Help me figure this out if u can...

I tested positive for hsv 1 AND 2.  I called up an ex-partner to ask if he had ever been tested positive for HSV.  He didnt even know what it was or what I was talking about. When I asked if he ever had any cold sores, he said "yes, I've had them I was very young"...and he had the whole so-what-does-that-have-to-do-with-you-having-it attitude.  

Help me understand...
He admitted to a history of cold sore, which i never knew about. And he did perform oral sex on me on several occasions. Could herpes be transmitted even when there are no physical signs? My first outbreak was when I was with him.  I remember clearly the very first time I felt that "tingly sensation" I know all too well now.  I didn't question it as i thought it was a friction burn.  After several outbreaks over the course of a year, I went to the Dr and that's when I was tested. Another question: How could I have gotten hsv 2 if he said he only has cold sores?  something just doesn't seem to be adding up.  What does this diagnosis mean for me?  Pls help.

[girlygirl87]

i wish i could help you, but i have no idea. we need grace!

cold sores are soooo common that it's not really something most people would think to disclose to a partner, since up to 80-90% of the population gets them.

the weird thing here is that A.) he could have passed hsv1 to you genitally through oral sex without symptoms, but i don't know anything about how high the odds of that are. B.) people with genital hsv1 don't usually get serious recurrent outbreaks.

in other words i think your genital symptoms are definitely from the hsv2, which is rarely transferred to the genitals from someone's mouth (as far as any research i've done has told me anyway). i'm guessing either he or someone else you've been with has genital hsv2.

sorry if all i did was point out the obvious, i wish i cuold be more helpful!

[obscuremaiden]

Yes, herpes can be transmitted without symptoms. It is very common for infected people to not know they have it (just like your ex). He may not only have HSV-1 he may have 2 also. He just may not have the typical symptoms associated with herpes, or his OBs may occur in the urethra where they are not visible. He needs to go get a blood test, especially if you were having outbreaks while the two of your were together.

What it means for you is you have herpes. You need to decide if your OBs are problematic enough that you want daily suppressive therapy or if you just want to take something when the tingle starts. Or if you don't want to take anything at all, many people do that too. If you have a current partner they will need to be tested. If you don't have a partner start practicing The Talk I guess. The best thing to do is to educate yourself on what herpes is. Knowing what it is, how common it is, and how really trivial (IMO) it is helps to cope.

[waringblender]

Try and move on from the guy. He may not have known he had it. I suppose it's also possible that you had it before you hooked up with him. Who knows? Herpes is weird that way. It doesn't matter, ultimately. I agree with the poster above - use medication if you need it for your symptoms, and seriously consider medication if your partners are negative for herpes. You should make sure all future partners get tested for herpes (and other STDs) so you know if they have it or don't have it. You should also get a blood test for STDs every time you have a new partner and share your results.

I agree that herpes is not the big tragedy everybody makes it out to be. As far as I know, I've never passed it to a partner, and every man I've been with has been HSV-2 negative.  I've been in long-term relationships (longest 8 years) with men who were negative for it and they never got it from me. I use medication to protect all of my partners who are negative for type 2. Just learn as much as you can about it and listen to your body with respect to outbreaks and such. You'll be fine. But don't go backwards - forget about the guy who you talked to about it. It doesn't matter now.