Here we go

I was recently tested, though assured after an exam, that I have HSV 2. The doctor gave me an antiviral and tried to comfort me (I was hysterically crying, which hasn't really stopped). When he asked me why I was crying I said, "because this is forever." To which he replied - "you can manage this. It's not going to kill you and we have treatments that will make this so much easier. The majority of people have one strand or another-- at least 50 million have genital herpes." I'm still horrified. My boyfriend (of 2 years+) didn't show symptoms, but just tested positive for both strands (IGG). I'm waiting for my results.

I'm trying to make it through my primary outbreak and because this wasn't hard enough, I also have a yeast infection (which is what I originally thought was going on, being diagnosed with herpes was the added bonus). I just need to know that there is light at the end of tunnel. Right now, is seems like this is it for me. No other man will want me, I will give this to my children and I will have to silently suffer through the "at least I don't have the herp" jokes people throw around.  I'm sitting here mourning my previous life, without herpes. It's going to be ok, right?

[gracefromHHP]

So your bf was tested since your last post? what were his test results?

What testing did your doctor do on your genital area? Did your symptoms get worse from when you previously posted?

I encourage you to watch the patient counseling video at www.westoverheights.com and read the herpes handbook there. Both are terrific resources and the video deals with a lot of what you are feeling right now.  It's not the end of the world - it's an annoyance for the most part.  Yes everything will be ok :)  Your mom has had oral herpes for as long as you can remember right? This is just herpes on your genital area - don't buy into the unfair stigma genital herpes has gotten just because it's transmitted thru the sex that everyone else is also having .  Hang in there - it will get better :)

grace

[SoWorriedandScared]

He got the results since my last post. He tested absolutely positive for HSV1 and 1.46 for HSV2. The doctor told him the number could be that low because he's had it for awhile... or that it's a false positive. Here's hoping.

The doctor took a culture of the sore. He also took blood to test so he can compare all the results and give me the most information he can. The reason I went it is that I noticed more blisters and the pain was definitely more than a yeast infection. I'm glad I went in an got on the antiviral-- more little fun dots popped up today. I'm hoping this will stop it in it's tracks. My boyfriend is heartbroken. He feels like he "did this to me." I don't blame him. He didn't know... and something he called an ingrown hair, must've been more than met the eye.  

(Sorry for the repost, btw... :-\ )

[gracefromHHP]

I figured you were just hoping for a spankin and that's why you posted a new post...he he he  

Your bf will need to confirm his hsv2 status with further testing since his hsv2 igg is so low.  If you need help with your results I can help you with those too.

Did they test you for yeast and bacterial infections at your appointment too?

grace

[SoWorriedandScared]

Get this-- my doctor called today and told me about how you can test for HSV 1 and 2 and also see if you've been exposed for a long period of time or a short period of time. He said I tested positive for HSV1 and said that explains the cold sore. He also said I've had that for a very long time.Then he said... this is strange... that I was negative for long exposure to HSV 2 and negative for HSV 2 recent exposure. I'm telling you though-- it looks just like genital herpes, maybe it's HSV1? He said it's possible the anibodies weren't up and at 'em at the time of the blood work... but the sore had been there for 3 or 4 days before I went in, which only confused us both.

We're now waiting on the culture. :-\ We should have that Monday. He didn't test for bacterial infection... but was certain I had a yeast infection (diflucan is the most awesome thing ever, ps). I'm now wishing he tested more. However, he's my urgent care doc and I went to see my doc doc on Weds. She took blood and urine and said she's going to figure out what wrong with me. I've had a month of cold symptoms, swollen glands, yeast infections,  headaches, a weird hard bump and now this lovely outbreak. The nurse said my blood pressure was elevated at my appt. Ha.  

I'm still prepared for the positive culture... but I can't help but enjoy this warm feeling of hope.

[gracefromHHP]

Sounds like your doctor was referring to the igg and the igm results. The igm results can't be trusted and should've never even been drawn on you.  Hopefully the lesion culture was typed to help clear this up a little more for the both of you.

Hang in there :)

grace

[SoWorriedandScared]

Hi again... while I'm waiting for my culture results, I took a look at one of the sores. It's gone from red patch... to a white patch 1/2" in diameter. Am I in the healing stage yet? It's open and sensitive, but not painful without stimulation of some sort. There are also a couple of blisters, but they don't hurt. Ack. I can't wait until Monday.

What are the stages again? Tingle. Blister. Pop. Open. Scab. Heal?

[gracefromHHP]

Could've swore when I first read your post it said snap, crackle, pop....lol

it sounds like it's working on healing.

grace

[SoWorriedandScared]

Snap, crackle, pop... that wouldn't be the worst way to describe this nasty little virus!

I finally got in to see a gyno  today (mine had no appts free). She took one look and said, "Yes. This is herpes. I'm sorry. Let me know if you need more of the antiviral meds and have a good day." Honestly? HONESTLY?  I was sort of prepared for the answer... but to be so nonchalant? She left in the room, crying and just walked out. I got dressed, got in my car and tried to hold it all in. I had guessed that this was going to happen...but that other doctor have me that twinge of hope that this would all go away and be a bacterial infection.

I had the most severe anxiety attack I've ever had on the drive home-- I think it was the first time I'd had a real one. My  heart was racing, my hands were shaking I couldn't think rationally and I couldn't breathe. I've never hyperventilated until today. I pulled over and tried to get my boyfriend to calm me down. No dice.  Then I was infuriated, so angry at him for "doing this." My boyfriend of YEARS passing this to me. We broke up for awhile and  I don't care if he slept with 50 women--I just wish he used protection!! I know it's irrationaI and I don't want that feeling to linger...I'm just grasping for away to understand why this is happening.

Life will go on and this isn't a death sentence (though it feels like it now)...when does the shock fade and the disgusted feeling I have with myself quit eating away at me? I've read the handbook, watched the video...but the hurt and humiliation is too real right now to brush off. When's a cure coming along? :-\

[gracefromHHP]

So did she even test you for vaginitis or just take a looksee, say definitely herpes and send you on your way and forget that you can have more than 1 thing going on at a time?  

Hang in there - it's really not as bad as it seems at the moment.  it will get better.  I always say the first step in decreasing the stigma of genital herpes is to stop believing in it yourself.  It's just a stupid virus. It says nothing about you as a person. it's also incredibly common but just folks don't talk about it because of the unfair stigma that soceity has placed on anything sexual.

grace

[SoWorriedandScared]

She didn't test for anything. After I told her about my week...she just looked... and sent me on my way. She then called me later and asked if I'd been tested fo for all other STDs and a bacterial infection. I said no...and she said, "Hmmm, I'm wondering if we should do that just to make sure." To which I replied, "I was just there. You want me to come back in?" "Well, we should rule everything else out." I'm sitting there wondering... "what was going through your mind when I was up on that table? Why didn't you think to look for other things while I was there having another exam?"

UUUUgggghhhhhh. To recap:

Doctor A: Tested (igg) pos for HSV1, Neg for HSV 2; waiting for culture
Doctor B: It could all be related to something else, let's do every possible test we can.
Doctor C: Yep, genital herpes, have a good day....2 hours... wait, might not be.

AAAHHHH! I think I need to stop going to get medical advice. Meh.

Grace, you've been incredibly helpful and wonderful. Thank you so much. I'm going to work on not mentally kicking myself in the stomach every time I remember I have this. I think that will make it feel a little better.

Be back with test results soon!

[gracefromHHP]

I'm writing you a prescription for ben and jerry's dahlin' .  It's what's for dinner :)  Repeat before bedtime if needed.

Hopefully some of these test results start coming back in soon so you get some better answers for all this.  I think it's easier to know exactly what is going on and deal with it than to be in this state of limbo.  

If you do go back to doc #3 - suggest she not charge you since she didn't do squat for you the 1st appointment with her and then called back to realize she err'd.

grace

[legtodo]

Hunni you need to calm down....PLEASE STOP STRESSING. Stressing makes things worst. It really does. You will be surprised what ailments you can bring upon your body from just stress. relax, take care of your self, and take comfort in knowing that you're not going through this alone like many of us are.

[SoWorriedandScared]

Hi there... quick question: is it normal to find blood from genital sores? I'm finding tiny spots that are clearly from the large sore. All the other have cleared but this one. :-\

I find out test results from the culture today. At this point, I've made peace; I have the virus, so it's time to move forward. Grace, thank you so much, I  can't say it enough.

Legtodo - believe me, I'm trying. ;)

[gracefromHHP]

You mean like tiny spots of blood when you wipe or something?

grace

[SoWorriedandScared]

Hi Grace!

More than tiny spots on my underwear and when I wipe. :-\ I'm guessing it's the sore forming a scab... and it's in a place that makes it easier to hit? Growl. I think I'm almost healed though. I just haven't read any where about the sores bleeding and it freaked me out (not helping with the stress level ;)) I hear the first ob is the worst, yes?

[gracefromHHP]

If you are really irritated down yonder it can cause bleeding as you've described.  

grace

[SoWorriedandScared]

I got the results back. Everything blood and culture (directly from a sore)were negative (I asked about false negatives and such). He thinks it could've been a bacterial infection. He assured me that the sores were not a result of HSV 1 or 2. I tell you, they looked so much like herpes. I'm still not convinced and I'm going to get tested in 3-6 months, but for now...sigh. I'm going to get my results and run them by you if you don't mind, to help me understand better.

Thank you so, so much.