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My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. Last July, I found out he cheated on me. He told me that him and the other woman did not have intercourse, and that they only kissed each other. He and I separated for 6 months, and decided to reconcile. During that 6 months, I was not involved with anyone physically or sexually. When I moved back in with him in April, that night, we had intercourse. He asked me to be gentle with him because he had a sore spot near his pubic bone area, and said he went to the doctor and they said it was a spider bite. Since it had been 6 months of no sexual activity, I tore a little bit. Over the course of the next 3 days, the lymph nodes in my groin got swollen and they hurt to touch, and the spot where I tore became inflamed with tiny excruciatingly painful bumps. I made an appointment to go get checked out and the doctor told me he thought it was herpes. He prescribed me Valtrex and Percocet. Right as I was finishing the Valtrex, my symptoms were practically gone. I was told it would take 2 weeks to get the results back, and I thought they were going to call me with the results, so I waited. Last night, my husband was furious with me saying that he had herpes now, and he stormed out of the house and didn't come back. I have never had anything like this happen in my life, and the only change in our routine was that he cheated on me, and now we both have herpes. I've read that herpes is often misdiagnosed as being a spider bite, and I feel like my husband is in denial. He says he doesn't want to be in the same room with me, and I feel positive that he's the one that gave it to me. Can you get herpes orally from kissing and it develop near your genitals?
no, herpes isn't a part of the armed services std testing.
a lot of people go into denial when it comes to a herpes diagnosis and many folks get angry at the assumption that having a herpes diagnosis could mean a change in their sex life. at this point you both need to know who has what so you can deal with it. hard to point fingers since odds are neither of you were ever tested for it before. it's ok to allow your bf to act selfish about this a little but don't hesitate to draw the line after a few days - tell him to take off his training pants and act like a big boy!
a lot of people go into denial when it comes to a herpes diagnosis and many folks get angry at the assumption that having a herpes diagnosis could mean a change in their sex life. at this point you both need to know who has what so you can deal with it. hard to point fingers since odds are neither of you were ever tested for it before. it's ok to allow your bf to act selfish about this a little but don't hesitate to draw the line after a few days - tell him to take off his training pants and act like a big boy!
I'm sorry I never got notified of more responses. To rkeegan, yes, that's what happened. I'm so confused in this whole thing and I'm trying to be open about it and not point fingers, but that's all he's doing to me. He doesn't believe anything I'm telling him about the research I've done on the topic, and I am aware that it could have come from either one of us. I had an appointment this past Monday and my doctor said that it can even take 10 years to have your first outbreak. A few things that have been running through my head is that I could have had my first outbreak and transmitted it to him, or I could have gotten it from him the night we got back together from what would have been his first outbreak, and he's just very unlucky to have had a second one so soon. I call him a walking trigger. He doesn't get enough sleep, he's always stressed from work, he doesn't like to eat well...he fits all of it. Unfortunately he's being extremely immature about all this for being a 30 year old man. It's frustrating. I didn't know it takes 16 weeks to develop antibodies!! I will definitely try and get tested again. The doctor I saw was a really big ***** to me and was saying that there was no need to find out what simplex it was and that I could have gotten it in high school and referring to me as, "you and everyone else that has it" I wanted to kick her in her throat.
To gracefromHHP I don't know what type it was. They didn't tell me. I will try to call and get that information tomorrow. I still have all my medical records from being in the army so I will check those to see if herpes was a part of their std screens.
Thank you both for your answers!!
To gracefromHHP I don't know what type it was. They didn't tell me. I will try to call and get that information tomorrow. I still have all my medical records from being in the army so I will check those to see if herpes was a part of their std screens.
Thank you both for your answers!!
was your lesion culture + for herpes, hsv1 or hsv2? knowing type is important.
make sure your husband had a type specific herpes igg blood test done as his testing. it's ok to ask to see his results too - this is all a trust issue at this point for you both.
can you tell how long you've been infected? sometimes, but not often. if it's been a week or less, seeking out a type specific herpes igg blood test for yourself might be helpful. odds are that neither of you were ever tested for herpes before this to know who had what before. about half of folks will test + on the blood tests within 2-3 weeks of being infected so the window for this to be helpful is very short.
make sure your husband had a type specific herpes igg blood test done as his testing. it's ok to ask to see his results too - this is all a trust issue at this point for you both.
can you tell how long you've been infected? sometimes, but not often. if it's been a week or less, seeking out a type specific herpes igg blood test for yourself might be helpful. odds are that neither of you were ever tested for herpes before this to know who had what before. about half of folks will test + on the blood tests within 2-3 weeks of being infected so the window for this to be helpful is very short.
I'm confused. The first night of your reconciliation, he mentions having a sore, which was later visually diagnosed as herpes the second time it appeared? How is he blaming you for this if he had it before you got back together?
In regards to your last question, it's possible for you to tell if it's a new infection. If you take a HSV blood test and it shows up as negative (it takes about 16 weeks to develop antibodies), then it is likely a new infection. And if you have not been with anyone during your separation, the source of infection would undoubtedly be your husband.
In regards to your last question, it's possible for you to tell if it's a new infection. If you take a HSV blood test and it shows up as negative (it takes about 16 weeks to develop antibodies), then it is likely a new infection. And if you have not been with anyone during your separation, the source of infection would undoubtedly be your husband.
So far I've had a pap and a culture taken. My husband says he went in yesterday to get looked at, but he did't elaborate on anything they did. He just mentioned that they said it def looked like herpes.
I have an appointment on Monday to talk to my pcm more about it and about other std's.
I agree with the idea of marital counseling. In fact that should have happened a long time ago. I also feel we need to see a doctor together so we can be on the same page with all this. He's pointing all fingers at me, and I've told him that it could have come from either one of us, and that there's no way to tell, as far as I know. I know it's a far stretch, but is there any way a doctor could find out how long the virus has been in your body?
I have an appointment on Monday to talk to my pcm more about it and about other std's.
I agree with the idea of marital counseling. In fact that should have happened a long time ago. I also feel we need to see a doctor together so we can be on the same page with all this. He's pointing all fingers at me, and I've told him that it could have come from either one of us, and that there's no way to tell, as far as I know. I know it's a far stretch, but is there any way a doctor could find out how long the virus has been in your body?
what testing have you had done so far?
what testing has your partner had done?
you also should make sure he covers other std's too.
honestly at this point I recommend seeing a marital counselor. this sounds like more than you two can handle on your own at this point. is it possible that you had herpes prior to this and never knew it? yes. is it possible that he had herpes prior to this and just recently transmitted it to you? yes it is. is it possible he's lying and he recently contracted hsv2 from another partner? yes it is. at this point you don't have enough answers and in this already stressed situation, best to seek out some professional help with working through all of this.
grace
what testing has your partner had done?
you also should make sure he covers other std's too.
honestly at this point I recommend seeing a marital counselor. this sounds like more than you two can handle on your own at this point. is it possible that you had herpes prior to this and never knew it? yes. is it possible that he had herpes prior to this and just recently transmitted it to you? yes it is. is it possible he's lying and he recently contracted hsv2 from another partner? yes it is. at this point you don't have enough answers and in this already stressed situation, best to seek out some professional help with working through all of this.
grace
I also forgot to add, that I called back today to get the results, and they said they were positive.
A few days ago, my husband had another bump in the same spot as his "spider bite" and mentioned needing to pay attention to it to see if the same thing was going to happen again. The reason he was so upset last night was because it did. He blamed me because we had intercourse the night before.
We didn't have intercourse during the time of my outbreak because it was painful for me to even walk.
A few days ago, my husband had another bump in the same spot as his "spider bite" and mentioned needing to pay attention to it to see if the same thing was going to happen again. The reason he was so upset last night was because it did. He blamed me because we had intercourse the night before.
We didn't have intercourse during the time of my outbreak because it was painful for me to even walk.
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You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
