionate and get into the whole oral, anal, vaginal thing. (sorry for being so graphic) but how safe am I to do that? I dont want to spread her hsv 1 to her anal area because I can only imagine how painful that would be. But how does this work?

Lets say if I did have hsv 1 oraly and I gave her oral sex am I infecting her with even more of the virus? or once she has it she has it she cant get mroe now it wont replicate?
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101028_tn?1348750963
you can do anything you want in the bedroom as well as in the living room and even outdoors as long as you aren't breaking any laws.  also remember to put away the sex swing if mom and dad are coming to visit   ;)   the only changes in your sex life would be if she has anything going on genitally, avoid sex until things are back to normal :)

you wouldn't spread hsv1 to her anal area - it's already there. when she was infected with genital herpes, it infected the entire sacral nerve ganglia which supplies are nerve function from the waist down.  When she sheds the virus, it sheds from the entire urogenital/anal area already.  

if you do have hsv1 orally and aren't testing accurately on the igg blood tests for it, you won't make things "worse" for her by performing oral sex on her. she can't get "worse" what she already has.
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Avatar_m_tn
haha I love that! Thanks so much Grace! I guess my fear was that Im dating someone that has an STD but I really care for this girl and have even told her that I see her as the mother of my kids :) Shes a great catch and it was very unfortunate for her to get this but shes strong and is dealing with it.

Since this doesnt have any long term effects on her body? no diformities or anything How will she do in child birth? Will she be under medication? Will the doctors know how to test this? (Im sorry I know I said that was my last question but you are mankign me feel very at ease making the next move with her)
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Avatar_m_tn
Another question Grace that just came to mind from reading other threads, what about shedding? If we are going to bump and grind all over the place dont I risk getting hsv 1 if we do have sex every day? Before her diagnoses we had a lot of unprotected sex because I knew who she was with and she knew who I was with prior and we were both tested so no issue there but what about now?

What is the likelyhood that I will end up with this if I plan on marrying her? Will I eventually get it? Id asymptomatic shedding with no symptoms?
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101028_tn?1348750963
hsv1 genitally is active about a dozen days out of the year. the odds that you'd be having sex on one of those days overall is rather low.

no long term effects to having herpes either orally or genitally, regardless of type.

the risk of transmitting genital herpes to a baby during birth is less than 1% if she doesn't have any obvious lesions at the time of delivery. If she would have an obvious recurrence near the time of birth, a c section would be done to protect the baby.

no one teaches us to understand std's - we are taught to fear them in hopes that it keeps us from being sexually active. Obviously doesn't work too well and just leads to people fearing things they don't understand needlessly.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi grace, im not going to lie but I am a bit concerned. I woke up today very scared. I had a couple of friends over who mentioned tht the worst things to get were aids and herpes. I stayed shut and ignored them. No one knows my gfs hsv status, that comment hurt a little because i know someone who has herpes and shes my gf. If people found out they would look at her like shes contagious and disgusting and i wouldnt want that.

I am thinking about whether i should stay in the relationship or just leave. Its hard to think about what i want to do. Her hsv is the only thing im afraid of.

What do you suggest?.:( very concerned here
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Avatar_n_tn
honestly, your friends are morons to actually dedicate a conversation to speculate "what is the worst thing to get". I bet my paycheck they don't even know the difference between hsv1 and hsv2 or anything regarding genital herpes at all.

maybe you should stop listening to people and just consider that you have a wonderful partner (as you said it yourself) who has a stds that sheds to infrequently that will most probably never transmit it to you and that it's just a minor nuissance in everyday life.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Bob,

I know i felt bad i didnt give my opinion or anything i just felt it was disrespectful. From what ive been reading ghsv1 is far less contagious then all the other types of hsv's besides oral hsv 2.

Im still trying to deal with this. Im struggling with the fact that its an std :/ any tips On how you dealth with this or having a negative partner and having transmitted ghsv1?
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Avatar_m_tn
I appreciate my gf telling me about this, she could have kept it to herself like some of the people On the forums ive read because it rarely sheds and is spread.

But On the other side its concerning. If hsv 1 is not an std just because its On the genitals its an std.
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101028_tn?1348750963
I've had hsv2 for 25 years now. I have passed it on twice - once before I had it and once after diagnosed when I was a moron ( some may argue I am still a moron....lol ).  Ever since then, I've never passed it on to a partner and most of my partners have been hsv2 negative. as far as I know, I've never passed on my hsv1 infection.   So yes indeed precautions do work - regardless of what type we are talking about.

as I've said before - 1 out of every 2-3 of us has hsv1 . If you kissed 4 girls in the next year, odds are 2 of them would have it. it really is that common.  Odds that you'd contract it - still very low even though hsv1 orally sheds more. your friends are ignorant and I betcha not a one of them practices protected oral sex or knows about the risk of hsv1 being transmitted to the genitals!!   They probably also haven't had their gardasil shots and believe that the stats of 1 out of every 3 of us has a std in their lifetime are made up.  invite me to hang out with you and your friends - I'll set them straight and it'll only cost you a drink or two :)

we can't make the choice for you whether to continue in this relationship or not. It's your choice to make. if the worse thing you can find wrong with this gal is that she has hsv1 though, better snatch her up and never let her go :)  
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks grace that was very reassuring. I will take this info and digest it. One last question did the 2 guys you passed it to already have hsv 1? How did they react once they found out?
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101028_tn?1348750963
no idea if they had hsv1 or not, that was 25 years ago.  

neither was pleased to find out they had herpes. I would've never known I had it if the first guy hadn't come and talked to me about it. I had had no idea but it was pretty clear it came from me. Ironically I had had sex with 2 guys that same night and only one got it even - imagine those odds!  The 2nd guy was of course pissed that I knew I had it but hadn't told him. was a lesson I learned and have never repeated and always tell before sex now.   needless to say my deception led to the end of the relationship quickly :(  thankfully I've grown up a hell of a lot in the last 25 years!

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Avatar_m_tn
Lets say if i do aquire hsv 1 am i at risk for encephalitis or meningitia, blindness or ocular herpes
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897535_tn?1295210035
Better chance of getting hit by an asteroid no doubt. Do you know of anyone who has had any of those illnesses? No. And chances are, they, or your grandma or your mom or a number of other people in your life, have HSV1. I have it and never, ever think such thoughts!

I agree with Grace, if this is the worst thing about this girl, you are one lucky guy :-)  
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Petal,

yea she is great has a good Job, personality, down to earth, a family and church girl. It was very unfortunate this has happened. Her ex was an ***hole. He left her when she needed him the most and made her feel like s*=t.

Im still concerned about her ghsv1. She still worries that she might transmit this to me. Shes always thinking about it and fears i will catch it because we do like to be intimate. I caught her reading up On it once and then cried when i told her to stop.

Im worried about my risks but try not to think of it because i do see her as someone i will ultimately love. Just a little afraid of this.

One last question (i know ive said this before) being that her ghsv1 is not likely to shed there is a 1-3% chance in 365 days that i will catch hsv 1? If i marry her eventually i will get it?
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Grace a couple more questions. Are we safe to have sex with condoms? I have read that condoms do not protect against hsv. I am confused, so i am at risk even with or without condoms? What if she doesnt get a recurrence is she still shedding or she wont shed?

If its so unlikely that it sheds then i wont catch it?
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Avatar_m_tn
Also should she start taking suppressive Therapy? From what i know she doesnt take medication for this. Her last and first outbreak was in january.

Should she start for my protection? Does valtrex have any long term effect On her or our future child if we plan On having one?
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Avatar_m_tn
Is she affecting herself by not taking the medication? If she doesnt take it will she most likely develop outbreaks. She doesnt like taking pills, as you can tell im very concerned both for myself and herself.

Since this lives in the nerve will it cause nerve damage or anything.
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101028_tn?1348750963
the majority of people who have herpes, regardless of type, don't take herpes antivirals. Treating herpes only helps to speed healing of recurrences and in the case of hsv2, helps to reduce transmission to a partner.

we don't have stats as to the risk of you contracting hsv1 from her. it happens but not enough for us to have stats on.  

no, it doesn't cause any nerve damage.

sounds like her anxiety about her herpes is affecting you too?
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Avatar_m_tn
Yes because she fears she will pass this On to me and she criea sometimes with me and sometimes at home. I worry about her and her anxiety is rubbing off On me just because i want to be there for her but am concerned about my risk too.

She wanted to go to a therapist because she us real sensitive and she has days when she says its just a skin condition then she has other days when she cries and wants to kill herself.

I dont know what to do or tell her to make her feel better and not worry :(
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Avatar_m_tn
Shes really worried about passing it to me and I tell her everything is going to be okay but then she cries and it gets me really upset and I sometimes want to find her ex and beat the **** out of him.
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Hi Concerned - you're very anxious and frightened, and I know that a lot of that has to do with the love you have for your girl, and your fear of losing a wonderful relationship. It's possible that she's also quite anxious. You both will want to take a big deep breath, and try not to stress too much.

There are four steps I always recommend my HELP meeting attendees take when they're in an intimate relationship with a non-H partner.

1. Go to the doctor together and get tested for everything, and especially for herpes with an IgG type-specific blood test. Your doc will know what to order. It will be good for both of you to find out what you're both bringing to the relationship.

2. Your girlfriend should ask her doctor to put her on suppressive therapy - daily antiviral medication. Official research has shown that both Valtrex and Acyclovir, taken daily, have the ability to reduce the risk of transmission 75%. These drugs have a history of being pretty safe.

3. Use a condom every time you have sexual contact.

4. Abstain from sexual contact whenever she has an outbreak or feels prodrome (symptoms of a coming outbreak, like itching, redness, swelling, nerve pain, and flu- or cold-like symptoms).

All of these steps together have been shown to reduce the risk of transmission to negligible levels. You'll be pretty well protected. There will still be a risk, but it will be very small. That sounds like a good risk to take for someone you love and might want to spend the rest of your life with. Finding that person is tougher than we think. I don't think you want to let her slip through your fingers.

Even if you contract the virus - and there's always a chance you will, though small - it's very manageable. Yes, it's just a skin condition. You might have a tough first episode, but the symptoms lessen in severity and frequency as time passes. Some folks never experience symptoms.

According to the latest official study (by an organization called NHANES), 53% of Americans 14-49 have HSV-1. That means to me that one of your two friends probably has it and just doesn't realize it.

Yes, your girlfriend can give birth to healthy children. Many, many women with HSV do, vaginally, every single year. Her gynecologist will monitor her to make sure she's not shedding during labor.

Please feel free to contact me directly with more questions. I read a lot and can point you to many reliable resources, as well as to nurturing support groups for sero-incompatible (only one positive partner) couples.

I hope some of this helps. Many hugs.
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Avatar_m_tn
Will i have to use condoms all the time since ghsv1 rarely sheds or do i only have to avoid when she has an outbreak if she does?

Has anyone contracted genital hsv 1 through genital contact? It seems everyone gets hsv 1 through oral sex.

Am i safe to perform orally On her
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Avatar_m_tn
I want her to feel normal again because she is normal from reading this is just a skin condition like the chicken pox right? everyone gets them and its dormant in the body. She told me hsv 1 is common but i have not seen.anyone with cold sores besides the celebrities who are looked down On for them. She doesnt feel she can.be spontaneous with me anymore and it sucks :(
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897535_tn?1295210035
There's some great info from Dr. Handsfield on HSV1 on the below two links that answers some of your concerns. As well, re-read what Grace and I wrote above.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Recently-diagnosed-with-Genital-Herpes-HSV1/show/969931

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/HSV1-Questions/show/1393887

I don't take suppressive therapy for my genital HSV1, nor is it recommended. I have very few outbreaks, the virus sheds very little (and there is not study suggesting it will reduce that further; the Valtrex study was for HSV2 only).

Have you been tested to know your own herpes status? I don't see you mention it. You can't make educated decisions without knowing your HSV1  (and HSV2) status.

If your GF's feelings (and your fear) continue with such intensity, why don't you consider both talking to a counselor? I've utilized counseling in the past and it can be a wonderful tool in overcoming something like this. Herpes can be part of any loving relationship; it is trivial at best. As I said and I'll say it again, it has zero impact on my life. My herpes doesn't define me and my partner would surely say the same.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi petal, yes ive been tested and am negative for both hsv 1 and 2. My results are as follows IGG HSV 1 0.12 IGG HSV 2 0.25.

Have you ever passed On your ghsv1?

I think whats getting to her is the idea of having herpes (the name itself and.the fact..that its an std) and the fact that she is able to spread this.
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Avatar_m_tn
I cant seem to get her off of thinking like that. She cries and it worries me. If it wasnt an std she wouldnt have worried but the fact that its down there and highly looked down On is the problem. Shes always taken Care of herself and then she gets hits with this.

I wouldny want her to take valtrex if it wony do anything for her suppressively you know. It would be a waste to take and it not do anything.
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101028_tn?1348750963
it sounds like she would indeed benefit from professional counseling.  I think it's in her best interest to learn to deal with her anxiety about this whether the two of you stay in a relationship or not :)
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Avatar_m_tn
I dont want to lose her grace :( but it seems like her hsv is taking over her and no matte what i say she cries and worries i might.catch it. or.might pass it to a family member
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Avatar_m_tn
Have you ever passed your ghsv1 petal? How have your partners reacted when you disclosed it? Has sex been different for you?
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897535_tn?1295210035
Have you ever passed your ghsv1 petal?
No - it's incredibly unlikely that I will based on other's status and the fact that shedding is very infrequent.
How have your partners reacted when you disclosed it?
It hasn't been an issue. As we've said multiple times, if a person already has HSV1 (which the majority of adults do), it's not an issue. The one person who did not have it was not at all phased by it once educated. Hinging a relationship merely on herpes status has never been something my partner or I have done.
Has sex been different for you?
Not at all. I never think about herpes. Sex is better than ever!

Also as a side note, your GF can only transmit her genital herpes through sexual contact (it's why it's called an STD!). There is NO risk to casual/family transmission. Only oral herpes is transmitted that way, say through that big smooch from Auntie, etc. (and trust me, at least one or more of her family has oral HSV1!)
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks Petal thats very reassuring. I will take in all this information and have my gf read it. The unlikeliness of ghsv1 and my risks seem low to none that I shouldnt be worrying right?

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101028_tn?1348750963
I wish I could find a partner who's biggest issue was genital herpes!!!  Life would be so much simpler then!!

definitely she needs to start talking to a professional so she can deal with this better - for the both of you.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks Grace Im trying to take a chill pill about this so I wont add to her anxiety. She fears the transmission to me and I fear her leaving me because she thinks she will transmit this to me. Like petal says, she has never passed it on to anyone, I am going to believe that ghsv1 is nothing different. Its something that I will not worry about and will do my best to help her realize that. I am going to show my gf this post and have her read it and only this. My gf's problem is that she reads too much on the subject and sometimes gets conflicting ideas that make her cry and over think what hsv really is.  

Just yesterday we were talking about having kids and she started crying because she said now she has to worry about her hsv at birth and while the baby is in utero aside from before acquiring this she always said having kids would be a breeze now she will be extra paranoid.
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101028_tn?1348750963
she won't have to worry about herpes until it's time for delivery. it's a less than 1% risk of transmission during delivery if she doesn't have an active lesion present. the overall risk of having a baby with a birth defect is 3% so the risk of transmitting herpes is even lower than that!!  Should she have an active lesion at the time of delivery, a c section will be done to protect the baby.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you Grace, I will be inviting you and petal to my babyshower :-) I will trust your info and will not freak out about this. If her ex isnt freaking out about it why should she even if its in another location who cares right?

It sucks that health providers arent up to date with their information and often give out the wrong information to scare their patients.

Thank you for your insight, should I have any more questions I will defintely be posting!
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101028_tn?1348750963
I knit a mean baby blanket :)
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Avatar_m_tn
Haha! Start knitting girl! Lol
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Avatar_m_tn
Should my gf take supprrssive Therapy just to add some more protection to condom use?

I know its not needed for ghsv1 because its.unlikely to recur but what happens if she doesnt take it, can the virus replicate and make her susceptible to get her sick (i.e get colds faster etc)

For ghsv1 is using condoms enough withouy supprrssive Therapy? We had unprotected intercouse last week. She had no outbreak everything was normal.  
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101028_tn?1348750963
no harm by not taking antivirals. it won't make her get sick more often or anything else.
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Avatar_m_tn
She's not sure whether she should take them or not. Her GYN said it wont hurt and for peace of mind but she doesnt want to take it if it wont do anything to lessen her reccurence or shedding rate.
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101028_tn?1348750963
hsv1 genitally doesn't reoccur much at all on average. it also is only active on average about a dozen days out of the year. Really no reason to take them at this point.
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Avatar_m_tn
Great, I will let her know that. Shes been going crazy because her doctor doesnt give her clear cut answers. Whenever she asks the doctor a question the doctor either tells her take them then the next day her doctor tells her its up to you. So it seems like no one knows for sure what to do with ghsv1 besides the people here!
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101028_tn?1348750963
just glad you found us for your questions as well as to help her :)
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you Grace, Im trying not to make her worry about transmitting this to me. She stills worries about it but the way I see if it rarely sheds and is unlikely to be transmitted then why worry. Heck Ill be willing to put cream on her sore if she lets me lol Im trying to look at it as a positive and something that will bring us closer. If I end up getting it then at least Ill know what to anticipate and how to work around it the way I am doing with her.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Grace,

My gf fell and cut herself on her knee am I at risk for catching hsv if I clean her cut? I know its a stupid question but since hsv affected her lower body is it in the cut? Or is it just focused on the genital area?
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Avatar_m_tn
Also sorry if it was already answered but does hsv affect the baby while un utero? Month by month? Will the hsv try to get into the baby? Does it cause retardation or other things during the 9 months or affect the eating or anything or does it grow normally
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101028_tn?1348750963
no cleaning her skinned knee isn't an issue.

if you have herpes prior to pregnancy, it's only an issue during delivery.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks Grace. Another thing my gf and I decided to have unprotected sex it was more my idea.she wanted to use one. whats my risk percentage for ghsv1?
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101028_tn?1348750963
we don't have stats on transmission of hsv1 genitally either with or without a condom.
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Avatar_m_tn
Will a baby be born with hsv antibodies? This is concerning My gf now :(
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897535_tn?1295210035
Have you read the Herpes Handbook yet? Please do; many of the questions you are asking now that are anxiety ridden are addressed there, including pregnancy.

http://westoverheights.com/handbook.html

No, a baby does not have antibodies otherwise there would be no risk at birth for possible transmission (and, read Grace's reply on April 20th again regarding pregnancy/herpes).

I would suggest you both read the herpes handbook, and consider Terri Warren's book "The Good News about the Bad News". Amazon has it I believe.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks petal it is my anxiety thats getting to me I just want to best take care of myself and.my future baby. My gf is doing her best to tell me her symptoms but she tells me she feels normal
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897535_tn?1295210035
Well she should feel normal! No reason not to if she's not having an outbreak! At even then, at worst if she has an outbreak it may be some minor lesions and discomfort genitally, nothing else. I've had more discomfort from yeast infections than any subsequent herpes outbreak.

You both need to walk away from the herpes topic, it should not consume your lives like this. I can't stress that enough based on the facts about genital herpes, and based on my own experience. Go on and do the things courtin' couples do! Go to the park, see a movie, grab a nice dinner out - just enjoy each other and don't let herpes create this vibe!
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks petal!
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Avatar_f_tn
I have had GHSV-1 for 5 years now. I had been dating my recent boyfriend for 4 years now. I have not passed it to him. We had unprotected sex and just are careful to not have sex while having an outbreak. Just take a deep breath... its not as terrible as you are making it. Over the 5 years I have maybe had 2 outbreaks a year.

My prior boyfriend gave me GHSV-1 while he had HSV-1 orally and gave me oral sex. I thought It was the end of the world  but its not.

I am recently single and now have to think about dating again which I havent done in four years. And I will make sure to be honest like I was with my last boyfriend.....Which is pretty scary to me right now. But I know it will all be ok......just take things one day at a time.

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Avatar_m_tn
Hi petal, so my gf went to meet with a therapist and the therapist made her feel like she was promiscuous and told her because of her activity she now feels guilty and wants to cry and all. She told her that she has. That she is infectious even if it is type one and she sheds as much as hsv 2.

With this my gf is an emotional mess. Shes worse then when she was first diagnosed I am trying to help but she just cries and says that the therapist instead of helping her with anxiety built on it more.

She told my gf that the gyn nor other service providers were knowledgable and were giving her wrong information about hsv 1. She said that its the same all around no its no different. My gf mentioned this forum and the therapist told her not to read or comment on this as these are people who are not experienced. I was definitely pissed because of this!! I told my gf we will work it out together no need for a therapist if they will make her feel dirty when this happened with her very first boyfriend and she was no where near being promiscuous.

I know what I know about ghsv1 from the forums here and from you and Grace. How can people be so cruel and shallow? My gf is a mess :(
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Avatar_m_tn
I was reading on the doctors forum and came across this from Terri Warren:

You won't definitely get HSV 1.  Many people in long term relationships where one person is infected and the other is not do not ever transmit herpes, this is true for HSV 1 and HSV 2.

You definitely can sleep in the same bed when she has a cold sore.  You need direct contact to get infected.

Is this still true?
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897535_tn?1295210035
That's such a shame about the therapist. Needless to say I'd recommend NOT seeing her again. She clearly is VERY uneducated about herpes, and questionable as a therapist!

I'd really suggest Terri's book at this point. Go on Amazon tonight and order it. "The Good News about the Bad News".

As to your question, yes. Terri is a world renowned herpes expert; no need to question her.
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Avatar_m_tn
It is a shame my gf is an emotional wreck! I will order the book i saw something online for it i wanted to see if i could print it out.

My gf doesnt even want to hug me at this point in fear of what she was told :'(
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have your gf reread this post. All the information in here is correct and print it out and put it on the fridge if you have to!!!  

sorry she had such a negative experience and no therapist should EVER make someone feel like they are promiscuous!!  That's actually a violation of their training!!  
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What do you recommend my gf do in terma of her anxiety?
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find a therapist/counselor who isn't an you know what!
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Thanks Grace! Will def post On how that goes!
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Hi this is just a question for myself. Is 2-4 months enough time to test for hsv and HIV? Ive read that since HIV is symptomless its recommended to test at 6 months.
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CDC still says 3 months for hiv testing but with the newer tests you can test even as early as a few weeks later. testing for both at the 3 month mark is just fine.
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Hi Grace, im back :) quick question. My gf is freaking out now because she thinks she might have also acquired hiv from the encounter with her ex. She was initially tested for hiv along with hsv. Everything was negative. Then she tested for Hiv again at 2 months. How reliable was her test? She wants to go get tested again next week. She was diagnosed with hsv 1 jan 4. Is testing now conclusive or she shouldnt worry? Im worried for myself at this point :(
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shes been having left arm numbness and tingling ever since her diagnoses. Could this be std related or phn? Herpes nueralgia?

Shes going to be tested again next week for reassurance. She wont have the results until the End of the week.
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Bump
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101028_tn?1348750963
her anxiety is making her think this way. I hope she finds a decent therapist soon :)

no real reason to think she has hiv either.
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Yes, it is grace and its rubbing on to me! Shes going for blood work tomorrow, I told her it wasnt necessary but she said it will make her feel better if she does it.

Her ex started calling her apologizing. He was in denial and blamed her and now realizes it came from her.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm reading this as a recently single 24 year old mother who has just acquired HSV 1 genitally from a one night stand (I found out when I spoke to him about it that he suffers from cold sores. great!). Had an awful outbreak but thankfully it was only very bad for a few days and took 2-3 weeks to clear up. I hope I never get an outbreak again but at least I know that if I do, it will never be as bad as the first one.

I was an emotional wreck as well, initially, but after doing a lot of research, realised that it is nothing to worry about. It is basically only a coldsore in an awkward place! The only thing that concerns me is the lack of knowledge that people have about this trivial skin issue and how it will affect me being single. I will not hide this from anyone I wish to have sex with but I know that I am going to find a lot of people who wish to run a mile because of it. Those people will be the ones not worth bothering with, but it's still a horrible notion having to do "the talk" :(

I just wanted to say thank you though to all of you who have been posting on this thread! If I manage to find someone who is still interested, regardless of my HSV 1, but wants to have more reassurance, I can refer them to this! I hope that you, concernedbf123, are no longer concerned because I can empathise with your girlfriend and it is obvious that she needs you. I wouldn't worry about therapy, I would just focus on doing normal couple things and like has already been said, forgetting this whole herpes thing, coz lets face it, even if you did get it, there is a 90% chance you won't have any symptoms anyway and even if you did, it's not that bad really. Asthma and hayfever symptoms are worse! This is all very new to both you and your girlfriend and in time, it won't bother either of you anymore.
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Just read through all your questions and may have some insight. I think you should stay with her, in all honesty the chances of you contracting hsv1 from her ate very low. It's actually safer being with someone who is aware they have this disease as there are so many people out there who have it and dont know, therefore making them less cautious about passing it on. If you think you will marry and have kids with this girl then it woukdnt really matter if you contracted it eventually anyway. Most people with hsv1 only have one outbreak and its very minor. It really is just a skin irritation and in most cases would not be unbearably painful. Hope this helps.
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I was just diagnosed with HSV 1  about 2 and a half months ago, and like some of the other commenters, it was a terrifying and devstating blow. I'm 29 and single, and caught it from my ex-partner who was having a genital outbreak but didn't realize that the little red mark on his penis was an oubreak.  Once I saw it I freaked out about it, and he tried to convince me that I was being a hypochondriac and that it was nothing.

Low and behold, not too long after I had my first outbreak and the tests confirmed it was HSV 1.  I've since started dating a new person and my anxiety around disclosing this to him is high.  I know that I will not be sexually active with him until I tell him, but trying to find out the right time and way is scary.  That said, I've done a lot of research on this, and some of the most helpful information has come from forums like this where people have shared thier lived experience.  Like someone else has already mentioned, this isn't something to hang a relationship on.  And the reality is that if any future partner doesn't want to be with me because of this, then odds are that the relationship wouldn't have worked out for other reasons down the road anyway.  

Concerned, I hope that you didn't end your relatonship with your gf due to her hsv status...and that you and she were able to work through it.  Thank you to grace and petal for the support that you offer others living with this.

Isn't it funny that if we just had cold sores, rather than genital hsv we probably wouldn't feel obligated to tell people, or afriad of thier response.  Moreover, if people did find out they probably wouldn't even care, despite the fact that it's actually more contagious and more prevalent (and affects your life more, since kissing is so nice to do).  It's only through educating each other and choosing to fight against the stigma that this issue can become more normalized, and people don't need hide it or feel shame due to it.  
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I was just diagnosed with HSV 1  about 2 and a half months ago, and like some of the other commenters, it was a terrifying and devstating blow. I'm 29 and single, and caught it from my ex-partner who was having a genital outbreak but didn't realize that the little red mark on his penis was an oubreak.  Once I saw it I freaked out about it, and he tried to convince me that I was being a hypochondriac and that it was nothing.

Low and behold, not too long after I had my first outbreak and the tests confirmed it was HSV 1.  I've since started dating a new person and my anxiety around disclosing this to him is high.  I know that I will not be sexually active with him until I tell him, but trying to find out the right time and way is scary.  That said, I've done a lot of research on this, and some of the most helpful information has come from forums like this where people have shared thier lived experience.  Like someone else has already mentioned, this isn't something to hang a relationship on.  And the reality is that if any future partner doesn't want to be with me because of this, then odds are that the relationship wouldn't have worked out for other reasons down the road anyway.  

Concerned, I hope that you didn't end your relatonship with your gf due to her hsv status...and that you and she were able to work through it.  Thank you to grace and petal for the support that you offer others living with this.

Isn't it funny that if we just had cold sores, rather than genital hsv we probably wouldn't feel obligated to tell people, or afriad of thier response.  Moreover, if people did find out they probably wouldn't even care, despite the fact that it's actually more contagious and more prevalent (and affects your life more, since kissing is so nice to do).  It's only through educating each other and choosing to fight against the stigma that this issue can become more normalized, and people don't need hide it or feel shame due to it.  
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I was diagnosed with genital HSV June 2012... Around two weeks before my 19th birthday, I had the first sexual experience with my boyfriend, whom I trusted very much and had held a great deal of friendship with beforehand.
The over-stretching/stress on my lady parts (he was a quite large fella) caused the skin to split and apparently gave a very clear passage for the virus to enter my body from his mouth.
He had never once said anything about having this condition.
A week later, the tiny split had turned into a very painful raw area of skin, with about 10-13 teeny tiny sores surrounding.
Upon confronting him after a clear diagnosis (happy birthday!) he said he never had any knowledge of having HSV1.
About a month later, topic of his family came up "my mom was last up visiting when she was taking care of me cause I was having an OB in my mouth.. Etc"
I was in complete shock in the moment, knowing that I was lied to...
A few weeks later, after MUCH thinking, I decided to end the relationship.

The depression and anxiety I went through, only being 19 and having gential (genital) herpes, sent me to a horrible place in my mind. I was so embarrassed, and felt I was dirty and like no one would ever love me. I felt rejected and alone in the world.

6 months later I found myself looking up on things, I realized that this is NOT a horrible thing. It is NOT the end of the world, and I feel as though I have become stronger. Emotionally, physically, and mentally.
I started to date again, and am now dating someone who is HSV-free, who knows the risk, and is okay with it.
There definitely were trial & error situations, where I met someone & told them straight up before we decided to escalate. They were scared, and decided to not continue seeing each other.
I on the other hand, was surprisingly not butt hurt. I saw it as a "well, I now know you are not good for me."
The only problem with having this condition? the misconceptions & misunderstandings that the general person has. The lack of knowledge, or the just downright refusal to learn & understand.
People hear the word "herpes" & the first thing that comes to mind is "promiscuous" or "dirty" or "diseased".
This is not always the case.

No matter your personal experience with having HSV, 1 or 2, oral or genital, there are people who will understand & accept you, because you are YOU.

This "ailment" (if that's even what you want to call it) does not define WHO you are, or what kind of a person you are. There are soooooo many people with this, and I encourage everyone reading this to take in every word on this particular forum.

Every word these people have said are awesome! And definitely helpful.
I've had doctors tell me that I will NEVER cease to have ob's, and that they will all be as bad as the first one, and that I should never have sex again.
I say, HA! F*** YOU! And to all the try to bring me down.

It's good to know that there are smart, knowledgeable, like-minded people out there who are dealing with or who have dealt with this, and are willing to share their words of kindness and wisdom.

As for those who are going through the emotionally troublesome phase of this, it gets better. It really does. Learn to live with this, as it is a part of you now. But don't let it stop you from doing what you love most. Almost everything is the same as before you contracted this... The only difference? You grow, you learn, and you accept.

If anything, this has made me a better person.

I wish the best of luck to all! <3
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I was lied to as well. 22 and HSV1 positive. I was messing around with this guy who i was kind of seeing but it was nothing serious. things got hot and heavy and a week later i felt weird. i found a rash i had no idea what it was. so i went to the doctor. i was so embarrassed when they pulled me in to tell me i had an std. Im still devasted a year later. Im not sure what to do and ive certainly had thoughts of suicide. It may not be as bad as the other stds, but knowing something is with you for life is enough to rip you apart. I feel like i cant date anyone now, and i wont find someone.
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Stop it!!!  I am dealing with the same situation.  I was hooking up with this guy on and off for a few months, never had an issue.  A few weeks ago we hooked up (he used a condom) and the next week I went to the dr with concerns and found out he gave me HSV1.  My doctor is the absolute best. I  was so nervous and paranoid thinking my sex life was over/I was going to be worried all the time about this, but she made me so comfortable and told me otherwise.  HSV1 is VERY common and most people don't even know they have it.  As everyone talked about on this thread, it really is not as bad as it seems.  Personally, I think ghsv1 is better than oral hsv1... less outbreaks (possible to have the first and then never again) and no one can even see it/judge us from the outside!  I have done a lot of research - mainly because I want to be informed about what's going on.  My doctor told me that I didn't have to tell the guy who gave it to me - that HSV1 doesn't really require someone to tell the person who gave it to you.  She also told me that if i were to have a one night stand that i wouldn't have to tell the guy -- it is very uncommon for HSV1 to spread if you do no have an outbreak.  I'll be honest, my biggest fear was that I would never get oral again.......and she told me that "do what you usually do, wear condoms and avoid sexual activity if you have an outbreak."  I am still cautious because I would be mortified if I gave HSV1 to someone else.  I also agree with everyone's comments - if you tell your partner that you have hSV1 and they decide not to be with you then you are better off without him/her!!  

we are all OKAY and will be OKAY and are no different than anyone else.  things could be a lot worse...just remember that!
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Avatar_f_tn
Good evening grace. I have recently been strucked with hsv1 but it's only orally though, I haven't felt anything on my gentitals at all!! I was wondering will I still be able to engage in sex without problem? Can I still do everything as if it was normal to a person tht doesn't have it.(with a condom though). If I wanna have a child later will that be in effect as well?
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Avatar_f_tn
If you really care about her and want thongs to work out, don't worry about what others say. But if you're going to live in fear, explain how you feel and go from there. No need to be miserable worrying what if. In the end remember its your decision. Best of luck
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i hope you didn't break up with your gf over herpes. You obviously didn't hear the last post Grace left for you concerning fear due to lack of understanding. And therefore your friends are fear mongerers out of ignorance on the subject of herpes. Go to councelling, talk to your doctor in person and keep reading about the subject and stop worrying about something you obviously don't understand. Seriously hoping you didn't break a heart out of ignorance :/ that would be. tragedy.
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oh my freaking God is just a freakin cold sore if she had the ringworm you wouldn't rub up against her skin.... if she had a cold you wouldn't drink after her and if she had psoriasis dandruff you wouldnt to be licking her scalp! it's all about being aware of your bodies. .. HSV 1 yes its highly contagious if you do dumb s*** like when she has a cold sore you use her toothbrush or kiss her  
hell if she had the pink eye would you share pillows with her would you allow her to touch her eye and then touch you or your eye without washing her hands no its about using universal precautions just get educated
hsv-1 isn't that serious unless your not attentive unaware uneducated and reckless but that's everything in life
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The original posted that his girlfriend has GENITAL HSV-1, not oral HSV-1, so yes, there is a possibility of transmission during sexual intercourse, and even during oral sex. Both Type 1 and Type 2 can live above or below the waist.
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Hi everyone, thank you all for such an informative thread. After reading this and others, as well as talking to a urologist about HSV1, I am feeling much better about pursuing a relationship with this girl I really like who has told me she had gentialhsv1. I do have a few questions that I think some of you could help answer and that I don't think have been covered in this thread.

1. If I do have sex with her and she is shedding, does that mean I will definitely contract it even with a condom?

2. What are my risks if I were to go down on her?

3. She claims she has never given it to anyone, she is on oral medication, and has not had an out break since the initial. My question is, do these shedding instances decrease over time? Can these shedding instances eventually stop? She contracted it 4-5 years ago.

4. What are the risks of passing HSV1 genital to genital, more specifically from female to male? Has any guy out there contracted hsv1 genitally from having intercourse? I've only read stories in here about females getting it from both oral sex and intercourse.
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Hi AnotherconcBF -

1. No, not definitely. However there is still a risk, however small. The condoms only provide about 30% protection. If she knows she's having symptoms, you should both abstain from sexual contact. But the most important thing is that she since is on suppressive therapy, which has been found by research to reduce the risk of transmission 50%, she's doing pretty much everything she can to reduce the risk to you. At least one expert believes that these protections are additive, though it's also possible they overlap somewhat.

2. Yes, you can receive the virus orally if you go down on her without using a barrier. However, genital HSV-1 does not shed as much as genital HSV-2. Nonetheless, all it takes is one time for the virus to possibly transmit. The bigger caveat is this: according to Anna Wald at the University of Washington, about 65% of the population has HSV-1, either above or below (or both). Are you sure you don't already have HSV-1 - have you ever been tested for the antibodies?

3. I have not found any hard research that reports that shedding reduces over time (this is not to say there isn't any). What we know is that for most of us, active outbreaks (lesions) do decrease as the body generates more antibodies and learns to fight the virus better. It isn't possible to know whether we are shedding or not, when there are no symptoms to guide us.

It is also not possible to know whether we have or have not passed it on to a non-H partner who has exhibited no symptoms, unless they get tested 4 months or so after the relationship ends. However, another caveat: based on the official studies, Dr. Wald hypothesizes that there are indeed "low shedders" who may unwittingly enjoy a very low incidence of viral activity that helps prevent transmission. However, there is no way to guarantee that any of us fall into that category, or that any "low shedders" are actually "non-shedders."

4. The virus does not discriminate between the genders. Even if it were true that women have a higher incidence of contracting gHSV1 through intercourse, there is no research that indicates men never contract it that way.

In conclusion, my friend, if your gal is worth the risk, I say take it. The two of you appear to have made all the right decisions with regard to reducing the risk of transmission. Suppressive (daily) antiviral therapy, barrier/condom use, abstention from sexual contact during symptoms, and full disclosure are the steps that encompass the best risk reduction we have available. According to Dr. Wald, about 75% of the population has either or both types of herpes simplex, and about 65% have what your gal has. You might too - go get an IgG type-specific blood test (or better yet, ask for the Western Blot - 99% accuracy) and find out!
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Thank you so much for your reply and information.

If you could just read what is below and offer any insight that may possibly lesson my stress and worries about this, by god you are a saint.

I have been having a real battle trying to figure out what to do about this, as well as putting this situation and virus into perspective.

I am not afraid of this virus because in the grand scheme of things it is a relatively insignificant infection. i am more so afraid of contracting this virus and then things not working out between the two of us. I am afraid that it will hinder my abilities to find another woman due to the overall social perspective of the virus.

I am guilty of being very ignorant on the subject, because like most of us we are taught to fear STDs in high school/sexED cources etc. I am even guilty of advising a friend to stay away from someone who had openly told him she had HSV... And now for this i feel so terrible and wish i could take back everything i said to him.

If i were to contract this virus from her and we lived happily ever after, then by god i could give two shizz about the virus. Its my fear of contracting it and it not working out that worries me most...

I personally have never seen a cold sore ever in my life, or rather i have never seen anything of sheer significance on someones lip to make me think it was a cold sore. I think my best friend dated a girl who may or may not of had a cold sore every now again, but he doesn't show any signs of cold sores...

If the girl im dating had told me she had a cold sore on her lip at one point in her life say 4 years ago? how would i feel about it? idk what i would think... i would probably be like "cold sore? once? NBD?" and probably would have carried on a relationship with her with no second thoughts...

So should i really look at this any differently from that scenario?

Facts are simple... she has the same exact virus that causes cold sores, only it's in a different region of her body, and it so happens to be her sex organs... She had 1 outbreak... her first and only 4 years ago. Is it really any different than having a coldsore on her lip?

She contracted it from a guy who went down on her with a cold sore... but that tells me she must of kissed him before all this right? so why doesnt she have HSV1 orally as well? (she has never had a cold sore orally)

But then at the same time, i keep telling myself that i could very well have this virus already... I talked to my dad about this. he said he hasnt known of anyone in our family to have a cold sores. but ive kissed a "fair" share of girls in my day... never one with a cold sore i believe.

Any who...

I have not had sex with her yet. I am not that sexually active... never have been because i have always looked for someone to spend the rest of my life with. I have never had sex with anyone i didnt think at one point i would want to spend the rest of my life with. 2 people my whole life and I am 2 years out of college. I really just want to do the right thing here, and i don't want to make any decision i regret...

The most frustrating part about all this is not knowing exactly what i am dealing with. Its the lack of sufficient  information that is bothering the hell out of me. Ive read so much about this and yet nothing is ever set it stone...

So say i don't carry it... that means i can contract it still... She has HSV1 vaginally... She has had ONE initial outbreak 4 years ago, nothing else... The virus supposedly sheds 5% of days roughly 18 days a year. She takes oral meds which supposedly reduces shedding/obs 50%, 18 days now to 9 days... If i use a condom that reduces transmission supposedly by 30% even lessening the likelihood of transmission. 4 years have gone by since her initial and only ob... meaning her body has probably continued to build antibodies which supposedly even more so lessons the likelihood of shedding...

And say we conducted a moderately healthy sexual relationship, sex 1-3 times a week, the odds are pretty damn good that ill never contract the virus wouldn't ya say?

I pretty dag on good immune system should help too wouldnt you say?

Say i carry the virus orally and have never had an OB... the odds of me contracting it genitally decrease even more so...

Also she could very well be one of these "non shedders" and the virus could possibly be dormant for the rest of her life? This possibility has never been ruled out... has there been any indication of the virus doing such a thing above the waste? meaning maybe you had a cold sore when you were a child and then it lay dormant for the rest of life? Has there ever been cases of people contracting the virus and then having no outbreaks or even shed? this has to be a possibility.

I also read something somewhere that the amount of shedding is directly correlated to the amount of OBs a person has...

The frustration with this virus... i tell ya...

I have never been tested for the virus... have never felt the need until now... we have fooled around a couple of times, no oral sex or intercourse... our privates may have briefly brushed together but that's about it.

I apologize for my writing... its more like a series of thoughts than a proper blog post haha.

Thanks again "catinbarefeet" and anyone else who responds...

I feel for all those who carry this virus... live your lives and be happy with who you are. There is someone out there for all of you.

I still dont know what i am going to do about my situation. I could very well continue to see her, who knows maybe i will marry her... But in the end, everything is gonna be alright.
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Lots of good questions. I'll try to catch everything:

Yes, according to Anna Wald and Terri Warren, there's a good indication that there are "low shedders," but there's no way to guarantee any of us will fall into these categories.

I'm afraid I can't help you with the correlation between the number of visible outbreaks and the shedding rate. I don't recall reading a study that reports an official statistic that connects the two. You are correct - it's the same virus below as above. There is evidence, however, that HSV-1 sheds much less below the waist than it does above, as above is its site of preference. So you'd be at greater risk from contracting the virus genitally via oral sex from someone with oral H1 than you would from intercourse with someone with only genital H1.

In the end, to me, the stats don't matter. All it takes is one time for everything to line up. Asymptomatic shedding is the way the virus is mostly spread.

However! More than half the population has HSV-1. You've certainly kissed lots of girls who have the virus. Unfortunately, according to Terri Warren, up to 90% of people who have either type don't know, because they don't have or don't recognize symptoms.

It's possible your gal has the virus orally, but I suspect that if she does, she acquired it during the same sexual event, or within the 4 months following, before she'd developed enough antibodies to block re-infection in the rest of her body. According to Anna Wald and Terri Warren, once you've achieved "immunity," which occurs sometime after the 4 month mark or so, you are highly unlikely to re-contract the same HSV type anywhere else on your body. We could probably say you definitely won't, but the experts don't like to speak in absolutes.

What this means is that an IgG type-specific blood test for yourself may very well solve everything in one fell swoop. I'd start there. In fact ask your doctor to request they look for both HSV types, just to cover all the bases. If you also have HSV-1, you can just stop worrying.

On top of that, she appears to be taking every step necessary to reduce the risk of transmission to you. In the Valtrex study, the rate of acquisition in couples who were both on suppressive therapy and used a condom faithfully had a zero percent transmission rate. It wasn't the hugest field of enrollees, and we never want to say "zero percent," but in my view this was pretty encouraging result.

You've outlined pretty much every reason to go for it with your gal. Lots of folks are in serodiscordant relationships, happy, healthy, married with kids. I can't see any good reason to let go of a woman who you clearly feel could be worth any risk as miniscule as the one you have. She is far more than her STD status. And finally, you're so much safer with her than with someone else who isn't as aware about these issues as your gal clearly is.

Go get that test and let us know what happens. Best wishes to the both of you!
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There's a lot of great info on here. One thing I didn't see- sorry if someone mentioned it already and I missed it- that's worth bringing up is that:

Prior to the development of antiviral drugs, stigma surrounding herpes (oral or gential (genital)) was nonexistent.  Current social attitudes are a result of an aggressive marketing campaign by the pharmaceutical giant Burroughs Wellcome (now GlaxoSmithKline) in the 1970s and 80s after acyclovir "Zovirax" was first synthesized.

Don't believe it?   This type of shaping of public opinion is disturbingly common in the pharmaceutical industry...consider male pattern baldness, a once natural part of life now cause for significant mental illness as a result of aggressive marketing by Merck after the development of Propecia.
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Hi grace, I admired u giving others such great information. My situation n questions are right on the nose like concernedbf123 were askn.. All my test/blood wrk were negative and so was my partner.. But my sore swab was pos for hsv1... I think oral but only reaction was some groin pain and a tiny sore.. Otherwise I felt great! How did I get this? Been with same guy for two years plus.. No problems til now.. Sore cleared up completely with regular antibiotics and I just have a small buttock rash that is slowly subsiding... How do I explain this to him without  him accusing me bc he most likely gave to me.and of course with his negative results n dnt recall symptoms .  How often is the shedding? And likely of transmitting bac n forth to each other? I want to b fully educated on this.. I've been reading everyone's post n most are making me more secure but then some saying how hsv1 oral transmits worse is scaring me. I need true. Facts bc I'm parsnoid like to touch,drink, kiss on cheek, touch my undergarments or any skin contact is deadly . Please give me something to ease my mind!
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This was extremely helpful information seeing that I have recently been diagnosed with this.still waiting for results whether or not it is 1 or 2.from the tips on this blog I'm pulling for type 1.it seems to be less risky and will be more reassuring to my 4 year boyfriend whom I have a child with.i have been distraught after finding this out about myself.especially when I found out it lies dormant so there is no way to pinpoint the source.i believe it came from my ex before my current boyfriend.this information has really helped ease my mind and wrap my head around all this.it's good to be informed about this instead of letting it consume myself and my emotions.maybe now I can move forward with my life and understand that I'm not nasty or unattractive because of this.when I get my results saying what type I will most likely have questions for you guys.thanks again!
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HI Grace, I recently met a great woman and we have the right chemistry and we really want to be with eachother. We ended up having sex, protected of course but i am a pleaser and i ended up doing oral on her. It was great but a week later she sat me down and told me that she has herpes. I'm very upset but not mad at her . I just wish that she would have told me earlier, am i at risk for catching the virus because of my willingness to please from oral sex either way? Mr. D
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